Today’s Flashback Friday will continue with my travels, since you all said you enjoy them. I enjoy writing them as well. It is fun to relive such an amazing trip. It is also interesting to read through my travel journal and see some of my thought processes. I have something to discuss that bothered me when reading through my entries. First, let’s look at all of the pictures and the fun stuff. Today’s flashback is to our week in Rome. Love.

We spent a good deal of time in Rome because there is just too much to see! I mean, you can’t go to one of the biggest empires EVER and not take time to explore it. From the many churches to the colossal historic ruins and monuments, we had plenty to keep us occupied.

Our first day we hit up most of the major tourist attractions. We started off at the Trevi Fountain and tossed the obligatory coin into it. It is said that if you toss a coin over your shoulder into the fountain you will return to Rome before you die. I certainly hope that is true. I want to go back to Europe so badly!

After stopping there, we headed straight to the Pantheon. I had no idea it used to be a pagan worship arena.

History has never been my strong point. Although seeing things in person definitely makes them more interesting. A reason I would love to go to Israel. The only history that truly fascinates me is in the Bible and it would be so cool to see that region up close and personal. But Italy sure does have cool history too. Evident in the ruins and the Colosseum…

It feels like you’re on a movie set because it is so hard to wrap your mind around the fact that these are the real deal.

The remainder of our time in Rome, we simply enjoyed the city and explored, as well as took some day trips I will share next week. We loved visiting the many beautiful churches. I’m not even talking about St. Peter’s Basilica yet. That’s part of next week too. There are so many gorgeous places of worship. The detail and art masterpieces within the walls seem more like museums than churches, but there are people praying and worshipping all around as well. I loved it.

I admit to doing some silly sightseeing as well. I was reading Dan Brown’s Angel & Demons book during my travels and had to check out some of the locales from the book. Like this statue that, in the book, pointed to the next point on the “path to Illumination”. It’s a good book. I highly recommend it.

There is one highlight of Rome that sticks out to me. That was the one fancy dinner we took on the entire trip. We had a strict budget for most of the trip, but when we saw this nice Italian restaurant that made their pasta fresh daily right outside the Pantheon, we took up the splurge. I remember we shared some fresh lasagna & ravioli, a delectable salad, and a bottle of the house white wine. All with the Pantheon front and center.

I’m just sad I didn’t know the importance of food pictures then. I have none to share of what was hands down one of the best meals of my life. No, I’m not exaggerating. Italians know how to do pasta right. Seems like a “duh” thing to say, but there really are no other words to explain it. Fly to Italy now and experience it! If only, right?

This part of our trip was fabulous. Every day was an adventure. What saddened me while reading my journal was the fact that I didn’t seem to live it fully with that mindset. While I obviously enjoyed myself, I still made comments in my journal about wishing the time to pass quicker or other negative things. There were things about missing Peter and my family with a countdown of how many days until I could see them. Instead, I should have simply recognized I would see them soon enough but may not ever come back to Italy and then reveled in being there. I griped about how hot the hostel was in Rome thanks to no A/C, windows that didn’t open, and sharing a room with 20+ people. Um, hello??? You’re in Rome and experiencing new things that many don’t get the chance to! Get over yourself!

And what really pissed me off? During the passage that described the fancy Italian dinner I complained about feeling fat after the meal and how “luckily we walk a lot to burn off all those carbs”. How sad! I probably enjoyed the meal more remembering it than I did during it because I obviously had some anxiety. It saddens me that my negative relationship with food affected such a special moment in that way. I’m thankful I can now enjoy food with minimal issue, but who knows if I will have the same chance to taste such a delightful meal in a once-in-a-lifetime setting? I missed the full experience of it by worrying unnecessarily. My point is, don’t allow anxiety, worry, and stress to keep you from the current moment. Live life in the present. Really savor the life you are experiencing. Right now. Don’t give yourself a chance for regrets and don’t get caught up in negativity. Blessings surround us every moment. Open your eyes to them and live.

• What is a moment you missed experiencing fully because of worry or negativity?
• Have you read any of Dan Brown’s books? Would you have played the total nerd and gone looking for some of the places described in the book too?
• What is one of the best meals of your life?

Come back later for my post on last night’s Flavors of Forsyth fun!

I am so happy that all of you are enjoying the Intuitive Eating posts. I really love writing them. If you want more in depth information, be sure to check out the book I get my inspiration and ideas from – Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch.

From yesterday’s post in the series, it definitely sounds like many of us struggle with recognizing our fullness and taking the time to be aware of it when eating. I will be the first to admit that is one of my biggest challenges with intuitive eating as well. I have always been a fast eater and grew up with the “clean your plate” mentality ingrained into me. I vividly remember a dinner during a family vacation when I was 12. My cousin and I wanted to order off the adult menu because they had coconut shrimp. We were told if we ordered them, we must eat the entire thing. We both got full only about halfway into the meal and were forced to finish with our parents and aunt looming over us. It came as no surprise when we both ended up in the bathroom a short time later throwing up our too packed tummies.

I remember eating intuitively my late years of high school and my first two years of college. Then, all of that changed when I got on a diet plan. I ate by the clock and would not pay attention to how hungry I was. I completely lost sight of what satisfied felt like. I knew “hungry” or “too full”. I had such a rigid eating schedule and was always so hungry at meal times that I would eat so fast out of the pure excitement to finally get to eat. There was no room for recognizing hunger because I had to eat my particular meals no matter what my body was telling me. I was out of touch with my body’s natural signals because my diet rules controlled my life.

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In an attempt to rebel against the rules and say they had no control over me, I swung to the opposite end of the spectrum. I began binging. When I binged, it was all about the out of control feeling and eating as much as I could as fast as I could.

I remember there were times I would stop by the grocery store on my way home from work to buy a box of cookies, candy, a dozen doughnuts, whatever…and would devour the entire thing in the 30 minutes it took me to get home.

Or even before that, when I was still living at home with my parents, I would have to sneak to the kitchen and eat as much as I could in the few minutes I knew I had before somebody came downstairs. I probably didn’t even chew some of the food in an effort to pack it in.

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I would hide out in my bedroom when I lived with a roommate and get extremely anxious when I heard her come home because my mouth was so full and I would worry I didn’t have time to swallow my food before she came in my room to say hi.

I would buy a tray of brownies, bags of candy, and some ice cream sandwiches and make up an elaborate story about throwing a birthday party for someone so they wouldn’t know it was all for me. I would even throw a card in with my purchase to make it look more real.

I remember one time after a particularly grueling fight with my dad going to a local pizza shop to buy a $5 large cheese carryout pizza and sitting in a remote corner of a parking lot eating it in my car.

That is the ugly truth of where I have come from. That is just how out of touch I was with my hunger and my body’s needs. What changed that and shaped that was recognizing what truly matters. God, my husband, and my growing baby. I didn’t start feeling more in control of those actions until trying to get pregnant with Makenzie. I didn’t fully stop them until I actually was pregnant with her. Seeing all the wonders that go into God creating a human being through me left me with more respect for myself and more aware of the most important blessings in life. My faith grew beyond a basic “I believe God is out there” and along with my faith came an intense desire to honor God, part of which included loving me because He loved me. It took a LOT of prayer, even more encouragement from my husband, and a little miracle of a child to show me the importance of respecting myself and listening to my body. As Quinn from Glee says, “don’t wait to get pregnant to feel at home in your body and to respect it”. Or something along those lines.

It also took time and effort to truly pay attention to my body. I know recognizing fullness and being aware of your eating is a very difficult practice to adopt, but very worth it. I still have to really pay attention and recognize my hunger. I have to consciously make myself slow down and pause during every meal. It is hard, like so many things in life, but taking the time to decide if you are satisfied, hungry, or full brings many rewards…like rarely going hungry or uncomfortable from food again. I do say rarely, because lets be real...I can still eat too much at times. Typically a social gathering where I am distracted from my eating and there are too many goodies to try. I don't feel guilty for it though because I am still in control and aware. It takes practice, but it does become a little more natural as time goes on.