I’m Being a Dummy

Posted: December 3, 2010 at 12:08 pm

I managed to keep a smile on my face yesterday and get through the day okay despite minor annoyances. I did have something niggling at my insides though and today it has run me down.

You see, while going through photos from our Meet Us at the Manger event at the church I stumbled across this photo that Peter had taken.

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Besides the fact that he really only knows how to work the camera on Auto, this picture immediately sent me reeling with all sorts of negativity.

Is that what I look like right now? Do I really look THAT big? THAT tired? THAT plain? And that much unlike what I’m used to seeing? And I left the house that night thinking I actually looked decent for a change!!! How BAD do I look  other times?

I asked Peter about it and could see the hesitation. That’s all it took. He of course still assured me that I look great, that it’s not much longer, that I’m pregnant and naturally going to look/be bigger, that the photo is an unflattering shot, and that he loves me now more than ever. He said all the right things. I smiled and accepted them and pushed those initial feeling aside. Then, I visited my friend, who even after surgery still looks great. She shows me her incisions and where she is so sore on her stomach. A little pang of jealousy hits over her flat stomach and smaller size that I once resembled. I laughed at that and quickly told myself “I’m pregnant! She just had surgery! Why are you even thinking about that?”. Then, I pushed those initial pangs of jealousy aside too.

Apparently those thoughts and feelings continued to fester because they built up from me being able to laugh them off to me crying, big-lose-your-breath sobs crying, just now as I began to write this post. Writing it out provides solace because it helps me expunge it all from my head. I knew I had to write it, as hard as it would be to write…and post that picture. I already feel a bit lighter in spirit again. It also helps knowing I have to get over it to be strong for this gorgeous face…

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…so she can stop worrying about why her mommy is crying. I guess we all have these moments. Much love to you all for listening, despite the downer of a post on a Friday.

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75 Comments to “I’m Being a Dummy”
  1. Meg says:

    The last part of your post almost made ME cry! Everyone has pictures where they feel negative talk creeping in. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling in the last little stretch but give yourself a break, you’re pregnant! And you WILL get back in the shape you want. :)

    I really hope that you have a better day. Sending you a hug!

  2. Camille says:

    Okay, I am going to say this and please know that I am being 100% honest: You look beautiful. You look healthy and happy! Not to mention, you are carrying a baby! Any extra weight you see on you in all for little B to be born healthy and in to your loving family.

  3. Wha…..?! You look great! Towards the end of my pregnancy I’m sure I looked much worse. I know how easy it is to get down about how you look later on in the pregnancy since naturally we’re more hormonal, bigger than ever and physically uncomfortable.

    Cheer up Charlie:)

    • Tina says:

      I guess it goes to show we are our own worst critics, huh? I always thought you looked so stunning in your pregnancy photos. Even at 40 weeks. ;)

  4. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Health and Wellness and Tina Reale, Tina Reale. Tina Reale said: I’m Being a Dummy: I managed to keep a smile on my face yesterday and get through the day okay despite minor ann… http://bit.ly/ejnaB6 [...]

  5. Kelly says:

    Hang in there Tina. If makes you feel any better at all I seriously consider you to be my role model. You show everyone that while pregnancy is special it also tough. I admire everything you do and how important it is to you to put M and B first.

  6. I’m so sorry you’re battling these demons! You look beautiful, and even though there are some things you maybe would change and you don’t feel like yourself, you are doing one of the most amazing things a person can do in this world – giving life to your baby. I think Satan is trying to get to you by attacking you in a sensitive area…but he won’t win. I’m saying a prayer for you, and I hope you’re day gets brighter. That little girl of yours is beautiful!

  7. I’ve been a downer the past few days too, and blogging about my feelings has certainly helped. It’s okay to have these feelings sometimes, I think its just important to be aware of them and make sure you give yourself the respect you deserve. You are beautiful Tina, inside and out, but it’s okay to not always feel that way. I appreciate your honesty about this topic too. It always helps me to feel more normal.

  8. Katie says:

    Don’t ever worry about be a downer sometimes, it makes you real. I often cry when I journal or write posts (heck at other times too) and it is really the best thing to do, just let it out. Then it makes it easier to move on.

  9. Em says:

    Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish you were here right now so I could really give you one!! We ALLLLLLLL have these pictures that make us upset. But I know you in real life and I can say for a FACT that this picture is NOT how you really look in real life. As a friend I’m going to tell you that this picture is just a bad angle, I PROMISE!!!!!!! Not that you even look bad in this picture, but I’m telling you, it’s just not a realistic representation of what you truly look like. When you walked into Cheeky’s that day we had lunch I blurted out to you how pretty you looked right away because I meant it!!!!!!!! You are absolutely gorgeous – inside and out, pregnant or not.

  10. I only hope to look as good as you do when Im pregnant.

    That said, I know that feeling – and its so easy to get overwhelmed and feeling down on yourself. Its hard enough when you’re NOT pregnant. But you truthfully do look amazing, and even more importantly, you’re beautiful on the INSIDE too. Thats what really matters.

    And just look at little M – she looks like the happiest kid ever!

  11. Cynthia says:

    When my husband takes pictures of me, sometimes I feel horrible about myself even though I thought I looked good. I have to fight that negativity. You do look awesome!

  12. Mama Pea says:

    Pictures lie. You are smokin. I should send you some preggo pictures of myself. Yipes.

  13. Melodie says:

    I’m so sorry you felt this way! I have those moments too though, but they are no fun. I love how honest you are on your blog… it makes others of us know that what we feel is normal. I think you look beautiful!!!

  14. Lee says:

    I think you look great! But I know what you mean, sometimes a picture that I deem as unflattering can totally ruin my whole day.

  15. Hayley says:

    Oh Tina, all those hormones and the fatigue, exhaustion, and everything will play a toll on your self-image and emotions. I personally don’t see ANYTHING wrong at all with the way you look in this picture. In fact, every picture of you is adorable – I can see where M gets all her cuteness from! You’re a strong, beautiful woman about to have a strong, beautiful baby! I try and remind myself that females have babies because men can’t handle everything that goes along with it. I know we all have good days and bad, but know that you are loved for who you are – a beauty on the inside and out.

  16. Sarah says:

    Oh, Tina. You know what? I’ve heard “the camera doesn’t lie,” but that’s just not true. It does. You are beautiful. I’ve said that before, so you know I’m not just making it up. And that little girl you think is so lovely? She is your spitting image.
    We all have those moments, of course. Just know..when they come up..that those thoughts you’re having are not based on fact.
    You. are. GORGEOUS.

  17. [...] living.Powered by WP Greet Box WordPress PluginApparently I have hit a roller coaster of emotions. You all may remember how down on myself I felt on Friday. Then, Saturday I went through the day on a high – hopping from fabulous hospital tours to [...]

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