How goes it? Did you have a good night last night with your fall TV? A good day so far? Remember, you make the most of your days! Make the decision to live fully. And for the record, my little “only do what you can today because God has plans for your future” message I’ve been thinking has really helped my mood. You should give it a shot! And check out today's 30 Days post if you haven't already. 😉

Guess what I had for breakfast this morning? If you guessed more pumpkin, you would be right. If you guessed another bowl of oats, you would be right.

If you think the above bowl simply copies yesterday’s bowl, you would be wrong. Today’s bowl included a special addition.

A huge thanks to my lady Janetha for sending me this special gift. It was a total surprise (and totally delicious!). The card it came with now hangs on my fridge to give me a smile.

I love blog friends! They really know how to make this girl smile. From special surprises to your everyday visits and comments. You all seriously make my world a happier place. 😀

I continued a fabulous morning by feeling strong. I hit up Group Power class to lift some weights. I almost skipped thanks to some pain in my ankle. The thought of putting on shoes scared me. Why? Because another one of my dirty little secrets is I am extremely clumsy. Yesterday I tripped over one of M’s toys and somehow scraped up the entire front side of my foot and funked up my ankle in the process.

You can’t really see much detail in the picture, but trust me when I say it’s not too pretty. And it hurts. Putting pressure on it didn’t hurt as bad this morning and, as long as I had the sock pulled up high enough, the shoe didn’t rub any tender spots. So I went for it. I wouldn’t have gone for a walk or done kickboxing on it, but lifting was doable. So I did and it felt good.

After the gym, I had great intentions to hit up a local farmer’s market. The only ones I’ve ever heard about are not too close and on Saturdays, which are hard for us to make it to on a regular basis. So when Peter let me know a farmer’s market was now open on Wednesday mornings at the local fair grounds I had to go. I went. I searched. I drove around for a good 10 minutes like a creeper. I could not find it! Bummer! I really looked forward to it!

• Do you feel blog friends are “real” friends? I certainly do! They cheer me up and cheer me on. They obviously care and show it on a regular basis.
• How do you deem if you’re good to work out or not? If I’m sick, I always give my body a break. If it’s an injured area, I mimic some of the moves to see how it feels and go from there. I always adjust as needed during the workout too.

During the worst of my binging, I had entered into a vicious cycle of binge, guilt, punishment by restriction, starve and binge again. Even before the binging began, I had picked up pretty brutal treatment of my body in putting too much stress on it during workouts and not allowing for rest. I claimed to use it as a stress relief, but in reality I felt poorly about myself and took out those frustrations by spending hours in the gym. Even now, those days where I feel like I’m not being a good enough mom/wife/friend/writer/supporter of my family, I start to unravel at the seams and turn to fat talk and putting myself down.

[source]

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, we let those mistakes control us and hinder caring for ourselves. My senior year of college I got involved in some pretty bad behavior. I lost respect for myself. Even though I knew in my heart my actions weren’t fruitful, I continued down that path because I didn’t believe I could change and never forgave myself. At the very start of Peter & I dating, I almost sabotaged everything by believing he couldn’t love me for my past. My lack of forgiveness almost put up my old walls and boundaries to shut him out. When I shared my past, I took a defensive stance. I likely even said "now you know this about me, so go ahead and leave me”. His response took the tune of “God forgives you for all of that. I don’t care about any of it. It’s not you now and you should forgive yourself too.”

[source]

I don’t know why I had never thought of forgiving myself before then. Perhaps because I had spent so much energy trying to forgive and get past what others had done to me? Who knows. Yet, having the power to tell myself that “it’s okay…it’s in the past…you can move forward and change for the better now” changed everything. We have no reason to punish ourselves. Consequences for our actions and decisions will always exist, but we are not the ones to determine them and harm ourselves. If something screws up one day, don’t feel the need to drown yourself in negativity. Recognize what could change and work to do your best to improve the situation from that moment forward, without punishment. Dwelling on the past and our weaknesses does absolutely nothing for our lives.

Is there anything you have trouble letting go? Are there any ways you try to “punish” yourself? Restricting food, avoiding relationships, and constantly feeding myself a poor self image are the three I have used and still feel drawn to using when I don’t allow myself to move past disappointing moments.

Check out the following posts from bloggers sharing their personal 30 DSLR messages.

• Two Feet Ten Toes
• Ulterior Harmony