The future is a scary place. I’m not talking about the questions of what types of pressures and challenges my children will face. I’m not contemplating the state of our economy and what changes will or will not come for our society. I’m not predicting the end of the world, wars, or any other number of things some people expect and fear in our future. Those things can certainly make the future a scary place, but I have no problem trusting in such scenarios as these.

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For me, my future is a scary place. I want control of it and I want it bad. I seek ways to feel in control of where my life goes. Letting go of that control presents my biggest challenge. We had a moment to lay things at the foot of the cross over the course of the weekend. I lay my need for control over my life and felt so relieved. Then, just a few short days later, I proceeded to pick the heavy load back up and place it across my shoulders again.

I do believe we have the power to work towards goals and pursue a better life. As Katie mentioned in her post this morning, we take action and plant seeds of opportunity that can later take fruition. Yet we, aka I, have to realize that just because I do ABC does not mean I will end up at point D. Heck, I could end up at point Z. Or not even on the letter spectrum at all.

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I need to trust. I certainly have hopes and dreams, but I can’t allow them to prevent me from living my life with the right priorities for me right now. I can’t get so caught up in what I picture my life as in the future to not see and experience my life in the present. Thank goodness God has provisions to help me realize this so I can once again place my future back in his stronger, more knowledgeable, and more capable arms.

Last night I went through a special prayer walk at our church meant to focus on setting our minds in a place of thanksgiving before the holidays. Quite a few parts of that walk stuck out to me…including a particular slip of paper with verses to pick up.

Fitting, no? Then today in the car, after attending a nature walk with the mom’s group and finding myself surrounded by God’s beauty, I heard the song Whatever You’re Doing by Sanctus Real.

“Whatever you’re doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace. Though it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, I’m giving in to something heavenly…You’re up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly.”

I have to focus on each day. Count on God each day to be able to do that. And let life happen. I’m sure it will bring me to a beautiful place – whether point D, Z, or 3.

• With what things do you have difficulty giving up control?
• What things do you worry about? My biggest worry for the future is whether or not I will be able to work in a way that fits my passions and my family. I fear not working in a way that fulfills me as a person, mother, & wife.

I play this game regularly with little M. She loves hiding and then revealing herself. I guess it’s a fun thing to do, so I shall play my own version of peekaboo with you all and give you little glimpses behind the screen.

I’m on an egg kick.

I want a fried egg atop toast with a bit of cheese for lunch every day right now. With a big, juicy Honeycrisp apple on the side and some other small handful to snack on – blueberries, pretzels, Annie’s Organics bunny mix (pictured).

My sweet cravings are becoming unbearable. I feel the need for something sweet every day. I try to keep things reasonable with smaller treats and things like apples, gum, etc when the sweet tooth strikes, but I worry I’m getting to the “I don’t care, I’m pregnant" stage. I want to eat well, but boy is it getting hard these days. I even picked up some break + bake cookies to make for small groups tonight.

Something sweet sounded good and I knew I wouldn’t have time to make something from scratch. Normally I would have just not made anything instead of buying those. I’m telling you – my cravings are uncontrollable.

When the worry, overanalyzing bug bites me I turn to scalding hot showers and scheduling massages. I don’t know why, but I love just standing under extremely hot water. I also look forward to using my last prenatal massage gift certificate. It can’t come soon enough.

And now a few “peekaboos” you requested with your questions for the Q + A series:

What was the best food you EVER ate and why?
It would have to be the fresh pasta and house wine from a little Italian cafe situated right in front of the Pantheon in Italy. My friend and I ate there while traveling through Europe. It was our one splurge dinner and, even though quite costly for 2 newly graduated college students, incredibly divine. Plus, who wouldn’t love fresh Italian food IN Italy, finishing out the meal and conversation under the stars IN FRONT OF the Pantheon???

You said that you would like to have a mini-van, are you currently looking to buy one before Baby B arrives??
Nope. A certain thing called money gets in the way of that happening.

Of your parents, who do you resemble the most? How about your siblings?
Funnily enough, I most resemble my dad with my facial features. I have my mom’s booty though! My sister & I look a LOT alike. We have actually had people comment to each of us “Are you ___’s sister??” when we aren’t even together.

I once read that you were a teacher. Do you regret not using your degree or not having plans to use it?
I more regret not knowing my true interests earlier on and getting a degree related to nutrition or fitness. I don’t, however, regret not using my degree now because life is too short and I want to fill it with things I truly love. I enjoyed teaching, but it didn’t fulfill me like I have found other things can. I can’t wait to see the path God leads me down that works well for my passions and my family. Once again, that whole trust thing comes into play.

• What is the best meal you have ever eaten?
• ?
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