oh no, she didn’t!

Posted: September 23, 2010 at 8:00 pm

Happy Thursday evening! Can you taste Friday yet? I’m glad you all found humor in my dark side of pregnancy post from earlier today. As much as I joke, I do love being pregnant. Even when things don’t go as smoothly as planned. In fact, my 6 month check-up this afternoon kind of let me down.

Most of you know that I have no desire to know my weight gain during this pregnancy. I don’t mind the number on the scale, but simply do not care to know it. Too many people emphasize it as the “be all end all” to determine the health of a pregnancy. I do not agree with this thinking. I believe that each body will gain exactly what it needs to in order to support a baby if you eat a mostly nutritious diet, eat when hungry, and stay moderately active. That is how I approach my pregnancies and I never doubted it.

Today’s appointment affected my will though. Despite numerous times asking not to know my weight, the midwife blurted it out. The nurse didn’t say anything because of my request, but since I forgot to specifically tell the midwife she “brought up her concern for the jump in gain this past month”. Apparently, I have gained 9 pounds over the past 4 weeks. My initial thought was OUCH! I felt guilty and kind of mumbled “okay, I’ll pay closer attention and be careful” in shame to my midwife.

Later, after reflecting on this, I got a bit angry. For one, everything else checked out perfectly fine health wise. Two, my total gain (which of course she told me) is only 13 pounds at 6 months along. The average woman should gain 25-35 pounds during pregnancy. Only about 7-10 pounds of that gain is in the form of fat. The rest is fluids, blood, baby, placenta, enlarged breasts/uterus, etc. Lastly, I know my body!

I know with M I gained 1/3 of my total weight gain in month 5, which is the month I just got through. My weight gain slowed down and I trust it to do the same this time around. I know I have not put on an excessive amount of fat this month because I feel the gain in my breasts and belly. I popped big time this past month. Everyone who sees me has noticed it.

I also know that I do not sit around and gorge myself. I admit to eating more…because I have truly been hungry. Even though I don’t show all my meals on this blog, joke about eating loads of candy corn, and share my out to eat ventures, on the whole I know I eat well. I have some sort of oats mix for breakfast, leftovers or a sandwich with fruit for lunch, a bowl of cereal for a snack, and mostly healthy dinners that include lots of veggies and whole grains. Yes, I have a small sweet treat every day and an extra more indulgent meal or two on the weekend, but its not enough to load an extra 5+ lbs of unhealthy weight on me. Check out the pics below – on the left me at 6 months with M…on the right me at 6 months with B.

24 wk side IMGP7107

I still work out 4-5 days most weeks, guzzle water, and pay close attention to my body as well. I take care of myself! And to be told I’m not doing that and need to watch it bothers me. I will certainly pay close attention to my choices after that visit, but I refuse to not eat when hungry or deny myself anything deemed unhealthy for fear of it making me fat during pregnancy. If for some reason, the extra weight gain continues I will take a closer look. But I know my body. And I know it appreciates how I treat it. I’ve learned the hard way that the most important thing is to trust yourself. I’ve been through a lot learning just how to do that. No one will make me question that. No one.

  • Have you ever had to trust your body over what a doctor says?
  • What things really irk you? Obviously, I get frustrated when people don’t honor my requests or question my habits.

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46 Comments to “oh no, she didn’t!”
  1. Girl, you look fantastic! ‘nuf said ;-)

  2. Tina, you are so damn fabulous. Don’t think for a second that you need to change the way you’re eating, living, and feeling during your pregnancy. The only reason your midwife and doctor would ever show concern for weight gain is because they’re fearful that some women take pregnancy as the only time they allow themselves to eat whatever they want, thus it becomes a nine month binge. You are such a smart, intuitive, and aware person. You know that you’re just being the best you can be, and that should absolutely include cookies and cake and tacos and candy corn. This is life. We will only have regrets if we try to stay on the meticulously healthy side of the line all the time. Believe that you’re doing well- body mind and spirit.

  3. Forget the midwife; you look fantastic!!

    And I totally agree with you that if you listento your body, eat healthy food and stay active, you’re fine!

    Boo, I hope she didn’t get you down too much. Momma knows best!

  4. hannah says:

    hi tina,

    i have never commented on your blog before (although i am a fan!) but i thought it was important that i do on this post.

    I just wanted to say that you have exactly the right attitude about the bodys changes during pregnancy and that you look absolutely fab – healthy, happy and glowing!!

    Plus i also wish someone would give that midwife a slap!!!!!:)
    hannah

    • Tina says:

      Thanks so much for commenting!! :) I really appreciate this comment because I try so hard to keep a positive and appropriate attitude for everything in life. And especially the care of my body. Thanks!

      • hannah says:

        your more than welcome!! When i was pregnant with my daughter i was exactly the same about not wanting to know my weight (for exactly the same reasons as you) so your post i really understood.

        Like i said slap the nurse!!haha

  5. Cynthia says:

    I’ve never been pregnant, but I really hope that I look as good as you and I hope that I can trust my body the way that you have. I think the one thing that I am scared of is that the increased appetite will cause me to want to binge on unhealthy things or that the pregnancy will make me rationalize why I shouldn’t exercise. I think you are doing awesome and you should keep up the great work. You know your body and you definitely shouldn’t deprive yourself.

  6. Tina, you look great. You know how to take care of you, so don’t let the numbers get to you. You are nourishing your body and your baby. Pregnancy is not a “one size fits all” kind of thing. Keep your chin up!

    • Tina says:

      At first I was a little bummed because I am getting bigger than with M. But M was too small! They got onto me that pregnancy for gaining too little. LOL I guess they like to feel like they are really guiding us patients. ;)

      Don’t worry. This will not affect how I do things. :D

  7. That is really rough, Tina– I’m sorry your midwife went about it in such an insensitive way :( I am a big believer in listening to your body. You have the advantage of having gone through one pregnancy already, and I think that you know best. Exercise, water and good eats– I’d say you got it goin’ on in the healthiest way!
    More importantly, I think you look great :)

  8. Morgan Burtt-Henderson says:

    Hey T! You look great! One healthy mama! FYI, you are inspirational for all us mother wanna-be’s out there! :-)

    • Tina says:

      Hey Morgan!!! :)

      Thanks for saying hello and for your sweetness. How are things? I hope great! I sure do miss a few of you from the O2 crowd. :)

  9. Tina you know your body and I think you have been doing so wonderfully! To be honest I have been scared of what will happen to be when I am pregnant. I’m scared of gaining weight or being really uncomfortable, but then I read your blog of HEAB’s and I see that you can have a healthy pregnancy and gain the “normal” amount of weight. So many women I know gained much more that the doctor’s recommended amount and they have struggled to get the weight off. I know I sound selfish for not wanting to gain a lot of weight, but its the truth. So thank you for being a postive healthy pregnany role model!

    • Tina says:

      I felt the same way at the beginning of the first pregnancy. But then you care so much about the baby you just continue to care for yourself, including not stressing over it.

      And with time and dedication…it DOES come off. ;)

  10. Wow that is ridiculous that your midwife made a big deal out of your gain, especially since you have only gained 13lbs so far. Look at the overall lady and not just one month. Everyone is different and gain different. Some Dr.s irk me.

    That being said I am glad the midwife that I see most in my practice knows in detail about my past ED. I asked at my last appointment if my weight was ok. She said it is the first thing that she looks at with me at each appointment and that I am doing fine and she will only bring it up if it is a serious problem becuase she just wants me to be healthy and not be conserned about weight unless I absolutely need to. I am so happy she has this attitude.

    You look awesome. It is so neat to see someone who is almost exactly where I am in my pregnancy.

    Keep listening to your body. I look up to you so much in making sure I do the same during this time and even keep doing it after when baby is here.

  11. Melissa says:

    Oh Tina. I don’t know where to start on this. First, I love your attitude about your weight gain and your body during pregnancy. So many women take advantage of the fact that they’re pregnant, and they use it as an excuse to eat whatever they want, whenever they want. The term “eating for two” is taken way too literally, and women eat enough calories to keep two full grown adults alive. This is why so many women whine after they give birth and have a 70+ pound gain to lose. My sister threw a fit when my other sister’s OB commented to her that her already 50-pound gain (in 6 months) was unhealthy. It was the truth, though. Even my 45-pound gain with both girls is considered “unhealthy”. I’ve done everything I can to lose the weight both times. Luckily, I’ve been successful.

    Your 13-pound gain is something to be extremely proud of. Your mentality is incredible, momma, and I love that even with the “watch it” comment, you stuck to your guns. You are the only one that knows what’s best for you. Sure, doctors, midwives, or any medical professional can provide for you any information you might need, but think about it…they have charts out there setting the bar for what’s considered obese, overweight, normal, and underweight. When have we ever seen those charts to be perfectly accurate? My second baby girl measured “too large” for most of the pregnancy, even after appearing later than normal on the ultrasound. You’d think she’d be “too small”, right? She ended up 9 pounds at birth…but she was a whopping 22″!!! And I was all belly. My oldest was nearly 8 pounds, but only 19″ long. Big difference!

    Every woman is different. Every woman gains or loses at different paces and in different places. Your mentality is going to keep you sane. It’s going to keep you from being focused on something unhealthy rather than your body and the baby. What’s more important? A number or your overall health (which includes your mental health)? You’re rocking a beautiful mindset, Tina…and I hope I can be as strong as you when planning for baby #3 comes for me!

    • Tina says:

      I love that last bit on focusing on something unhealthy like a number or the overall health of myself and baby B. THAT is what matters. :D Thanks for your thoughts, Melissa. You’re awesome! And you rock at doing what it takes to care for yourself too. :)

  12. Melissa says:

    PS: I love your beautiful little belly and the little miracle it’s keeping warm! <3

  13. You look so so so fantastic, girl! Healthy mom, healthy baby! YAY:)

  14. 7-10 lbs of fat will be nothing for you to lose later on… I hope those stats are right, because that eases my mind for when my time comes!

    So relax for now… nobody is judging you… your job is to stay healthy for the both of you!

    • Tina says:

      It’s true. And you lose most of the weight you gain in the first few weeks. I was actually below my pre-pregnancy weight within 2 weeks of delivery with M. My body sure looked different and it took about 9 months to get it back to the shape I’m used to then. But it is possible…and so true there’s not too much fat gain if you keep things healthy and active during the pregnancy.

  15. ugh, i hate when the nurse just announces weight. i mean, i suppose it is probably my job to tell her that i don’t care to know beforehand, but still. i know that i’m eating well, exercising, and feel great about myself!

  16. Kirsten @ Cooking in Japan says:

    I just had a baby on Sunday and took almost the same approach as you. I did hear my weight at each appointment but paid no attention to it. After years of learning to listen to my body’s needs I just kept on with my healthy lifestyle. I, like you, also had a big jump in weight (actually two) and got a bit stressed until I thought about it and remembered that I was honoring my body with my lifestyle. Here in Japan they (most doctors – not actual medical science) recommend you gain 8-10kgs which is rediculous. I was lucky that my doctor didn’t seem to hold me to this standard as his ‘advice’ would have fallen on deaf ears. Imagine the stress of a 5’7″ woman trying to gain only 17 pounds in nine months and have a healthy baby?!?!

    Keep doing what you know is right.

  17. Love the belly pictures! Also, I love the short hair on you!

  18. Camille says:

    I was going to ask you, do you know the gender of the new kiddo yet!?

  19. Melodie says:

    Oh wow… I hate that she said that to you! I had a doctor tell me with my second child that if I kept gaining weight like I was he would have to buy a new table for me to sit on because I would break his :/ I left in tears and changed doctors immediately. I was devastated!! You look so healthy and glowing in both of those pics! I don’t think you have ANYTHING to be concerned about!

  20. Maryea @ Happy Healthy Mama says:

    Yes, I have totally had to trust my body over what a doctor says! It’s frustrating.

    I love your attitude about weight gain during pregnancy. You look fantastic!

  21. How absolutely inappropriate of the midwife! You sound like you’re completely on top of things.

  22. This exact thing just happened to one of my best friends. She looks fantastic, is healthy, and isn’t overdoing it. But she was shamed about how much weight she had gained.

    It’s so UNFAIR that you had to experience that. As women, I would like to think that this is a time where we can allow our bodies to guide us, and if we are being sensible, we shouldn’t have to even consider what the scale says.

    I think you look great, and happy! And I’m sure little B is happy too!

  23. Kristy says:

    You are so special! I adore how straight you try to keep your head on!

  24. Okay, how strange is it that it was also a midwife who blurted out I gained 9 lbs in 4 weeks during one of my visits……..
    You know I feel you on this one! I 100% agree with your philosophy of eating when you’re hungry, listening to your body, and staying moderately active. It’s really helped me :-)

  25. You are looking great. Thanks for the breakdown on weight. I had no clue what each weighed so it is nice to see what it consist of.

    Have a great day!

  26. You look beautiful!! I know that the docs and midwives have to give reminders to people because I’m sure there are a lot of women out there that eat anything they want. But you’ve been throught his before and you eat very well. I agree that you should trust yourself. I was sick for a looong time last February and the doc I saw thought it was nothing, when I was almost sure if was a sinus infection. He grudgingly gave me antibiotics and not a few hours after I took them, it started getting better. I’m not an antibiotic person, but I avoided it for so long and nothing helped and part of me just knew that it was a sinus infection. I’m glad I held my ground.

  27. Emily says:

    I’m so glad that you have a good outlook regarding the ridiculous comments from the midwife. I think that pregnancy, in general, is such an amazing thing and it should not be made into something about numbers on a scale when a mother clearly cares about her own health and the health of her baby first and foremost. You are doing a great job. :)

    I had kind of a similar experience with a quack trainer that came to work one day to give us body fat percentages. She told me that I was overweight and needed to cut down on the amount of carbohydrates that I eat. She even asked if I work out. Instead of telling her that I work out 5-6 days a week and eat healthfully, I got really down about myself. That was, until I heard from some of the healthiest friends I know that she had told them the same. It was really bothersome to me how my first instinct was shame and not to stick up for myself. I’ve learned from that experience to be more assertive about my habits. :)

  28. Glad you realized that you are doing whats right for you and not listening to someone who has no idea about you, your lifestyle, or your body.

  29. Steph says:

    Thanks for posting that chart – I know zip about those sorts of things (maybe someday :) ) But you look great!

    I think doctor’s have a tendency to over load their paitences with information or possiblities to avoid malpractice suits, so I try not to take their advice to heart until (if need be) I get a second opinion from another doctor. I’ve been on too many wild goose chases before because I thought something “might” be wrong with me.

    Something that irks me – watching people workout at the gym barefoot (besides the fact it’s an obvious health code violation).

    • Tina says:

      I don’t get that. Ew!!! Speaking of weird things in the gym – a chick was in my yoga class today in JEANS! How can that be comfortable???

  30. Gosh I hope I can look as good as you whenever I get pregnant! You look absolutely beautiful!

    I think it’s way more important to listen to your body & eat when you’re hungry, etc than worry about a friggin number on the scale at the OB office. Yes, too much weight gain can be bad for you & the little one. But you’re definitely FAR from any risky level if you ask me (then again I’m not a doctor…). Far too often I think doctors/nurses/midwives (and other people in general) pay too much attention to numbers and statistics and lose sight of the big picture. Don’t let this one midwife/visit get you down. You know more about your body than she does – and you’re obviously very conscientious about your health and the health of your baby.

    I say keep on doing what you’re doing and tell that midwife where she can stick it!

  31. Sarah says:

    You are very obviously taking care of yourself and are concerned with your health and your baby’s health first and foremost. Forget that midwife! Ugh…I am in my mid-20s and many of my friends are having first/second babies now and they all seem to be concerned with having a “cute” bump and not gaining a lot so they can be back to pre-pregnancy weight within weeks of delivery. It makes me so mad because they seem to forget the health of the baby they are “growing” should be first! You look beautiful and are absolutely glowing. Keep up the good work!

  32. Trust your body girl….you are healthy.
    Maybe they just over-react to the weight jump because so many of their patients are NOT healthy (I have heard gestational diabetes is on a major rise in the past decades) so they have to be on guard?

    You’re good girl. God is probably giving you that nudge in your heart that tells you to trust your bodyis just fine.

    ~Missy

    • Tina says:

      You’re right. They do have to be cautious and look out for their patients who maybe really aren’t taking care of themselves. I understood where she was coming from. And an unexplained, higher weight gain is a warning sign for gestational diabetes (take the standard test next month). I guess I was more frustrated with myself that I let myself question at all how I do things.

  33. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Badabababaa, Tina Reale and Tina Reale, Tina Reale. Tina Reale said: So, what did I need to vent on? http://bit.ly/dqiEIj [...]

  34. Mandy says:

    YOu look beautiful. And you know you are healthy :) xoxo

  35. [...] is why I try to put disclaimers or clarifying statements in posts relating to my pregnancy or when I shared what went into competing in fitness. This is why after I give birth, I will openly [...]

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