I don’t like feeling juxtaposed between not eating as well as I would like but having no motivation to change right now. I don’t like feeling caught between knowing my body produces a miracle and worrying about getting in shape after baby B arrives. I know I explained before that I feel unlike myself at times and this is one of those times.

It all started when I began craving sweets and giving in to  those cravings regularly. Then, I began to question my eating habits and if I was pulling the “I’m pregnant, so I don’t care” card. I certainly do care because I want to provide my body what it needs. Then, I became frustrated as I realized I didn’t want to feel restricted, even if it meant eating more of the “bad” foods than I typically like. This lack of motivation had me bemoaning my choices and questioning whether I would gain too much weight and then not be able to get back in shape over the next year. It left me analyzing and critiquing my body, instead of embracing it even in its bigger state.

I’m only human and these mental games get to me too. For awhile I didn’t even try to stop them, even though I fully recognized them. Perhaps they felt comforting in an old, familiar way? Perhaps I knew that when it boiled down to it I feared my decision. Would I “put up or shut up” so to speak? Typically I am a “put up” girl – make the changes you know will leave you feeling better physically and then mentally. In the last 6-8 weeks of pregnancy though? I’m going to “shut up”. I know the changes I would like to make would feel very forced right now and done more out of guilt or what I should do over what I want to do.

I will still focus on consuming healthy meals the majority of the time and not criticize myself for treats above the norm. I will remember its completely okay to not want to worry the last bit of my (hopefully) last pregnancy. I will “shut up” those negative thoughts about my body because I know it is temporary and I have faith in myself to accomplish everything I hope fitness wise post-baby. I may not be making a ton of changes yet, but I don’t want to make the end of this pregnancy any harder on myself by adding in mental games.

I had to get a grip on myself before my baby shower after all. My good friends from church wanted to throw us a shower in combo with a Thanksgiving lunch to help us start stocking up on baby boy clothes and other baby necessities. Here’s a few shots from the party. I’ll let them speak for themselves of the good time I had – no mental games included. 😉

• What was the best part of your weekend? I love my friends and all the support that they continue to show!
• When have you had to “put up or shut up” in something?
• Today is the last day to enter the Exercise TV giveaway!

The future is a scary place. I’m not talking about the questions of what types of pressures and challenges my children will face. I’m not contemplating the state of our economy and what changes will or will not come for our society. I’m not predicting the end of the world, wars, or any other number of things some people expect and fear in our future. Those things can certainly make the future a scary place, but I have no problem trusting in such scenarios as these.

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For me, my future is a scary place. I want control of it and I want it bad. I seek ways to feel in control of where my life goes. Letting go of that control presents my biggest challenge. We had a moment to lay things at the foot of the cross over the course of the weekend. I lay my need for control over my life and felt so relieved. Then, just a few short days later, I proceeded to pick the heavy load back up and place it across my shoulders again.

I do believe we have the power to work towards goals and pursue a better life. As Katie mentioned in her post this morning, we take action and plant seeds of opportunity that can later take fruition. Yet we, aka I, have to realize that just because I do ABC does not mean I will end up at point D. Heck, I could end up at point Z. Or not even on the letter spectrum at all.

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I need to trust. I certainly have hopes and dreams, but I can’t allow them to prevent me from living my life with the right priorities for me right now. I can’t get so caught up in what I picture my life as in the future to not see and experience my life in the present. Thank goodness God has provisions to help me realize this so I can once again place my future back in his stronger, more knowledgeable, and more capable arms.

Last night I went through a special prayer walk at our church meant to focus on setting our minds in a place of thanksgiving before the holidays. Quite a few parts of that walk stuck out to me…including a particular slip of paper with verses to pick up.

Fitting, no? Then today in the car, after attending a nature walk with the mom’s group and finding myself surrounded by God’s beauty, I heard the song Whatever You’re Doing by Sanctus Real.

“Whatever you’re doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace. Though it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, I’m giving in to something heavenly…You’re up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly.”

I have to focus on each day. Count on God each day to be able to do that. And let life happen. I’m sure it will bring me to a beautiful place – whether point D, Z, or 3.

• With what things do you have difficulty giving up control?
• What things do you worry about? My biggest worry for the future is whether or not I will be able to work in a way that fits my passions and my family. I fear not working in a way that fulfills me as a person, mother, & wife.