There are no words. That doesn’t happen often in these parts. 😉 So, I guess I will keep it simple. Thank you. I love you.

The immediate outpouring of support and kindness from each of you after my last post humbled me like no other. You all know that I try to keep things honest here and believe it’s important to do so. I always will hold true to that belief, but that doesn’t make certain posts and topics any easier to write about. But you all...you all always make it easier to hit publish because I know I can trust the presence of your openness, ready to catch me and uplift me when most needed. I felt better about the whole body image thing after getting it off my chest, then even more as the day progressed with your many words of encouragement.

Unfortunately, the day still dragged. I had no energy, yet plenty of aches. I had no me time, yet a lot to work on. My act of kindness for others today? It goes to Peter by not complaining when he works on  his friend’s car all afternoon and night despite my need for a break. It also goes to his friend, because I know he needs his car back and me putting aside my needs so Peter can work will help that happen.

Anyways, I felt like doing a Flashback Friday post after my cousin posted a video on Facebook earlier this week. Things got a bit off track earlier though. 😉 It all works out! This post is all about cheer!

Some of you may know that I used to be a cheerleader. I didn’t quite fit the stereotype, but I loved it and did it for 14 years of my life.

I started at 4 years old…

Then, continued on through elementary and middle school. Check out the bangs and large pink, plastic frames. So hot!

I also cheered competitively for awhile. That was lots of fun! I loved the rush!

I miss doing things like this, but please note that video is not when I cheered. It’s the one my cousin shared recently.

I cheered all the way up through my senior year of high school. Which sadly, I don’t think I look much older now than that decade old picture. I know it will be a good thing when I’m 40, but for now I don’t care to look like a teenage mom.

I even loved it so much that I coached for awhile. What can I say? I couldn’t let it go. My sister would kill me if I told you which one she is below. She couldn’t possibly be the girl looking in adoration at her older sibling. Hehehehe.

I got over the cheerleading bug eventually, but if I catch a competition on TV - you better believe I am watching!

It’s always fun to go back and look at old pastimes. What extracurricular activities were you into back in the day?

I managed to keep a smile on my face yesterday and get through the day okay despite minor annoyances. I did have something niggling at my insides though and today it has run me down.

You see, while going through photos from our Meet Us at the Manger event at the church I stumbled across this photo that Peter had taken.

Besides the fact that he really only knows how to work the camera on Auto, this picture immediately sent me reeling with all sorts of negativity.

Is that what I look like right now? Do I really look THAT big? THAT tired? THAT plain? And that much unlike what I’m used to seeing? And I left the house that night thinking I actually looked decent for a change!!! How BAD do I look  other times?

I asked Peter about it and could see the hesitation. That’s all it took. He of course still assured me that I look great, that it’s not much longer, that I’m pregnant and naturally going to look/be bigger, that the photo is an unflattering shot, and that he loves me now more than ever. He said all the right things. I smiled and accepted them and pushed those initial feeling aside. Then, I visited my friend, who even after surgery still looks great. She shows me her incisions and where she is so sore on her stomach. A little pang of jealousy hits over her flat stomach and smaller size that I once resembled. I laughed at that and quickly told myself “I’m pregnant! She just had surgery! Why are you even thinking about that?”. Then, I pushed those initial pangs of jealousy aside too.

Apparently those thoughts and feelings continued to fester because they built up from me being able to laugh them off to me crying, big-lose-your-breath sobs crying, just now as I began to write this post. Writing it out provides solace because it helps me expunge it all from my head. I knew I had to write it, as hard as it would be to write…and post that picture. I already feel a bit lighter in spirit again. It also helps knowing I have to get over it to be strong for this gorgeous face…

…so she can stop worrying about why her mommy is crying. I guess we all have these moments. Much love to you all for listening, despite the downer of a post on a Friday.

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