I have recently come to a tough decision. I hesitated to blog about because it’s a personal matter that I honestly anticipated receiving judgment over. Probably because any remotely attacking negative comment I have received on this blog has related to my mothering. Talk about a dagger to the heart.

I don’t know why I receive more negative comments about my parenting – how quickly I went back to blogging after Braedon, sharing pictures of my kids, “undeniably giving M an eating disorder when she grows up”, etc. I faced uncertainty posting this decision because I didn’t want to to be told in a round about way I had given up too easily or could have done more for my child.

While not all of you may relate, I know some can and that in itself warrants me stepping out on the limb. For the past month, I have officially been weaning Baby B from breastfeeding and plan to fully stop within the next month. I know I don’t have to “justify” myself, but I still want to express the why in case any of the many future mommies (or current mommies) who read this blog have faced or will face the same.

Why I’m Deciding To Stop Nursing

• I couldn’t keep up! The hungry boy needed more than my body could give him and I found myself having to supplement at least 50% of his feedings with formula all the time. It gets old to nurse, then prep a bottle, then feed again, etc. with another child to care for a as well.
• Milk stimulation wasn’t working. I took Fenugreek like it was my job, drank more water than my bladder could handle, pumped more, and many other tips. Nothing worked. Around the same time after Makenzie my supply decreased suddenly and dramatically. I spent 6 weeks fighting it without results. Now facing the same situation, I refuse to stress myself out like that again.
• Braedon wouldn’t nurse. As he gets older, he becomes more interested in exploring rather than nursing. He simply will not stay on the boob to eat! Then, when he would eat he would attack me with biting, kicking, clawing and pulling on the nips. Not so fun. Or effective. So I turned to pumping and giving him bottles…but that just decreased my supply even more.

It’s hard to give up that special bond and know that I would personally prefer him to drink solely breast milk, but it just isn’t happening anymore. I am NOT asking for tips. I know 99% of them. I have tried 100% of those. I did not take this decision lightly and being told “oh, you should have tried this” will leave me feeling like I didn’t do enough. I adored every moment I had with my little B in this way, but I also promised myself I would not stress if I encountered the same things as I did with Makenzie and had to stop before a year again.

I embrace this change because I know it suits me and my family. I have bags of frozen peas on standby to ice sore, weaning tatas should I find the need. Although, honestly, my supply has gotten that bad that even after dropping another feeding yesterday I felt nothing. So…I guess say goodbye to the milk jugs and hello to the itty bitty titty committee. I hope I get a warm welcome.  

• Do you receive negative feedback or judgment (on the blog or in everyday life) more readily in a particular area? What?
• What type of unsolicited advice do you hate to receive? I hate getting unsolicited parenting advice. I do what works for my family and if I need help, guidance, or support – let me ask!

***Look for an announcement with the Love Grown Giveaway winner tonight!!!***

Last night’s Wednesday small group session at church was a grand ole time! I am jumping into a new group, so I had the chance to meet some new friends I will get the chance to connect with weekly. It’s always fun to develop new relationships to learn and grow together. Although it’s also interesting to try to explain the whole blogging thing. Yes, yes. I take pictures of my food. Yes, yes. I talk openly about my life on the world wide web. Yes, yes. I may be slightly crazy.  

For our meet up, we started off with some fellowship – aka chit chat and food.

I loaded up a plate with some pasta salad, veggies, and party mix. Quite delightful. And not just because it meant I didn’t have to cook. And for dessert, I had some fruit plus one of the Chewy Peanut Butter Cookies that I shared in last night’s post.

They seemed to go over really well. With their whole wheat flour, stevia, natural peanut butter, and all. Muahaha! although the butter and brown sugar helped I’m sure…shhhhh

We spent the remainder of the night discussing the previous sermon about God’s desire for joy in our lives and the various ways we can find it in Him, loving others, and growing personally. One of the questions even got me thinking about how old personal demons try to get a hold of me sometimes…like last week when I found myself dealing with a mini-binge experience for the first time in a long time.

I had many different factors that could have played into it, including the thought of an upcoming vacation where I wouldn’t have my “regular eats”. Then, I knew I would have my birthday, social events,and a lot of other such experiences coming my way as well. On some level, the old “all or nothing” mentality crept back in.

That’s when I decided I couldn’t judge my choices and get caught up looking into my future food choices, allowing them to determine how I choose to nourish my body in the moment. Instead, I determined that I would change my mindset…

Meal By Meal

It became my new mantra. When eating meal by meal, I can focus on making the best of my options and actively choose what will nourish me and satisfy my most at each meal. I strive for balance, so my life will certainly involve times that I indulge or eat something different than what I may have prepared for myself. That doesn’t make my eating habits any less healthy on the whole.

Having an unhealthy relationship with food makes me unhealthier  – not enjoying a weekend vacation. Sinking back into the all or nothing approach and experiencing old eating demons makes me unhealthier – not having a busy social schedule. Healthy living happens one decision at a time. It culminates into a better lifestyle, but it still breaks down into many smaller choices. 

Taking things meal by meal allows me to remove the stress from my eating habits so I can choose wisely and let each of those decisions add up to a healthier, happier belly. And a healthier, happier me. Meal by meal…  

• Have future indulgences ever affected your current food choices?
• Do you open up about your blog to new friends/acquaintances?