It Can Still Happen

Posted: August 16, 2011 at 7:00 am

I wouldn’t go so far as to call what happened last night a binge. I would go so far as to call what happened last night emotional eating, which I’m not too okay with either.

It can still happen. Which is why I have scratched the post I originally had scheduled for this morning to give you this one. 

Last night, I fixed myself some leftover lasagna for dinner and didn’t feel quite satisfied after eating it. Despite not feeling hungry, I found myself back in the kitchen pouring a bowl of cereal. No biggie. Then, from out of nowhere this overwhelming sensation of wanting food came over me. It led to a bowl of ice-cream and the leftover portion of the bag of crushed toffee I used in my brownie recipe this weekend.

No. I wouldn’t call it a binge because in a binge I would have eaten way more than that. I would have shoved anything I could get my hands on into my stomach until I literally felt sick and could not swallow another bite. This time, I simply told the logical side of my mind to leave me the heck alone and ate out of something besides hunger.

I don’t know what triggered it.

Boredom from being on my own while Peter had a meeting?

Not feeling satisfied with my dinner?

Emotions creeping out from a day of adjusting to my little girl growing up?

Wanting to escape the plethora of responsibility I have on my plate right now?

Feeling “to heck with it” because I know I have a vacation this upcoming weekend?

Any number of things could have affected me because any one of those things could have sent me into a deep binge in my past. I’m thankful I no longer make myself sick with food. I’m thankful that even when recognizing the unpractical side of feeding emotions and saying “screw it”, I can keep myself from going off the deep end. I’m thankful I have a place to open up and say “I still struggle” without fear of any judgment. I’m thankful I can know this won’t turn into a week long or more love affair with food.

But I’m still not thankful that binging got its claws sunken into me in the first place. That the mental struggles and natural urges to turn to food will never fully disappear. It can still happen. It still sucks. And it still isn’t a healthy place to be. But I’m a fighter. So I won’t let last night get me down. I will move on as normal today and make the best of every day. Yes, it can still happen. But also, I am still strong. And I still refuse to let it beat me. I just had to tell you that.

Think positive Quote  source

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94 Comments to “It Can Still Happen”
  1. Lisa says:

    I think it’s natural. And not really a “binge” just maybe a slip up. I do have days when these bad habits rear their ugly head. Usually it’s stress related or boredom. Like you said–the partner is gone, I’m bored and have the “munchies” so I’ll eat dessert. And have more dessert. :)

  2. Rebecca says:

    You see, this is why we all love you: you’re real! You’re honest about things, and if you’re struggling, you let us in on it so we can give feedback and support and stuff. :)

    Also, I was the opposite last night. I didn’t eat supper. I worked last night, and I didn’t get home until way later than usual (eight o’clock!!! Three hours after we usually eat.), and I didn’t eat because I came straight downstairs to chat with my mom and stuff. And then I realized three hours (that’s 11pm, when I probably should’ve been in bed!) later that “Oops, I didn’t eat anything when I got home.” and microwaved leftovers and grabbed some grapes. At least it was healthier food than I normally snack on at night… Heh.

  3. Your a strong woman…especially for sharing this! Definitely just sounds like it was related to boredom. It’s natural and normal. I used to get the munchies all the time while I was waiting for my boyfriend to come home. It was a bad habit to break, and it takes some mind work! It happens to everyone :)

  4. Here’s to a new day, Tina. I’m thankful that each day is a fresh start.

    I love the perseverance saying; thanks for sharing it!

  5. Thanks for posting that! Thank you for blogging through the struggles. I’ve had some similar struggles this week — a fit of jealousy over a random comment about a spilled Coke in which I thought, “I wish I could just pour myself a Coke anytime I wanted one.”; a Frosty that I knew I didn’t need, but that I ate because I wanted it and I get tired of always being the one not eating stuff like that; and the bowl of sugary cereal that I ate for a snack instead of something healthier.

    But, those are just individual moments amid a sea of good choices and I refuse to let them get me down. As long as it’s an occasional lapse in judgement or willpower, I’m okay. Those moments don’t make me a failure, just human.

  6. That is what happens to me Tina and I’m still trying to figure it out. I go on these “mini binges” about once every 1-2 months and I never know what causes them.

  7. Your honesty is so appreciated. We all know EXACTLY what you are talking about. It’s good for all of us to read and know that we are completely normal and even better, feel ok about those times and have the skills to move on.

  8. You need to give youself a break. Everyone has a little slip up from time and time and that is life. You just get up and keep moving on forward with your goals in mind! Like you said in your post, you refuse to let it beat you up. I only wish more people had your same positive attitude! : )

  9. Laura says:

    Tina,

    I am recovered (I use that term loosely, meaning I am currently no longer bingeing/purging) from bulimia but I will occasionally have dreams (no, NIGHTMARES) that I’m in the middle of a binge. I wake up frantic but so relieved that it isn’t actually happening. I definitely do still fear losing control and teetering that edge every now and then. I’m really really proud of you for holding onto yourself and being able to talk yourself through that experience. That was so brave and took a huge amount of self respect and control, I’m sure. Be proud of what you did and the decisions you made. You’re beautiful :)

  10. What a great post! I love that you feel so comfortable about being open on your blog. It is truly inspiring, and shows that you are such an every day person, really making a difference. The positive attitude is viral! Thanks for sharing!

  11. LauraJayne says:

    Thank you for posting this – it’s honest and something that I think a lot of us struggle with.

    For me, the hardest part of the “not-quite-a-binge” nighttime eating isn’t so much the food (I know it won’t cause me to gain a ton of weight), but the guilt and self-loathing that inevitably comes with it. That, to me, is much worse and when I have that feeling, I know that it’s not about the food I consumed, but the emotions that caused it. It’s still something that I deal with every day, no matter how much healthier my relationship with food becomes!

  12. Tina, this is something that I think all women (esp) deal with. I was babysitting all weekend and with all the “kid food” that this family had….I was in trouble. I just kept feeling like nothing satisfied me…That was then and this is now. I’m back to normalcy.

    Just remember how far you’ve come :)

  13. You are not alone! I am a recovered binger and it still happens from time to time.

  14. I love the honesty in this post! You are a strong woman and have lots of support from all of the readers of your blog :)

  15. [...] the need to blog transparently. For me, I could not blog any other way. And the response to my post this morning solidifies that necessity in my blogging [...]

    • Daniel says:

      I couldn’t agree more about geiirtarcs. I miss sitting with some of the elderly individuals I used to help and they would tell me stories for hours about the things that they witness when they were younger, and the lives that they lived up to the point that they needed care. I have always felt that the elderly know how to live their lives better than anyone, and they for sure never take it for granted! Sometimes the people taking care of them are not good people though, and it always breaks my heart to see someone talking badly to an elderly man or woman.I like how you made a switch from little tiny babies that have no real experience with life, to elderly men and women who have lived life to its fullest and still have more life to share with others. Such opposites!

  16. It totally could have been any one or an assortment of all of those factors. The important thing is that you didn’t let it get out of control and you’re moving on.

    You know my years of struggling with binges. While I’ve gotten much better the binge monster resurfaces every so often. I think that over time we are able to better handle the slip ups when they occur rather than in the past when it could snowball for days…weeks. Your slip up is in the past and you’re moving on to a clean slate. :)

  17. Melissa says:

    Thanks for sharing, doll. It does happen but it’s important to acknowledge it and recognize that it’s not how you want to live your life. Binging is such a difficult thing to overcome. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone. XO

  18. Colleen says:

    You are so strong and courageous Tina. Rest in God’s love and the fact that you are not alone in your struggles. <3

  19. Kendra says:

    I think one of the subtlest lies of bingeing is that it makes us feel so ashamed…so lost…so alone. The high lasts just a fleeting moment, then reality crashes in. And guilt. Last week I had a couple bad nights of bingeing, triggered by anxiety over rules and restrictive eating and feelings of inadequacy…and I had a dream about Jesus. I dreamed I was working out in my basement on a stationary bike, but my face was turned up, eyes closed, hands lifted, tears of regret and remorse streaming down. Self hatred so thick it was a heavy blanket on my shoulders. And then, I saw Jesus behind my left shoulder. He poured water into my uplifted hands, cleansing me from the shame. And I felt so loved. So loved and accepted, just as I was. He came to me in the midst of my shame. And I love Him for that.
    Thank you Tina for being transparent. God is using your heart to touch ours.

  20. Thank you so much for posting this. I really appreciate your dedication to honesty. One of my favorite things about your blog is how real you are. You don’t give off this impression of, “Yeah, I once had trouble with binging, but now I’m fully recovered and my life is perfect!” As nice as it would be if that were the case, that’s not real, and I think you’re a whole lot relatable because of your transparency in your blogging. Thank you, and hang in there! You’re an amazing woman!

  21. Thank you so much for your honesty Tina, you’re so inspiring. I think with any kind of struggle (disordered eating for me) it will always be with us and it’s how we react to it that validates how much we’ve grown in this journey. My binge moments are like what you described and tend to come on if my meal wasn’t satisfying, I’m lonely (when the hubby is out for the night), or during the weekends when I’m more lax about my diet. Now I can stop myself whereas before it would continue until I was sick – it’s not easy but now I know to stop, admit what happened, and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Thank you Tina for always inspiring us and for being so real <3

  22. Oh Tina, you KNOW I understand. Sometimes that desire to binge just shows up and I feel powerless over it’s calling that tells me to eat to quiet my anxiety, my thoughts, or whatever it is that I want to ignore or avoid. Thank you so much for sharing your challenge on your blog. Often when I binge it is so shameful and I don’t want to tell anyone, but I know that I have often found comfort from others to help me know that I’m not alone. By sharing you’ve made that connection possible with others. And while I know that you rarely feel struggle anymore, I think this validates that fact that for many of us out there, every day it can be difficult to make the choice to not eat emotionally.

  23. Michelle says:

    I think it tastes a lot of courage to be as open here as you were. Thanks for sharing this like you did because it helps me to look more closely at myself when I have slip us as well. Eating can be such an emotional thing sometimes!

  24. Errign says:

    This is totally what happens to me if I’m not mindful. I think for me, it’s totally a lack of being satisfied!

  25. I love and appreciate this post. I was almost shocked at how well you’re eating while bf! Nursing makes me want to eat almost non stop and leaves me wanting more even after I seem to get what I need. And after the pregnancy eating, I keep wanting sweets! (I blame my husband…although I should just blame myself). So there you have it. I’m glad you posted this. Tomorrow is another day and to me, if you make good decisions 80% of the time, you’re allowed to travel off the path for the other 20%.

  26. Thank you for being so honest and open! We truly can learn from each other! I DEFINITELY still struggle with bingeing! And i don’t like it. arrrrgh. But the best we can do, is all we can do! One day at a time! Love you!

  27. Why do these things hit when the sun goes down?? You are such an inspiration and so brave. I love your transparency, and I still get timid about being so transparent on my blog (Yes, I am referring to the post after this one as well :) ) I am a fairly transparent person in general and tend to disclose a lot, but it’s so much easier to say it than it is to write it and press “post.”

  28. [...] life is more than diet and workouts. Powered by WP Greet Box WordPress PluginThings got a bit heavy in here yesterday. I think its time to lighten up the mood a bit. Put a smile on and talk about [...]

  29. Even while I’m on Weight Watchers this tends to happen, especially when I have a really low points day (like a brunch that was kind of big, but still low in points).

  30. [...] at Faith Fitness Fun reminds us that we can all have slips into old habits, and it’s all about self-compassion and [...]

  31. [...] Faith, Fitness, Fun: It Can Still Happen [...]

  32. [...] from Faith, Food Fitness, did a great post a few weeks ago about emotional eating, triggers and being a work in progress. I always appreciate transparent blogging! I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts on [...]

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