I’m Angry

Posted: December 6, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Apparently I have hit a roller coaster of emotions. You all may remember how down on myself I felt on Friday. Then, Saturday I went through the day on a high – hopping from fabulous hospital tours to Christmas parades to a surprise party. Yesterday morning I continued to have that natural smile, joy, and ease while at church. Then, the afternoon came. Things went downhill. The afternoon turned into evening and culminated in a downpour of tears. When Peter asked what bothered me, the following came out - “I’m angry!!!”

I’m angry that I am consistently in pain.

I’m angry that being upset and crying last night caused a contraction.

I’m angry that I can’t even stretch my legs out at night to help get comfortable without ending up with a charlie horse in my calf.

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I’m angry that I never feel rested because I can’t sleep at night.

I’m angry that I can no longer workout.

I’m angry that I feel I have no “me time” anymore because of it.

I’m angry that Peter has been so busy for weeks on end helping fix his friend’s car and work on his brother’s house that he’s never there to give me a break when I really need it. Sure, he’s there for the planned activities, but those don’t give me rest.

I’m angry we had planned a movie night with Eclipse and some down time and a Blizzard I was craving after not having one in 2 months, but it didn’t happen because of a problem with the car he is working on.

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I’m angry that I’m angry about that because I completely understand his need to help them out. After all, they have done a lot for us (especially his brother) in the past.

I’m angry that it adds guilt on top of my anger, exhaustion, frustration.

I’m angry that I wonder if I emotionally ate because after just tossing together two eggs and toast for dinner, I grabbed a serving of ice cream from the freezer, even though I knew it wouldn’t satisfy and wasn’t what I was craving.

I’m angry that I questioned my eating habits because it was literally one serving and not a big deal.

I’m angry that I don’t have much more time left with just Makenzie as my child, but I don’t have energy to play with her like I want to.

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I’m angry that I have more days where I have to struggle with my body image and feeling beautiful after that not being a problem I regularly faced over the past couple of years.

I’m angry that I have needed to vent more often here on the blog. It gets old, I know. I don’t like reading blogs that bemoan things all the time and certainly don’t want to become one myself.

I’m angry that I still have to meal plan for the week and head to the grocery store today, when I really just want to stay in bed.

I’m angry that I thought I slept in until 9:30 and forced myself out of bed because of needing to get things done. Plus, Peter had called in sick to finish the car but watched M for me to get extra rest and I didn’t want to keep him too long. Apparently, our alarm clock time got messed up and it was actually only 8:30. I could have stayed in bed a bit longer like I wanted to.

I’m angry because today I don’t even really feel that angry. I just feel empty and that scares me more. Perhaps I’m too tired to feel angry for more than 12 hours? But enough about being angry…life awaits.

Question of the day – do you ever feel angry for feeling angry? What types of things make you angry?

Don't forget to bid on my peppermint mocha fudge over at Tina from Carrots N Cake's bake sale!!! Pretty please!

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70 Comments to “I’m Angry”
  1. Ela says:

    Gosh yes, I get angry for being angry! Especially when I get furious about something, usually a disagreement with my husband, with my blood sugar involved in my reactions, and feeling uncontrollably angry and knowing that it’s ‘the small stuff’ and isn’t going to matter within a few hours from now!

    I hope that that doesn’t count as ‘emptiness.’ It’s ok to feel needy sometimes. Can you get help from some other folks besides just Peter? Sounds like you need some good girltime there.
    love
    Ela

  2. Jennifer Rahn says:

    I’m on the same darn rollercoaster, and I want OFF!

    Hubby and I had a huge fight last night when I broke down in tears after he asked if I’d “dumped oil” on his serving of roasted potatoes. Oh, the agony of an eight-month pregnant woman who spends her days planning and budgeting innovative and healthy meals, grocery shopping with an energetic toddler, slaving away in the kitchen, and who’s met with a toddler who spits the food out and a husband who seemingly constantly (every night this past week at least!) criticizes said meals – I’ll tell ya, that’s one angry and oppressed Momma! :)

    It seems insignificant now, but I was fuming last night.

    Today was a good day. Tomorrow will probably be awful.

    Let’s meet our boys, Tina.

  3. Melodie says:

    Awe… I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but it is so normal. And I love that you share this stuff because I can relate so much to it, and I sure so many other women can also. When baby B arrives it will be a new adventure… and you will find that time for M. I know I struggled with that when My youngest was born. But while he napped, Chase and I would do special things. We still had our reading time at night. My love grew and I loved it! Soon you will be able to work out again and you will be taking both kiddos to the gym with you :)

    Hang in there! Praying for you and your family :)

  4. Yes, so many times I get upset for being angry over things I shouldn’t really even be angry about! It can definitely have that snowball effect you seemed to experience. So sorry to hear this :( Just remember that your uncomfortableness and pain will soon be gone, it will all be worth it, and you won’t even think about it when you’re holding your baby boy in your arms!

    Feel better!

  5. Courtney F says:

    I felt like this the last few weeks of my pregnancy. I was angry, tired, miserable, and ready. It is all of the emotions and I wish I could say just relax, but from someone who has been there, that is near impossible!!
    I’m praying for you!!!

  6. Lindsey says:

    I definitely can feel frustrated at myself when I am feeling angry and agitated at everything! I have to try and look at the ‘big picture’ of things and it usually snaps me out of it…unless I am hormonal of course, that’s another story ;)

  7. Aw, Tina! We all get frustrated and angry from time to time (I had one of those days yesterday, but mine was more sad and frustrated than angry … sounds like that might be your case too!) Just think about the end result–having a baby! I’d love to have a baby but it’s just not the right time now. So I will be rooting you on! There’s not much more time left. Think of the excitement! PLUS the hospital photos you showed the other day–wowee! That is one nice hospital! Looks comforting. I’m not pregnant and I want to go hang out there for awhile :-) Just rest, fill your stomach with Sugar Cookie Tea, smile, eat a reindeer cookie from Pillsbury (they make me smile because they have a reindeer on them) and hug and squeeze little M! She’s cute!

  8. Absolutely! You are not alone. Sometimes I am angry for seemingly no reason, snap at my husband, which in turn makes me more angry since he often doesn’t deserve it! It’s a vicious cycle. How do I cope? Not sure… :)

  9. Kristi says:

    Awww… I’m so sorry that you were so angry, but I’m so glad that you have the blog world to vent to and people to listen :)

  10. Holly says:

    Tina, I am SO, so sorry you feel so badly. I have to say, this makes me scared to get pregnant! lol but I know I would have ALL of the same issues as you. Mainly, I’m scared of that “I’m not in control of my body” thing. But, and I know you know this and are tired to death of hearing it, you are alllllmost there! It will be so worth of the misery and discomfort. Once you hold that Baby B in your arms, everything these past 9 months will melt away. I’m praying for you, Tina!

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