Okay, I promise I have not forgotten about those of you who posed questions I have yet to answer on my Formspring page. I guess I have had a lot to talk about recently. I can’t keep forgetting though. So instead of posting the next topic in my Body After Baby series, I will now share the second to last round of Q + As. These are a bit more on the serious side, but very worthy discussions. Let’s get to it!
Your story of being a former binger, stuck in an on again off again relationship hits close to home. What advice would you give to someone struggling with both of these issues?
I have no qualifications whatsoever to give advice, besides sharing my own personal experiences, but I can say learning to respect myself helped me with both of these situations. You deserve love and respect.
For binging, I spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to help me love myself like He loves me. I studied verses related to His love and even subscribed to an email devotional for hurting women. I wish I remembered where to find it! Above and beyond trying to get a grasp on believing in my worth, I stopped restricting. I took away all food rules and ate whatever the heck I wanted.
At first, that did include more binges. But then, allowing them took away the thrill of the addiction. I then realized I didn’t even like a lot of the things I ate. I could eat just one cookie or go out for a heavier dinner once on the weekend without the weekend needing to be one huge free for all. It did not happen all at once, but once I stopped trying to control food, I actually gained control of myself.
I wish I had some magical answer to make it stop for anyone suffering such a struggle. I know how badly it sucks. Find support where you can, either in a trusted friend or even a counselor. Find a way to get out destructive emotions outside of food. Find a way to stop labeling food and view each moment anew.
And as for the on-again, off-again: in my opinion, if you’ve tried multiple times and its just not working out, cut your losses and any contact. I’m all for second chances and forgiveness, but I believe if a relationship is that difficult to maintain, something isn’t right. It’s too easy to go back to the comfortable and what you know. You can care for someone, but you must care for yourself first. If someone does not give you all that you need in a relationship and make you a priority, don’t waste the time. Someone out there will be what you need. And in order to be open to that someone you have to be focusing on yourself, without the distraction of an emotional roller coaster relationship.
I've recognized some disordered eating in a person I know. She gets exercise and size obsessive. She is constantly comparing herself to skinnier/genetically luckier women and can't be satisfied with her own body. What would you say to her?
I have a friend who constantly talks about her weight and size. She has always obsessed over it and continually compares herself to other women. In the past, it even became a sort of competition within our friendship. We would feed off each other. Eventually, I learned the unhealthy ways I was treating myself.
Now, I don’t say anything outright to her about her actions. I don’t outwardly tell her I perceive disordered eating or a negative body image. I think this would only make her a) defensive or b) proud because she thinks I’m jealous of her. You cannot change another person’s behaviors and mindsets. They have to recognize it and want to improve it on their own.
I do take some action though. When she begins comparing herself to other women or talking about her weight, I change the subject. I don’t allow “fat talk” to be a part of our conversation. If she flat out says something about being “fat, ugly, bloated, icky, blah di blah blah blah” I will say “Stop. You’re smarter than that.”. I do NOT encourage the talk by consoling her or giving her accolades of how gorgeous she really is. I don’t take the bait of compliments she may be fishing for. For example, when she bemoaned how tiny another woman was and if she could ever look like that, I straight up said “I would rather look like I work for my body than starve for it”. You know her response? “Wow. You’re right.”
With all that being said, I would certainly share my story and offer support or advice if she came to me for it or began discussing topics related to it. We can be available for support, but can’t just dive in doling it out and expect to see change.
Soooooooo….HAPPY FRIDAY! Any thoughts on these topics? The binging cycle? Bad relationships? Fat talking friends?
