The Friend Break-Up

Posted: March 22, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I started the day off in a bit of a funk, but things quickly began looking up. Little by little, the different enjoyable parts of my day brightened my mood. Love when that happens!

I started the day with a full body weights workout


Deadlift Legs 3x15
Dumbbell 1 Arm Row Back 3x10
Wall Squat Legs 3x 45-60 sec
Cable Crossovers Chest 3x12
Front Dumbbell Raise Shoulders 3x10
Dumbbell Concentration Curl Biceps 3x15

Splitting up my weights and runs (so I can run outdoors) really works well for me during the week. I was able to finish the above workout quickly, then come home for a tasty egg breakfast.

eggbfast1 eggbfast2

Two dippy eggs – 1 atop a slice of toast spread with a Blue Cheese Laughing Cow wedge and 1 atop a slice of toast slathered with TJs Cranberry Apple Butter. Along with the obligatory Pink Lady apple. Can you tell I got hungry before picture time?

After filling my belly, I had plenty of time to play with the kids and take them on a slow, leisurely 15 minute walk around the neighborhood. Then, I kept things fairly low-key the remainder of the day. I enjoyed an easy, tasty meal of leftovers for lunch.

polentaenchiladalunch

A polenta enchilada bake that included cornmeal, pinto beans, olives, corn, salsa, and cilantro. With the tastiest mango I’ve had outside of the Dominican on the side.

Things really started turning around during the naptime I got out of the kids. I managed to relax with my first iced coffee of the season while Google chatting with Peter. I love iced coffee. It tastes better for some reason.

icedcoffee2

I love having weather that calls for iced coffee again. We reached 80 here today! That made for a hot run this afternoon.

4allskirt

A hot, sweaty, successful run. PDR of 4 miles!!! It must have been my cute, new 4all by jofit skirt. ;)

3 22 run

  • Mile 1 = 9:32
  • Mile 2 = 9:23
  • Mile 3 = 9:17
  • Mile 4 = 9:17
  • Average = 9:22

I honestly could have kept going, but want to play it safe with my mileage increases. I also had some things to sweat out again. Last night I reached a peak with a friend issue. I really debated writing about it here, but I have to.

I have a friend who only ever contacts me when she needs something. In fact, my mother’s diagnosis happened about a month ago. I immediately texted her (because she was at work) when I found out about my mom’s MS. Then, I called frequently in the week following. Not once did she return a text, call, email, or anything to show any sympathy or support with my mom. In a month. In fact, she called last night to be sure I could still make it to a party she is having this weekend. I told her I would be visiting my mom instead, to which she promptly started giving me defensive excuses on why she hasn’t contacted me about the news.

I have battled with feelings of this friendship not satisfying me for awhile. I feel like there is only give on my part and take on hers. Our conversations are always about either her life  or her body/weight. <--Not exaggerating. I haven’t looked forward to the times we see each other in a long time because it always leaves me with such a negative energy.

I want to “break-up” with this friend. I don’t feel anything badly about her. I simply no longer feel the need to remain in any sort of relationship that does not fulfill me. I debated whether or not to talk to her about it, but I know it would lead to her getting defensive and turning it into a fight. I would be there for her if needed, but I honestly am at a point where I want to minimize our interactions and move on. We already don’t talk or see each other often. I would always be there in a time of need, but I also know I can no longer put myself in a place of such hurt because of a supposed “friendship”. How’s that for some serious thought on a Tuesday night? Just what you were looking for, no? ;)

Questions of the Day:

  • Have you ever faced a similar situation with a friend? What did you do?
  • Which do you prefer – hot or iced coffee?

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145 Comments to “The Friend Break-Up”
  1. I had a very similar situation with a once very close friend. I was always there for her, I would drop everything to rescue her from the awful situations she got herself into, but not once was she there for me when I needed her. It got to the point where I just couldnt do it anymore. I didnt say anything to her about it, I just stopped calling her. I’ve gotten the occasional call or email from her since (always about how she needs to leave her jerk boyfriend) but I havent really responded. Theres only so much you can do for people you know?
    You dont need people in your life that bring nothing but negativity. I dont think its necessary to talk with her about it, especially if you know how shes going to react. Just cut off contact, and let her figure the rest out herself.

  2. friendships work both ways! I find that I’m always putting myself out for others. I’d give up and do anything for a friend without question, so I understand the pain you must feel. I’m recently going through a difficult time with someone I once considered a very close friend. She has been getting very upset claiming that she’s all alone and no one cares about her, while she has taken little to no effort to reach out to others (she basically alientated herself for her boyfriend and job)… And in actuality, I feel like I’m doing the best I can to be there for her considering the amount of distance apart.

    I think it’s important for you to put your feelings and needs first. Be selfish. You deserve it

    Have a great day,
    Rebecca
    http://fromheretothereinpurple.blogspot.com
    http://twitter.com/rlustig

  3. What a tough/tricky situation. I have had to deal with similar things several times and even a few times recently. I’ve gone both ways…sometimes confronting the situation by being completely honest (I think that’s more for when I want to save the friendship and try to make it better) and sometimes just walking away (when I know it’s not really worth it). It’s frustrating when you’re the one who is always reaching out to say hello and see how the other person is doing. I have been frustrated because with some of my friends I told them I was preggo and never really heard anything from them beyond a congrats 6 months ago. I got tired of reaching out and things kind of faded away. It’s sad, but I guess it’s all a part of life.

    I’m proud of you for recognizing an unhealthy situation. It sounds like you have some amazing friends and family that will always be there for you with all things, including supporting you during this tough time with your mom.

    Hang in there!

  4. Nicole says:

    Thanks for sharing! I’m having a similar issue with a friend and every time we get together I’m reminded that I don’t enjoy the time we spend together. In fact it makes me miserable and I feel like she belittles me; however, I’m horrible at breaking up whether with a girl or a boy.

  5. Sarah says:

    Oh, Tina.
    One, I want your lunch.
    and Two, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. I think you should try talking with her. There may be something she’s hiding that she’ll admit if you lovingly comfront her. If it doesn’t go well, you will end up in pretty much the same place you’ll be if you just cut ties with her.

  6. Jen says:

    I have so many things to comment on, I don’t know where to start!!! Oh, I wanted to ask you, I know you have done (and still do??) Beachbody workouts, have you done Turbo Fire yet? I’m going to be starting in July, pretty excited!!

    Love the picture with your drippy eggs, they look cooked perfectly! I’m so jealous of your weather, we are covered in ice/snow/mix of ice and snow from a storm that started yesterday and is FINALLY winding down! I have been hooked on hot tea (don’t like coffee), but tried an iced chai latte from starbuck’s last week and i’m 100% hooked to all things iced now!!! Just need it to be a bit warmer so I can enjoy them :)

    Cute running skirt!!!

    • Tina says:

      I haven’t tried Turbo Fire yet but do plan to add in those workouts eventually. I really want to try them!

      • Jen says:

        I’m currently in the middle of a round of Chalean Extreme and Turbo Jam, but I plan on starting Turbo Fire in July, they look awesome!

  7. Honestly, if this friend is bringing your energy down, then I don’t see anything wrong with ending it. It’s not easy, but sometimes we can’t be friends with everyone and in the end it helps us and keeps our energy positive, ya know?

    You are looking great by the way! So fit!

  8. Maybe she reads your blog and you won’t have to bother!

    All kidding aside, I would probably just let the relationship fizzle out. Friendships can do that without it really becoming awkward. I think actually saying something to the effect of “we shouldn’t be friends” could put some tension between you.

    • Tina says:

      Haha! Too bad she doesn’t even remember I have a blog 90% of the time and shows no interest in it despite it being something so important to me. ;)

      I think I agree with where you’re coming from. I want closure but I don’t want to put anything out there to fault her or make her feel poorly either.

  9. I have been there before. I had a verrry long time friend since 1st grade that I kind of had to break up with. She was the same way, she was so consumed with herself that when she would call me, it would be all about her and her life and would rarely ask me about my life. It got old really fast. And once I had kids, I just didn’t have time to sit on the phone and listen about her friends, boyfriends friend…it was obvious she really didn’t care to know what was going on with me, so I just let go..and I definitely morned the friendship because we had a lot of memories together but I would always be so upset and it wasn’t worth it anymore.

  10. Elisabeth says:

    Oh gosh…break up. I went through a very similar friendship, and it happened to be the person who I had the longest friendship with (since we were THREE)! I started to feel exhausted carrying the weight of the friendship completely for so long, and it became much more stress than fun.

    I started to realize something was horribly wrong when she called me out of the blue one day after not hearing from her for months, and asked me to stay at her house for a weekend so that I could dog sit for her. She was going on a girls trip to the beach–a trip that she had previously invited me on. FAIL!

    I even continued to be her friend after that, but the final straw for me was when she never bothered to call me and tell me she was pregnant, instead I found out on Facebook. She ended up going through her entire pregnancy and never contacting me–I saw everything happening on FB.

    Sometimes, people grow apart. I appreciate my true friendships, but it’s no secret that sometimes the reason that all friendships are not meant for a lifetime. I just think that my lost friendships make me appreciate the few that I have even more.

  11. Heather says:

    Interesting topic & it’s one that popped onto my blog a couple years back. You know that I used to “pal” around with several girls from a place we both used to frequent. Oddly enough, I no longer speak to any of them. I know they have had happiness in their lives (things actually occurring that they never wanted) & I wish them well BUT for me at the time, the negativity was not worth it. The rest of the group is all still friends & that’s great. It’s me, not them. I am still friends with one of them (actually still in touch) & to this day have never spoken poorly or even discussed what transpired. I am aware of things said about me after it all ended but in the end, I have to fill my life with people who fill me up.

    Sorry you are going through this & it sounds like you already know what you need to do.

    Big hugs & much love!

  12. I’m so sorry you have to even make this decision but I swear breaking up w/ friends is harder than breaking up w/ a guy. It’s obvious you’d be better off w/o her. Of course, I’m trying to break up w/ one and she’s not getting it. So not sure I should even give advice here. Maybe I’ll get some tips from you about breaking up! After awhile, it’s just tough to always be the person listening to all the negativity and it’s exhausting.

  13. I am so sorry you are going through that. That’s a tough situatation to be in. I had similiar experience a few years back, where a relantionship with a friend was more emotionally draining then any thing else. So I decide life is to short to be around people who don’t bring happiness to your life. So I ended our friendship. It was hard but needed.

  14. Whew! 80 degrees, I’m jealous.
    I definitely have had the same issue with friends, and I have found what is best for me is to just separate myself from the friend. It just hurt me too much to see the person not being a friend to me when I really needed her. Good luck!

  15. Molly says:

    I tweeted you about this, but I’m going through something similar. At the end of the day, she’s not even really letting you be a friend to her. You can’t go on putting out all the positive energy while she sucks it from you. You wouldn’t let a guy treat you this way, so why should a friend be able to? It’s a really tough decision to make, and if you’re anything like me, it leaves you feeling guilty, but I’m realizing that’s not fair. I won’t actually say anything to her to “break up,” but my attitude and expectations for her are completely changed. I feel what you’re going through. It’s tough.

  16. 1. I love dippy yolks.
    2. I have a similar situation with not one, but 4 friends. It’s sad. It sucks.

  17. I have had this ihappen. My feeling is i have no time for negative energy in my life so I wont allow it. When the negatives outweigh the positives it is time to cut ties.

  18. Lisa says:

    Do not waste your time with this person. She is bringing you down. She is NOT a friend. A friend is someone who will drop everything when your mom is diagnosed with MS to comfort you. A friend will ask YOU how you are feeling about your body.

    I’m sorry this is happening but it sounds like you are realizing what you need to do. Just write her an email explaining that you wish her well but no longer want to be involved in a relationship. Period. Block her email address if you think she’ll fire back negativity.

    I’ve had to deal with this quite a few times. It never gets easier.
    The first one is my cousin. We were best friends our entire lives. 20+ years. Then in our 20′s I started to realize that she just wasn’t a good friend anymore. She was shallow, self-absorbed and didn’t care about me. We just stopped hanging out (after a few blow ups). I made peace with it and moved on. She’s family–I see her a few times a year, but we aren’t friends anymore. It’s sad but I realized I needed to stop wasting my energy on someone negative and uncaring.

    The other situation happened when I lost my weight. My friend Sam and I were super close. We spent a lot of time together–we were both single, overweight women with a lot in common. She fully supported my weight loss and was encouraging. Then I reached over 100 pounds lost and she no longer wanted to be my friend. I had a new boyfriend, I was happy, I’d lost the weight and she didn’t want to be with me anymore. That one hurt a lot. It was never resolved either. :(

  19. Lindsay says:

    Friendship is tought and some people can be very self centered and mean. I actually had a “friend” decide that I was no longer good for her and that I needed more help with my eating disorder.(This “friend” also struggled with an eating disorder). My “friend” then emailed my mom saying that she could no longer be my friend and I could not have been anymore hurt.
    AND… in the end, it was this friend that needed the help. I have been maintaining my weight for two years and this friend could not stay healthy no matter what.
    I hope you are able to break up with this “friend” in a way that will not hurt her but also will allow you to step away from her life.

  20. sami says:

    friend breakups are tough. i’ve had to go through something similar with one of mind, but not because of the same reason. she just wasn’t good for my emotional health. she always caused me to be down on myself and i just felt like i was better off without her in my life. it took forever to get to the point where i felt strong enough to disconnect myself, but once i did, it was as if a weight had been lifted! hang in there, love <3

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