put up or shut up

Posted: November 22, 2010 at 11:58 am

I don’t like feeling juxtaposed between not eating as well as I would like but having no motivation to change right now. I don’t like feeling caught between knowing my body produces a miracle and worrying about getting in shape after baby B arrives. I know I explained before that I feel unlike myself at times and this is one of those times.

It all started when I began craving sweets and giving in to  those cravings regularly. Then, I began to question my eating habits and if I was pulling the “I’m pregnant, so I don’t care” card. I certainly do care because I want to provide my body what it needs. Then, I became frustrated as I realized I didn’t want to feel restricted, even if it meant eating more of the “bad” foods than I typically like. This lack of motivation had me bemoaning my choices and questioning whether I would gain too much weight and then not be able to get back in shape over the next year. It left me analyzing and critiquing my body, instead of embracing it even in its bigger state.

I’m only human and these mental games get to me too. For awhile I didn’t even try to stop them, even though I fully recognized them. Perhaps they felt comforting in an old, familiar way? Perhaps I knew that when it boiled down to it I feared my decision. Would I “put up or shut up” so to speak? Typically I am a “put up” girl – make the changes you know will leave you feeling better physically and then mentally. In the last 6-8 weeks of pregnancy though? I’m going to “shut up”. I know the changes I would like to make would feel very forced right now and done more out of guilt or what I should do over what I want to do.

I will still focus on consuming healthy meals the majority of the time and not criticize myself for treats above the norm. I will remember its completely okay to not want to worry the last bit of my (hopefully) last pregnancy. I will “shut up” those negative thoughts about my body because I know it is temporary and I have faith in myself to accomplish everything I hope fitness wise post-baby. I may not be making a ton of changes yet, but I don’t want to make the end of this pregnancy any harder on myself by adding in mental games.

I had to get a grip on myself before my baby shower after all. My good friends from church wanted to throw us a shower in combo with a Thanksgiving lunch to help us start stocking up on baby boy clothes and other baby necessities. Here’s a few shots from the party. I’ll let them speak for themselves of the good time I had – no mental games included. 😉

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  • What was the best part of your weekend? I love my friends and all the support that they continue to show!
  • When have you had to “put up or shut up” in something?
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41 Comments to “put up or shut up”
  1. i know exactly how you feel…and usually writing it out really helps me figure out what i need to do/how to change, if at all!

  2. That’s so nice of your friends to throw you a shower! 🙂

    I can empathize with the pregnancy thing. Its a really hard thing to not be in control of your body. In the end, its all worth it though 🙂

  3. It’s so easy for us to say “Oh, don’t beat yourself up so hard for allowing treats”, but I know personally how difficult it is to indulge and TRY so hard to get rid of those guilty feelings. When this happens I think about all the healthy choices I’ve made as opposed to the unhealthy ones. Think about how you workout despite the pregnancy, that the majority of your meals are healthy and you don’t do anything harmful to your body (drinking, smoking, etc.).

    For the record, your plate of food looks divine and I probably would have had two plates 🙂

    • Tina says:

      Thank, Maria! That really helps a lot. I can’t negate the good things I do continue to do for my body. Most of my meals (well besides this past weekend with Mexican and burgers) are really balanced. I still workout at least 4 days/week. I drink enough water, take my vitamins, and never eat emotionally or stuff myself just because “I’m pregnant and I can”. I truly listen to my body – even though it wants sugar wayyyy more than normal. LOL

  4. I was super indolent this weekend and I liked it 🙂

    I think pregnancy is known as being one of those states where your body just takes over and makes you do things. Maybe that’s not so bad.

    As long as you are eating enough nutritious food to get in a reasonable amount of vitamins, minerals, and all that good stuff, I say surrender to the pregnancy.

    I know a new mom who basically went through her whole pregnancy on soda, candy and vitamins. And while I was secretly afraid that her baby would come out with two horns or some other strange deformity, she was perfectly healthy. The reality is, when you are pregnant, that baby is in control.

  5. Kelly says:

    The best part of my weekend was cuddling with my husband before he left on a business trip for the next three days.

    You’re not alone with your recent struggles. I’ve been going through that myself and have decided to put up. But sometimes, like when you’re pregnant, I think shutting up is the way to go.

    • Tina says:

      I’m glad you got some time with the husband before he had to leave. 🙂

      And yep. Normally I’m a “put up” like I said. I hate whining and making excuses. I think thats what bothered me the most is I felt like I was doing that but at the same time did not feel like making big changes. I guess all I can do is my best that I’m comfortable with right now and be 100% motivated and ready after the baby. I know I will be then. My body will be my own again!

  6. Angela says:

    Aww the shower and Thanksgiving lunch sounds like so much fun! I certainly can’t speak from experience, but like you mentioned, I think it’s important to just focus on the positives – that your body is creating a child – and that it’s 9 months out of your entire life. I know it’s easy for me to say because I don’t have kids, but like Alina said above, I think I’d just surrender to the pregnancy. We both know you know what healthy eating and nutrition are all about, and I know you’ll be right back to normal as soon as the baby is born. You can do it! 😀

  7. Nic says:

    Is that a diaper tower? Too cute!

    I do the put up or shut up sometimes when I don’t want to clean my house. I don’t like a dirty house and there is always something that needs to be cleaned, but sometimes I just shut up and sit my booty down on the couch… the dirt can wait 🙂

  8. I love the pics. You look adorable! Thanks for being so open and honest. The best part of my weekend was shopping:)

  9. Hi Tina!
    I think you’re doing great, don’t overthink it too much when it comes to what you are eating and not eating! (i know it’s easier said than done but I think you are doing fabulous and you look great!)

  10. Alisha says:

    I actually ate worse than normal when I was pregnant b/c I had such bad morning sickness the entire time. I hardly ate any vegetables until the last trimester b/c I couldn’t stomach all the chewing involved. I ate almost all starches. I lived off cereal (craved it EVERY morning), Ramen noodles, Kraft mac and cheese, pretzels, crackers, and Granny Smith apples (toward the end ate them late at night). I only gained 20 pounds my entire pregnancy and lost almost all of it within 3 weeks. I also did not exercise. DO NOT beat yourself up over it. Also, keep in mind that you are in the home stretch and everyone starts feeling “over it” at this point. You just don’t feel good and are many times just in a bad mood and miserable. You’re almost there and you will hardly remember what it was like being pregnant in a few months. You’ve met Sydney…she’s thin and healthy and I’m relatively thin and healthy (:)). It will all be okay!

    • Tina says:

      Thanks, Alisha. 🙂 It’s nice to hear from you here too. I certainly miss seeing you and Sydney more regularly since playgroup switched up.

      And you are definitely right. In another 2 months this will all be so different and won’t matter in the least.

  11. I am still fighting some kind of illness, so I spent my weekend sleeping, resting and eating soup/crackers 🙁 I’m feeling better but not close to 100%.

    I haven’t been pregnant, so I can’t offer any advice about your eating situation — I can only offer a virtual hug. I do think you are doing an excellent job with your body, your pregnancy and your health.

    And I had to comment that I gave my niece one of those green squishy balls that M is playing with at the end. Those things are hilarious!

  12. Astrid says:

    Lately I have felt like I have been indulging a little too much, but looking back on what I eat, it really isn’t too much. I just get so bogged down by guilt because I am worried or concerned about something else in my life. It’s easy to project the negative emotions (or any emotions) on my body. It’s there and its an easy target!
    I cannot wait to see the beautiful baby when he is born, by the way!! So excited.

  13. Camille says:

    Aww, baby showers always make me so happy 🙂
    Right now I am take a put up or shut up approach with my transportation to school. I refuse to buy a parking permit when I only live 2 miles from campus and I can’t for the life of my figure out how to get home on the bus (I can get there!). I have decided to put up with the cold and rain and shut up my whining and just get to school on bike. I am lucky enough to live close to campus, have a bike, and be healthy, I have no reason to complain!

  14. Jess says:

    Wow. I am SO on your wavelength this week, Tina!! I was about to blog about something similar and I’m glad I waited because now I can link to your post. I have been struggling with the whole balance thing too – fearing that I am swinging too far from one extreme to the other, at least in my head it feels that way. I KNOW most of it’s mental but I think part of it, sadly, has to do with blogging and the circle of blogger friends I keep up with. I end up feeling jealous or overly comparative at others who are much more of a clean-eater (For lack of a better phrase) than I can be. It’s so frustrating because I KNOW that balance is the best approach for me yet I am still caught victim to these mind games and I hate that. I need to trust my instincts more…and I could go on and on. More later on my blog. So THANK you for sharing your struggles here, I feel you, I seriously do! Hugs!

    • Tina says:

      We do that a lot don’t we? 😉 And I completely agree with the comparison trap. I find myself doing that too. Lately I feel like its more comparing myself to a previous version of myself. But still comparison isn’t healthy. We just have to focus on doing our best for our personal needs.

  15. I think you are an adorable pregnant mommy! Glad you are listening to your body – enjoy these last few weeks and the holidays as much as possible.

  16. The mental games.. I can relate so well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles. You have such a short amount of time left, and years from now these moments of eating will be so insignificant because I’m positive that you’ll be in amazing shape and chasing your kids around. I can only hope that I look as great as you when I’m preggo! You look great, and try not to stress (easier said than done) !

  17. “Put up or Shut up” = weight gain recently.

    I have to shut myself up because i KNOW it’s right!!!!

  18. How nice of your church friends to throw you a shower! Love the diaper cake:)
    The best part of my weekend was seeing my best girl friends!

  19. I love watching movies and hanging out with my boys so that was definitely the highlight of the weekend!

    It is hard when pregnancy takes over. Really it is not “you” at all. You are almost done with this one and you will feel so good after it is all said and done.

  20. Maura says:

    Best part of my weekend was visiting with my Dad while my mom was out of town. We just vegged out and watched movies 🙂 He cracked me up when he said, “Don’t you have fun Saturday plans?” I said, “Yes, this is it!”

  21. Lori Lynn says:

    The best part of my weekend was a shopping trip to Colorado and buying clothes!!

  22. lindsay says:

    Your pregnant, your body is saying a lot right now, so need to talk right? I agree, shut up and move on. I’m not pregnant so I can only imagine. 😉
    What a great baby shower and you are blessed with wonderful caring friends!

    • Tina says:

      I know! I feel so lucky to have them. I tried to tell them we didn’t expect a shower since it was our 2nd but they insisted. It certainly helps to have some things special just for baby B.

  23. Sarah says:

    I am currently in a time of “putting up.” I’ve been lamenting my recent attitude, weight gain, and sluggishness. Now it’s time to DO something about it!

  24. This post was so honest and pure. I think many women can relate to everything you said, myself included. This is only my first pregnancy and I have a way to go with it. I have embraced my bodies changes for the most part, not beating myself up if I allow myself a treat, but trying to eat super healthy overall. It’s tough sometimes, and I can only imagine how much tougher it’s going to get!! Hang in there!! You are beautiful!!!

    The shower looks great, that diaper tower is adorable!

  25. Courtney F says:

    I ate as healthy as I could(which was pretty darn good) until about 37 weeks. Then my husband and I had a free for all. It still wasn’t horrible though. We just ate a lot of ice cream. You know you will get the weight off. So enjoy(as much as possible) these last weeks and treat yourself!

  26. I can definitely relate to you right now. I’m not pregnant, so it is definitely less of a struggle for me…but I’m having trouble with extremes with eating and getting down on myself. You are beautiful and don’t doubt your ability to get back in shape in a healthy way!

    My favorite part of the weekend was going out to dinner with my brother and his fiance- we visited him in Michigan !

  27. The best part of my weekend was spending time with family and friends. As always, I appreciate your honesty in your posts. It’s one thing I love so dearly about your blog – you are human and you never make it sound like you think you’re above anyone else.

  28. Therese says:

    I am so glad you wrote about this because I am having a very similar mental battle. This first trimester has been really hard on me. All my normal healthy food makes me want to gag and ALL I want to eat are greasy, salty, not-the-most-healthy foods. I have already gained 4 pounds and part of me just wants to say, “Screw it. I’ll deal with losing the weight after the baby comes.”

    But the rational part of me realizes that junk food just makes me feel like junk. The nausea has let up the past week and a half or so, so when I can bring myself to eat the right foods, I AM!

    You are still such an inspiration to me and I hope to find the same balance with my eating as you have. While I don’t know exactly how you are feeling right now (first time mommy here) I can definitely empathize because I have had those same internal battles and times of guilt myself. Hang in there mamma!

  29. Oh Tina you are such a wise and real gal, ya know that!?!?!

    I think life is full of those put up or shut up moments, wouldn’t you agree? You have such a balanced and embracing perspective on this growing baby of yours even though there are the back and forth-what to do moments. Truly…I admire everything you have done, how much you have focused on your frame of mind and much more during your pregnancy.

    When future tough moments arise know this- your belly and body is simply beautiful and gorgeous and incredible! And so much of us in this world admire you!

  30. Melie says:

    Well, I think that as long as you and the baby are healthy and get all the good things you need, all is good 🙂 And the food at the baby shower looked tasty too!

  31. Nichole says:

    If I know you, it’s put up.

    Growing a child, that puts any level of the elliptical to shame! 🙂

  32. Shannon says:

    My issues this week are so different from this post. They are surprisingly unrelated to my body and instead centered around the SEMESTER THAT IS OUT TO KILL ME. Yes, I’m being dramatic but today found me crying in public bathrooms on campus not once, not twice but three times as I seriously contemplate dropping out.

    I think in my case I have to put up. Because shutting up and giving up is unacceptable to me when I’m not in the bathroom crying.

    Thanks though for posting Tina. I need the strength you showed in this post.

  33. Heather says:

    What great friends you have!!
    And I think you need to go a little easy on yourself – it’s OK to indulge (even when you’re NOT pregnant!). Enjoy the time – you’ll get back to your old self soon enough. 🙂

  34. Hannah says:

    I think the most important thing is that you’re recognizing the destructive nature of these thoughts and are capable of setting them apart from who “you” are – which is a strong, brave, and amazing woman in the process of creating another strong, brave, and amazing person! We all have to deal with these frustrating negative thoughts sometimes… well done you for trying your best to focus on the positives instead and not let yourself dwell too much on anxieties :0


  35. Kristy says:

    I’m happy that you are blessed with so many supportive people in your life. 🙂 Ekkkk he will be here soon!

  36. […] drama. I managed to remain pretty productive without feeling stressed. All of your comments on my “Put Up or Shut Up” post made me feel much better. We have a laid back night of leftovers (whole wheat linguine with sauteed […]

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