This week’s Self-Love Reflections post comes from Emily. Join her as she shares her growth through a tough relationship decision and having to do what was right for her.

Hi FFF readers! I'm Emily and I (semi) blog over at Healthy Creature. I've been reading Tina's blog for almost a year now and I'm so thrilled to share my story today.

I dated the same guy from my sophomore year in high school through my junior year in college. We were in youth group together, hung out a bunch of times, and then all of a sudden we just clicked and started dating. He was so good to me, took care of me, loved me, and immediately we were headed down the dating-then-marriage road. I knew early on I wanted to marry him, and never questioned it. I saw my life ahead of me...having kids and supporting him in his youth ministry and it made me happy.

Since I was a Spanish major, part of my plan was to study in Spain. I had visited in high school with my Spanish teacher, and my mom said that the second I hopped off the bus, my first words were, "I'm going back, mom." Return I did. I almost didn't because I just couldn't bear to be separated from my man, and the first week was the hardest. I was hit with awful homesickness...mostly for him, but also for my family, school, friends etc (naturally). He ended up making plans to come and visit during spring break in March. I was ecstatic and that helped me make it through the next few months.

While I had my "light at the end of the tunnel," I started to grow in ways I never expected as I adapted to living in a new country. I loved, loved living in Sevilla, and because I had so much distance between me and my life back home, I started to think about what I wanted and who I was. I knew he was visiting in a short bit, and hoped to talk to him about how I was feeling and that maybe I didn't want to follow the exact path we had laid out for our relationship anymore.

March finally came, he and my sister visited and I was so happy. The second day he was there, he insisted we take a carriage ride through the city. When we entered at the Parque Maria Luisa, he turned to me, told me he would love me forever and asked if I would marry him. It was truly a perfect proposal, a beautiful ring, and perfect moment.

Why did I feel like I wanted to throw up? The truth is that when he proposed, my first thought was "Oh no." I had been thinking a lot, but had not completely worked everything out. He was going along with our original "plan" but in my gut, I knew it wasn't right for me anymore. I did say yes in the moment, and hoped it was just a really, really early onset of cold feet. He went home, and I spent the next few weeks caught up in the excitement of imminent wedding planning. A short while later, I re-read some of my journal entries I had written at the beginning of my stay and realized I did not have cold feet. I was just not ready to get married.

Shortly after arriving home, I told him I wasn't ready, and that was probably the worst night of my life. I felt horrible. He felt horrible and rejected. I started to question my decision, but as time passed, it became more clear that I was not ready for marriage at this stage in my life. It was not so clear to him, and I spent a good nine months experiencing a lot of anger and guilt from him. It was certainly warranted, I know that. But my decision was that I was not ready to be married and just wanted to wait, not that I didn't ever want to marry him, which I had made clear. Eventually, he came to the conclusion he might never be married, started seeing someone the next summer, and married her shortly after.

That was about 6 years ago. If I hadn't done what I did, I would not have acknowledged who I am and what I wanted out of life. I'm sure I would have been happy to an extent if everything had progressed as planned, but I realized that I also needed to find my own passions and stay true to the core of who I am.

I think about my life now and how it could be, and I know I made the right decision. Not once have I regretted or wished I hadn't broken off my engagement. I spent my teenage years and early twenties in his shadow and the self discovery I gained from the whole experience is priceless. I also believe that my decision was the stepping stone for the many changes and experiences I have had since then. It's certainly hard at times watching my friends get married, have children and see their lives evolve in a way mine won't until I enter that stage in my life.

However, one challenge I have set for myself comes from a Jim Elliot quote: Wherever you are, be all there. While I don't always do this perfectly, this reminder keeps me grounded and focused on where I am in my life and reminds me to enjoy this season and not worry about the past or anticipate the future to the point where I miss out on today.

• Have you encountered a defining moment/decision in your life similar to Emily’s? What was it?

My mom has had another multiple sclerosis relapse and is in the hospital.

Talk about a damper to a day that started off on a high note – coming off from a crazy good weekend, having a productive morning, and feeling the love from my little ones.

Then, I get a call around 9:30 this morning. From my mom, all laid back and asking how I’m doing and about my weekend…but, oh by the way – “I’m in the hospital because I had trouble breathing and they don’t know why”. What the what now?!!?! But, that’s my mom. The quintessential selfless woman always worrying about others and glossing over her own struggles.

I love my mom. And not to sound hoakey or anything, but aside from Jesus she is the biggest inspiration in how I hope to live my life and the kind of person I want to be. Every time I hear she faces another relapse or has another scare related to the MS, a little piece of me crumbles. Yet she somehow remains so strong.

She was diagnosed this past February after having some weakness in her legs and trouble walking. Her regular medicine normally helps her feel fairly normal, but it seems every two months things become more difficult on her lower body again. The treatment for her relapses typically helps her to function as normal again within a few weeks. It carries standard side effects of additional fatigue, headaches, and nausea, but my mom just acts like my mom and sails through it all as serenely as possible.

This time was different.

After three days on the treatment for her relapse, she started noticing some trouble breathing. She was advised to stay home, rest, and monitor her breathing. It became worse and she ended up in the hospital last night around 9 pm. She had to be placed on an oxygen machine and has remained on it since last night. Every time they try to allow her to breathe on her own, her oxygen levels drop significantly.

The doctors are unsure whether this is a side effect or possible allergic reaction to the treatment or separate from treatment and caused by the MS. She has received numerous tests (an EKG, X-Ray on her chest, and CAT Scan on her lungs) to help determine the cause. The uncertainty and lack of answers bother me the most. Yet, there’s my mother. Full of peace…at least outwardly…and worrying about others.

Obviously, I spent my afternoon visiting her without a second thought to the spin class I missed or the list of to-dos that would not get done. I baked her peach muffins (recipe tomorrow) instead of folding laundry. I shared Mama Pea with her instead of hoarding the laughs for myself. And the Glamour? Just in case the Mama Pea stories make my mom cry….that’s just how she is.

It’s days like today that make me so grateful to have my faith.

It’s days like today that remind me that our relationships with others and with God are the only two things that truly matter in this life.

And it’s every day that I love my mom and pray for her body’s strength, her doctor’s guidance, and her heart’s peace. Would you mind doing the same for us today?

Thank you. And I know she says it too…thank you. Just before she asks you how you’re doing and what she can do to help you, of course. Oh, mom. I love you.