“yay” and Q + A two

Posted: November 2, 2010 at 11:03 am

Morning! Looks like I will be doing some planning to set up a Blogger Holiday Gift Exchange. Quite a few of you sound interested and I certainly do think it will be fun! Look for a post with full details and the official sign-up in the next couple of weeks once I figure out logistics.

You know how I said I can’t get into Christmas holiday things until after Thanksgiving? Well, I lied. Last night I broke into this

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I have a few holiday teas leftover from last year (sugar cookie, gingerbread, and peppermint) and they all sounded so good when I peeked in the cupboard last night. What can I say? I craved a cup of relaxation. And I promise that craving for a cup of relaxation had nothing to do with this…

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Peter had a surprise for me after I got home from tutoring last night. He picked up a haul of things from my sister-in-law for baby B. She has two boys and lots of clothing, blankets, and other baby goods she no longer needs. I am incredibly thankful to have these things to use. Baby stuff is expensive! Now, just to find the time to sort through and organize it all. “Yay” for still having 2.5 months. “Yay” is in quotations for a reason.

I guess I can truly say yay to the fact that we’ve done this before and know a bit of what to expect. And I just realized – this fits perfectly with another question for the Q + A series. I didn’t plan on doing one this morning, but when it fits so perfectly, I have to.

Teri asked: What’s one thing you wish someone told you before having kids?

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I actually have two answers. One, I fortunately was told and it was the best heads up I have ever received. The other is the one thing I always tell friends who are expecting their first child.

One: The first six weeks SUCK! Yep. That’s good advice. It applies to everything. For some reason, that six week mark hits and things suddenly feel so much easier. I didn’t feel as tired. The baby picks up a bit more of a routine. A switch literally gets flipped in breastfeeding from painful and confusing to easy and natural. You finally feel more control over emotions as hormones level off even more. Basically, it felt like night and day. Thank goodness someone warned me about it. I had numerous moments I wanted to quit breastfeeding, scream and question “why did I DO this???”, and bang my head against a wall because I knew it wouldn’t be hitting a pillow. Being assured of a light at the end of the six week tunnel helped me tremendously.

Two: You won’t always LOVE your baby with that intense, heartbreaking motherly love you hear about right from the first moment.

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Nobody told me this. And I felt like the worst mother in the world for a solid week. Sure, I loved Makenzie. I cared for her and wanted the best for her, but my heart didn’t ache for her from the get go. That guilt almost swallowed me whole. Then, I learned after talking with other moms and my midwife, that it was normal. Many moms take a few days to a few weeks to feel that special bond. I can remember the exact moment I felt that deep motherly connection for the first time and it hasn’t left since. If I had any say in the matter, no mom would go through that guilt of believing she couldn’t love her baby because nobody told her its not always instantaneous.

Well, there you have it. Another Q + A. If you have anything you want to ask or have me share about during this November series, please ASK ME ANYTHING!

  • What is your favorite holiday tea flavor? I don’t know if I can decide!
  • What is the best piece of advice you ever received for a big event? From things like baby/marriage to running a marathon or heading to college…

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62 Comments to ““yay” and Q + A two”
  1. Awww….such great answers!!! And definitely wise ones.

  2. So glad to see your real baby advice. That killed me with pregnancy. So many people talk about the “glow” and “loving” being pregnant…blah, blah, blah. Sure you hear vague talk about morning sickness, but that’s about it. I HATED the first trimester. Not a little bit. Seriously, never wanting to EVER get pregnant again, and 1/2 seriously at times, almost wanting to miscarry (yes, I felt horrible guilt about that). Thank GOD I’m feeling better. I couldn’t have taken it for 9 months. And, no, I still haven’t announced it IRL. 😉 Probably next week. We’ll see.

  3. Great points TIna! I can’t wait til we’re at that magical phase in our lives, but I realize that not every moment of every day is going to be pure motherly bliss and that I’ll need to find the joy in the work. Congrats on your growing family!

  4. Angela says:

    I love Celestial Seasonings tea! I once found a box that was butterscotch flavoured and that was by far my favourite. I was a little disappointed in their Pumpkin Spice tea, but I can’t wait to try some of the Christmas ones!

  5. THANK YOU for answering my question! I had never heard either of those two things so that is great information!

    I just tasted my first holiday tea this week – the sugar cookie sleigh ride – and I love it! I need to try the others!

    I’m glad you are doing a blogger holiday gift exchange. I was thinking of setting one up too but wasn’t sure how to start! 🙂

  6. Katie says:

    I love this post so much! I am so interested in the holiday gift exchange! What a wonderful idea! Honestly good for you for getting all of those hand-me-downs! That is a lot off your back!

    My sister said that she felt awful because she didn’t want to hold her son when he was first born. She was just in pain and wanted to sleep. Such a great post really! xoxoxo

  7. Thanks for the honesty! I heard this from someone else recently as well, and I think it is definitely advice that should be given to every single mom. I can only imagine how I would fee about myself if I didn’t know to expect this once I have a child. It really makes sense though. I guess it takes a little while to get to know each other:)

    • Tina says:

      Yep. And those first few weeks you feel like life is such a blur, it makes that true connection harder for some. I literally felt AWFUL about it.

  8. Apple cinnamon is my favorite holiday tea. I can never get over that sweet but rich spicy mix. I heart thee!

    Those are incredible pieces of advice!!!! From friends and family, I know those first weeks are overwhelmingly intense! And reminding yourself that it gets better, it gets better is huge (I would imagine!).

    A wise lady you are! 🙂

  9. Oh my goodness that sugar cookie tea sounds so awesome! I have never had it. I wonder if they sell it here in England.

    Btw, a HUGE thank you for saying that for a while you felt like a booby bar when you had M (I think you said it a post or two back). Thank you thank you. I have been feeling this guilt. I mean, I want to feed her the best nutrition possible… and where better than to come from my own body, BUT at the same time, breastfeeding is hard. I wish someone would have told me how difficult it is. Sometimes people make it seem like you just pop the baby on there and s/he feeds like it’s no big deal. Well it is a big deal. A booby bar is the best way i’ve ever heard it described. I feel like i’ve lost myself to this bar, in a way, but i’m slowly finding my balance between Mommy and just me.

  10. Thank you for being honest and real. It is so good to know the truth about things before so you can prepare yourself. The best advice I got before a big event was that you are going to want to die at mile 20. It was true, and it got me through it because I knew other people had felt the same way!
    Honestly, I don’t think I have ever tried tea…but yours sounds delicious!

  11. Sara says:

    That tea looks great! The holiday ones at Trader Joe’s are currently my favorite. I like tea more than coffee.
    So good to know those things about birth and babies. My co-workers are giving me a lot of advice too (and I haven’t even asked, they just tell me!) I want a baby, but I know it’s not time yet. I will just look at photos of friends’ babies and be happy for them. 🙂

  12. Sarah says:

    Love Celestial teas 🙂 Especially the seasonal teas.

    Those first 6 weeks scare me!! But I’m guessing it’s worth the tough couple of weeks for that little bundle of joy.

    • Tina says:

      It is. And it really does pass by so fast. All of a sudden you look up and are like “WOAH!”

      If only the last 6 (or 10-11) weeks of pregnancy went that quickly. 😉

  13. Leashieloo says:

    How fun! I’ll definitely be signing up for the gift exchange. I’ve been eying that tea for awhile, does it truly taste like sugar cookies?

  14. Courtney F says:

    The best advice I received was to trust your gut. All of the books say so many things, but you have to do what is best for your child and your family.
    The exchange sounds so fun! I’m in!

  15. kate says:

    As always I love your honesty! So refreshing, and good to know 🙂

  16. What is the biggest change your lifestyle has gone through from before kids to after kids?

  17. Michelle says:

    I love your honesty!! Good to know its not all puppies and rainbows all day every day… but still seems wonderful!

    One great marriage tip I got was that its ok to go to bed mad. I’ve done it a couple of times and sometimes sleeping on it does help!

  18. Annie Crow says:

    Such good advice! I wish I’d heard it too. The other piece of advice I wish someone had told me before Buddy was born – if you have a colicky baby, it is okay if sometimes you let the baby cry for a while before holding/rocking/soothing/responding. Sometimes you will have to shower / answer the phone / wash dishes, etc., and you are not damaging your child forever if you do not always pick him/her up immediately.

  19. Thanks for sharing your advice!!!

    I remember being told to enjoy my wedding day since it would go by so fast! I made sure to soak in all the moments I could!

  20. Thanks for sharing those two answers. I had a friend who did not feel immediately connected either and she felt awful. I’m sure she would have liked to read this beforehand. Good stuff!

  21. Jess says:

    I’m SO glad I read this today – my sister is just about ready to hit the six week mark with her newborn and she will TOTALLY be so relieved to read this!! I just sent it her way! I’ll let her know her reaction when I get one from her. 🙂 Thanks as usual Tina, you’re the greatest!

    • Tina says:

      Oh cool! Yea let me know if it helps…and if things get easier for her too. There are still plenty of rough moments, but comparatively, its much better after 6 weeks. At least it was for me and many of my friends.

  22. hbobier says:

    I love Celestial tea, but I had no idea they have Sugar Cookie tea! Sounds amazing.

    And I’m with Chelsey, I want to know how your life has changed since becoming a mom!

  23. I have yet to see these teas from Celestial Seasonings in OK!! They might not like us Okies. No one told me about the 6 – 12 wk thing. But I tell all new mom buddies of mine. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel! I totally felt like you about BFing and who knew I’d be struggling to wean 2 yrs later?

    No one told me that motherhood was one of the most frustrating yet rewarding things ever. I felt bad that my kids were making me so crazy but had to realize that motherhood wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies all the time. 🙂

  24. I love cinnamon or peppermint teas year round, but I like them especially around the holidays.

    The best advice when it came to training for events: trust the program. If you feel like you are running too much or too little, just trust the program (make sure its a good one) and follow it. The experts know what they are doing!

  25. Lori Lynn says:

    I have to say I’m not the hugest fan of tea. I’ve tried a lot of different kinds, but haven’t found anything that I really liked. Usually the only time I end up drinking it is if I have a sore throat or I’m sick!

  26. I love that Sugar Cookie flavored tea and keep that at home, and then have the Gingerbread flavor at work. In fact, I’m going to go make a cup right now – I LOVE holiday flavors!!

  27. i love cinnamon or peppermint tea! and i think your advice is really good…that the first 6 weeks suck and that it’s normal to develop that love for your child over time! you’re awesome 🙂

  28. Rachel says:

    I like peppermint tea! And peppermint hot chocolate. And anything with peppermint in it!!!

  29. What great advice! So, so thankful you shared this.

  30. Katie H. says:

    Great answers! Thank you for sharing. This will be very helpful for me to know in the future!

  31. I’ve not ever tried any of the holiday teas, but saw a pumpkin spice flavor the other day that was calling my name.

    I must say, I don’t have children and may never have children, but I absolutely appreciate your honesty. I would think that it must be an incredible guilt that you didn’t just melt into the ground over your child instantly. I would think that would eat me up thinking something must be wrong with me. You saying that probably can help more women than you even know.

  32. Ohhh, I LOVE Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride! I forgot about that tea! I drank it religiously last Christmastime. I think with every swallow I heard “sleigh bells”…it’s THAT good! hehe

    The best advice I’ve heard regarding this bikini competition, is just to be natural and have fun with it. That is exactly what I intend on doing these final 2.5 weeks!

  33. Definitely interested in the Secret Santa thing!!

    My mom actually told me that she didn’t love my brother and I for awhile after she had us. Um, kind of weird, but yeah, that’s my mom. I can understand how all the stress of having a newborn takes awhile to get used to though!

    • Tina says:

      Yea, I don’t know if I would ever TELL M that, until maybe she was having kids and just as a supportive thing. But as long as you know her love now, I guess its okay.

  34. Maura says:

    Love your raw and honest answers. It’s what keeps me coming back for more 🙂

    For the record, I was officially disturbed by the Christmas cups being out at Starbucks this morning. I miss the days when celebrating Christmas started after Thanksgiving.

  35. Mellissa says:

    Love those answers!

    I think the best advice I have ever received was when planning our wedding, we ended up doing a tiny destination wedding with just friends and it was the best decision I have ever made! No stress, no drama. Just Mike and I and a few friends in Italy. The extent of my planning was buying a $120 dress and picking out my flowers 2 days before the wedding and the menu at the Villa. Not the wedding for everyone but perfect for us.

  36. Linda says:

    Yummy sugar cookie tea! Thanks for stopping by and saying hi!

  37. Those are both really good things to know and hear Tina…they scare me :/ but they’re good to hear. I’ve never done this before and the time for her to arrive is quickly approaching! I’ll try to keep those things in mind.

  38. Can you do a whole post on things people never tell you when you are having a baby?? Those questions/answers intrigue me so much!
    My favorite holiday tea is Joy tea by Tazo. I need to keep a look out for this one though, it sounds So good!!

  39. emily says:

    i really want to try those tea flavors. i bought the pumpkin spice tea bags and they are great! but the sugar cookie one looks great and i bet it smells delightful too!

    thanks for the comment you posted on my blog about my haircut! it was much needed!
    xoxo

  40. I’m excited about the gift exchange! Great idea, Tina!

    Even though I don’t have kids, and am not expecting them soon, I really enjoyed reading your advice! I know I want to have children someday, but have often worried about the two topics you addressed. What if I can’t handle the stress, the screaming, the lack of sleep? What if I don’t “fall in love” with my baby? It’s reassuring to know that these fears and realities are normal!

    My favorite holiday tea is gingerbread!

  41. I was told to enjoy college – that it would be some of the best years of my life. So true. I miss every minute of it (besides roomates and crappy apartments), but I truly enjoyed my time in college. Not to say I don’t love life now, but it was a really special time that I’m glad I got to experience.

  42. The best piece of advice I ever received was the night before my half marathon. My friend/gym instructor/ Boston marathoner (!) called me to tell me to think of race day “as a celebration of your training.” I went into the race with that mindset and had a great time!

  43. missy miller says:

    HAH! Holiday time Celestial Seasonings = SCORE!!

    I get so excited when I see the and the seasonal Glad candles come out (0:

    Awesome of you to share the truth about birthing…I have read that it gets glossed over so much in America that many women wind up feeling “less than”…

    Reminds me of all the other ways society imposes an artifice of what a woman should be, feel, act, look…..how many crumbs a woman should have on her countertop or how many scuff marks on her shoes…how many threads hanging from her panties and bras…(lol)

    Ridiculous but true. We are led to believe an idealic life is possible.

    ~Missy

  44. What is your favorite holiday tea flavor?
    -Having tried just about everything, I will stick with plain old Scottish Breakfast Tea. Now coffee wise, I love this white chocolate one I get at the Super Walmart, and the gingerbread latte at Starbucks.

    What is the best piece of advice you ever received for a big event?
    -That first one is the one that I share with new mom’s. It was almost like a switch had been flipped, and the monkey and I were both better at being parent/child. It was amazing. The best advice that was given to me was to follow my instinct when it came to my child. Nobody knows him better, and I need to trust that. 🙂

    Hand me downs are the best. The monkey’s cousin is 4 months older, and until the last year they were outgrowing clothes at the same time so we could just get “new” for the nephew and pass the others down to the monkey. 🙂

  45. Elaine says:

    The first 6 weeks do suck. There is no other way to put it!
    The best advice I received when I was pregnant was that every day will get a tiny bit better. For some reason that helped me get through some rough moments.

  46. Kristy says:

    Q&A is Fun! Yay! 🙂 and I’ve never seen that tea! Must locate some stat!

  47. lizzie says:

    Just FYI, the 6 weeks after weren’t half as bad the second time around for me. Yeah, for the first week or two I thought my breasts were going to explode, but my body adjusted much more quickly to Squish’s needs than they had to Manchild’s. Hope it’s the same for you. Good luck!

    • Tina says:

      Oh, that is great to hear! Thanks!! I will still prepare mentally to expect the same sort of madness, but it will be so nice if being able to know what to expect (mentally and physically) makes the transition easier than expected.

  48. Lamb says:

    I love your advice here! Sexy Nerd and I have been pondering whether or not to have a baby and advice like this is exactly what I want to hear 🙂

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