Morning! I’m in my post half-marathon high and drawing out the celebration a bit before the drive home I’ll be back with a full recap tomorrow. Until then, please welcome Erin from the blog Creative Soul In Motion as she shares her self-love reflection story.

I never worried about other people’s opinions. I walked in the rain barefoot. I prank called cute boys. I wore crazy outfits and spoke my mind and it was great.

But then High School came along and with it the pressures of fitting in, anxiety over meeting new people and making new friends. Suddenly I didn’t know who I was or anything about myself. Suddenly I second-guessed every decision, friendship, relationship, interaction… every step in any direction.

I didn’t know who I was. And because I didn’t know who I was I couldn’t love myself.

Now, I had a great High School experience. I made a lot of friends and did really well in school, but I could never break free of the pressure to be perfect and to fit in. Then came college and I found myself moving backwards rather than forwards, even more lost and confused than before; I was in a new city where I didn’t know anyone, pursuing a major I wasn’t sure about and trying just as hard to be “normal”.

I used to be scared to stand up for myself and speak my mind.

I used to be scared to be bold, to be different, to be unique.

I used to be scared to be myself.

For more than five years I didn’t really like myself. I didn’t see myself as beautiful, valuable or worthy and honestly it was a horrible feeling. Then one day, when I found myself crying in my car for the 100th time, I decided that I was done. I was tired of feeling worthless and not believing in myself. So, I made a few changes:

I found the courage to leave a bad relationship

I fell in love with a wonderful and supportive man

I took a chance and went to therapy

And because of these changes I found an amazing well of confidence, passion and strength within myself. I finally saw myself for who I really was and began to love and accept myself.

Now, I won’t go into details about my ex because that’s just not fair and it’s really not the point. To be blunt, I was miserable but I pretended everything was fine because I didn’t want to give up on the relationship even when I knew it was beyond repair. Essentially our relationship was built on fake smiles, daily fights and a complete lack of support or encouragement. We were just putting up with each other
because we had been together for so long and didn’t know how to break it off.

After forcing it to “work” for over three years I came to the decision that I couldn’t keep putting myself second. I didn’t want to bite my tongue from saying something just because he didn’t agree. I was tired of hiding my feelings, dreams and desires. I didn’t want to be with someone that didn’t believe in my potential.

There is only so much you can do for love before it breaks something deep inside of you. Before I could do anything though I needed to find courage…

Courage to make a change and do something for myself

Courage to believe that I was making the right decision

Courage to look into the future and see something better and brighter

Courage to stand up for myself and speak my mind

Thankfully there is a happy ending: I left a bad relationship and fell in love with my best friend and study buddy, Josh.

Josh turned out to be the best thing since sliced bread. We have been together for almost 4 years and throughout the last few years he’s taught me how to laugh at myself which has helped me overcome my fear of failure.

For as long as I can remember I have always tried to be perfect. Wanted to get an A+ on every assignment, every test and in every class and have everyone like me. At the same time I tried to hide my own personality - my silliness, boldness and passion. I thought that it was the only way for people to like me – to be the best and never show weakness.

Then Josh came along and with his gregarious and supportive family I realized how important it is to laugh at yourself and how wonderful it is to be different. Since then I have felt as though a burden has been taken off my shoulder. I no longer have the responsibility to be perfect. Now I laugh when I fall in Sports Conditioning Class, and I dance in the streets and I’m not afraid to wear bold colors or stand out from the crowd.

Let me tell you, life is so much better now that I have learned to laugh and embraced who I truly am – someone that is bold and unique and proud.

Even though Josh and his amazing family have taught me so much, I knew that there were some things I needed more help with and needed to seek “professional help”. I know some people are hesitant to see a therapist but I am so happy I did because talking to someone was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

My therapist, who was actually a teacher at Bryant, helped me talk through issues that had kept me up at night for years, work through pain that I couldn’t overcome and helped me deal with anxieties and insecurities that could freeze me in place. She gave me a safe place to openly talk about my worries and frustrations and it felt great to open up.

Through our sessions, I began to trust myself again, to realize how beautiful and strong I was deep down and to push past the negativity that tried to hold me back.

I used to be scared. All the time. I was scared of myself, of the future and of the unknown. Now, I am brave.

and courageous and strong.

I’m proud and happy and I love myself.

• When have you ever felt pressure to be someone different than yourself?

Welcome to another Self-Love Reflection! Carrie from Shrinking Carrie shares with us her weight-loss journey and the “AHA!” moment she had along the way. Enjoy!

Well hello FFF readers! I have been reading FFF for a few months now, and I am so
honored to be able to mix my little world with Tina’s for a post! I have found many
thought provoking subjects, as well as funny life anecdotes, and I love how Tina
keeps it real by sharing experiences, both good and bad.

I blog over at Shrinking Carrie, where I try to show motivation and inspiration
through weight loss. I am on a journey to lose 120 pounds so that I can be a healthier, happier, mother and wife.

I have been overweight almost my entire life. I did have a couple of years when
I was in my early 20’s when I did some unhealthy crash dieting and lost about 90
pounds. I met my amazing husband in 2001 and we got married the following year.
Needless to say, the weight all came back and then some.

Throughout the past 9 years of marriage I have tried every diet imaginable to lose the weight, but with no success. After being married 4 years, we decided that
it was time to start a family and so I saw an endocrinologist to make sure that I was
capable of even having kids.

She bluntly told me that I was too fat and needed to lose weight. I was hard on myself and, after hearing that I was “too fat”, the only thing I wanted to do was hide in a closet with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I ate all of my feelings and, each year that passed that I didn’t get pregnant, I gained a little more, and hated myself a little more. I felt like I was being selfish to my unborn child by not losing weight, and that I was putting food over my baby.

Then a miracle happened. After 5 years of trying to have a baby, I got pregnant.
I had a hard pregnancy considering that when I delivered I weighed 296 pounds
and had to deal with Gestational Diabetes. But when the delivery was all said and done (emergency c-section) I had the most perfect little girl. I had a little girl that I needed to be an example to.

I was so ecstatic to be a mother that I decided I immediately needed to make some
changes in my life. I felt that my calling in life was to be the best mother I could be to my baby and I didn’t want to waste my life feeling sorry for myself, or whining about the obstacles that had been put before me.

How do you start a journey that you’ve tried to start a million times before? I racked
my brain for answers that I could never find before, and then it came to me clear as
day. Forgive myself. Forgive others.

Forgive myself for the negative self-talk and the countless times I failed in the
past. Forgive myself for not taking care of my body, and giving it the love that it
needed. Forgive myself for wallowing in self-pity when I could have been making
my situation better and promoting positivity around me.

I forgave others. I forgave family circumstances that were beyond my control. I
forgave the kids that made fun of me for being “fat” when I was young. I never knew that forgiveness was the diet I never tried.

After I had forgiven myself, and others in my head, it was like a weight had lifted off
of my shoulders. I had been carrying around so much bitterness from the past it
was literally weighing me down.

I started my blog to help me with my accountability, and I vowed to try and show a
positive and inspirational message through my writing. I have found that positivity keeps me losing weight and helps me to not revert back to old bitter ways. It seems to all go hand-in-hand.

I hope you will check out my journey so far, and hopefully get some inspiration
along the way. I know that blogging has helped me to go to the next level of self-
loving and I hope that it shines through in my words! Thank you Tina for letting me
share my story with your readers!

• What has helped you in your journey to be/stay healthy?
• Ever had an “AHA” moment to a life long question?