Looking At or For Yourself in the Mirror?

Posted: June 16, 2010 at 6:33 pm

It’s Wednesday! That means only another full day before we hit the road for the beach. Or should hit the road. There were apparently some complications with the condos and two of the rooms our family normally has are not available Friday night for the first time ever. I believe we have it sorted and booked some nice enough rooms for $60 so we can still go down Friday. I am getting my full beach time dagnabit!

At least other parts of my day weren’t quite as stressful as they could have been. I had to go pick out bridesmaid dress shoes with my friend who is getting married. We found some pretty easily that are comfortable and cute enough.


Only they will be in a muted silvery/gray color to go with the the bridesmaid dress I picked up today as well. I tell you I am literally going to look like a watermelon in this dress come the end of September when I am almost 6 months pregnant.


When you look in the mirror, do you look AT yourself or FOR yourself?

On the way to meeting up with my friend, I was listening to the Kevin & Taylor Morning Show on one of my favorite Atlanta radio stations.

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They were discussing an interesting quote and what it meant. The quote was “Men look AT themselves in the mirror and women look FOR themselves”. I thought that was really intriguing and it makes a lot of sense. I believe we all can struggle with looking FOR instead of AT ourselves in mirrors, male or female. In my mind, looking AT yourself in the mirror is simply accepting what you see and being happy. You see yourself for who you are and move on. I think looking FOR yourself in the mirror is very different. I think it relates to:

  • thinking of ways you can improve this, tighten that, flatten these, or lift those and not feeling good enough until you do so
  • putting so much of our personal worth in our outwardly appearance to define us as individuals instead of who we are on the inside
  • believing we will be happier people when we like what we see in the mirror physically
  • comparing ourselves to how we used to look or how others look and wishing to be something we simply are not – younger, skinnier, a Jessica Biel look-alike, etc

I know I have fallen victim to thinking the mirror holds the key to my happiness and that I have put worth in who I am as a person relative to the mirror.Since fitness is an avid part of who I am and I like my body to portray that, it was extremely difficult to put on weight in order to conceive. I didn’t feel like myself and I would be very bothered when I looked in the mirror. I was always so busy thinking negatively about how I looked at the time and longing for when I could get back to my happy place with fitness and my physical appearance. I still have those times. Even this morning before hearing the discussion on the radio. I wasn’t simply looking at myself for being a good person and beautiful for growing a child, but instead looking for when I get to be “me” again. Ummm, why am I not “me” right now? I am still a loving mother/wife/friend, a person passionate about healthy living, a child of God, and so much more.

Logically I know that it is what is on the inside that counts and a mirror can’t show that. I know that I am beautiful in God’s eyes and can’t argue with my Creator. From now on, I really hope to make an active effort to not give the mirror power to define who I am. I don’t have to look for myself in a mirror. I can look to my heart for that. Mirrors are meant to simply be looked at – you know…to be sure your outfit matches, your makeup isn’t smeared, you have a smile on your face, etc. Nothing more. Nothing more.

  • What are your thoughts on the above quote? Have you ever looked “for yourself” in the mirror?
  • On a scale of 1-10 how much do you enjoy weddings? For me an 8 if the food is good and I know the people. How much I enjoy all the stuff leading up to a wedding, whether my own or one I’m in? Ummm, a 1 is kind of high. Haha!


16 Comments to “Looking At or For Yourself in the Mirror?”
  1. I totally look for myself in the mirror. always looking for places that can be improved. I’m trying to stop doing this, and have removed all full length mirrors from the house. Sometimes I wish I had one so I could actually see the entire outfit I have on, but most of the time, it’s a good thing that they are gone!

    I LOVE weddings…only if I’m not a bridesmaid 🙂

  2. homecookedem says:

    That is a great quote! So very true. Even though I’d like to think I’m “cured” of my body image problems most days, I do still have days when I look around at my “wobby bits” (as Bridget Jones would say, haha!). But I try to shake myself out of that way of thinking as quickly as possible, especially now that I’m pregnant. I’m just so amazed with my body right now and all of the work it’s doing to make another life.

    Oh I just love weddings!! My favorite part is the cake!! 🙂 And I love dancing too!! But like you, I’m not real crazy about wedding planning. That’s why I put my mom in charge of mine. I told her what I liked, but she picked everything out. That was the smartest move I ever made!

  3. I’m totally with you on getting every single beach moment in!!!! I never really thought about the mirror – but I apparently look FOR myself sadly rather than at myself. I am horrible with the negative talk and it’s something I’m working on. I think my like for weddings totally depends on the people getting married…

  4. Mandy says:

    Totally understand where you are coming from on this one. I totally am guilty of falling victim to the mirror trap and it makes me mad at myself for falling into it as well.

    I love weddings 🙂 Love the emotions, and obviously since I photograph a lot of them.. I love the pictures 🙂 AS a guest though, I do love when there is good music and food!:)

  5. Ameena says:

    I am so critical of myself when looking in the mirror that I’m not sure who or what I am looking for. I guess for me to see Gisele Bundchen (sp?) in front of me…not going to happen though!

    Depends on the person whose wedding it is…if it’s a close friend I love weddings. If it’s just an acquaintance and I don’t know anyone there I find them extremely painful.

  6. I enjoy weddings so much! Probably 10 out of 10!

  7. I love weddings…I think they are so much fun! Plus you get cake!!! 🙂 I like the mirror question. I guess I say I am both…depending on my mood!

  8. I think I usually look FOR myself in the mirror. It is rare that I just “accept” what I look like. I feel like I read this post today on purpose…like it was meant for me to read. God knows what he’s doing and I think he’s been trying to get me to love me for me for a LONG time now. I’m glad I read this today. Thanks 🙂

  9. Mellissa says:

    I am not really a wedding fan, I would rather go out to dinner with just the couple then attend a huge party.

  10. Lana says:

    This is really interesting!
    A while ago, I’d look in the mirror and definitely be looking for myself, sort of because I didn’t recognise/relate to the person who was looking back at me.
    I feel a little more connected with my ‘true’ self everyday, more at peace with what I see, I suppose.
    You know, I have never been to a wedding!

  11. Jess says:

    This is SUCH an interesting question, Tina! I don’t think I ever really look in the mirror AT myself, I look FOR myself and am very guilty of nitpicking every last thing about my body, my face, my hair. I mean, sometimes its worth than others yes, but still – it’s a habit that is very difficult to break. You’re so right though – we are who we are and should accept it, God made us each into very unique individuals and we should embrace it, fully.

  12. Holly says:

    You know, that is SO interesting. I think I do both, but often times I’ll definitely find myself looking FOR myself. It’s like when I used to weigh myself every morning – it came to be that the number I saw determined how I would feel (so silly!) for that day. Sometimes I find myself doing the same with the mirror…I try to stop that thinking when I can catch it!

    LOVE weddings – especially the music and dancing! I agree, though, the planning part (especially if you’re in the bridal party) is not as enjoyable. And I’m being nice – really, I hate that part. Depending on the bride, of course!

  13. I sadly also look FOR myself. I can wake up in the morning and my abs feel so tight.Then I look in the mirror and they are only kinda flat. Not defined at all, and I still lack curves. Le sigh. I don’t kill myself over it. As long as I can feel confident in a bathing suit I’m fine.

  14. Rachel says:

    I love weddings! I haven’t been to too many. Maybe 5 or so in my whole life. But I hope to be planning my own very soon!!!

  15. Hallie says:

    Overall, I like weddings. I like getting dressed up and I am such a sap that seeing two people commit themselves to each other, and be so happy on their special day. (Part of it is vicariously wishing it were me…but I’ll get there eventually) If the food and drinks and company isn’t the best though, it’s not nearly as enjoyable.

  16. Great pick on the shoes. We wore the exact same ones (in the color shown) for my friend’s wedding in January. I never wear heels and they worked out fine.
    I enjoy the idea of weddings, but the actual crowd of people is usually a bit too much for me, I start feeling super self-conscious, especially when I have to speak in front of them. But the idea behind them, and seeing the happiness of the couple – that part is awesome.

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