My mom has had another multiple sclerosis relapse and is in the hospital.

Talk about a damper to a day that started off on a high note – coming off from a crazy good weekend, having a productive morning, and feeling the love from my little ones.

Then, I get a call around 9:30 this morning. From my mom, all laid back and asking how I’m doing and about my weekend…but, oh by the way – “I’m in the hospital because I had trouble breathing and they don’t know why”. What the what now?!!?! But, that’s my mom. The quintessential selfless woman always worrying about others and glossing over her own struggles.

I love my mom. And not to sound hoakey or anything, but aside from Jesus she is the biggest inspiration in how I hope to live my life and the kind of person I want to be. Every time I hear she faces another relapse or has another scare related to the MS, a little piece of me crumbles. Yet she somehow remains so strong.

She was diagnosed this past February after having some weakness in her legs and trouble walking. Her regular medicine normally helps her feel fairly normal, but it seems every two months things become more difficult on her lower body again. The treatment for her relapses typically helps her to function as normal again within a few weeks. It carries standard side effects of additional fatigue, headaches, and nausea, but my mom just acts like my mom and sails through it all as serenely as possible.

This time was different.

After three days on the treatment for her relapse, she started noticing some trouble breathing. She was advised to stay home, rest, and monitor her breathing. It became worse and she ended up in the hospital last night around 9 pm. She had to be placed on an oxygen machine and has remained on it since last night. Every time they try to allow her to breathe on her own, her oxygen levels drop significantly.

The doctors are unsure whether this is a side effect or possible allergic reaction to the treatment or separate from treatment and caused by the MS. She has received numerous tests (an EKG, X-Ray on her chest, and CAT Scan on her lungs) to help determine the cause. The uncertainty and lack of answers bother me the most. Yet, there’s my mother. Full of peace…at least outwardly…and worrying about others.

Obviously, I spent my afternoon visiting her without a second thought to the spin class I missed or the list of to-dos that would not get done. I baked her peach muffins (recipe tomorrow) instead of folding laundry. I shared Mama Pea with her instead of hoarding the laughs for myself. And the Glamour? Just in case the Mama Pea stories make my mom cry….that’s just how she is.

It’s days like today that make me so grateful to have my faith.

It’s days like today that remind me that our relationships with others and with God are the only two things that truly matter in this life.

And it’s every day that I love my mom and pray for her body’s strength, her doctor’s guidance, and her heart’s peace. Would you mind doing the same for us today?

Thank you. And I know she says it too…thank you. Just before she asks you how you’re doing and what she can do to help you, of course. Oh, mom. I love you.

I have recently come to a tough decision. I hesitated to blog about because it’s a personal matter that I honestly anticipated receiving judgment over. Probably because any remotely attacking negative comment I have received on this blog has related to my mothering. Talk about a dagger to the heart.

I don’t know why I receive more negative comments about my parenting – how quickly I went back to blogging after Braedon, sharing pictures of my kids, “undeniably giving M an eating disorder when she grows up”, etc. I faced uncertainty posting this decision because I didn’t want to to be told in a round about way I had given up too easily or could have done more for my child.

While not all of you may relate, I know some can and that in itself warrants me stepping out on the limb. For the past month, I have officially been weaning Baby B from breastfeeding and plan to fully stop within the next month. I know I don’t have to “justify” myself, but I still want to express the why in case any of the many future mommies (or current mommies) who read this blog have faced or will face the same.

Why I’m Deciding To Stop Nursing

• I couldn’t keep up! The hungry boy needed more than my body could give him and I found myself having to supplement at least 50% of his feedings with formula all the time. It gets old to nurse, then prep a bottle, then feed again, etc. with another child to care for a as well.
• Milk stimulation wasn’t working. I took Fenugreek like it was my job, drank more water than my bladder could handle, pumped more, and many other tips. Nothing worked. Around the same time after Makenzie my supply decreased suddenly and dramatically. I spent 6 weeks fighting it without results. Now facing the same situation, I refuse to stress myself out like that again.
• Braedon wouldn’t nurse. As he gets older, he becomes more interested in exploring rather than nursing. He simply will not stay on the boob to eat! Then, when he would eat he would attack me with biting, kicking, clawing and pulling on the nips. Not so fun. Or effective. So I turned to pumping and giving him bottles…but that just decreased my supply even more.

It’s hard to give up that special bond and know that I would personally prefer him to drink solely breast milk, but it just isn’t happening anymore. I am NOT asking for tips. I know 99% of them. I have tried 100% of those. I did not take this decision lightly and being told “oh, you should have tried this” will leave me feeling like I didn’t do enough. I adored every moment I had with my little B in this way, but I also promised myself I would not stress if I encountered the same things as I did with Makenzie and had to stop before a year again.

I embrace this change because I know it suits me and my family. I have bags of frozen peas on standby to ice sore, weaning tatas should I find the need. Although, honestly, my supply has gotten that bad that even after dropping another feeding yesterday I felt nothing. So…I guess say goodbye to the milk jugs and hello to the itty bitty titty committee. I hope I get a warm welcome.  

• Do you receive negative feedback or judgment (on the blog or in everyday life) more readily in a particular area? What?
• What type of unsolicited advice do you hate to receive? I hate getting unsolicited parenting advice. I do what works for my family and if I need help, guidance, or support – let me ask!

***Look for an announcement with the Love Grown Giveaway winner tonight!!!***