Today I want to emphasize exactly how I feel about today’s topic. STOP. IT. NOW!!!! Stop what? Putting yourself down or “fat talk” as this dialogue has recently been coined. Caitlin discusses it in her Operation Beautiful book at greater length, and while I am not going back and referencing it specifically this morning, some of what I share while writing is likely impacted by that book. If you haven’t read it, you must!

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We all know about fat talk. Even if you have never heard the term, you have experienced it. It lies in that inner dialogue of self-doubt that puts down our image and denies us of our true beauty. I actually like to think of it as “self-doubt talk” because I believe it plays in more than physical appearance. It comes when we commiserate with other women about how “this dress makes me look fat” or “gosh, I’m so stupid to think the boss would like my idea”. Maybe it even hides behind those times we refuse to accept compliments.

Just like Caitlin, I don’t even begin to think we can fully stop such negative thoughts. They will always find a way to creep back in. We need to become more aware of them and work hard to stop them in their tracks. I have more confidence than ever in who I am, my ability to care for myself, that I have much to offer others, and that I am in fact beautiful. I still face fat talk more often than I care to admit. Maybe even to the likes of once a day. The difference is I can stop it in its tracks.

Yesterday for example, while out to eat I went to the restroom which had (for some reason) a set up with numerous mirrors. When standing to pull up my pants, I look in front of me and bam there’s a reflection of my behind. Dun dun dun. Enter fat talk in its evil combat suit.

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“You worked sooo hard to get that thing in shape and now its just gotten lumpy pancake disease again. It will never look nice.” “You’ve been eating so TERRIBLE. You won’t be able to lose the weight.” “And just look at how you’re dressed! You don’t fit in here!”   …shake head in realization…

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What are some steps I take to stop the “self-doubt” talk when it begins?

• Remember those gifts of the body. Remember how the part you criticize works for you. I am not in the best shape right now because I am carrying a child! It would be a sad situation if I was because then I wouldn’t be providing for my baby first.
• Replace with a positive. My butt may not be looking too pretty, but it will again. And my legs are still in pretty dang good shape. So there! (I think I actually stuck my tongue out to the mirror at this point…I don’t make these things up)
• Be realistic. I’m not eating TERRIBLE. I know it’s not my best, but its not terrible. Heck! The dinner awaiting  me outside that restroom was hummus, veggies, pita, and one all meat crab cake! The birthday cake I ate earlier? Naturally sweetened apple cake made from scratch by my sister in law. Yea. Soooo TERRIBLE!
• Reaffirm yourself. Think outside the physical quality or whatever you are tearing down and consider your strengths. I know I will have the drive to care for my health and get back to a comfortable and healthy place for me after this baby. I did it once and I will do it again. I know that.
• Tell someone who you trust will support you and not turn it into a game of “who has it worse”. After recognizing these thoughts, I later shared them with Peter. He reminded me of the advice I give to others and bluntly told me to take it myself. Touche my man. Touche. It snapped me out of it.

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One last thing – be aware of when others participate in fat talk. Don’t allow them to! It makes it easier for you to participate as well. As women, we should be lifting each other up instead of standing by while we tear our own selves apart. Simply say “Stop. You’re smarter than to put yourself down like that”. I think this works best because you’re not handing out a compliment to reaffirm the behavior. Also, you’re still showing you think highly of the person and want what is best for them.

This post has gone on long enough! What do you do to stop fat talk? From yourself or from others?

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Check out the blogs below for their own personal posts about the 30 DSLR.

• Life Is Better Than Fiction
• Ulterior Harmony
• Eat Feats
• A Fit and Spicy Life

Since its Saturday, and I know we’re all busy and living our lives on the weekends, I will make this post as short and sweet as possible. Just enough to get the message across and help us go out and do just what we should be doing – living. And enjoy ourselves and those who love us! 🙂

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I have already shared how important it is to recognize others’ love for us. You might remember that one. It was probably my personal favorite of this series because I felt it so deeply. Accepting love from others can threaten the walls we build around ourselves. We fear breaking down all our defenses because it may reveal our weakness, hurt, and shame. We cannot keep those defenses though. Not only do they make it hard to accept love from others, but they also make it hard to give love to others.

When I lived my life secluded in the hard shell of depression, binging, and negativity, not only could I not see others reach out to me but I didn’t want to reach out to them. I hated my loneliness  but I put on a happy face as much as possible to appease others so they wouldn’t come too close. I felt I had no love to give.

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My faith and allowing myself to attempt new relationships played a large part in opening my eyes to the importance of loving others. It started with loving Peter and not wanting to hurt him. It grew with not wanting to pretend in front of others. It grew even more when I got more involved in the church and built up amazing relationships there. Not only did I learn people could care about me, but also I cared about them. Doing things to uplift them helped me feel good too. Then it became this never-ending cycle that continued to build upon itself.

Now, I love hard. I care so greatly for the obvious contenders – my husband and my children (even the unborn one bumping around inside of me and causing my back grief), my parents and siblings, my close friends. I also truly love people I’ve never even met. You all. I feel blessed to have met some of you and hope to get the chance to meet each one of you, but even if our paths never physically cross I honestly don’t know what I would do without you and wish the best for each of you. I hope you know that.

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I even extend my love to strangers. I believe in random acts of kindness, the power of a smile, and how a polite conversation with someone for even just one minute can make a difference. And I always feel better about the world and myself after such actions. The only way to feel love deep down is to give it and receive it. It’s what we were made to do. If we deny that part of ourselves something will always feel missing, making it that much harder to fully love ourselves.

How are you going to show love to someone this weekend? We have numerous people in our lives to love…be open to all! Have a fabulous Saturday!

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• Making A Change
• Ulterior Harmony