Am I Ready To Be A Mommy?

Posted: September 15, 2011 at 7:03 pm

If you're looking for a quick and delicious dinner (or lunch) idea, boy do I have a good one for you.


You know me and my special devotion to sandwiches. I think this sandwich blew any other sandwich I have created out of the water. Even my simple hummus and tomato grilled cheese. It may not look like it after the panini press smooshed it down, but that sandwich has goodness packed inside.

I took two pieces of whole wheat bakery bread (love the grainy/seedy crunch on the crust!) and slathered them with pesto. Then, I chopped up some fresh basil and spread it evenly over the bread. Next, I layered on a thick slice of mozzarella cheese followed by a pile of roasted eggplant, zucchini, and squash.


So much flavor!!! And filling too. Even with a belly full of Pumpkin Carrot Cake Bread I made room for this sandwich in my belly last night for dinner. And had take two of it for lunch today. If we had more leftovers I would likely have had it for dinner again tonight. It's just that fabulous. Mmm…mmm!

Am I ready to be a mommy???

A couple days ago, Caitlin posed a question on her blog about how you can know if you’re ready for kids and how much having children can impact your life. Of course, I had to weigh in on the post. I figured I would also share my thoughts here since I have received a similar question from some of you before. Smile

First of all, I believe it is unlikely to EVER feel 100% prepared to have a baby. If you wait for that feeling, you very well could wait forever. There will always be questions if you’re ready, physically able, financially stable enough, etc. to have kids.

Peter and I planned both of our pregnancies, but we never felt completely ready. We decided the time to start our family came when both of us got a deep feeling in our guts that the timing was right. I went off birth control and we figured we would let things happen naturally. With Makenzie, it happened much faster than we anticipated (the first month!). I remember freaking out that I wasn’t actually ready.

Our hearts were right though, and having her brought a new level of happiness to our lives. We found a new normal and adjusted our lives to a family of three instead of two.

Kids do change things in life. You can’t just sleep in until 10 am anymore or pick up and go on a trip at the drop of a hat for instance. But, and this may sound wrong, I also firmly believe in not allowing life to fully revolve around your children. They should be one of the most important parts of life, but not make your life. I try to remember I am still my own person and the marriage partnership is still the foundation of the home.

Peter and I work hard on taking time for ourselves. I still make time to pursue all the things I love and that make me me. My children add to my life. They don’t consume my life. That allows a balance so that parenting doesn’t feel like a sacrifice, as some people can make it appear. It makes parenting a true joy. And it makes me happy I trusted what instinctually felt right in starting our family over 3.5 years ago.

I will never get over the cuteness of this picture!!!

  • Are you a mom? What led to you starting your family?
  • Not a mom? What do you wonder about most in parenthood?

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70 Comments to “Am I Ready To Be A Mommy?”
  1. It’s kind of relieving to hear that no one is likely 100% ready to have kids.
    Still, I feel like I’m way less 100% ready to start having them…even though I want them! It’s weird…some days I’ll really want a baby, and other days I think “what was I thinking?! I don’t want one yet at all!” – though I’m sure most are like that, too :)

    And yes – that picture is PRECIOUS in the truest sense of the word, Tina!!

  2. Definitely read the title and thought to myself wait…this girl DEFINITELY already has babies!!!!

  3. I am a mom to two under the age of two. I know, that statement right there is scary! You are right you will never be fully ready, but if you don’t just bit the bullet you may miss your chance “waiting for the right time”. It changes your life forever, but in a great way.

  4. As weird as it sounds, my new little puppy is my first taste of parenthood, and it freaks me out to know that he is my responsibility. It makes me so nervous to have children!

  5. Morgan says:

    Like you and Pete, Solomon and I knew there would never be a right time, so we also went off birth control and let nature take it’s course (also the first month)! It was scary, but felt right, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
    My mantra is: “he came into my life and not the other way around.” We do our best to not revolve life around Aaron, but include him in it.

  6. Great post, love it! Not a mom but we’re trying…and I thought by this time we’d have a bigger nest egg, had traveled more, and live in a bigger house…but I realized I can’t wait for all that to happen and if I did I’d be 50 years old! ;) Once we got that gut feeling in the pit of our stomachs that it was time to start trying we knew it was and we’re so excited to get pregnant!

    One of the things I worry about is having that “me” or “us” time and wondering how the dynamic in our marriage will change…I know everything will change in a great way, but part of the unknown scares me too…

  7. I’m not a mom yet, but the husband and I are now both ready to see what God has in store for us. I just went off the pill and now we’re just letting it ride….

    I also believe there is no absolutely perfect time, but if you take things as they came and stay true to yourself and your relationship that things will work out as they should!

    On a side note, make the same sandwich, but use goat cheese- you’ll be a very happy girl!

  8. GirlonRaw says:

    Um hello, first of all, how cute is that photo of Mackenzie? Is it her? One regret I have is not getting one of our baby boy that young like that.

    Ok here’s my story. Quite crazy that I’m telling the blogosphere.

    My husband (then boyfriend) and I had been together almost 2 years. He was 35 I was 33. Then all of a sudden I find out I am pregnant.

    Wow this is great, kind of. Only that at the time I found out I was pregnant, we had been talking about a future together but nothing set in stone, but we had both agreed that we really liked the idea of an adventurous life ahead sans children. I had even been speaking to older work colleagues about how great their lives were chosen without children. I was excited.

    Then, surprise, yes we were pregnant. It was hard. We are both Australian, living in a Muslim country where it is ILLEGAL to be a single (non married woman) living in the country pregnant. I was unable to see a doctor (because a doctor would alert the authorities ie police) until my work granted me vacation at 12 weeks and I headed home for Australia. So as you could imagine this was tough. I was worried that if something went wrong I couldn’t even see a doctor.

    My partner and I hadn’t even thought about what we were going to do. There were only a few options and in the end we chose to get married, so I could remain by his side in Saudi Arabia as his wife, with his new son.

    It was a crazy time.

    We always knew we were going to be together forever, but he and I are both very indecisive people usually, so we feel like this was the universe/God another element taking control and making something beautiful happen when we were not going to be so in control. Know what I mean?

    • Tina says:

      I definitely know what you mean. And what an amazing story! Thanks so much for sharing it and I’m glad things seem to have turned out well. :)

  9. Anna Crouch says:

    It’s actually my deepest secrect that I desperately want children! Like if I found out I was pregnant tomorrow I’d be ecstatic! Although my hubby and I know it’s not quite time. I want to finish school first, we want to be a bit more financially stable (not perfect finances, just enough that were not living paycheck to paycheck!) but really, I’m so ready….. :) at least I mostly feel like it :)

  10. Erica says:

    Sandwich sounds amazingggg!! Pesto rocks!

    Amen to making time for your man and yourself. And there is no 100 percent ready

  11. Chelsea says:

    Sometimes I wonder if we are related…I guess we are in Christ though :) We hold so many common convictions, and although I am a little behind you in life, everything you believe are things my mom has taught me about marriage and children.

    You’re an inspiration!

  12. lindsay says:

    Fresh basil makes everything better. Nice touch! and thanks for this topic. We want to have kids in a couple years but feel so overwhelmed with money right now. I’m almost 30, so the pressure wades in too. But timing isn’t everything, and I’ll leave it up to GOD to work all that out. hopefully.

  13. Denise says:

    There is never a RIGHT time to start a family, I say if you want a baby just have a baby. On the flip side if you don’t want children that is okay too. I have been a mom and stepmom for more years than I like to admit but I will say that it still the best thing I have ever done and I wish I had more children.

    • Tina says:

      Definitely agree. After I published the post I realized I forgot to put something in there about it being okay to not want kids too.

  14. I constantly wonder when I’ll be ready for motherhood. I feel like I’ve always been ready and I”m just waiting for the Husband to get on board.

  15. Lauren says:

    You make such a great mom Tina! I never think I’m ready but as soon as I get around a baby, I suddenly want one BAD!

  16. Tina I find it somewhat comforting that you didn’t feel ready and that no one feels 100% ready. We’re in that time where one day I feel ready and the next day I don’t. I lean more towards not feeling ready most of the time. But who knows. I continue to pray about it and other than that there is not much more to do!

  17. My biggest wondering is whether or not I’ll be patient enough. I spend 6:45 – 3:45 everyday with two sweet little boys, but some days 3:45 can’t come soon enough.

    What about when they are my own children? Will I survive? What about the days when Jon is coaching and doesn’t get home until 9pm? Do I have enough patience to make it?

    These are the thoughts that hang out in my head.

    • Tina says:

      Patience is my biggest problem! I can get VERY frustrated easily on those long days and I always feel so bad. It’s not perfect over here by any means. But I will apologize if needed, pray a LOT, and on the whole remembering that they are kids eventually sinks in and increases patience.

      PS – I’m a WHOLE lot more patient with M and B than with any other kids.

  18. Shady says:

    Let me preface this by saying I missed the mom gene. I love my godkids and look forward to the day when I have nieces and nephews but I truly have no desire to be a mom. So my biggest question is ‘why’. What drives parents to want to be parents and why don’t I have that ‘natural’ desire?

    • Tina says:

      Hmmm….I can’t answer exactly why. I just “felt it” I guess in the same way you don’t have that feeling and desire to have them. Which I want to preface is NOT bad or even unnatural to me in the slightest. I guess from my faith viewpoint, we each have different callings and purposes in life. Some of those involve parenting and some don’t. I think each person needs to go with what feels right deep down. I just felt it deep down to have kids and that was reason enough for me to go for it. If I shared the same desire in my gut to be kid-free…then I would like to think I would have honored that as well. Like you are doing. :)

  19. teresa says:

    You really prove time and again that eating healthily can be intensely pleasurable!
    And I love the baby photo too. I love when they’re just new and still sort of “creature” like.
    I hope that doesn’t offend. I think it’s the most fantastic thing ever.
    I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a newborn show such personality in his little face.

  20. anneliesz says:

    Yum. That is one lovely looking hummus sandwich Tina. I’ve gotten a chance to watch friends become parents, but I haven’t felt “ready” to tackle parenthood myself. So, I definitely appreciate your thoughts on not waiting for the feeling. My husband and I have hearts that are open to having children when/if it happens as we are also open to adoption. Thanks for chiming in on this.

  21. There is something about pesto that kicks up a sandwich to whole new level!

    I love your comments about being ready for children. My hubby and I don’t have them. When we were younger we thought we would have kids someday, but now I don’t think so. We love our lives the way they are and we have the best neices and nephews on earth (I’m not biased or anything)! I definitely think having children is a discussion to have before you get married, but there is no rush. I think it is important to give time to be with your significant other first so that you can learn about each other, adapt to life as a couple and enjoy each other before adding a child into the equation. Just my humble opinion!

    Good for you guys to still make time for date nights and couple time – you deserve it and I’m sure it’s part of what keeps your relationship strong!

  22. I love your honesty Tina..I however, am in that (no mom) category..i just don’t think im cut out for it… Im good with being that amazing aunt – who took me to Europe…taught me the skills to marry an amazing woman, etc… ill settle for that!

  23. Wendy says:

    I agree with you 100%! I felt so unprepared to care for a baby, that I was in denial I was actually having one until I was admitted to the hospital at 4 cm dilated. :)

    While my husband and I had been married for 2+ years, we did not exactly plan our first baby. She was a result of a break from BCP to fix my wonky periods. 6 months of not trying/not really preventing later….you get the idea ;)

  24. Amy Lauren says:

    That sandwich looks delish.

    As far as being a parent goes, pregnancy and having children scares me to death. There’s a girl at work who’s pregnant right now (before pregnancy this girl and I were roughly the same size), and every week it gets scarier for me because of body image issues. I know it seems superficial for so many people, and people would say get over it, but obviously they haven’t struggled with ED/body image issues.

    So yeah, I obviously know I’m not ready to have kids… but, I don’t even know if I could at all right now.

    I love your honesty though. I’m glad things worked out for you and Peter (even if it happened so quickly). You definitely have a cute family, and I totally agree with you about your kids not making YOUR life. Sure, it’s gotta be hard to leave them to work out or do things for yourself, but that helps you be a better mom because otherwise, you’d go crazy from doing so much for them and nothing for yourself.

  25. I’m not a mom yet, but I couldn’t agree with you more on your view of becoming a parent in that children shouldn’t CONSUME your life, but ADD to it. My husband and I have had several conversations about how so many parents (often times mothers) will revolve their whole life around their kids… then when they’re kids move away, they’re lost and feel as though they have no purpose because their kids were their entire life for the past 18 years. Great insight and advice! Thanks!

    • This is so true and I see it with my boyfriend’s mom…he is 23, graduated from college and since he has a new job that requires a lot of traveling…his mom told him he should move back home!! What!? He’s an adult…let him go lol. This will definitely stick in my mind when I have kids!

  26. I love this post. I’m not yet married, but I can’t wait to be a mommy! It may be the clock a tickin but recently, every baby I see looks SO DANG CUTE. lol But there is a time for everything and for now I wait on the Lord!

    Thanks for posting and as a new reader I’m lovin your blog!! :-)

  27. Lisa says:

    If people waited til “the right time” (enough money saved, the right house, etc) civilization would die out!

    Michael and I aren’t married yet but we do want kids someday. I’m not ready yet but in a few years yes.

  28. We aren’t married yet but we want kids in our future together, after we’ve gotten married. I grew up with three siblings, and love babies and kids. I’m not ready to be a mommy yet, but am excited for the day that I become a mommy (just hopefully not for another few years!)

  29. Amy says:

    Not a mom and actually have no desire to have children. When I say this, I usually get a “look” but honestly, I would rather be true to myself and not have children but be a woman who has a child because “its what she thinks she has to do”…

    • Tina says:

      I replied in a comment above that I would hope if I had NOT had that gut feeling to have kids, then I would have honored it just as well and refrained. I think it is so important to honor what feels right for yourself.

  30. We’re trying now (well, not RIGHT now – that would be weird), and I just cannot wait to be a mom. I know that my hubby will be an amazing daddy! Our latest question: How long do people have their infant in their room with them? When is a “normal” time to move the kiddo into their crib? I’ve heard 1 to 2 months – my hubby has coworkers that say 9 months. That’s insane. Shorter = better.

    • Tina says:

      Well, neither of mine lasted in our room longer than a month. LOL

      They slept fine in their cribs. I had a monitor. And I needed SLEEP. People don’t tell you little babies make a ton of random noises that will keep you up all night. I always believe you will know what feels right for you and your family. The mom is the expert of her child.

  31. Great post and I completely agree with your parenting assessment. It’s the philosophy that my husband and I live by and I think it helps keep us grounded when everything else becomes a storm.

    I’m not a mom, but a stepmom. I will be having a baby in the next two years, but the lessons I’ve learned in being a stepmom will carry over with my own natural child. I’m committed to myself first, my husband second, and to my children third. I’m not willing to lose myself and my husband and I’s relationship has to be the foundation of our family. I’ll never apologize for that.

  32. Heidi Nicole says:

    Lately {as in the past few years…} I’ve been standing by the “ew, kids!” view on parenting. Not because I dislike children but because I am sick of people asking when we are having kids. I have a cat I sometimes want to abandon…I don’t think kids would be a great choice right now but no one really takes that as an answer.

    In reality it is more of a maybe someday kind of thing. We are both a little indifferent on the topic which to me means that for right now, no, we do not want kids!

    By the way, the last photo is so stinking adorable!

    • Tina says:

      I hate when people pressure others to have kids! I think it is perfectly acceptable to not have children. If the desire is there, go for it! If not, don’t push it. ;)

      And PS – I often want to abandon my dog since she just doesn’t love me. LOL

  33. Khushboo says:

    I’m not a mom but the idea of being fully responsible for someone else’s life kinda scares me. At the same time, I hope to be a young mom (or a yummy mummy ;) ) and I think birth is one of the most beautiful acts! I always thought I’d want a lot of kids but now I’ve realised that I’d rather have 2 and give them the best quality of life possible.

  34. As so many of my fav bloggers are currently pregnant or have very young kids (you, DailyGarnish, Fitnessista, RunnersTrials, NeverHomeMaker, MamaPea, etc.), I’ve been thinking about having kids a lot lately. Especially now that I’m married. And I’m already 31, and I don’t want to be an ‘old mom’. So it’s kind of ‘now or never’! But just like Caitlin, I’m a single child, have never been a baby sitter, and I know ZERO about babies! So the thought of having a little one on my own freaks me out! On the other hand, the thought of having no children at all breaks my heart.
    That’s my dilemma right now.

    • Tina says:

      Kids are scary. You never know what to expect with them. But if not having them breaks your heart…I think that’s your answer right there in my personal opinion. I spent years of my life babysitting…but nothing really prepares you. Someone told me “you are the expert on your child”. And it’s so true. You figure it out and somehow just know what is right for caring for your own baby. And pediatricians/friends/family are all more than happy to give some advice when needed. ;)

  35. Katie says:

    Tina, first off, you comment on my blog blessed me so much….Thank you for that! :) It made my day.

    Second, that sandwich looks heavenly! Ahhh! I love zucchini on almost anything savory! I’ll have to try that one!

    Third, Awesome post! As an L&D nurse I talk to people about this all the time, obviously! :) And I gotta say you are so right on, everyone says you dont really ever feel ready.

    But like you said you have to follow that gut feeling….If we have the Lord inside of us He is the one that says, “ok its time”, what better leading could you have than Him!?! :)

  36. It sounds like you have the foundation for a strong family. At this point in my life I know that I want children eventually but it still seems so far away (have to meet Mr. Right first!). In the meantime I just enjoy playing with my friends’ children :) .

  37. Jess says:

    I totally value your take on this – especially what you say about keeping your sense of self and your relationship front and center even with kids in the picture. Yes, they are very very important, but you can’t lose yourself or your relationship in the process. I hope to follow your lead if we one day have kids. Right now, even though we’ve been married 7years, I still don’t quite feel ready. Hopefully soon, but I’m not stressing it, trying to live in the moment and take each day as it’s own. )

  38. no little pumpkins running around yet…only 17 here! lol but I actually look forward to being able to raise my own kids and try to instill my beliefs in them ;)

  39. Emily says:

    Tina, I’ve always thought you’re a great example of balancing your family and still pursuing what you love, taking care of yourself and your marriage. I really hope I’m able to do the same one day! :)

  40. Lee says:

    I think about this all the time! I’ve only been married for a little over a year and am worried about losing the me and Jason time but at the same time, I’m already 33. I know that it’s fine to have kids when you’re older (and that 33 isn’t necessarily older) but I think that it is physically harder in some cases, especially if we want more than one.

    Also, kids and Jason’s job worries me. He works 3am-noon on wed through friday and then 2pm -11pm on weekends. The thought of him not being there for a good majority of the time worries me. But his job situation might never change, so I guess I shouldn’t put that into consideration.

  41. Elisabeth says:

    We’re pregnant with our first, and we both knew that we were ready to start having children as soon as we got married. It really is just a gut feeling that tells you that it’s time.

    I feel that you really have to be at a point in your relationship when you’re stable enough to know that a baby won’t “come between you”, but rather will pull you closer together. To me, building the foundation of our strong relationship was the first step in being ready for having children.

    I still sometimes worry about the challenges that we’ll face once the baby arrives, but I worry far less about that than I thought I would. I’m more just excited to add a new member to our family, and make it a little bit more complete.

  42. Stephanie says:

    I’m not a mom. I’m wishing and praying to be a mom. I was like you – got pregnant the first month off birth control, but I lost that baby at only 10ish weeks. And now, nearly a year after my miscarriage, I’m starting to consider the possibility of life without children. I haven’t given up hope, but I feel like I need to plan a rich life without children. If I just spend all my time planning for life as a mom, and that never happens, then I’ll have wasted this beautiful life of mine. I do agree with you that no one is ever “ready”. There’s never enough money, or enough knowledge, or enough time. But I do believe that when it happens, things will fall into place.

    • Tina says:

      I love how you say you won’t give up hope but that you also want to live life fully in the here and now. I’m sending you a big virtual hug, Stephanie!

  43. I was basically told if I didn’t have them young, I wouldn’t have them. I have various lady problems that make baby making difficult. It took over a year to get pregnant with each of my kids and they are more worth it than I could have possibly imagined. They just add so much to my life.

  44. Tina – I wanted to jump through my computer and give you a hug for this post! I am a mom of two, who had my kids AFTER the ripe old age of 31. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, but I was never sure if it was the right time so I waited. With a history of female-related medical issues, I was not sure I could even have kids so I was too scared to even try so I waited. It finally took my doctor saying to me “If you ever want to have kids, you have to start trying now or you might not be able to have them later in life.”

    Now I have two beautiful children (one conception was easy, the second required some fertility help) and I know that was the right time for me. I say wait 2-5 years after marriage or a major career change until you start thinking about having kids is a good equation. Just my opinion.

  45. I am in the same boat with Caitlin. I think the hubs and I are shooting for 2-3 years down the road, but I’ve got baby fever. On the other hand, they terrify me. I’ve never changed a diaper or fed a baby. The last time I held one was back in middle school for about 2 minutes. I’m always scared I’m going to break them!

  46. I just don’t know. I’ve been pretty open that Robby wasn’t exactly planned, but this article was us to a T, referring to “maybe baby”s!

    We got married, and as we were about to turn 30, I went off birth control, and just kind of let things go. We weren’t trying, but weren’t NOT trying, but didn’t really expect things to happen quickly… Like you, it was 1 month.

    I love my son, don’t get me wrong, and like you, I don’t think anyone is 100% ready, but I definitely wish that we had been “trying”. It took awhile to get used to the idea that I was actually PREGNANT. And everyone around you is so happy, and congratulating you, and you’re just trying to wrap your mind around it! So…I would say, make the decision. Don’t just go with the “maybe baby” mentality of whatever happens happens. Because then you’re more likely to not be mentally prepared.

    Phew. Anyway. The sandwich looked awesome!

  47. Great topic girl! First the amazing sammy and then this amazing topic on little ones :)

    I was JUST thinking about this in the bath last night because some friends of mine are having kids…I thought “how do you know? Will I ever be ready? I love my freedom!” but I am 30 and well….no one want’s to be an old mom…..decisions decisions!! Your little ones are the cutest!!


  48. Jen says:

    I love this. You are my mama inspiration :)

    When I went off the pill, we were just going to see what happened. I don’t remember if I fully felt ready or not. Then learning I’d have a hard time getting pregnant made me feel incredibly ready. I hated the idea that something else besides my husband and I’s choice stood in the way between us and our babies. Now at close to 28 weeks pregnant, I am SO ready. I can’t wait for him to get here!

  49. Thank you so much for posting this! Being less than 4 weeks away from having my first child, I have been going through a lot of anxiety about if we are really ready for this. We waited 2 years longer than we had originally planned after getting married before we decided it was the right time for us (we’ve been married 4 years). We are still not entirely financially stable, but we know we can get by. I am still so nervous + just hopeful that everything will fall into place.

    I love your emphasis on marriage being the foundation. As much as I love my daughter already, I know that this family isn’t going to work if my husband + I do not work at our relationship. We have already talked about having “me” time, “us” time, and “baby” time, so that makes me feel a little more confident. I will be sending this post to him to read though! Thanks Tina!

  50. Brooke says:

    I’m 31 with no desire to be a mom. Sometimes, when surrounded by mommy-types, I wonder if something is broken inside of me. I use to hear “just wait!” but now that i’m in my 30s people just assume I want one and it’ll be any day now.

    only I think I have a great life and can’t imagine messing it up with a kid.

    • Tina says:

      I definitely think each person is different and shouldn’t have kids because of societal pressures. So I say GO YOU for doing what you feel is right for your life.

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