Sticking with the plan isn’t the only thing that took up some of my thoughts while at the gym last night. I also found myself in a moment of weakness sucked into that dangerous black hole: comparison.

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I was going about my Couch to 5K workout happily – feeling strong, healthy, and fit. I had a fantastic day earlier, thanks to B sleeping better and over the last week getting into a solid routine that makes juggling two much easier. [Side note: he even slept from 8 to 1 and then from 2 to 6 last night. Heaven!] I had confidence in what I have already accomplished fitness wise oozing from my pores. I love my body and it amazes me in all it can do. Then, it happened. She showed up.

So, there’s this chick at my gym. A lot of her fitness persona reminds me of myself 1.5 years ago when I felt at my personal best physically. Her body is very comparable to the physique I call my “happy place”. The workouts she completes resemble my favorite types of workouts and the way I love to challenge myself. Her energy and vibe appear so natural as she smiles and happily connects with other members over their workouts. And I found myself very bothered by this.

I caught myself saying things of annoyance about her in my head. Critiquing what she was wearing or calling her a flirt for chatting with some of the guys. Then it dawned on me. I was only doing these things out of jealousy caused by comparing myself. I had no need to think such things. She looked good. One of the guys she chatted with is her husband and his friends! They were talking about workouts – not flirting! Evidently my thoughts were completely jealousy related.

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The comparison trap and jealousy caused by it lead me to momentarily lose the satisfaction and appreciation of my body and achievements right now. Once I recognized that, I forced myself to stop. I don’t like to think negatively. I was happy just moments before and shouldn’t forget those great feelings so easily.

Then, I turned that jealousy into a positive. I remember I am working back to that goal and I have full faith that I can achieve those things again with ample time. I have the dedication and the love of fitness to do so. I also remembered that treating myself with respect and being happy with the journey were a key part to that success after Makenzie. I can’t lose that same mindset for this journey. And I won’t. I finished out my workout yet again feeling healthy and confident. Yet again believing in myself and loving my body for the amazing things it has done (creating beautiful children) and that it continues to do (getting back in shape so easily). Black hole averted.

Question of the Day – What do you do when you find yourself in the comparison trap or feeling jealous?

When the kiddos’ naptime (aka my post-writing time) rolled around I stared at my screen with this dilemma:

The response came in for me on Twitter and Facebook (shameless plug to follow if you don’t already). Verdict = share what’s on my mind. Who am I to deny the answers social media provides? 

I have been facing an internal dilemma.What exactly? The scale. Dun dun dun!!!!

When maintaining my weight or gaining weight for conception and pregnancy I had absolutely no desire to use a scale. It did not matter to me in the least. Now I suddenly feel myself wishing I could have it available to me. Why? Well, I am trying to lose weight. Its necessary to get back to that place I personally feel my best. I sort of miss having a concrete way to know how those efforts pan out. I feel like I am approaching my goals blindly.

Although harder, its still possible to eat enough healthy food calories to inhibit weight loss. I also don’t want to lose too quickly, which can be detrimental to milk supply. And I have no clue if I’m doing either of those things. I fear that I will reach a point where I feel I’m not making progress and will then make unnecessary changes. It’s interesting…I gave up the scale to not have mental games, yet now it seems to be causing even more of those games.

I tell myself the following: I feel confident in my relationship with my body. I believe I could use a scale without getting caught up in the number. I trust that I would use it as a tool and nothing more – simply as a more regular gauge in addition to my clothes and progress pictures, which both take longer to show noticeable progress. I would still do my thing, with minor tweaks when needed and not because I think its time as I may without a scale. I would not focus on reaching a particular number and would never do anything drastic in the name of achieving a number. I would keep the balanced approach I have strived to achieve.

Then, there’s the other side. I know I don’t need a scale to tell me I’m making good choices for my health…and health matters most. I have stated here my belief in getting back in shape scale-free. I would feel like I was letting FFF, and its readers, down. I also feel like I would lose credibility personally. I have other ways I can track progress and focus on. I know that, while I weighed myself weekly after Makenzie, my body naturally returned to its happy place. Although I used the scale to reach my goals, I didn’t depend on it either.

I still don’t know where I end up with this internal dilemma. I want to be true to myself, my beliefs on health and balance, this blog and what it represents above all else. Can the two coexist?

Question of the Evening – What’s your relationship with the scale? Or any thoughts?