Sometimes blogging comes with the challenge of opening up and making yourself vulnerable. Of exposing raw emotions. Of unveiling the layers within and etching the reality of the blogger deeper into the blog itself.  

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Each blogger has a different level of openness they feel comfortable sharing. Some use every post as a personal diary to expunge their deepest thoughts. Some rarely if ever get too personal and simply strive to keep their blogs information based. Some focus on keeping their space light-hearted for an always positive place for readers to visit and have fun together. There is no right or wrong. I certainly don’t discredit any blog for not sharing the personal nitty gritty from time to time. I simply know what feels right for me. Personally, the longer I blog, I only feel more strongly the need to blog transparently. For me, I could not blog any other way. And the response to my post this morning solidifies that necessity in my blogging voice.

Blogging transparently goes much deeper than simply hitting publish on a more controversial or personal post. Could a post go too far in sharing personal information? Does it carry extra weight and play into that whole blogger responsibility factor? Could it put off any readers? Does it negatively impact the “feel” of my blog? Does it reflect poorly on companies I work with and represent as a healthy living blogger? Those all could pose downfalls to divulging certain aspects of the inner workings of my heart and mind from the rough moments that we all inevitably face from time to time.

However, transparent blogging also allows…

…the chance to garner support and outreach from fabulous friends, which all of you are to me on a daily basis.

…the opportunity to become more relatable and possibly uplift someone else with the knowledge he or she is not alone.

…for every relationship I build through this blog (from fellow bloggers to the silent readers to companies) to sit on the solid foundation of trust. Above all else, I always hope you can expect genuine honesty when visiting FFF. In the many years I intend to blog, I want you to know that I will stand for transparent blogging. I will always hit publish with the satisfaction in the knowledge that I expose truth. It may only be my truth, but it will be truth nonetheless. That I promise. And I thank you for making it easier for me to keep that promise. Cheers.

• On a scale of 1-10 how “transparent” would you say you are as a blogger? Any things you don’t feel comfortable sharing?
• As a reader – what level of blogger “transparency” do you appreciate? What takes it too far

I wouldn’t go so far as to call what happened last night a binge. I would go so far as to call what happened last night emotional eating, which I’m not too okay with either.

It can still happen. Which is why I have scratched the post I originally had scheduled for this morning to give you this one. 

Last night, I fixed myself some leftover lasagna for dinner and didn’t feel quite satisfied after eating it. Despite not feeling hungry, I found myself back in the kitchen pouring a bowl of cereal. No biggie. Then, from out of nowhere this overwhelming sensation of wanting food came over me. It led to a bowl of ice-cream and the leftover portion of the bag of crushed toffee I used in my brownie recipe this weekend.

No. I wouldn’t call it a binge because in a binge I would have eaten way more than that. I would have shoved anything I could get my hands on into my stomach until I literally felt sick and could not swallow another bite. This time, I simply told the logical side of my mind to leave me the heck alone and ate out of something besides hunger.

I don’t know what triggered it.

Boredom from being on my own while Peter had a meeting?

Not feeling satisfied with my dinner?

Emotions creeping out from a day of adjusting to my little girl growing up?

Wanting to escape the plethora of responsibility I have on my plate right now?

Feeling “to heck with it” because I know I have a vacation this upcoming weekend?

Any number of things could have affected me because any one of those things could have sent me into a deep binge in my past. I’m thankful I no longer make myself sick with food. I’m thankful that even when recognizing the unpractical side of feeding emotions and saying “screw it”, I can keep myself from going off the deep end. I’m thankful I have a place to open up and say “I still struggle” without fear of any judgment. I’m thankful I can know this won’t turn into a week long or more love affair with food.

But I’m still not thankful that binging got its claws sunken into me in the first place. That the mental struggles and natural urges to turn to food will never fully disappear. It can still happen. It still sucks. And it still isn’t a healthy place to be. But I’m a fighter. So I won’t let last night get me down. I will move on as normal today and make the best of every day. Yes, it can still happen. But also, I am still strong. And I still refuse to let it beat me. I just had to tell you that.

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