Hi, everyone! My name is Kelly and I blog over at Laughter, Strength, and Food. In my blog, I try to focus on fitness, food, shopping, family, friends, etc., you know…the good stuff! I absolutely loved Tina’s “Self-Love” series and am honored to do a guest post for her about when I needed the most strength and how I found that strength. Thanks, Tina!

My story is a heavy one, and it is one that I have wanted to share on my blog for a long time, but haven’t yet. I am not sure why. I guess I just wasn’t ready before, but as soon as I knew I was going to be writing a post about strength, I knew it was time to share my story.

My story starts in late 2006 when I met a wonderful guy. He was just like me and we got along wonderfully. We had tons of mutual friends and it was actually amazing that we had not met previously because of our similar circle of friends. We just chalked it up to fate that we met when we did. We figured it was just ‘our time.’ While I will spare you tons of the details, I’ll just give you the rundown that we moved in together shortly after we met, got engaged a year later, and got married eight months after that.

While we were planning our wedding, we found out that he was being deployed to Iraq. Thankfully, we made it through our year apart and he and his entire unit came home safely. It was more than we could have asked for. However, soon after he came home, things started to fall apart.

We were fighting more than ever but we just tried to work through it, knowing that a deployment can do strange things to a relationship. I tried moving home with my parents. We tried ‘starting over’ and going back to the time when we first met. We tried counseling. I really can’t explain it, nor do I have enough space in this post to run down every detail of why we felt a disconnect between us and why our relationship finally seemed to be past the point of repair. All I know is that one day, we made that decision. We decided that we disagreed on many levels that were deeper than the superficial arguments we were having. We decided that it was time to end it. We decided to get a divorce.

Was I happy? Of course not. Was I questioning our decision every step of the way? Absolutely. Does my mind still wander and think about what could have been even though we have both moved on and are happier than ever? Definitely.

That part of my life brings me to my moment of strength. For those few months after our separation, I was fine. We had both met new people that were much better for us than we were for each other. I tried not to dwell on it. Then, I’m not sure what happened at the end of last year. Looking back, I now think that I never went through a 'grieving’ process for the end of my relationship. Everything happened so quickly and we both told ourselves that we were okay and the decision was right. I truly believe the decision was right, but I don’t think I ever allowed myself to deal with it and work through my emotions.

I have a saying that I’m famous for. “I don’t want to talk about it.” To me, it’s easier just to push things away than to deal with them. True to myself, that’s what I did. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out well for me. I was disappointed in myself that I didn’t try harder. I was embarrassed that I was in my twenties and already divorced. I found it impossible to forgive myself. I felt all of these things but just swept them under the rug, hoping those thoughts would go away.

I cried every morning and night during my commute to and from work. I started lashing out at Lee (my current and most wonderful bf) because I was sad and tired all the time. I had crazy thoughts that I wanted to end everything because I was so exhausted from being sad. I was a pretty miserable person to be around.

One night, my parents and Lee had a very serious "intervention" talk with me during which I yelled, screamed, and cried. A lot. You know what? The next day, I felt like it was a new beginning for me. I actually wasn’t sad. I didn’t cry. I wasn’t thinking that my life wasn’t worth anything. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was then that I decided that I was starting anew and it really was time to move on (even though I had fooled myself into thinking I had months before).

I stopped checking Facebook. I stopped looking at old pictures. I stopped wondering ‘what could have been.’ I put my energy into my job, into teaching Jazzercise, into my relationship with Lee, and I started my blog. I surrounded myself with people that brought positive energy into my life. All of those changes made all the difference in the world. I finally allowed myself to forgive myself and use my experience as a stepping stone to a better life.

I have never needed strength like I did during that time of my life. I have a quote posted on my blog that reads, “You never know how strong you are…until being strong is the only choice you have.” I have never believed in a quote more than I believe in that one. There are always going to be times when the days seem dark and it feels like there is no hope. These are the times that it is so important for us to realize how strong we really are and how much strength we really have deep down inside of us.

• When have you felt your strongest?

This week’s Self-Love Reflections post comes from Emily. Join her as she shares her growth through a tough relationship decision and having to do what was right for her.

Hi FFF readers! I'm Emily and I (semi) blog over at Healthy Creature. I've been reading Tina's blog for almost a year now and I'm so thrilled to share my story today.

I dated the same guy from my sophomore year in high school through my junior year in college. We were in youth group together, hung out a bunch of times, and then all of a sudden we just clicked and started dating. He was so good to me, took care of me, loved me, and immediately we were headed down the dating-then-marriage road. I knew early on I wanted to marry him, and never questioned it. I saw my life ahead of me...having kids and supporting him in his youth ministry and it made me happy.

Since I was a Spanish major, part of my plan was to study in Spain. I had visited in high school with my Spanish teacher, and my mom said that the second I hopped off the bus, my first words were, "I'm going back, mom." Return I did. I almost didn't because I just couldn't bear to be separated from my man, and the first week was the hardest. I was hit with awful homesickness...mostly for him, but also for my family, school, friends etc (naturally). He ended up making plans to come and visit during spring break in March. I was ecstatic and that helped me make it through the next few months.

While I had my "light at the end of the tunnel," I started to grow in ways I never expected as I adapted to living in a new country. I loved, loved living in Sevilla, and because I had so much distance between me and my life back home, I started to think about what I wanted and who I was. I knew he was visiting in a short bit, and hoped to talk to him about how I was feeling and that maybe I didn't want to follow the exact path we had laid out for our relationship anymore.

March finally came, he and my sister visited and I was so happy. The second day he was there, he insisted we take a carriage ride through the city. When we entered at the Parque Maria Luisa, he turned to me, told me he would love me forever and asked if I would marry him. It was truly a perfect proposal, a beautiful ring, and perfect moment.

Why did I feel like I wanted to throw up? The truth is that when he proposed, my first thought was "Oh no." I had been thinking a lot, but had not completely worked everything out. He was going along with our original "plan" but in my gut, I knew it wasn't right for me anymore. I did say yes in the moment, and hoped it was just a really, really early onset of cold feet. He went home, and I spent the next few weeks caught up in the excitement of imminent wedding planning. A short while later, I re-read some of my journal entries I had written at the beginning of my stay and realized I did not have cold feet. I was just not ready to get married.

Shortly after arriving home, I told him I wasn't ready, and that was probably the worst night of my life. I felt horrible. He felt horrible and rejected. I started to question my decision, but as time passed, it became more clear that I was not ready for marriage at this stage in my life. It was not so clear to him, and I spent a good nine months experiencing a lot of anger and guilt from him. It was certainly warranted, I know that. But my decision was that I was not ready to be married and just wanted to wait, not that I didn't ever want to marry him, which I had made clear. Eventually, he came to the conclusion he might never be married, started seeing someone the next summer, and married her shortly after.

That was about 6 years ago. If I hadn't done what I did, I would not have acknowledged who I am and what I wanted out of life. I'm sure I would have been happy to an extent if everything had progressed as planned, but I realized that I also needed to find my own passions and stay true to the core of who I am.

I think about my life now and how it could be, and I know I made the right decision. Not once have I regretted or wished I hadn't broken off my engagement. I spent my teenage years and early twenties in his shadow and the self discovery I gained from the whole experience is priceless. I also believe that my decision was the stepping stone for the many changes and experiences I have had since then. It's certainly hard at times watching my friends get married, have children and see their lives evolve in a way mine won't until I enter that stage in my life.

However, one challenge I have set for myself comes from a Jim Elliot quote: Wherever you are, be all there. While I don't always do this perfectly, this reminder keeps me grounded and focused on where I am in my life and reminds me to enjoy this season and not worry about the past or anticipate the future to the point where I miss out on today.

• Have you encountered a defining moment/decision in your life similar to Emily’s? What was it?