The future is a scary place. I’m not talking about the questions of what types of pressures and challenges my children will face. I’m not contemplating the state of our economy and what changes will or will not come for our society. I’m not predicting the end of the world, wars, or any other number of things some people expect and fear in our future. Those things can certainly make the future a scary place, but I have no problem trusting in such scenarios as these.

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For me, my future is a scary place. I want control of it and I want it bad. I seek ways to feel in control of where my life goes. Letting go of that control presents my biggest challenge. We had a moment to lay things at the foot of the cross over the course of the weekend. I lay my need for control over my life and felt so relieved. Then, just a few short days later, I proceeded to pick the heavy load back up and place it across my shoulders again.

I do believe we have the power to work towards goals and pursue a better life. As Katie mentioned in her post this morning, we take action and plant seeds of opportunity that can later take fruition. Yet we, aka I, have to realize that just because I do ABC does not mean I will end up at point D. Heck, I could end up at point Z. Or not even on the letter spectrum at all.

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I need to trust. I certainly have hopes and dreams, but I can’t allow them to prevent me from living my life with the right priorities for me right now. I can’t get so caught up in what I picture my life as in the future to not see and experience my life in the present. Thank goodness God has provisions to help me realize this so I can once again place my future back in his stronger, more knowledgeable, and more capable arms.

Last night I went through a special prayer walk at our church meant to focus on setting our minds in a place of thanksgiving before the holidays. Quite a few parts of that walk stuck out to me…including a particular slip of paper with verses to pick up.

Fitting, no? Then today in the car, after attending a nature walk with the mom’s group and finding myself surrounded by God’s beauty, I heard the song Whatever You’re Doing by Sanctus Real.

“Whatever you’re doing, inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace. Though it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see, I’m giving in to something heavenly…You’re up to something bigger than me, larger than life, something heavenly.”

I have to focus on each day. Count on God each day to be able to do that. And let life happen. I’m sure it will bring me to a beautiful place – whether point D, Z, or 3.

• With what things do you have difficulty giving up control?
• What things do you worry about? My biggest worry for the future is whether or not I will be able to work in a way that fits my passions and my family. I fear not working in a way that fulfills me as a person, mother, & wife.

Bloggers of the Day!!! (chosen randomly from yesterday’s comments)

• A Road More Balanced – Allie rock climbs and how awesome is that?! I also love her insightful thoughts
• Keep’n the Faith – Kat keeps a great balance of fun posts and post that share great tips and topics
• Embrace Your Skin – Camille has a marathon this Sunday! Good luck!!!!

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A dream is a wish your heart makes…when you’re fast asleep…Hold up. Fast asleep? Ha! No one in this house is fast asleep this morning. Including the rugrat who will no longer sleep past 6 am and robs me of my quiet time. I almost titled this post “A Grill Can Dream”. Yes, I’m sleepy and distracted. But I refuse to let a disturbed morning give my day a rocky start again. So, I dream.

Awhile ago, Gina shared her vision of her life in 10 years and how empowering it felt to picture. While I certainly feel blessed with my current life, that also doesn’t stop me from having dreams for what the future holds. Gina mentioned the personal nature of sharing such thoughts and how vulnerable it made her feel. I can understand that. I know I have mentioned during the 30 Days of Self-Love and other posts that I have hopes for my future, but still have never really delved into what those entail. So, grab a cup of coffee (like I most certainly did) and let me tell you all about it.

Family – I envision a family of four. We have the freedom to do many things together, including the hikes and outdoor activities we currently enjoy so much. We will also have traveled to some fun places and shared new experiences. On an everyday basis, I will be involved in my children's school and hobbies, able to cheer them on and provide for them however they need. Peter & my relationship will have continued to strengthen and our bond will only have grown closer. While things certainly may not seem as exciting and crazy as in the Kardashian family (thank God!), we will have love and never take it for granted.

Personal Wellness – In the future, I will continue to have a balanced approach to health. I will have reached my goal of getting back to my “happy place” years ago, about a year after baby B was born, and maintained it since. During these years, I will also have learned more and continued to make improvements to my value of food and understanding of what works for my body. I hope to be more mindful of ingredients, more skilled in food preparation, and 100% aware of the best choices for my body and my family.

Faith – I will feel closer to God than ever. Prayer will come even more naturally than it does now. I will have developed more relationships in my church and found my fit for how to serve. I will act as a great example to my children. I will be a bit calmer too…which believe me, can pose a struggle right now.

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Work – This one is probably the hardest to share on the blog, because it involves the blog. I cannot express enough how much blogging means to me. It is my special thing. My creative baby. I seriously would love love love for it to grow enough to help me earn a bit of money for my family, allowing me the freedom to work on my own time and “be my own boss” as they say. I do not have delusions about this at all, though. I never anticipate (or even dream of) becoming the next big blog or even it becoming something that would compare to a full income.

My main hope is for it to simply gain enough momentum to where it can compare to any extra pick-up work I would be doing when my kids go back to school a few years from now or for it to work easily alongside other ventures such as personal training, group fitness, or if I’m lucky, some writing possibilities while providing extra for my family. This is not the be-all-end-all hope for my future, but it is what I would love to do. And please, do not feel like I blog or connect with you all for this sole purpose. I blog because I truly love it and each of you.

If I knew this would go absolutely nowhere, it would not change anything right now or anywhere in the near future. I cannot imagine myself now without blogging because I value it that much. It truly is one of my biggest passions now and I can’t deny the place in my heart that says to pursue it - mostly because I love it, but also because who knows if it is part of a path God placed me on to become something a bit more. I hope that makes sense. I also hope you know I keep a realistic attitude and have no expectations but to keep on keeping on and wish you all to join me. 🙂

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I feel a bit odd putting all that out there. However, I never shy away from sharing. Even when it does make me feel a bit vulnerable and exposed (in general). Or silly/guilty (when it comes to the blog bec I don't want you all thinking that why I do it).

• What are some of your hopes and dreams?