Hard To Write

Posted: June 9, 2011 at 9:15 am

*deep breath*

I sit here with an overwhelming sensation. A sensation that normally does not plague me as I produce blog post after blog post after blog post. Nervousness. Fear. Anxiousness. The thought of what I will share in this post puts me in a more vulnerable place than ever. It goes beyond my comfort zone of divulging crazy ideas to Peter. It breaks down the safety barriers of vagueness and general musings. It challenges me to say “I believe!” instead of “I wonder?”.

A perfect storm of forces has come together to drive me towards trusting in myself to go after these thoughts that have tugged at my heartstrings for longer than I care to admit. Tugs from God. Fitbloggin’ discussions. Reading Jillian Michaels’ book Unlimited. Coming across a plethora of blog posts about taking action. Devotional reading after devotional reading on using the talents God has blessed upon us, letting go of fear, and dreaming big. All of those things have joined together to get all up in my face trying to say “Tina, you need to DO something!”

But…but…but…but. That scares the shitake mushrooms out of me!!! Turning my dreams into action. No longer keeping my dreams hidden in the depths of my mind, but instead attempting to create them in my life. Uhhh…uhh…uhhh. I couldn’t possibly. Could I?

Yet if I hope for these things to ever blossom into a butterfly and break from the cocoon of my inner wishes, I must believe in them and in myself enough to speak them aloud. Sure, saying them doesn’t mean they will come true, but it does give them the chance to come true. I don’t want to avoid a challenge because a fear of failure. I don’t want to tiptoe around the path I trust God wants me on because of uncertainty in the outcome. I don’t want to half live my life.

So, I sit here at my computer. Sweaty palms. Racing heart. Big dreams.

I want to help others achieve their fitness goals. I don’t want to wait to start.

Before, I always anticipated getting into personal training when both kids were full-time in school. I refuse to commit to working out of the house on someone else’s schedule before then. Lately though? I have the urging to go ahead and pursue that dream of personal training by focusing on online training services and possibly local boot camps or something similar on my own schedule. I plan to order my study materials for the NASM certification after I return from vacation and get certified by the end of the year. Did I really just say that out loud? *deep breath*

I want to share my story – in a book.

I want to go in depth with all the nitty, gritty details of what led me to binge eating, the body image struggles I faced, the hit-you-in-the-gut emotions, the lessons I learned, the challenges I continue to encounter, and everything else that fires me up on the topic. I have always felt a reason existed for what I went through and for the longest time – even before I ever knew about blogging – I pictured using my experiences for others in this way. I believe I do that now through FFF, but something keeps telling me its possible to go a little bit beyond this small platform. Within the next year, I hope to start pursuing that call. Did I really just say that out loud? *shaking*

So…my dreams. Publishing them means I believe they can happen. Publishing them means I believe in myself. Dare I hit publish? *deeeeeepppppp breath* I dare.

  • Does sharing your dreams scare you? Why or why not?
  • Any dreams you before thought were unreasonable, but then accomplished?

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169 Comments to “Hard To Write”
  1. Anna says:

    Tina I will buy your book in a hot minute! I have only been reading your blog for a few weeks now and already I feel like I connect to your posts on a deep level. I share the EXACT same fears you do about chasing your dreams, and it is just so comforting to know that someone else shares those fears. Telling people “I am trying to be an actor” is the hardest thing, because it immediately opens up the floodgates for judgement. But if it is my greatest dream, then why do I fear it so much? Silly how we act in these ways, no? But I feel like your first quote really hit home…if we limit our dreaming, we ultimately limit ourselves.

    Congratulations on embarking on this new journey, I will follow you every step of the way!! <3 <3

  2. Mandy says:

    YOu will be great and you know I’m your biggest fan and I am so proud of you!!

  3. ashleigh says:

    I would absolutley buy your book if you wrote one! Also if I lived near you I’d love to take a boot camp class taught by you too! Good luck chasing those dreams!

  4. Lee says:

    I think it’s great that you put your goals and aspirations out there. I know it can be hard because you feel like if you didn’t tell anyone, no one would know if you didn’t succeed, right? But I have no doubt that you will succeed!

    If you need to practice your personal training, I’m always here!

    • Tina says:

      That’s exactly what it is. If things didn’t work out I could sweep it under the rug. But that’s not the attitude to have I realize. Gotta be bold, huh?

      And I would love to “train” you – more to workout together someday!

  5. After I read this post I knew the perfect quote to share…

    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
    — Mark Twain

  6. Girl, you know you have my support :) I’ve already told you what a good trainer you’d be. And I think we need to set up a blogger personal trainer group – because there’s a lot of us! Wouldn’t that be fun? :)

    And as far as the book goes, go for it, Tina!!

  7. I admire you so much for being able to pinpoint your goals and express them. Often, I want something so much more but can’t put my finger on what that is. I would totally buy any book you write and read it cover to cover. You should definitely go for it! :)

  8. Cait @ Beyond Bananas says:

    So GLAD you hit publish, Tina. I think you book would be amazing.. inspirational, educational, motivational. What an awesome goal you have! And.. this type of goal.. is certainly a difficult type to share! As you pursue your goal.. this community will be here every step of the way to support you!

  9. TIna, you would be such an incredible personal trainer and confidant for those people you’d train. Heck, just look at the readership you’ve built! You know what an even more amazing outcome of it would be, though?! The fact that your *own children* would one day know your story… and know that you had told yourself that you weren’t gonna get back to it until they were in school… but instead, you listened to your inner voice and followed your calling. You’ll be showing them that example, and I think they’ll look at you for inspiration because of that as they get older!

  10. PS: I would read your book.

  11. Not that I really know you for real (but I feel like I do?), but you’re an incredibly driven person – I know you’ll accomplish your goals! And it takes courage to put it all out there – good for you!

    I definitely tend to scare away from sharing my “out there” goals with others. But I do know that once you share them with others, they become more real, more attainable.

  12. Brittany says:

    LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!!!!! You writing a book would be absolutely amazing! It would be SO amazing! I know that this can be so scary– but you’ve got this and we’re all behind you 110%! Share your story with the world, and change the world too! xoxoxoxo

  13. Your goals sound so attainable for you! I’d love to be trained by you – I could think of no better way for me to learn to like weight lifting :)
    As someone who reads your blog daily… I’d be thrilled for a book. I hope both goals work out for you!!

  14. Denise says:

    Tina, I believe when your heart tugs like that God it speaking to you and he is telling you to take action. He is not saying you will suceed or fail HE is saying give it your best shot and in the end you will in the very least have learned something.

    P.S. I would totally do a bootcamp with you.

    • Tina says:

      Thank you so much for the encouragement, Denise. It means a lot coming from you. And that’s what I’ve been telling myself – the constant tug is God telling me something. I can’t keep ignoring it or excusing it.

  15. Dorry says:

    This is so awesome, Tina! I have similar “hidden dreams” – Billy and I both do and we share them with each other, but we talk about taking action and turning them into a reality. I love your spirit and your attitude – and I agree that living life fully is what we are called to do! Wishing you the best luck with everything and knowing God has a great plan for you to share your gifts.

    • Tina says:

      Thanks Dorry! And for the record – I know you could do ANYTHING you hoped as well. You’re awesome like that. ;)

  16. Cori says:

    Boot camp is awesome and I think you would be great at it. Look into Adventure Boot Camp in your area. I take it in in my area- Argyle Adventure Boot Camp- from Kelli Calabrese and she is a national trainer for them. She is amazing, inspirational and committed and passionate!!! You would be great also!!

  17. Yay! I’m excited for you and excited to read your book!

  18. Rofomom says:

    GO FOR IT!!! Good for you . . . I want to go back to school to study something “completely different” than my current degree. . . scary! But I want to do it. . . I don’t know when it will happen but blogging has helped me realize what my true passions are and I’m optimistically looking forward to what the future will hold! So COOL for you, Tina! Seriously! I’m really happy for you!

  19. This is so awesome and I credit you on your bravery! Did you do that thing where you half close your eyes, click publish and then hastily shut off the page?! You’re definitely doing the right thing though and you will make a seriously great trainer. Can’t WAIT for the book either, I think it will help a lot of people :)

  20. Gina says:

    When I met you at FitBloggin I told you how much you inspire me and it’s true! I would love to read your book! I struggle now with the same things you have struggled with and reading someone’s journey always makes me know there’s hope, and that you’re not alone. And, I know that you would make an awesome trainer!

  21. I would buy your book, Tina. You are so inspiring to those of us who read FFF–you will inspire so many others with a book and also by being a trainer. Follow your dreams! I just really admire how you struggled for so long, but now you have a plan and you stick with it! It inspires me to do the same. Go for it! And have fun on vacation!

  22. Anna says:

    Tina, I am excited to see where God leads you in your dreams and goals! I will be praying for you as you. I wish I lived closer so you could “train” me but I will just have to be satisfied with reading your blog and waiting for you book ^_~

  23. [...] Fitness, Fun – Hard to Write – A post from the lovely Tina about following your dreams… an inspirational post you canNOT [...]

  24. Tina, I’m just seeing this post today (I’m a little behind), but I wanted to say something really quick. (Which will probably take longer than “quick” knowing me.)

    I’m at the point in my life where I have no idea where I’m going. I feel like 7 years out of college, nothing I’ve done has left me feeling fulfilled. Nothing. (Well, except for being a SAHM for a while…but that’s not college related now is it?) Not a single job has left me thinking, “Now this is what I want to do with my life.” So, based on my own passions, I have an idea of what I’d like to do. But I really have to defined path.

    You do.

    You know what you do?

    Follow it. Pursue it. TAKE ADVANTAGE. I’m sure Peter is behind you 100%, right?

    Take Lisa’s advice. WTF. ;)

    By the way…I’ve been dying to have an actual conversation/chat with you. Why? Because…you’re someone admire, and you’ve been through so much with your dad and with life and with eating…that I feel like because you’re a little ahead oh me…okay a lot ahead of me…on that front, you’d have so much insight. I love connecting to those around me that can relate.

    Go for it, Tina. You can do this.

  25. [...] image victories and sister moments. Realization and VERBALIZATION of dreams. Realizing love conquers [...]

  26. The first step is having a dream. You clearly have a vision, and one that you are passionate about, so you have already passed through that first hurdle.

    We always fear that which we do not know and you will be embarking upon a new adventure so it is understandable to be scared. I give you props for sharing your dream but I also think that by doing that it will become clearer for you. Talking about something makes it a reality, at least for me.

    Do it! You will be awesome!

  27. [...] Personal Post: Month 5 Progress and Sharing My Big Dreams (still giddy over that [...]

  28. Susan says:

    Even though I’m not a working trainer anymore (not by choice it should be added!!) getting my certification was probably one of the most worthwhile things I’ve done. Totally worth the money and effort. You won’t regret it!

    And also, YES to the book. Have you started writing down your brainstorms yet? You should! Keep a “book journal.” It will make it seem a lot more real than just having ideas swirling in your head. You can totally do it! I want to write a book too – but nothing to do with my blog. In a former life, I was a crime reporter. I would love to revisit the work I did then, and write a book on a real life murder case that happened in the area. Perhaps fictionalized for some added drama ;)

  29. Sorry I’m so late in commenting (internet issues) this was a really great blog and I’m so happy for you. You seem to have such a positive attitude, I am sure you can do anything you set you mind to.
    Like you I always said that when all the kids are in school I’d pursue a career of my own. This fall my last two head off to kindergarten and now my mind is racing to figure out what I really want to do. Now that I find I enjoy health and fitness so much I know I want my life to involve them, and yes discussing this with anybody but my husband (and other bloggers) is hard because it’s just not an interest for them.
    Good luck, and remember with God anything is possible :)

  30. Jan says:

    All I have to say is….WOW! How very exciting! I’m so proud of you for sharing your dreams and running after them, for listening to the urges to start earlier and consider a different way of achieving your dreams instead of waiting until both kids were in school. I can’t wait to hear how your dreams unfold. You’re already amazing! I can’t wait to see how God works through you!

  31. You inspire each and every one of us by taking these bold, daring, EXCITING steps forward! I am so thrilled for you, Tina, and think that your positive philosophy will not only make your dreams come to fruition, but SO many others’ dreams as well!

    I just jotted down the quote you shared in my notebook to serve as a reminder that chasing my dreams–as far out there as they may seem–is the only way they’ll ever become reality. Like you, I’ve toyed with the idea of becoming a personal trainer for a long time, but haven’t acted on my intuition. I also dream of owning my own business, but when I begin to think about logistics, I sigh and concede that it’s too daunting.

    But you’re so right–If I continue to think that way, that will be my reality. However if I ACT on my dreams, and push forward, I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. :-)

    I will buy your book in a heartbeat.

  32. Wow…I could have wrote that – I so relate…I feel the same way sometimes…there’s so much I want to write and say and express…but fear, anxiety, stress, disbelief, low self-esteem – debt – pulls me back…

    Do you have a book deal?! Your AMAZING for putting it out there and wanting it – because YOU deserve and I know it will happen for you …I only dream….

    I would love to be a full-time writer. And Just…well, just be.

    • Tina says:

      No book deal yet, but its something I hope to pursue and will just trust God for however it works out. I plan on writing up a proposal and seeking out publishers/agents whoever later this year and next. :)

  33. Good for you for just saying it! I have so much trouble with putting my dreams out there and making them happen. Fear can easily trump the dreams when we let it. Congrats on your exciting future ahead. I find your blog as one of the most inspirational that I read. Others I might read because of the photography or recipes or… But yours is truly awesome in the wide array of content and REALness you bring to us.

  34. [...] Hard To Write: The post where I laid out my secret dreams for all to read was a pretty proud moment. My nerves raced as I hit publish, but I immediately felt so freed sharing my hopes. It helped motivate me to now take steps to see them happen. [...]

  35. Anna Marie says:

    I have felt the Lord calling me for over three years into teaching special eductaion and seeking certification to do so. I ran up against soooo much resistance from family, friends and everything in between. I struggled between listening to others and doing what I knew I was supposed to do. I let fear and doubt fill me. I thought can I do this? Will I be able to? I finally last week followed in obedience and took my certification test. As life would have it I have ended up student teaching in a special education class and I know that is the Lord’s doing. I am happily going and following where the Lord leads. It took a leap of faith in myself, the Lord and His plan.

  36. Allison says:

    Tina! Can you give me some NASM certification info for dummies? Its something I have really had on my heart for a while but I just don’t know where to get started and what sources to trust. Any suggestions?

    • Tina says:

      I bought my materials through the NASM site. I did the most basic package and added on the flashcards/extra test to help me study more. I’ve just been studying it all for the time being, so we will see how well it works for the exam. :)

  37. Velvet Wenner says:

    Hey ideas , I Appreciate the analysis – Does anyone know if my company might find a blank a form form to edit ?

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