Today, I coped by crying.
Today, I coped by researching to help ease the immediate fears I had.
Today, I coped by being there for a friend during the loss of his father and gaining some much needed perspective.
Today, I coped by punching and kicking out emotional tension with a workout.
Today, I coped by remembering food does not feed emotions.
Today, I coped by praying.
And today, I will cope by turning to you all for support.

My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis today. The most wonderful, giving, loving, and selfless person I have ever known. It came completely unexpected. I can’t help but feel afraid as watching a loved one’s health diminish is one of my ultimate fears. All I can say is the only way I know I can continue to cope is with faith. I appreciate any prayers, positive thoughts, or whatever you got sent my mother’s and my family’s way as we adjust to this news. And super prayers for the health of the best woman out there. I love you, Mom.

Sticking with the plan isn’t the only thing that took up some of my thoughts while at the gym last night. I also found myself in a moment of weakness sucked into that dangerous black hole: comparison.

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I was going about my Couch to 5K workout happily – feeling strong, healthy, and fit. I had a fantastic day earlier, thanks to B sleeping better and over the last week getting into a solid routine that makes juggling two much easier. [Side note: he even slept from 8 to 1 and then from 2 to 6 last night. Heaven!] I had confidence in what I have already accomplished fitness wise oozing from my pores. I love my body and it amazes me in all it can do. Then, it happened. She showed up.

So, there’s this chick at my gym. A lot of her fitness persona reminds me of myself 1.5 years ago when I felt at my personal best physically. Her body is very comparable to the physique I call my “happy place”. The workouts she completes resemble my favorite types of workouts and the way I love to challenge myself. Her energy and vibe appear so natural as she smiles and happily connects with other members over their workouts. And I found myself very bothered by this.

I caught myself saying things of annoyance about her in my head. Critiquing what she was wearing or calling her a flirt for chatting with some of the guys. Then it dawned on me. I was only doing these things out of jealousy caused by comparing myself. I had no need to think such things. She looked good. One of the guys she chatted with is her husband and his friends! They were talking about workouts – not flirting! Evidently my thoughts were completely jealousy related.

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The comparison trap and jealousy caused by it lead me to momentarily lose the satisfaction and appreciation of my body and achievements right now. Once I recognized that, I forced myself to stop. I don’t like to think negatively. I was happy just moments before and shouldn’t forget those great feelings so easily.

Then, I turned that jealousy into a positive. I remember I am working back to that goal and I have full faith that I can achieve those things again with ample time. I have the dedication and the love of fitness to do so. I also remembered that treating myself with respect and being happy with the journey were a key part to that success after Makenzie. I can’t lose that same mindset for this journey. And I won’t. I finished out my workout yet again feeling healthy and confident. Yet again believing in myself and loving my body for the amazing things it has done (creating beautiful children) and that it continues to do (getting back in shape so easily). Black hole averted.

Question of the Day – What do you do when you find yourself in the comparison trap or feeling jealous?