When the kiddos’ naptime (aka my post-writing time) rolled around I stared at my screen with this dilemma:

The response came in for me on Twitter and Facebook (shameless plug to follow if you don’t already). Verdict = share what’s on my mind. Who am I to deny the answers social media provides? 

I have been facing an internal dilemma.What exactly? The scale. Dun dun dun!!!!

When maintaining my weight or gaining weight for conception and pregnancy I had absolutely no desire to use a scale. It did not matter to me in the least. Now I suddenly feel myself wishing I could have it available to me. Why? Well, I am trying to lose weight. Its necessary to get back to that place I personally feel my best. I sort of miss having a concrete way to know how those efforts pan out. I feel like I am approaching my goals blindly.

Although harder, its still possible to eat enough healthy food calories to inhibit weight loss. I also don’t want to lose too quickly, which can be detrimental to milk supply. And I have no clue if I’m doing either of those things. I fear that I will reach a point where I feel I’m not making progress and will then make unnecessary changes. It’s interesting…I gave up the scale to not have mental games, yet now it seems to be causing even more of those games.

I tell myself the following: I feel confident in my relationship with my body. I believe I could use a scale without getting caught up in the number. I trust that I would use it as a tool and nothing more – simply as a more regular gauge in addition to my clothes and progress pictures, which both take longer to show noticeable progress. I would still do my thing, with minor tweaks when needed and not because I think its time as I may without a scale. I would not focus on reaching a particular number and would never do anything drastic in the name of achieving a number. I would keep the balanced approach I have strived to achieve.

Then, there’s the other side. I know I don’t need a scale to tell me I’m making good choices for my health…and health matters most. I have stated here my belief in getting back in shape scale-free. I would feel like I was letting FFF, and its readers, down. I also feel like I would lose credibility personally. I have other ways I can track progress and focus on. I know that, while I weighed myself weekly after Makenzie, my body naturally returned to its happy place. Although I used the scale to reach my goals, I didn’t depend on it either.

I still don’t know where I end up with this internal dilemma. I want to be true to myself, my beliefs on health and balance, this blog and what it represents above all else. Can the two coexist?

Question of the Evening – What’s your relationship with the scale? Or any thoughts?

I owe all of you so much gratitude for the numerous comments, emails, tweets, Facebook notes, etc you have sent out to me this week. Each supportive message on my mothering, positivity, blogging milestones, and more still touches me just as much as my very first comments – from people like Julie, Krys, Janetha, Lisa, Mellissa, Naomi, and Lindsey. With as much thanks as I have for all of you, today I must express my appreciation for someone else. I like to give credit where credit is due, after all.

I want to thank God. I thank him personally every day, but I want to do it publicly here today.

You all commend me on my ability as a mother. It’s not wholly me. It’s Him working through me. I must turn to Him for patience to remain calm when we have our little moments during the day – toddler temper tantrums and some baby gas fussing. I use Him for guidance on how to manage my time to be there for my children as well as my husband and other priorities. I will pray about basically everything when it comes to my family. I know I need Him to get through each day with as much grace and love as possible.

You all congratulated me on FFF reaching its first year and the path it has taken during that time. I 100% could not have done it without God. As many of you realize, blogging is a vulnerable task. It’s putting yourself out there for the world to see. It opens you up to hurtful comments or emails about your life and who you are as a person – like being selfish for continuing to blog  with a newborn. True story.

I continue to blog because I truly feel “called” to do it. I believe God gives us passions for a reason and sharing myself here is truly a passion. It humbles me to hear that my stories and musings can inspire, help, or strengthen another. I credit God for giving me the heart and the ideas to continue giving my all here.

You all thank me for sharing so openly and doing things like embracing my body so publicly. Let me just say, posting a picture of yourself in a bikini one week after giving birth is no easy task. It would be easy for me to nitpick away at my body or focus on where I want to physically be in the future. Then, to turn around and put it online instead and feel confident about it?

That strength can only come from one source. I’ve learned how much He loves me. If He loves me how can I deny loving myself and viewing myself as beautiful? That belief is the root of my confidence. That belief pushes me to hopefully bring others to appreciating their bodies more as well.

Today, I publicly say thanks. I have to do the work, but its only possible with Him.

Question of the Day – What do you want to say thank you for today?