It seems like it should come so naturally. But it doesn’t. And, honestly, I’m a little afraid. Especially since the time has come.

First, Makenzie’s birthday.

Then…Halloween.

Then the many traditions our family has in the fall that includes good food.

You can imagine what comes next. Thanksgiving. Christmas parties. Christmas dinners. Treats passed out every which way you turn. Holiday baking.

Food. Food. Food. Food.

What am I getting at with all of this?

Maintenance.

I have a slight fear. Will I be able to keep maintaining the progress I have worked so hard towards? I have so far, but what about over the holidays?

You see…I feel kind of lost when it comes to holiday maintenance. Why? Because I have NEVER done it in all the years that I actually cared about my health.

Literally, NEVER! In other words, since high school, the holidays has been a time to pack on the pounds.

old school picture of mine and Peter’s first Thanksgiving together – towards the beginning of overcoming my binge eating struggles

In high school and the first two years of college, I just ate a lot. Then, my junior year of college I went on vacation to Disney world and ate my way through the week with a “new healthy plan” to start at the New Year.

That “new healthy plan” was the beginning of my food obsession and control techniques. For the next few years, the holidays were a never ending binge and restrict cycle that always ended with me “giving up and starting fresh on January first”. It also ended with the scale reading a good 10 pounds more. At least. For me to restrict my way back down from later on.

Finally, my relationship with food changed…but the holidays still weren’t for maintenance.

Four years ago – I was trying to conceive Makenzie and on the tail end of binging issues. Three years ago – I was a first time and new mom, who didn’t even think of the word “healthy” the first 6 weeks post-partum. Two years ago – I was having to force myself to gain weight in order to regain my cycle post fitness competition. One year ago, I was pregnant with a sweet tooth that wouldn’t stop and supposed to gain weight, of course.

It’s not an exaggeration. I have NEVER maintained my weight over the holidays and for some reason I find myself struggling with the concept.

Quite frankly, that pisses me off!

I KNOW what works for me to have a healthy balance. I KNOW what to do to stay on track. I KNOW I can work dang hard to care for myself.

So why in the heck am I not trusting myself to do the same for the next 2.5 months?

Just because I haven’t been able to before doesn’t mean I won’t be able to now. I cannot let doubt get in the way. Who am I to doubt myself?

I know what to do and I will do it. Look for another post coming on my “maintenance game plan”. But in essence, I will have my (pumpkin cheese)cake and I will eat it too.

I refuse to not enjoy the celebration that comes with this time of year we are fast approaching. But, more importantly, I refuse…REFUSE…to go back to my old ways. Who wants to knock the crap out of doubt with me?

• Is there a healthy habit you sometimes doubt in yourself?

I had another crazy day today. Fortunately this time it was crazy busy and crazy fun, instead of crazy clumsy. After I hit the ground running spinning with this morning’s cycle class, I had special plans with Makenzie. Her first field trip!

We visited Uncle Shuck’s – a corn maze & pumpkin patch north of Atlanta.

As a family we have visited this little haven of fall every year for the past few years, but today’s trip had some special and learning for the kids.

We learned about products that have soy beans in them and how to recycle…

(holy junk food propaganda! but let’s not get distracted)

The kids learned how to measure pumpkins…

And they got to learn some fun facts in the "Maize of knowledge”.

The simplest things always take on a new level of excitement when done with children. The many smiling faces and off-the-wall-energy will get you excited about corn, hay rides, and goats too.

Or at the very least, cute kids sitting in a pumpkin patch will warm your heart.

Just keep a keen eye. The little man thinks mulch is fine cuisine.

I, on the other hand, prefer the orange globes behind him as my cuisine of choice. And I was quite disappointed to not get my pumpkin bread fix during our Uncle Shuck’s visit today. It’s tradition!

The craving wouldn’t relent, so I came home and made some pumpkin oats for lunch. I could eat breakfast all day every day, so this actually made me quite happy. Especially since I had to rush my breakfast this morning.  I needed to make up for it.

The pumpkin oats didn’t kill the craving, though. I had to bring out the big guns. Well, looky there.

I offered to bring a dessert to tonight’s small group and had the ingredients for the easiest pumpkin spice cookies on hand for such a need. If you don’t know this simple mix, you must give it a shot – one box spice cake mix and 2 cups (or one 15 oz can) pumpkin. Mix it all together. Plop on a baking sheet by the spoonful and bake ‘em up for 15 minutes at 350.

I love adding white chocolate chips to mine. Heavenly! I will happily eat as many as necessary to satisfy my field-trip inspired pumpkin cravings. Yes, siree!

• What was one of your favorite field trips for school?
• What is the last craving you had?
• PS – The next “Stuffed With Emptiness” post coming tomorrow.