Wow! A lot of you feel my frustration with Walmart yesterday. So after yesterday’s debacle, it felt good to come home from tutoring, eat dinner, and lay down in bed by 8 o’clock. These days, I feel as though I could stay in bed all day. It’s the only place I can ever really get comfortable. In reality though I would likely go stir-crazy. But the thought sure is nice.

In fact, I know I would go more than a little stir-crazy. I couldn’t wait to go to spin today. I somehow always feel better for awhile after workouts. It’s like my physical therapy. Also, my  mental therapy. I knew I wanted to do another Q + A post today and when picking out which to answer, I came across one that needed a bit more thought. Spin became my reflection time.

How do you feel about Makenzie having a close relationship with your father? Do you ever feel guilty for keeping her at a distance from her grandfather? (I ask this because I'm in a similar situation with my dad and daughter.)

While I don’t have as close a relationship with my father as I do with my mother, or even as I could have with him, I never keep M at a distance. She sees him very regularly – just as often as any other grandparent, so at least a couple times per month. I feel comfortable with this because my father is in a better place himself than when he treated me so poorly. He now handles some of the underlying issues that caused problems when I was growing up. Also, I was the main one who ever took the brunt of such hurtful words and hatred. I was the only one he ever hit and that was years ago. I do not negate the wrongfulness of his actions, but I do forgive them. I can’t let that part of my past control me anymore, so I must let it go. And I do not want my grudges to inhibit my daughter’s chance to be loved by those who care for her immensely.

My dad is great with her. He plays, cuddles, laughs, and everything else a grandparent does with her. I won’t lie. It hurts on one level because I missed out on that type of outward affection for much of my childhood. But my pride does not matter here. Makenzie adores him and, as long as he treats her in a way I feel comfortable with, I am happy for her to have that relationship. He makes her happy. It isn’t hurting her in any way. That makes me happy. That’s all that matters.

I will say though, if he ever hurt her in any way (emotionally or physically) or reacted to me that way openly in front of her, then he would lose all contact with her. I honestly don’t ever foresee that happening as he has changed so much from that time, but I did want to put that out there for whoever else may be in this situation. If there were any recognizable chance of harm to my child, I would not allow such an open relationship with him. In sum, it’s always about my daughter’s needs and not my wants or pride.

Wow, that was weighty, but a good discussion as well. I will now send you off to your Tuesday with this. Keep cheery!

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• Where/when do you do some of your best thinking or reflecting?
• For fun - What’s something that made you laugh recently?
• If you have a question you would like me to answer in the Nov series, CLICK TO ASK ME ANYTHING.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! You really know how to make a gal feel loved. 🙂 I’m going to save more of a recap of my birthday along with my special eats for tomorrow morning’s post. I have a delicious quinoa concoction and frozen yogurt visit to share. I also have the BEST blog gift to tell you about. I frickin’ love my husband!! Tonight, however, I feel like doing a bit of reflecting. On the radio the other day, the hosts had people call in to share what 3 things they would tell themselves 10 years ago. Boy do I have some things I would tell myself!

The perfect man will come along. Don’t waste so much energy fretting over that 8 year on-again-off-again relationship.

I cannot believe how much drama occupied my love life for so long. I can only describe the intensity of it as unhealthy. We basically acted like addicts of each other and I never thought things could be different than the up/down/high/low I experienced with the ex. I would have saved myself a lot of strife knowing someone so loving, caring, and devoted would come into my life. And help me see a better version of myself.

My dad is who he is and I am who I am. I don’t need to try to change him or depend on him for self-fulfillment.

It’s no secret that my dad and I have clashed in the past and was much of what led to my depression, and also my binging past. We get along much better now and much of it relates to the understanding that I can’t try to win him over. I just have to be me and accept him for who he is. Forgiveness goes a long way.

Begin a blog sooner! I love love love love love love love blogging! I wish I had heard about it sooner and gotten involved sooner. Perhaps I would have had a healthier relationship with food sooner and even more amazing friends through blogging. I cannot get enough of this community. And psst…check out www.healthylivingblogs.com to join a new site devoted to fabulous blogs!

Sex doesn’t make you beautiful or worthy. My senior year of college was quite the promiscuous one. If there is one thing in life I could say I regret, it would be this. I struggled a lot with my image and a need to be cared for. In the end, it just left me feeling used and abused.

Don’t be afraid to go back to church. By choosing to return to such a welcoming church full of God’s love, I never felt judged. Others embraced me with open arms and uplifted me in many ways. They motivated me to grow more and gave me the type of relationships I always longed for. I will forever be grateful to my church friends and family for bringing me to a happier place in life than I ever imagined possible.

As much as I know these lessons would have been helpful I can’t say I would change anything about my experiences. I learned about love and the qualities I truly needed in a man through that ridiculous relationship growing up. I went through huge trials with the depression and binging but came out a stronger person with a story to share and a way to relate to others. I more fully value my faith now that I had to grow back into it. And so much more learned through every moment. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing.

• What’s something you wish you could tell yourself 10 years ago? I know you all got some after reading some of your crazy bday stories. 😉
• Any guesses on my special present? 😀