The No Talking In Bed Rule?

Posted: July 19, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I love a good workout for a burst of energy! I felt a little tired this morning but, after I got moving on my workout for the day, I instantly felt better. I repeated the same full body weights circuit from last week because I didn’t feel like coming up with something different and then tackled a fun session of intervals on the elliptical.

Minutes Resistance Level Speed (rpm) Intensity
0 - 5 5 60 light
5 - 8 10 70 moderate
8 - 9 10 80+ (sprint) heavy
9 - 10 15 70 heavy

Repeat the 10 minute cycle until you reach your desired time. I did 30 minutes worth and accomplished a pool of sweat by the end. The perfect remedy for my tiredness. Which I really need to get under control. And believe me, I’ve tried! I just can’t fall asleep at a reasonable hour because I keep breaking one of the “rules” we received when going through our required pre-marital counseling - leave the bed only for sleep and “canoodling” to keep it a place of peace. Find somewhere else to talk it out. I guess I can see the point, but I have never been one to follow it!

We head up to bed at a reasonable time, but I then become super chatty. I guess I want to dump out all the thoughts rumbling around in my head? And I feel like we don’t have as much time as normal to talk talk talk when he gets home from work. Instead of having 2+ hours to talk his ear off after we get the kids in bed, we only have maybe one with limited other distractions right now.

The last month has picked up a few things for both of us to work on at night. He has a side project for work in something he finds interesting and a fun challenge. I have to fit in time to study for personal training to follow after that dream. We have to make time as a family with the kids, so those tasks inevitably fall to after their bedtimes. I guess I try to make up that extra hour of chat time when we crawl into bed. We’re figuring it out to make sure the ebb and flow of life loading more on our plate right now doesn’t become the standard. Having time for each other is most important to us.

And having enough sleep. Although I’m still not so sure on that “no talking in bed” tip. 😉

  • What are some of the weirdest pieces of advice you have received?
  • Do you have trouble shutting your mind off at night?

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57 Comments to “The No Talking In Bed Rule?”
  1. Even with no kids and ample time to talk, I LOVE talking right before bed. I feel the closest at that time and would never recommend not talking!!

  2. Michelle says:

    Our favorite time of the day is when we get into bed and talk. We normally end up talking for an hour as well, and while we do go to bed later, I would not trade that time for anything! It is just easier to talk openly then I think.

  3. I do have trouble shutting of my mind at night sometimes. I try to write my thoughts down so I can clear my mind and get good rest! I’ve never heard the “no talking in bed” rule. We don’t really follow that, either. 😉

  4. Katherine says:

    I really can’t support any “no talking” rule! Communication is key in any relationship (friends, partner, children, family, etc).

    I’m also guilty of becoming chatty McKathy (which works because my name is Katherine haha) right before bed, I think I get anxious that it’s my last opportunity to spill my thoughts before the day is done!

    I definitely have trouble shutting my mind off at night, which is why I’m a TERRIBLE sleeper…and then I get anxiety about not sleeping, so it’s a whole cycle. I wish I had sleep advice for you, but the only thing that works for me is mentally setting the expectation that I will not get a lot of sleep :-/

  5. Holly @ The Runny Egg says:

    Tina I would love to tell you about some of the advice we received at premarital counseling. Long story short, our pastor was under the impression that neither of us knew what sex was or what the opposite sex looked like. It was hilarious.

    I do have trouble shutting off my mind at night — what I like to do is mentally think of those things and I tell myself “think about those things tomorrow” or usually it is “WORRY about those things tomorrow”, “time to rest” and then I visualize a light switch and I turn it off. Sounds silly, but most nights it really helps me.

  6. I’ve always heard no fighting in bed, but not no talking! I say chat away there as long as it’s positive and not fight-related 🙂

  7. Oh my god. I get SO chatty at night. There’s just so much to do during the day and running around that by the time night comes, all of my thoughts come spilling out!

  8. Michelle P. says:

    If we didn’t talk in the bed we would never talk. Between him working 50+ hours a week, me working 40 and raising a toddler and two teenagers life can be overwhelming sometimes. We have some of our best conversations in bed. Even if it means staying up late just to get a bit of extra time in.

    • Tina says:

      Hi Michelle! Just wanted to say I tried commenting on your blog but couldn’t without the name/url option. Hope you got some extra rest since Mon….although I know how there is no rest as a mama! 😉

      PS – cool that you’re in GA too!

  9. Wow that “no talking in bed” thing is really weird! I can understand no eating in bed or no doing work in bed…but talking? What if you want to talk while you’re doing the dirty? (sorry for being inappropriate). I definitely have trouble shutting off my mind at night…and I love talking to my man before we go to sleep- sometimes I feel like that is when we have our best conversations!

  10. I have been having trouble shutting my mind off several nights for the last few weeks. It got bad after I knew where I would be teaching. I would stay up thinking and planning for my classroom and new home and all the little things I wanted to know or needed to look into to. I find that reading my bible for a little bit before bed helps slow me down.

  11. Hallie says:

    What were the other rules you were given? As a just-married gal, I’m curious!

    • Tina says:

      Honestly that’s the main one I remember because I thought it was so ridiculous. And Peter always brings it up to make fun of me for wanting to talk a ton as soon as we crawl under the covers. LOL

  12. I do usually have trouble shutting my mind off at bed time sometimes I can be so tired and yet not able to sleep because there are a million thoughts running through my head! The no talking thing doesn’t really apply because we don’t go to bed at the same time normally so spend the time before I get in bed talking/catching up. With no kids though, we usually have plenty of time to catch up once we’re both home from work.

  13. The best piece of advice that I’ve received since being engaged is actually pretty simple…no matter what, always respect your significant other – you don’t have to be sync at all times, but you must respect one another.

    So simple, yet so true!

  14. I think you have to do whatever works best for you as a couple. If that’s your only time to talk, then talking and connecting are more important than rules. For instance, my fiancé and I actually sleep in separate bedrooms a few nights a week. I don’t sleep very well and I’m a really light sleeper, and this gives me a chance to get refreshed when I really need sleep. It helps us both be much less crabby to each other, so I think that actually helps our relationship.

  15. Errign says:

    I’m usually pretty able to just shut down and sleep, but usually on the nights where I need to get to sleep because I have to be up early for something important, I can’t shut my thoughts off and I’m up for the night.

  16. Jess says:

    This is EXACTLY why I didn’t sleep well last night!! I was so chatty with Scott before bed – he’s in school a few nights a wk right now and I’m in barre n9ne classes many nights so we’ve had less “us” time during the week. So last night I could NOT stop talking, and could NOT turn my brain off to save my life. I’m sure I drove him nuts but sometimes I just have to talk to get it OUT of my head or else I’ll never sleep!! I’m so glad I’m not alone in this one!!

  17. teresa says:

    Thank you for the interval sample!!! I’m totally going to use that for my elliptical. I’m bored with the presets and I know interval is the way to go.
    As for the talking in bed…. I totally get you. I tend to try to talk to my husband whenever we get to those quiet moments too. You’re wise to take such care with your relationship.

  18. Helen says:

    We too have a hard time getting time to ourselves just to chat it up! We also have a bad habit of talking in bed.

    As for advice, I can’t say I have been given weird advice but one thing I was told a long time ago that I stand by would be to never ever let someone hang up the phone, leave, go to sleep with an I love you!

  19. I don’t like that rule– bed is one of the best places to chat it up! I mean, they did coin the term “pillow talk” from somewhere.

    My mind shuts off as soon as I tell it too. I’m constantly going going going, so as soon as I give my mind the chance to relax– it jumps at the opportunity haha 🙂

  20. I often get a case of the chit chats when I get into bed. It’s the one time in the day when I have my hubby all to myself and I unload my brain! We’re busy and we never have time to sit and talk, so I usually have a mental list of things we need to discuss!

  21. If I have to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I actually have to tell myself not to think. If I wake up too much, my mind will start going and I’ll never get back to sleep!

  22. Haha! I always try to talk in bed and my Hubz get so mad!!

  23. Paige says:

    Canoodling – I love it 🙂
    we don’t chit chat much in the bedroom, but I swear every time I’m super busy or about to leave, Shane turns his chatterbox on high lol

  24. This is advice that we were given too…. I HATE it! I think that we bond when we are in bed after a long day just talking and being real. My favorite moments with my husband are when we are in bed, TALKING!!!! It brings us closer together and I love that!
    Girl, do what works for you! 🙂

    • Tina says:

      It never made much sense to me. I understand what Heather said above about not fighting…but talking? Bring it on! 🙂

  25. lindsay says:

    oh thats so us, we talk at night in bed for a while. You are so right, it needs to be for only 2 things. hehe. Such a great reminder tina!

  26. Lately I’ve been having the biggest issue turning off my brain when I want to sleep. I’m mostly thinking about good things, but then I get all excited before bed and I can’t calm down! I’ve never really had a reason to “pillow talk” but I personally like the idea of it. I feel like it could be a less hostile environment to hash things out than other places.

  27. Lauren says:

    Aww, I always thought pillow talk was a good thing.

  28. Never heard of that rule! haha. Wouldnt you wanna talk after the day was done?!

  29. I love talking in bed…and canoodling 😉 Although the chit chat is usually kept to lighthearted funny or random topics…I try not to talk about serious topics like finances b/c he says that will keep him up all night if I bring it up and he won’t be able to sleep…which I can understand, but nothing keeps my mind going…when I’m tired I’m tired and immediately fall asleep, which I guess is a good thing! 🙂

  30. My mind never seems to want to shut off even when I’m sleeping. I can usually fall asleep pretty quickly but I wake up multiple multiple times throughout the night thinking about various things. I often wake up in a fright thinking I’m late for a class or client. Many times I will dream I am up in front of a class teaching and I fall asleep so I will sit up in bed and feel like I should be teaching aerobics. This seriously prevents deep sleep. hahaha! I hope you get more sleep soon! 🙂

  31. I listen to an audiobook while going to bed…one I know really well so that I’m not too interested to fall asleep. It occupies my mind and is dark, so I usually go right to sleep.

  32. Gaaahhhhh you guys are such a beautiful pair~~:D And this is such a great post!!! I really gleaned a gold nugget of wisdom here~I’ll make sure and try to follow that when we’re married. Thank yaaaa!

  33. haha I definitely do the same thing about talking in bed. Once we climb in and under the covers, Jon gives me a kiss goodnight and I suddenly remember just about every single thing throughout the day.

  34. Jolene says:

    M and I have had some of the most HILARIOUS conversations right before drifting off to sleep. But on the other hand..perhaps TMI, however, I will say this: for me, once my head hits the pillow, I tend to fall asleep fast and – cough cough – that sometimes means no ‘extracurricular activity’ (as M for some reason recently started calling ‘it’) if I fall asleep too fast. Haha hope that made a bit of sense 😉

  35. Priyanka says:

    We actually call Murphy into the bed with us and pet him and talk for like an hour before we go to sleep.

  36. Priyanka says:

    I think, right before bed time is when we are away from media in every form and it pure “us” time and I love the fact that both of us have just as much to talk. I think people who don’t have much to talk have a problem.

    You guys are perfect and the picture is a testimony to that 🙂

  37. Karen says:

    I drive my hubby crazy by chit chatting in bed! When we go up to bed I always have a million things to say – random thoughts popping through my head, stuff I forgot to tell him about earlier, or questions about his day tomorrow. Some nights it easy to read his mind and know when to stop talking but other nights he has to tell me to stop : ) I guess I just have a harder time “shutting down” for the night than he does : )

  38. Karolina says:

    I generally have a hard time falling asleep at night, which leads to a lot of tiredness the next day! I would really struggle with a “no talking in bed” rule…nope. wouldn’t like it at all! Remember that you 2 play a crucial role in your family, and that it’s important to take time out of all responsibilities for each other! Sometimes scheduling a time to talk (even 15-20 minutes) during the day, is important!

  39. I can get super chatty in bed too – and I think it’s mostly the mind just not shutting down. I have such a hard time slowing down. I am a terrible sleeper actually. Not good I know. So, obviously I have zero advice LOL

  40. Ive never heard the no talking in bed rule before. I guess I can understand the point, but I dont think I could do it. So much runs through my mind right before bed, if I had someone to talk to about all of it I think that would be wonderful.

  41. I could see where it would be an issue if talking led to fighting, but just talking seems fine to me. I do have to watch myself and try not to ‘unload’ just before bed, as it does get my mind spinning and analyzing. The thing that works the best for me when I’m laying in bed with a racing mind is to start praying for anyone and everyone but me. It always seems to both clear my mind and put me to sleep. 🙂

  42. Tehehehehe. Do you want to know how many times I’ve put my husband to sleep gabbing away in bed? Seriously…at least once a week. I’m the same way…it’s when there’re no kids around, there’s silence, you can actually HEAR yourself speak and think.

  43. How funny! I never even thought about talking in bed. My guy is a night owl, I’m a forced early bird because of my job, so we hardly ever go to bed at the same time. And if we do, it’s usually around midnight and I’m so tired that I literally pass out within minutes. I usually get not more than 6 hours of sleep per night, so every minute of shut-eye is highly appreciated.
    My man and I do get to talk about our days after dinner, so I’m not missing out on gabbing away.

  44. Too funny. I can NEVER shut my mind off when going to bed. My husband gets so annoyed when I get into bed and start chatting away. ha! Just like you though, sometimes it’s the only time we have. 🙂 Maybe I should try your “rule”.

  45. Yup – my mind runs a lot in bed. Luckily for the hubby, I can (usually) keep it to myself!

  46. I just wanted to say that that picture of you and Peter is one of my all-time favorites!

  47. Melatonin is great for those nights when your thoughts just won’t turn off. Just make sure you don’t take more than 1 mg at a time. 🙂

  48. This is my first time checking out your blog, and reading this post made me laugh – I do the same thing. I often think of all the things I wanted to tell my husband just as I’m climbing into bed – the time when all of my thoughts and to-dos are swirling through my head… Thankfully I have a very patient and gracious hubby (it sounds like you do too!), but I still try to be mindful of it, especially since he has much more work-related things on his mind all day and needs sleep. So what I do is get out my journal and record everything I’m thinking about/need to do. Then I know I’ll remember to tell him the next day, and if something is really important to know right then, I can ask him. Talking about it with him though is the biggest thing – he’s more aware of it too, so he’ll try to ask more in the evening about my day and what I want to share with him. It’s working out well! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  49. Sometime I get chatty as my husband and I are trying to fall asleep too. And lately I’ve been having terrible insomnia, I just get so anxious when I try to fall asleep, and after this has happened a few times I get anxious that it’s going to happen! I’m determined to develop some better sleep habits, mostly trying to get in bed about 1/2 hour before I want to fall asleep and reading or listening to music to relax.

  50. I thought that bed rule was just for no fighting in bed?? I say chat away girl! And good for y’all to make sure you don’t put too much on your plates…relationships have to come first!

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