*deep breath*

I sit here with an overwhelming sensation. A sensation that normally does not plague me as I produce blog post after blog post after blog post. Nervousness. Fear. Anxiousness. The thought of what I will share in this post puts me in a more vulnerable place than ever. It goes beyond my comfort zone of divulging crazy ideas to Peter. It breaks down the safety barriers of vagueness and general musings. It challenges me to say “I believe!” instead of “I wonder?”.

A perfect storm of forces has come together to drive me towards trusting in myself to go after these thoughts that have tugged at my heartstrings for longer than I care to admit. Tugs from God. Fitbloggin’ discussions. Reading Jillian Michaels’ book Unlimited. Coming across a plethora of blog posts about taking action. Devotional reading after devotional reading on using the talents God has blessed upon us, letting go of fear, and dreaming big. All of those things have joined together to get all up in my face trying to say “Tina, you need to DO something!”

But…but…but…but. That scares the shitake mushrooms out of me!!! Turning my dreams into action. No longer keeping my dreams hidden in the depths of my mind, but instead attempting to create them in my life. Uhhh…uhh…uhhh. I couldn’t possibly. Could I?

Yet if I hope for these things to ever blossom into a butterfly and break from the cocoon of my inner wishes, I must believe in them and in myself enough to speak them aloud. Sure, saying them doesn’t mean they will come true, but it does give them the chance to come true. I don’t want to avoid a challenge because a fear of failure. I don’t want to tiptoe around the path I trust God wants me on because of uncertainty in the outcome. I don’t want to half live my life.

So, I sit here at my computer. Sweaty palms. Racing heart. Big dreams.

I want to help others achieve their fitness goals. I don’t want to wait to start.

Before, I always anticipated getting into personal training when both kids were full-time in school. I refuse to commit to working out of the house on someone else’s schedule before then. Lately though? I have the urging to go ahead and pursue that dream of personal training by focusing on online training services and possibly local boot camps or something similar on my own schedule. I plan to order my study materials for the NASM certification after I return from vacation and get certified by the end of the year. Did I really just say that out loud? *deep breath*

I want to share my story – in a book.

I want to go in depth with all the nitty, gritty details of what led me to binge eating, the body image struggles I faced, the hit-you-in-the-gut emotions, the lessons I learned, the challenges I continue to encounter, and everything else that fires me up on the topic. I have always felt a reason existed for what I went through and for the longest time – even before I ever knew about blogging – I pictured using my experiences for others in this way. I believe I do that now through FFF, but something keeps telling me its possible to go a little bit beyond this small platform. Within the next year, I hope to start pursuing that call. Did I really just say that out loud? *shaking*

So…my dreams. Publishing them means I believe they can happen. Publishing them means I believe in myself. Dare I hit publish? *deeeeeepppppp breath* I dare.

• Does sharing your dreams scare you? Why or why not?
• Any dreams you before thought were unreasonable, but then accomplished?

I have a lot of goals for myself. Although, when I consider my goals, many range in a broad spectrum and I don’t have specifics in how I hope to achieve them. That kind of bothers me. I have written previously about my approach to goals and simply striving each day for a balance in giving time and energy to all of those things which matter most to me. Yet secretly, I always wish I could organize my goals and thoughts – for example, like other bloggers do with monthly goal posts. Today, I decided no more wishing. I’m taking my broad spectrum hopes for my life and breaking them down into more detailed actions. I will keep my overall, broader perspective, but also include action points that fit into each.

Personal: A Balanced Life of God, Family, and Personal Passion

• Spend at least 20 minutes each day in quiet prayer (does not include my random chats with God through the day) and Bible reading/study.
• Continue making regular, concentrated time for family activities: 2 hours total full-blown family time each day and 1 weekly special family focused activity
• Look into personal training certifications. (more details on why next week)
• Read one book.
• Stick to our newly revised budget and keep up with tracking our expenditures daily.

Health/Fitness: Continue Trusting My Body & Making Healthy Decisions Regularly

• Make one new healthy recipe each week. (this week’s coming tomorrow!)
• Run my first 10K and achieve a sub 1:00 time.
• Maintain my running stamina while on vacation for a week by completing three low-key runs over the course of the week. <--- excited to run at the beach!
• Complete at least two unassisted pull-ups in a row.
• Continue using healthier coping mechanisms when faced with stress or difficult emotional situations.
• Eat on average 6+ servings of fruit/veggies daily.

Blogging: Have Fun While Developing My Biggest Personal Passion

• Stay organized, focused, and balanced with my blogging routine. Continue using solely nap time for blog work to keep that balance.
• Produce quality content that includes a variety of topics – personal, fitness, recipes, body image discussion, FFF daily life, cute kids, and more.
• Stay connected with the wonderful blogging community by commenting on 10-15 blogs per day and staying up to date on my own blog’s comments/emails.
• Put up a recipe page. <--- Still uncertain on this one since I’m not really a “foodie” type blog and my “recipes” are more tossing things together typically. 😉
• Stay active in Twitter and Facebook to connect with you all because without you sharing the love with me, FFF would have nothing.

Wow! That wasn’t as bad as I thought. I think the blogging goals were the hardest to lay out there. I strive first and foremost to have fun with the blog, but I can’t deny how strongly I feel about developing this passion of mine. I feel called to pour myself into it no matter how I try to step back. God just keeps reeling me back in full force to share myself with each of you. I have goals for the blog, but I still don’t care for goals like having X amount of readership or gaining X number of Facebook likes or anything like that. In sum, I believe putting my story out there, staying genuine to myself, and connecting with you all provides all I hope for in my FFF baby.

Tangent aside, it does feel good to put my goals out there in writing rather than rambling around in my head as a hodge podge of hopes, dreams, and paths I feel God calling me towards. I’m always one to go after life. So let’s make June happen. And the fact it’s June could create a whole other tangent in itself so I will stop this post there. 😉

• Do you like writing out goals? What is a goal you have for this month?
• Do you have blogging goals?