The Musical Fruit

Posted: August 6, 2011 at 8:00 am

In case you haven’t guessed, this post will talk about gas. Farts. Toots. Stench bombs. Whatever you want to call them. If you have more class than I do and want to skip over, that’s just fine. If you have your own musical qualities in which to relate or share, let’s bond. It will be a grand ole time!

Did you realize that the month of July had five Saturdays. I did. Not because I’m some freak of nature who can mentally figure out dates in her head. Although, that’s true too. I mainly paid attention to the five Saturdays in the month of July because it meant I had to spread our monthly grocery budget across five weeks instead of the usual four. Say what, kemosabe?!

After our grocery bill rang up last week and I realized we still managed to come in under budget, I patted myself on the back as I left the store. Then I learned that my budget meal shopping could end my marriage. Let’s just say when looking for cheap meals many of my favorites involve beans. We had lots and lots of beans this past week.

White Bean Salad

bean salad

Breakfast for Dinner Quesadilla with Black Beans

quesadilla 2

Veggie Pot Pie with Black Eyed Peas (inspired by Meghann’s recipe)

veggie pot pie

Even the night I planned to resort to clear out items we have stocked in our freezer, I ended up with beans…

 morningstar burger

Morning Star Farms Spicy Black Bean Burger…with hummus (extra beans!)

Peter wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole for fear of me intoxicating his nostrils after all of those meals. I won the budget game, but certainly didn’t win the digestive game. Oh, yes. I’m going there. Beans truly are a musical fruit with me. And I have such difficulty keeping tabs on it! I get incredibly bad stomach cramps if I try to hold in the “bombs of stench” as Peter so kindly has called them.

I amaze myself sometimes, so I really do feel bad when things just slip. Okay, I don’t feel so bad when things slip around Peter. He knew what he got himself into when he chose to marry me. But around others….EEEK! I usually just succumb to suffering gas pains for fear of people avoiding me forever. Yet, I cannot lie. It happens sometimes.

Like this past week. In spin class. During a climb. Those poor souls behind me. It must have been like a missile! Then, at the grocery store. Only myself and one other person in the aisle. And I know she knows I did it, yet I still walked away nonchalantly. Then avoided contact the remainder of my shopping. Oh, how embarrassing! Hey…I know I’m not alone. Right? Right?!?! 

  • What staple foods do you use when shopping super cheap?
  • Do you ever have to “let one rip” in public? What do you do? 

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64 Comments to “The Musical Fruit”
  1. Lindsey says:

    LOL! You are so not alone. I loved that post and reading allllllll the comments. There is a reason why I will wait for a treadmill in the back row. ;-) I always think of that scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory when Charlie and his Grandfather have to burp to avoid being sucked into the fan? I like to imagine that when/if I/we toot/fart/blow while running, it’s like a jet pack and pushes you faster. Like what Wylie Coyote would buy from Acme to chase the RoadRunner with. :-)

    At the gym, I think I’ve unfortunately inhaled as many other people farts as I’ve let slip. I figure it balances out in the cosmos. Call it farting kharma.

  2. Chelsea says:

    I feel sorry for my family, and I am certain no one will marry me because of my GI tract. Sometimes I think something died in my stomach, and this is something I deal with 75% of the day!

    I won’t even comment about the damage I can do to a toilet :)

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