It Can Still Happen

Posted: August 16, 2011 at 7:00 am

I wouldn’t go so far as to call what happened last night a binge. I would go so far as to call what happened last night emotional eating, which I’m not too okay with either.

It can still happen. Which is why I have scratched the post I originally had scheduled for this morning to give you this one. 

Last night, I fixed myself some leftover lasagna for dinner and didn’t feel quite satisfied after eating it. Despite not feeling hungry, I found myself back in the kitchen pouring a bowl of cereal. No biggie. Then, from out of nowhere this overwhelming sensation of wanting food came over me. It led to a bowl of ice-cream and the leftover portion of the bag of crushed toffee I used in my brownie recipe this weekend.

No. I wouldn’t call it a binge because in a binge I would have eaten way more than that. I would have shoved anything I could get my hands on into my stomach until I literally felt sick and could not swallow another bite. This time, I simply told the logical side of my mind to leave me the heck alone and ate out of something besides hunger.

I don’t know what triggered it.

Boredom from being on my own while Peter had a meeting?

Not feeling satisfied with my dinner?

Emotions creeping out from a day of adjusting to my little girl growing up?

Wanting to escape the plethora of responsibility I have on my plate right now?

Feeling “to heck with it” because I know I have a vacation this upcoming weekend?

Any number of things could have affected me because any one of those things could have sent me into a deep binge in my past. I’m thankful I no longer make myself sick with food. I’m thankful that even when recognizing the unpractical side of feeding emotions and saying “screw it”, I can keep myself from going off the deep end. I’m thankful I have a place to open up and say “I still struggle” without fear of any judgment. I’m thankful I can know this won’t turn into a week long or more love affair with food.

But I’m still not thankful that binging got its claws sunken into me in the first place. That the mental struggles and natural urges to turn to food will never fully disappear. It can still happen. It still sucks. And it still isn’t a healthy place to be. But I’m a fighter. So I won’t let last night get me down. I will move on as normal today and make the best of every day. Yes, it can still happen. But also, I am still strong. And I still refuse to let it beat me. I just had to tell you that.

Think positive Quote  source

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94 Comments to “It Can Still Happen”
  1. Tina, thank you for sharing that. You are such a strong woman and I’m glad you realize that. and thank you for always being real and honest. Proud of you!

  2. I know you and I struggle with the same thing and it is so hard to overcome. I can go for months without a thought of overeating and then the smallest of triggers will make it seem like it is something I just have to do. But good for you for recognizing it, reacting to it, and pushing forward. I think writing about these things is better than therapy. At leas this way you can look back on the incident and know exactly what prompted it. Stay strong!

  3. Thank you for sharing, Tina. You have incredible strength and honesty.

  4. It always comes as a surprise when someone else struggles with food the same way I do. Yesterday I made a batch of cookies for my family, and ate almost half the batch myself. Thankfully I managed to stop myself before I got really sick, but it wasn’t pretty. Huge sugar crash! I’m not sure why I did that. I’m quite stressed at the moment, and I guess I turn to food, mainly sweets, for comfort.
    I know I need to find better ways to vent my stress. Working out usually helps, but it’s not always an option when the cravings hit.
    Any ideas?

    • Tina says:

      I usually will turn to anything to distract me – house work, reading blogs, going for a walk with the kids…anything that will just move me away from food.

    • Kellie says:

      Butting in here, but sometimes just chewing gum will help me. That way I have something in my mouth so I won’t revert to putting food in it.

  5. Khushboo says:

    Your honesty is wonderful, Tina! I think all of us who have had somewhat of a distorted relationship with food will always struggle to an extent! But looking at how far you have come should motivate you enough to keep truckin! Thanks for sharing this with us, I know it helps me and I’m sure many others will agree!

  6. This happens to the best of us girl! Don’t let it stress you out. You are stong and amazing :)

  7. I have nights like that every so often as well. They leave me frustrated and feeling not good about myself, so I try to remember that the next time I want to mindlessly binge/eat whatever i want. Thanks for sharing your struggle!

  8. Thank you for sharing! You are indeed very strong and very inspiring. We definitely all struggle from time to time and I think being honest with ourselves and others definitely helps us overcome those struggles!

  9. Kimberly says:

    Loved this post Tina ;) I love that you are real and honest with people. I have stopped reading a lot of blogs because of feeling like they must NEVER give in to cravings etc. and it just got me down. I can totally relate to this post!

    • Tina says:

      Thanks, Kimberly! And that is one thing I really strive for. To be open and honest. I don’t want to hide anything here because it could represent me as having it all together all the time without a struggle. And that is just not true sometimes.

  10. Thank you for this post, Tina. I still struggle with emotional eating sometimes too, although I consider myself “recovered”. I don’t know if anyone can truly recover from an eating disorder- once you’ve experienced that, I think it will always be with you. I have to remind myself that I must still love myself and my body after I have any kind of disordered eating slip-up. The next meal is a new start.

  11. Thanks for sharing Tina! It’s so great that you can recognize why it happened! Binges happen to the best of us :) See you at HLS!

  12. Rachel says:

    i hate admitting to slips, but at the same time, if you don’t admit them then you truly let the enemy win! so cheers to you for recognizing that it happened and moving on. of course it can still happen, but what’s great is that you realize you don’t want it to become a pattern of behavior again! you are such an inspiration!

  13. it’s so cliche but no one is perfect. it happens…but it’s the fact that you recognized the issue, admitted it, and can take the steps to continue to grow and learn from it that makes all the difference. i love you Tina!

    • Tina says:

      Love you too Heather! And I think admitting it is the biggest thign for me. It would have been too easy to just go to bed and try to cover it up and not mention it on the blog or to Peter…but what good would that do? Ya know? Admitting is part of the learning, forgiving myself and moving on.

  14. Mandy says:

    Happens to the best of us . YOu are one of the strongest people I know. Love you!

  15. isn’t it crazy how you’re going along doing great, and then the urge to binge just comes out of no where? i hate that.

    you are strong though, and you have definitely come so far in your relationship with food & binging. keep it up! one night does not define you & today is a new day! :)

  16. Lee says:

    I struggle with this a lot. I think for me, it’s usually from loneliness or boredom so that makes sense that it could be from that for you too. But you identified the problem, found some possible causes which is a great way to make sure it doesn’t happen in the future.

  17. Kelly says:

    Thanks for keeping it real Tina. I think one of the reason you have such a big fan base is because you don’t hide issues from us. You don’t sweep things under the rug and profess to live in moderation all the time. I am so sorry you had to go through that last night but I also thank you for your honesty. Thanks for showing your human side! :)

    I think emotional eating probably stemmed from a little bit of everything you mentioned above. I don’t have any off limit foods but I still know in my head (as does everyone) when I am making healthy versus not so healthy choices and sometimes overeating occurs for me when I want more than a typical serving of 2 cookies. I want more like 5. I usually tell myself no…2 is plenty. So it isn’t like I am depriving myself of those foods but more like depriving myself of the serving size that I truly want and that can sometimes trigger a binge reaction in me.

    • Tina says:

      Yes! I know just what you mean. We don’t deprive but there still is that voice of reason that we sometimes want to “break”. But that can trigger the old restriction feelings even though it isnt restriction. Its so nice knowing others relate. Thanks, Kelly. :)

  18. Tina, thank you for being so honest and sharing this. You have come such a long way and you are such an inspiration to me, I want you to know that!
    It helps to hear that you even have occasional issues, but that you are able to bounce back from them… and that it’s not going to be a lasting thing! Of course I don’t want you to have to experience this, but again, I am thankful for your truthfulness :)

  19. Kate says:

    Hi Tina,
    This is just what I needed to read today. Yesterday I had what I will call an ED flare up, which really upset me because it made me feel like I was back to square one in my journey to health. Luckily, I was talking to my OA sponsor who reminded me to give everything over to God – and sure enough, my day did improve and today I am my usually self :)
    It is inspiring to know that even the people who I look up to in the blogging world can still have these struggles and DO bouce back :)
    Love Kate

  20. Jill says:

    Thank you for your honesty. To be honest it is helpful to see someone who has had so much success and continues to be so successful have set backs too! You are human and we get to see how someone who is so successful handles setbacks. I would much rather no one ever have set backs- but they exist. So from a selfish standpoint- I get to learn from you! I have no doubt in my mind that today will be a new day for you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your honesty!!!

    • Tina says:

      That’s why I knew I had to share that struggle. I couldn’t just gloss over it and pretend it didn’t happen. I knew it wouldn’t be healthy for me…and also wouldn’t be keepign with what I try to present here on this blog. Thanks for the encouragement! :)

  21. Katherine says:

    Tina, you are such an amazing woman and an incredible role model! Have a great day and know that we’re all cheering for you :)

  22. Haley Q says:

    Your strength, honesty, and positive outlook are so incredibly encouraging! Thank you for not sugar-coating anything even though that would be the easiest thing to do.
    Don’t let one night get you down and feeling back to square one. You’re so much better than that and you have the Lord on your side-don’t forget it!

  23. Jess says:

    This is EXACTLY how I felt after the mindless eating incident I blogged about recently – I felt so ashamed for falling back into old unhealthy eating habits and was beating myself up so much for it. But you, you at least got to the bottom of the issue right away and did NOT beat yourself up endlessly for it. As usual, you learned from it and are able to move on because of that. I need to take a page from your book in that regard, because I had a really hard time picking myself up after that incident. So thank you for posting this. So so helpful to me personally.

  24. Lori Lynn says:

    Thank you for this post! I so relate to this, as I’m getting better at not “binging,” but I still struggle with emotional eating, and some “over-eating.”

  25. I think posting this shows how strong you really are. Every moment is a new moment (I like this saying more than “every day is a new day”–why wait for the next day?!)

  26. cheryl says:

    huges from a fellow BED fighter. the KEY is letting the past be the past and moving on w/o falling into the “guilt and repeat” cycle.

    • Tina says:

      That is the biggest thing for me! I know if I tried to restrict or get down on myself it would just end with another episode. So great having others who understand and can provide support. thanks, Cheryl. :)

      • cheryl says:

        I tell the BF I do need support but don’t expect him to FULLY understand…he simply can’t (but he CAN be nice and not demeaning….evil-ex would say “why don’t you STOP”…helpful, huh???). while i hater that others suffer, it is lovely to have people who GET it. and that it is NOT just the same as over-indulging (i HATE when people think it is)

        and also props for HALTING the binge before it spiralled…another BIG danger for me (though i can have a “binge” w/o a ton of food sometimes…it is all about the head-place), i know. is the “might as well” and “while i’m at it i should just go ahead and….”. i read once that the cookie WILL be there tomorrow…amazing how insightful that is!

  27. It’s amazing how you view overeating differently now. I remember when I was first losing my weight on Weight Watchers, things like that started to change for me. Just eating a few extra things started to seem like overeating. Now years removed from when I originally lost my weight, I’ve realized that feeling occured because I just feel so much better when I eat healthy! I found that out after 10 days on vacation and then a weekend that was all about eating. The “mistakes” I made on vacation and over the weekend were so far removed from what I used to do which I probably should have looked at as binge eating. I just feel so much better when I’m in control! You’ll get back on track, Tina. I have faith in you!!

  28. You are so so strong Tina! And with the awesome attitude you have, it will definitely not beat you! Love you :)

  29. You are amazing Tina! You inspired me to write my story today! Because i feel confident like you that im stronger than my brain now!

  30. Thanks for sharing Tina, i admire bloggers that are honest about their struggles sooooo much!
    You are amazing and your ability to recognize what the reasons behind it might be makes you so strong :)

  31. I admire you for being able to confess these things. A lot of bloggers are all clean eating recipes and workout regimes, and let themselves be percieved as the perfect picture of health. I need to know other people struggle and slip sometimes, too. And that it is okay! Thanks for your honesty and the realization I’m not alone!

  32. jobo says:

    I won’t repeat what Jess wrote here already, but that was part of what I was going to write (sister brain!), however, I will echo what everyone has said, your honesty is what makes you so real and approachable and YOU. For me, when I did the same thing, I felt it was because I had been doing so well lately with eating, the workouts, the Challenge, that I subconsciously wanted to give myself that leeway for just one night to eat whatever. But when I woke up the next day? I regretted it. It didn’t feel good. But I needed to do it to realize I DON’T need to do that, it isn’t rewarding. Anyway, not to make this all about me, but that’s how I was feeling when I did the mindless eating thing…but today is a new day, right? Onward.

  33. Sarah says:

    I can relate, Tina! I’ve come a long way in my journey to living a binge-free lifestyle, but that default setting is always there. I guess the “bright side” of it is that it reminds us how much we still need God. And? You can always make a better choice at the next opportunity. But I think you already knew that, because it looks like that’s what you’re doing:-).

  34. I have days like this too — most of the time I blame it at running, but I do wonder if there’s more to it. If anything – days like this remind me that you’re still human and that I have a lot to learn about myself!

    Weaknesses are OK – especially when you turn them into opportunities. Cheers to a better day :)

  35. Thanks for sharing, Tina. It’s good to know that no one is perfect and we all struggle–that we’re not alone.

  36. Kat says:

    thank you for sharing this – it is always a relief to know you are not the only one who struggles!
    I think the best advice for this situation is to not let one bad day of eating turn into two – and i know you are strong enough to make it through!

  37. Don’t be too hard on yourself Tina — sometimes the body may need a mini-binge, or a ‘fat kid moment’ like I call it. As long as they don’t become habits, I think it’s okay.

    I have them too and I only worry when they become frequent because I know I’m neglecting something else that is the root of the issue. If it happens once per month, I try to brush it off and just savor all the extra naughty calories I’m eating ;)

  38. I think so many of us have been there before. I know I have. Don’t get down on yourself– just remember that today is a new day!

  39. You are strong. And you can do this.

  40. Good for you for keeping it under control. I still struggle with non hunger induced eating from time to time an d its really hard to stop yourself before it gets completely out of hand. You ARE strong.

  41. Bonnie says:

    Wow Tina – thank you so much for your honesty. You’re right – it would have been easy to not share but look at the impact you’ve had from choosing to be vulnerable and share! Even when we’re broken, it sometimes feels good because I think we’re reminded that it’s God who is strong and we are so often closest to him when we’re weak. And isn’t so cool all that God can do when we’re weak? Your sharing has connected with so many people – as my mom always told me, “weaknesses connect us with others, not our strengths.” People can relate. And they see your beauty! And with you we welcome a new moment. Thanks again for sharing. :) Here’s to a fresh morning and fresh grace for the journey!

  42. Tina, you are still such a strong woman and thank you for sharing this. Binge eating/emotional eating is also something that I have struggled with and some days are harder than others. I admire that you had the courage to post this and be honest and that you worked hard to identify why you had the urge. You can do it!! I’m keeping you in my prayers!!

  43. taryn says:

    thank you so much for your honesty, tina. it makes the rest of us who struggle that much more confident in the idea that it’s okay to slip up sometimes and generally still be on the right track toward recovery.

  44. This happens to the best of us. We’re not all perfect and these days will happen, but it’s what you do afterwards that counts…

    Coming out in the open about it and recognizing what you aren’t happy about is such a good step and you’ve come so far! You are so much stronger than you think, Tina! And that’s why we admire you :)

  45. Thanks for posting this Tina. Its definitely something I still struggle with from time to time. I find myself snacking a lot at night when Im not hungry at all, but I have a hard time stopping myself. Its a really hard habit to break, especially when it ties to something so serious.

  46. Tina says:

    Tina I have told you that I also struggle with binges as well. I think what is most important is that you let your feelings out here and are moving on. The hardest thing after a binge is not beating yourself up over it. That will most likely lead you to another binge.

  47. Anna Crouch says:

    What’s funny is this exact same thing happened to me on Saturday night. I have worked for literally like 16 days in a row, so I was extremely tired to begin with…then I agreed to helping someone out, and it turned out to be a situation that was really stressful, busy and requiring of patience, which I just DIDN’T have that night! At one point I got extremely frustrated and *somehow* found myself eating a bowl of my husband’s sugary cereal…after already being pretty full from dinner. Immediately after I finished the bowl I thought “Okay, Anna….that’s enough. Stop, you’re not even hungry. In fact, you don’t even have an appetite to eat….” Then I proceeded to say “Screw it.” Poured myself another bowl, ate it, and immediately regretted it when I realized I was then STUFFED.

    Awhile later I took a moment by myself and went to the bedroom to sort out my emotions. I realized I could forgive myself because this time it was different. Yes, I had a slight binge but what I realized was that it was because I had let my emotions add up. I let my frustration and stress over come me, and I reacted with my emotions. When I used to binge like this, I never knew why. I eventually discovered it was partly due to my depriving myself, but I now know it was also due to stress and me lashing out emotionally. It was definitely an “aha moment” for me. But what was MOSTLY different about this was that I decided that on Sunday, I would NOT deprive myself, nor would I continue to stuff my face out of anxiety (anxiety is a trigger for me). I told myself I would eat when i was hungry, and I wouldn’t cut back on servings and foods, just to “make up” for my binge the night before. I may have had the binge, but I’m proud of myself for reacting to the binge in a healthy manner. By the next morning, I was back to normal.

    Also, I just remembered that on Saturday night I prayed that God would show me I’m not a failure and show me how to not give in to the occasional triggered desire to binge. I don’t deprive myself anymore, so the urge to binge doesn’t happen often, but when I’m stressed, it pops up. So, I thought, “God, I haven’t binged like this in MONTHS. Show me that I’m not a failure. Show me that I can forgive myself. Give me the strength to move on, and give me the knowledge and confidence to overcome when stress comes my way.” While praying I was asking God to give me someone to talk to about it….and someone to ‘call’ in those moments. Selfishly, I’m SO glad you had this moment last night! LOL I’m sorry, that’s terrible. But I’m glad, only because it spurred this post, which TOTALLY answered my prayers. Thank you for showing me I’m not a failure. I’m normal….I’m human. That doesn’t make binging OKAY, but at the same time, it makes me realize I shouldn’t punish myself and think less of myself. Also, reading your post gives me more confidence to push through those moments when I do have them. And, I know I can email you whenever I’m struggling, because you TOTALLY understand. Thanks, Tina!

  48. Tina – Thank you for your honesty. This one really hit home for me because I can totally relate. I’ll go weeks without the overeating bug getting me, but then out of nowhere, I get the same urge and just want to eat for the sake of eating. Even when you’re in the middle of it and know that you should stop, the physical urge shuts down the logical thought. So frustrating! For me, I notice the trigger is when I’m lonely (when Matt’s working his long hours and I’m home alone) or when I have to tackle something that I think I could do less than a perfect job on. I hate feeling like I failed, so I try to stuff it away. It’s getting better and I stop short of bingeing, but the aftermath makes me feel yucky and like I failed myself. All stuff to learn from.
    Thanks again for this post. :)

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