During the worst of my binging, I had entered into a vicious cycle of binge, guilt, punishment by restriction, starve and binge again. Even before the binging began, I had picked up pretty brutal treatment of my body in putting too much stress on it during workouts and not allowing for rest. I claimed to use it as a stress relief, but in reality I felt poorly about myself and took out those frustrations by spending hours in the gym. Even now, those days where I feel like I’m not being a good enough mom/wife/friend/writer/supporter of my family, I start to unravel at the seams and turn to fat talk and putting myself down.

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None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, we let those mistakes control us and hinder caring for ourselves. My senior year of college I got involved in some pretty bad behavior. I lost respect for myself. Even though I knew in my heart my actions weren’t fruitful, I continued down that path because I didn’t believe I could change and never forgave myself. At the very start of Peter & I dating, I almost sabotaged everything by believing he couldn’t love me for my past. My lack of forgiveness almost put up my old walls and boundaries to shut him out. When I shared my past, I took a defensive stance. I likely even said "now you know this about me, so go ahead and leave me”. His response took the tune of “God forgives you for all of that. I don’t care about any of it. It’s not you now and you should forgive yourself too.”

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I don’t know why I had never thought of forgiving myself before then. Perhaps because I had spent so much energy trying to forgive and get past what others had done to me? Who knows. Yet, having the power to tell myself that “it’s okay…it’s in the past…you can move forward and change for the better now” changed everything. We have no reason to punish ourselves. Consequences for our actions and decisions will always exist, but we are not the ones to determine them and harm ourselves. If something screws up one day, don’t feel the need to drown yourself in negativity. Recognize what could change and work to do your best to improve the situation from that moment forward, without punishment. Dwelling on the past and our weaknesses does absolutely nothing for our lives.

Is there anything you have trouble letting go? Are there any ways you try to “punish” yourself? Restricting food, avoiding relationships, and constantly feeding myself a poor self image are the three I have used and still feel drawn to using when I don’t allow myself to move past disappointing moments.

Check out the following posts from bloggers sharing their personal 30 DSLR messages.

• Two Feet Ten Toes
• Ulterior Harmony

Do you believe in yourself? Do you believe that you have something to offer this world? Do you believe you have something to give to your family, friends, job, etc? If you think you don’t then you are sadly mistaken. Every person in this world, including you, plays some part. No one else has the same set of strengths, interests, and goals as you. The things that make you unique have the power to affect others. Those other people affected by you can then go forth to work in other peoples’ lives. It’s a never ending cycle that works its way back around to you and once again continues.

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The actions you take carry more weight than you might think. We must acknowledge that our actions have an impact. We should remember that the things we pursue have worth. We need to pursue those things which give us a sense of purpose, because that is exactly why those passions are placed in our hearts – they have a purpose. When we live life intentionally, we can do great things. We cannot know the reach of our lives.

Originally, I thought a life of purpose came through having a lot of control, power, and influence. I thought only great figures, like Mother Theresa, could really live a life of purpose. I didn’t think people simply going about their days could really make an impact. Then, I began to take a closer look.

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When I was teaching, my life had purpose to act as a positive role-model to my students and encourage an interest in learning by showing them not all classrooms were lectures and notes. As a wife, my life has purpose to support my husband’s interests and goals, as well as to work together for us each to become who God created us to be. As a mother, my life has great purpose. I am one of the biggest influences in Makenzie’s and Braedon’s lives. Even simply as a human being, I have purpose to be kind to others.

I don’t have to do these amazing, widespread works to have purpose. My purpose comes in simply living and sharing love with others. I do believe there are still great things out there for me to do. I feel my life has purpose to spread positive messages to others and I admittedly get anxious to know exactly what path that will take. I have to say though, simply knowing that my life has purpose now and in the future makes life feel that much sweeter. I don’t feel like I wander around lost in my life, just going through the motions. I really do strive to make the best of each day because I know just how meaningful I am. You are too. Don’t forget it!

What ways do you have purpose?

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Check out the 30 DSLR posts the following bloggers shared.

• Adventures in Weight Loss, Cooking, and Life
• Ulterior Harmony
• Two Feet Ten Toes