…but at least they aren’t like they used to be. Today they were more of the scatter-brained variety, and not so much the negative thinking variety. I’ll get to the bigger mental issues later in the post. For now, I just have to relish the fact I was actually productive today, even if some mental freak outs on still having so much to do occurred.

I woke up feeling much better than yesterday, so I decided to hit up the gym for a Power class and a brief and easy 20 minutes on the elliptical with my book. It felt good. The sick feeling even stayed at bay until after a grocery run for this weekend. We are going to a cabin in the North Georgia Mountains with 6 of our friends. I look forward to the good times, even with a forecast like this…

…and a hot tub I won’t be able to get in. Sad, but true.No matter what, I’m looking forward to it. We leave tomorrow afternoon. Yay!

I still have quite a bit to do, namely packing and baking (Heather’s Insanity Bars!!!) and finishing laundry, but I work better under stress. At least that is what I tell myself. The hubs would disagree and just say I go mental. But he isn’t stopping me from watching Dear John tonight with him.

The hubs would also pretend to disagree with my movie choice, but I know he loves chick flicks deep down. Even more so when he knows they will put me in a better mood and not give me a reason to refuse baking those  Insanity Bars for him. I would have to be insane not to though. Yes, that pun was intended. Did you really expect less of me? 😉

One way I am no longer crazy? I no longer battle a completely distorted view of my body daily and just strive to be healthy. While watching The Biggest Loser Finale the other night it hit me that many of those contestants are probably going to face some mental repercussions after the show ends. I have a feeling that many of the tougher competitors went into the finale extremely depleted in hopes of winning.

My main point is, that these contestants went to such extremes (a very restricted diet and HOURS of working out every day) to drop weight quickly that when they return to a still healthy, but more modified way of doing things their bodies won’t likely be able to maintain where they were for the finale. I realized how similar that is to after a fitness competition. You go from intense and restricted to normal living and your body just won’t stay as lean as it was. Which is a good thing, since it’s not the healthiest way to live anyways.

Even though your body might appreciate following a healthier approach to food and exercise, your mind many times doesn’t. I know I faced some serious body image issues for a couple months after the show. I fought and prayed hard to gain a more realistic view of myself, consider how I was taking care of my body, and be reasonable about why I had to gain extra. I am thankful that we immediately were trying to conceive because I think having a bigger reason behind the weight gain made it easier to swallow. However, it didn’t stop me from looking in the mirror and sometimes seeing a distorted version like this…

Remembering that made me wonder if those contestants will face the same thing. Or even some of my fellow beautiful women out there? Will we naturally put back on a little weight after reaching an unrealistic point and then never view ourselves the same again through constant comparison to our previous levels of “fitness/leanness”? I admit that while I do it less, it still happens. Sometimes I will look in the mirror and think I am more out of shape than I have ever been, only to have Peter point out some pictures of when we were first dating and give me a reality check. I never thought of myself as out of shape at the time of those pictures. Now, I’m in better shape but by comparing myself to how lean I became for the show, I inevitably think I’m huge.

The terrible thing about this way of thinking, is it often can lead us to even unhealthier practices. We think we are “unworthy” because we couldn’t maintain a particular body and feel it isn’t worth the hard work, possibly leaving our healthier habits behind. Or we simply continue berating ourselves until nothing can bring us back to reality and we lose confidence, affecting our relationships with others and the passion with which we live our lives. Or we become so focused on what we see in the mirror nothing else matters and we will take unhealthy steps to reach the perfection we wish to see and pursue a futile, never-ending process of finding happiness in our looks.

How do I fight the negative images that sometime appear in the mirror like an ugly mirage? I always have reasons why I’m beautiful in my mind that I can turn to during weak moments (post with my reasons scheduled for this weekend when I’m out of town). I have prayer so I can turn to my Creator and feel His peace. I tell Peter or my sister or my mom so they can give me a realistic view on things (they will be honest if I do in fact look like I’ve been packing on some unnecessary lbs). I walk away and refuse to sit in the mirror picking myself apart. I think about my day or week and how well I cared for myself with exercise and healthy eating. Find anything that works for you to keep yourself feeling strong and confident and beautiful. Because you ARE very beautiful.

• Have you ever experienced body dysmorphia where what you see in the mirror doesn’t match the reality of your beauty? How has it affected you? How do you fight it?
• Do you freak out easily over a busy schedule? It’s something I am always working on. I can be a worry wart when I don’t feel 100% in control of day to day things getting done when I want them to.
• Best movie you have seen recently? Movie you want to see soon? I guess mine would be The Blind Side out of any I’ve seen recently. I have both Dear John and It’s Complicated rented to watch soon. In theatres I can’t wait for Sex and the City 2 and Eclipse!!
• What are your Memorial Day plans?

Disclaimer: I know I’m not huge. I feel amazing and healthy (besides days pregnancy ailments get the best of me). The distorted thinking is minimal now, but it is a relevant issue that I have recently experienced and felt called to discuss.

I’m glad most of you seemed to appreciate my honesty related to pregnancy and the experiences that encompass the first trimester. It was interesting to read the comments of both those that have and have not been through a pregnancy. I hope I didn’t put off too many of you who haven’t yet. 😉 Those of you who have, I loved reading how your experiences were all so different. It actually made me consider the fact that so far this pregnancy is exactly like my first one with Makenzie. Hmmmm….does it mean anything? Probably not. Especially since my gut already tells me this one is a boy.

I also want to reiterate that as much of a pain it can be sometimes, I know it doesn’t last long (I should be feeling on top of the world around July 4th) and it really is an amazing thing to experience. I love it! Even the “can I lay on the couch with some pizza and a bucket” parts.

Let’s move on to today shall we? I have to admit it was a pretty rough one. So far, the icky stuff doesn’t hit me until after lunch but this morning it came much earlier. I stuck to the banana, PB, and coconut oats combo I had the other day for breakfast because “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.

Basically, if I can stomach something once I will keep eating it until it no longer appeals to me. Don’t judge the lack of variety. I have limited options right now, so this rule works. Or tends to work. I started feeling awful shortly after breakfast. I ended up skipping my workout and just going on a quick walk with Makenzie & our dog Roxy around the neighborhood. Quick means 15 minutes so I could avoid feeling the need to hurl in our neighbor’s grass thanks to my increased sense of smell and the horrible aromas coming from their yard. Do they have dead bodies buried there? Perhaps ignorance is bliss and I shouldn’t say that. My neighbors are creepy.

After the walk, I crashed on the floor with Makenzie and some of her favorite books to tide us over until naptime. I was very happy for naptime so I could sit and do nothing. Or choke down the leftover half of my banana from breakfast while beginning this post.

I just continued feeling worse and worse as the day wore on. I curled up on the couch with Makenzie for some more reading and even a bit of TV watching. I want to know how my kid knows who Elmo is. She normally watches one 30 minute episode of some show each day and it is NOT Sesame Street. Darn gym daycare with a TV room. I bet she spends the entire hour I’m working out planted in the front row. She did get some activity today. In the form of dancing and helping put a smile on my face with her mad moves. That child can’t sit still the rare occasion I have the radio on and its playing Lady Gaga.

We broke from playing Ginger Rogers to have lunch. Katie – you are my hero! The “Almost Meatless Sloppy Joes” recipe is a lifesaver. I can stomach it and it’s a nice way to sneak in a bit of veggies and other healthy items. I enjoyed some leftovers from last night alongside a big mound of fruit.

Why is it I can handle fruit but not veggies right now? Even Green Monsters are starting to make me want to hurl at the thought of them. I have a feeling I will end up banish-ed (pronounced like Shakespeare) from the healthy living blogger world before long. Especially considering my afternoon snack was a few small, cheap lemon cookies thrown down the hatch before an emergency tutoring session.

Really kid? Cramming for a year’s worth of Spanish the night before your final is not going to save you. And it’s only going to make me grumpy. Thank goodness the extra $120 to line my pockets cures mood swings. The same way breakfast for dinner cures “I’m ACTUALLY hungry and NOTHING sounds good” blues.

Like I said - “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” so I’ll joyfully eat my over medium eggs, hashbrowns, and bacon. That’s right. We have a recycled picture above so you have to imagine 2 slices of bacon in there.

One more thing not to fix if it ain’t broke? Going with the blogging flow. I originally intended to do a post on some thoughts I had from The Biggest Loser Finale last night and things I dealt with after my show…like Body Dysmorphia and feeling “unworthy”. Instead I felt like writing about my day, so you will have to wait until tomorrow night for the other ramblings. Now I’m off to watch last night’s Glee & Parenthood episodes…because laying around all day still doesn’t motivate me to do much more than chill on the couch at night. Some quality time will be spent with my man as well. Love you, Pedro! 😀

• Since this is the week of TV show finales…which one was your favorite? Other than The Biggest Loser, the only one I’ve seen so far is Grey’s and I thought it was good.
• Did you like Sesame Street growing up? Nope! I still can’t stand it. I much prefer the “Word World” show Makenzie loves.
• What is one thing you like to do or eat that is not typical “healthy blogger” style? I think the entire next two months will fit under that category for me.