Posts Tagged ‘personal’

MS Relapse

My mom has had another multiple sclerosis relapse and is in the hospital.

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Talk about a damper to a day that started off on a high note – coming off from a crazy good weekend, having a productive morning, and feeling the love from my little ones.

Then, I get a call around 9:30 this morning. From my mom, all laid back and asking how I’m doing and about my weekend…but, oh by the way – “I’m in the hospital because I had trouble breathing and they don’t know why”. What the what now?!!?! But, that’s my mom. The quintessential selfless woman always worrying about others and glossing over her own struggles.

I love my mom. And not to sound hoakey or anything, but aside from Jesus she is the biggest inspiration in how I hope to live my life and the kind of person I want to be. Every time I hear she faces another relapse or has another scare related to the MS, a little piece of me crumbles. Yet she somehow remains so strong.

She was diagnosed this past February after having some weakness in her legs and trouble walking. Her regular medicine normally helps her feel fairly normal, but it seems every two months things become more difficult on her lower body again. The treatment for her relapses typically helps her to function as normal again within a few weeks. It carries standard side effects of additional fatigue, headaches, and nausea, but my mom just acts like my mom and sails through it all as serenely as possible.

This time was different.

After three days on the treatment for her relapse, she started noticing some trouble breathing. She was advised to stay home, rest, and monitor her breathing. It became worse and she ended up in the hospital last night around 9 pm. She had to be placed on an oxygen machine and has remained on it since last night. Every time they try to allow her to breathe on her own, her oxygen levels drop significantly.

The doctors are unsure whether this is a side effect or possible allergic reaction to the treatment or separate from treatment and caused by the MS. She has received numerous tests (an EKG, X-Ray on her chest, and CAT Scan on her lungs) to help determine the cause. The uncertainty and lack of answers bother me the most. Yet, there’s my mother. Full of peace…at least outwardly…and worrying about others.

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Obviously, I spent my afternoon visiting her without a second thought to the spin class I missed or the list of to-dos that would not get done. I baked her peach muffins (recipe tomorrow) instead of folding laundry. I shared Mama Pea with her instead of hoarding the laughs for myself. And the Glamour? Just in case the Mama Pea stories make my mom cry….that’s just how she is.

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It’s days like today that make me so grateful to have my faith.

It’s days like today that remind me that our relationships with others and with God are the only two things that truly matter in this life.

And it’s every day that I love my mom and pray for her body’s strength, her doctor’s guidance, and her heart’s peace. Would you mind doing the same for us today?

Thank you. And I know she says it too…thank you. Just before she asks you how you’re doing and what she can do to help you, of course. Oh, mom. I love you.

Posted by Tina on August 29th, 2011 113 Comments

get lost

FFF Featured Blogger (chosen from your comments): Eat Drink Breathe SweatJess is a fellow Kick lover (and certified!). She also loves to run. I always love her posts because they truly show heart.

So, it’s time for me to be real again. Although, when am I ever not on this blog? I sometimes think I’m physically incapable of fudging the truth in the slightest. A good thing, I suppose. Or bad, if you’re sick of hearing me talk about the ramblings from my head and the randomness of my life.

I had another moody day today. Score for it having been almost three weeks since my last one though! That may earn a new pregnancy-hormone-moody-day related record.  I just felt in a funk all day long. I’ve already harped on the many ways I don’t feel fully like myself during pregnancy – change of tastes, missing fitness goals, less energy, more pain to complain about, blah blah blah. Those all bothered me today along with just a sense of not caring. About anything. I had thoughts like why do I even bother to blog because it doesn’t mean anything? / do I really have to get up out of bed and care for a needy two year old today? / what good will trying to accomplish anything today have?

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Those thoughts bother me more than anything else in the world. If you’ve read my blog for awhile, you know that I battled some depression and suicidal thoughts back in college. Depression and anxiety run in my family, so I never feel that I have completely broken free from this struggle. Fortunately, though, I can recognize those thought processes and stop them before they get too deep.

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In the midst of today, I had an empowering moment. I had no desire to turn to food for comfort. My old coping mechanism always came in the form of a binge and stress/emotional eating. I still turn to other outlets to just get lost from my emotions for awhile, but they certainly aren’t near as detrimental. I now simply keep myself occupied. Today, I got in a workout, did laundry, washed dishes, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, read kiddy books, read blogs, and anything else to keep my mind off the bombs flying in my head. Then, once I calmed down, I took a deep breath and sat down to reflect on the thoughts.

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I honestly do not know what triggered today. I didn’t face a stressful situation. I didn’t feel run down or exhausted since I have done my fair share of sleep in the past 72 hours. I didn’t feel unloved or emotional about any one particular thing. I believe it was just one of those days. The moments where old demons try to find their way back into my heart and mind to discourage me and make me lose sight of the blessings and new life I have in my faith.

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It sucked, but at the same time, it rocked. I don’t have to fear myself anymore. I hold more than enough power to overcome these moments, thanks to the strength of God in me showing me hope and mercy. I can hold on tight and find my way through unscathed. I don’t need to doubt my life or my worth because I can look around me and witness the many ways I do have value – to myself and others. (Hence, all the apparently random pictures.) So instead of hating on life and wishing I could be anywhere but here, I can enjoy the fact that I’m already at a better place. A beautiful place.

  • What ways do you “get lost” when facing tough emotions? Or do you grab the bull by the horns so to speak?
  • Don’t forget to ASK ME ANYTHING for a Q + A series I hope to begin in November. :)

Posted by Tina on October 19th, 2010 49 Comments

 

 
Catch Up With Recent Posts

Announcement Time

Posted: November 23, 2011 at 7:47 am

Well, I have had a whirlwind of a few weeks over here. I missed all of you so much! I can’t express enough gratitude for your patience while I got some important things sorted out. Some scary things. Are you ready for the announcement? Here goes! I will no longer be blogging at Faith Fitness [...]

88 CommentsRead more →

Self-Love Reflection: The Road Not Taken

Posted: November 20, 2011 at 11:47 am

Hello FFF readers! Nice to meet ya! My name is Carissa and my husband and I blog at Fit2Flex.  Well, I blog…he consults! We are both certified personal trainers with a passion for healthy, active living and clean eating.  I am also studying to become a registered dietitian, a race announcer, and a runner.  Stop [...]

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Healthier Eating For Kids

Posted: November 19, 2011 at 10:56 am

Thanks to Plum Organics for sponsoring my post about tips for baby feeding magic. What if you let baby choose what’s for dinner? Check out their cute "Quest for Yum!" video and see what happens! As parents, we want the best for our children. We help them to feel loved. We strive to teach them [...]

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Announcement

Posted: November 17, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Hey, everyone! I wanted to pop in and say I am working on some new and exciting changes.  As a result,I may not be posting as much during the coming week.  Please stay tuned for the big announcement! Love you all! And still feel free to find me on Twitter and Facebook for the time [...]

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Where The Change Happens

Posted: November 16, 2011 at 7:54 am

It’s kind of funny. I become a certified personal trainer and the first workouts I turn to this week come from someone else. The book came in for me at the library last week and, after flipping through it, I couldn’t wait to give the circuits a go. Making The Cut includes a lot of [...]

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From Beginning To End

Posted: November 15, 2011 at 11:53 am

Good morning! First off, thanks for the many congrats yesterday. Love you all bunches for the tons of support you have given me in so many things this year. I hope I can return a little bit of that love through this here blog as well. So yesterday I had my first parent-teacher “conference” for [...]

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