i’m not perfect

Posted: August 11, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Yesterday contained a few stressful moments that I decided not to get into for the sake of shorter posts. Today, I woke up still feeling that irritation. I tried my best to cheer up with a delicious breakfast first. I had a bowl of yoatgurt. Half plain oats, half Oikos Strawberry Greek yogurt, with a trail of hazelnut spread down the middle.


Even after this delightful bowl, I still knew a workout consisting of punching and kicking would feel excellent. I wanted to go in and pretend the air around me was in fact my friend’s lingerie shower and wedding. And perhaps her a little bit too. Like I said…I’m not perfect.

I don’t want to go into too many details, but we’ll leave it at I’m having to plan the lingerie shower for my friend and she can never communicate with me. I’ve quickly gone from friend to basically her beck and call girl for wedding related stuff. Without the nice pay wedding planners and party organizers receive. She only calls when she has something to tell me about the wedding and whenever I try to share anything about my life she “has to go because she is just too busy”. All of this lack of communication culminated into anger yesterday, when there were serious planning issues caused by her not telling me certain things. Yet somehow it is my fault. It feels good to vent here. After all, I know I have no worries of her reading. She’s too busy and self-centered after all. Actually, I don’t think she has ever cared to hear about my new passion for writing and blogging so she doesn’t even know the site. Needless to say, I don’t foresee a strong friendship after my MOH duties finish. Things just aren’t like this anymore…


I guess you can see my need for a kickboxing class. I felt much better afterwards. And I had a bit of an epiphany during class. I’m not perfect either. I have my own areas I need to improve so I can’t judge another harshly. Part of my reasoning for what I’m planning for September on the blog even relates to working to support one another. That doesn’t mean I have to let people walk all over me but I can choose to live with kindness and a positive attitude. I hate being negative and letting things get the best of me. I have to let it go. Which in this case will be getting through this wedding. Oh, September how I long for you!

I’m also excited for September for the start of something exciting on the blog. I’ve mentioned it briefly a few times before. I firmly believe it will be beneficial to each of us and we can help each other grow through the process. I plan on working on some of the finalizing details today and getting a post up about it tonight or tomorrow. Be looking for it! I’m thrilled for it and hope many of you will participate. 😀

  • How do you deal with stressful friend situations? Or stress in general?
  • Do you ever feel bad for venting on your blog? I know it’s not the kindest thing and I hate putting negativity out there, but sometimes…it’s just NEEDED.

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48 Comments to “i’m not perfect”
  1. Rachel says:

    I usually keep stressful situations inside or complain someone that isn’t involved. It is extremely difficult for me to confront someone, and I need to really work on it.

    Your blog is YOURS to do whatever you want on it. Vent away! Doesn’t mean your blog overall doesn’t have a positive wonderful atmosphere. 🙂

    • Tina says:

      Thanks for bringing up the overall atmosphere. I strive to be positive and uplifting in life and on my blog. I hate negativity but I had to get all of that out. You helped me feel better about that.

  2. Yes, I’ve vented many times. A few times even about people in my life that is very personal. An outlet is good though!

    Can’t wait to see that post :). It’s going to be fantastic.

  3. oh man, that sucks! i’m so sorry tina! i think the best thing is always communicating that frustration. and i say if she’s not listening then don’t help her anymore. quit, so that she HAS to listen! it’s not fair to you if she’s not.

    and venting on the blog…it’s DEFINITELY needed! although i have to be pretty careful because pretty much everyone i know knows the blog site, so they all read it. good and bad 🙂

  4. Thanks for being willing to be so honest in this post! I think it’s refreshing to hear from bloggers about their frustrations – often we only see the happy, pleasant stuff. But that’s not real life. As you say – none of us are perfect – so it’s nice to be reminded of that.

    It can be really stressful to be part of a wedding. I’ve been fortunate to have overall positive experiences, but no matter how calm and cool the bride is, it’s an added stress to life. So sorry to hear that your (potentially former) friend isn’t valuing all that you are putting into her day. I think as a whole culture we need to step back from all the madness that goes into weddings… they actually all about relationships, and sometimes we end up hurting those in the process

    • Tina says:

      Very true! We have to remember that the marriage is what matters and the people we care about feeling including and celebrating that. The extra stuff is unnecessary.

  5. When I need to vent, I do it pretty vaguely because it seems to be I have more friends reading this than I first realized…

    But when it comes to the MOH duties- I’m sorry to hear that! I’ve been in quite a few weddings in my day and I do have to say none of them have been super stressful or demanding. But I have had two weddings I’ve been in over a one month period- and it can get hard to juggle responsibilities for two! I wish you luck- just stay calm with her as best you can and enjoy the day when it comes. What happens afterwards is all up to you!

  6. i can TOTALLY relate. i was actually a little irritated w/ one of my bridesmaids for similar reasons… as in i ONLY heard about her life, she never asked about mine & didn’t even seem all that enthusiastic about the wedding. 🙁 i actually sat down & talked it out w/ her 2 weeks ago & it made a world of difference. communication is KEY. i had no idea how much it was weighing on me until i addressed it with her. we both feel 10x better. maybe it’s worth discussing w/ your friend?

    • Tina says:

      Thank you for sharing your experience! I do believe I need to talk to her. I’ve tried before and it goes nowhere since she takes it as me bashing her and gets all defensive, but it might be worth trying again. Thanks, Julie.

  7. Becky says:

    Sometimes you just need to vent! This blog is your forum, so you can write about anything you’re feeling that day. It’s not necessarily negative. Your readers can support you! Hope you are able to get through this situation with your friend. It’s very hard when relationships change that way.

  8. Emily says:

    Hey Tina! So sorry about the stress. I can definitely relate a little bit. One of my longest friendships has been such a drain on my life. I found myself giving so much and getting nothing in return (I can relate to the lack of interest in my passions, like my blog!). I think I’m coming to peace with the fact that that’s the way it is, but I am definitely stepping back my contribution to the “friendship.” I know that if I’m not replenished after giving of myself, I’ll just end up cranky and tired! I don’t want animosity, but won’t be volunteering so much any more. Hang in there!!

    • Tina says:

      That is how I feel about this friendship after the wedding. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I refuse to be the only one giving any heart to it. If she shows her commitment as a friend, I’ll be there but I’m not going to keep throwing myself under the bus.

  9. Nichole says:

    I hate to hear that, but glad you were able to find a healthy outlet to share how you feel. We’re at that age where friendships have to be mutual. You have this site, a beautiful family and plenty of other things I would hope your friends take interest in.

    If you’ve gone to her and told her how you feel and there is no reciprocation, then definitely move on. You have too many other things going for you. She’ll realize later on how blessed she was to have a friend like you.

    • Tina says:

      I think that is what helps so much. Before she was one of my only friends and she has been there for me through a lot. Now, though, I have many other fulfilling things and friendships so I don’t need something that brings me down.

  10. that’s tough. weddings can bring out the best and more often the WORST in people. sad, isn’t it?
    as far as stress, exercise, prayer, baking, and playing Ms Pac Man totally helps me 🙂
    if/when i vent on my blog, it’s usually pretty vague.
    The internet is forever and ANYONE has access, so i’m not gonna risk it 🙂
    hope you get your frustrations out and can have peace again 🙂

  11. So sorry this is such a stressful time! Lack of communication can make situations so hard.

    I have a hard time venting in any social media form, only because I fear someone telling someone who will then tell the person/situation I am venting about. But if you are sure you are ok, then this seems like a healthy way to get it all out!

    I think weddings are always stressful, and to be honest, they can bring out the worst in people. To calm myself down, I like to spend time alone, thinking and focusing on breathing. Exercise helps me too, as does talking with my husband about it. He always seems to have a clear head when we discuss my stress.

  12. Shannon says:

    How sad that your friendship is suffering over something that SHOULD be a happy occasion. It must be difficult for you to go through the MOH motions regardless of how she’s been treating you. Good for you in deciding to let it go. You shouldn’t feel bad for venting – we all need to!

  13. Oh, weddings ruin so many friendships…I know I’m not as tight with my MoH now. How about telling me 2 days before that she can’t stand my husband? NICE.

    And, no, unfortunately, I don’t vent. I tried to once, and my mother immediately called me about the post (that had nothing to do with her) and ranted until I agreed to take it down. I would love to! Oh…some of the things I could say… Props to you.

  14. Ack, Bridezilla!

    I usually use Twitter to vent 😀

    I think it’s unfortunate when brides forget what a wedding is about. It’s not about them, it’s not even about a wedding, it’s about a MARRIAGE. I hope I avoided being a bridezilla by keeping that in mind… most of the time 😉

    • Sarah says:

      I agree- weddings SHOULD be about a celebration of a MARRIAGE.
      I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this! It’s a bummer. Maybe the bride-to-be will come to her senses when all of the stress of the wedding is over?

  15. Hugs girl – I have gone through something similar with someone who was supposed to be a best friend, someone I have known almost my whole life. Sometimes being super nice can be a pitfall b/c there are those who will gladly take advantage of your kindness. I think a good kickboxing session is a perfect way to beat out some stress 😉

  16. Sorry you had such a rotten day yesterday! I can’t stand when people only want to focus everything around themselves. Especially when you are trying to do something with her. It is so acceptable to get frustrated and vent! Here or to anyone else. I am a firm believer in getting it out. You can’t keep stuff like that inside, because it is mentally frustrating.

    I do kickboxing and talk it out with my husband. He is my best friend and I can tell him everything!

    I hope things get better!

    • Tina says:

      Thanks for understand and helping me feel better about it all. I do know that keeping it in does me no good. I used to that and it left me depressed and with other serious issues.

  17. Aww I’m sorry you’re having to deal with a bridezilla! Fortunately I haven’t had that experience yet as most of my friends haven’t married yet, but I can imagine how terrible it must be, and I bet your kickboxing session felt better than it ever has!! When I am dealing with friend stress, I usually try to distance myself from whoever it is for a little while. I’ll vent about it to my roommate or some of my much closer friends (who tend not to cause me problems – probably because they know what makes me tick!!). So far I’ve managed to keep my blog a fairly positive space, but there are days when I do contemplate sharing some less-positive thoughts! Like you said, sometimes it’s just NEEDED!

  18. Jennifer says:

    I totally understand where you’re coming from. And my goodness you’ve got a child, a baby on the way and you just got home from being out of town. I know when my wedding came around I tried really hard to not make someone my “wedding servant/planner” unless they were hired out to do so. I never wanted my friends or family to look back on my wedding day and remember it as a time where I bossed them around and was selfish. I’m glad you felt that you were able to vent. We all have to sometimes. I look forward to whatever you have planned for your blog!

  19. tanyasdaily says:

    depends on the friend…might need to choose the best time to approach

  20. Mellissa says:

    Weddings can turn friends into your worst nightmare. They do crazy stressfull things to people and so many get so involved in they planning they forget about real life. 1) She will probably feel awful about 6 months after the wedding when she realizes that life does not revolve around it and 2) This is why I vote for eloping!

  21. Julie says:

    I’m all about supporting others so I’m excited to hear about your September plans for the blog!

  22. What a shame! Unfortunately weddings can really turn people into the horrible version of themselves. Such a shame really. Good for you for sticking it through and doing the best you can! We support you 110% so feel free to vent to us…even if it takes a longer post! 🙂

  23. homecookedem says:

    🙁 Sorry your friend continues to be, well, not such a good friend. It’s sad when friendships go south. I have a friend right now who is acting like I’m not pregnant. She’s avoiding me and when I can finally get her to talk to me, she won’t ask how I’m feeling or doing. I can’t figure out what I’ve done to deserve this treatment, but it is frustrating… and sad. We used to have such great times together and would laugh a lot. But ya know what I think… it has NOTHING to do with you and me. I think when girls get all weird in friendships and start acting different it is more than what we even know is going on. All we can do is pray for them. And vent about them!! 😉

    Looking forward to your post about your September plans for the blog!! 🙂

    • Tina says:

      I needed to read this. You are so right. That is partially what I realized today. I opened my eyes that she does have a lot going on right now (she’s a teacher and her first day back was yesterday). I need to be as supportive as I can for the time being and there will always be time to re-evaluate things later. Thanks for the perspective, Em. 🙂

  24. Oh, wow, I can’t wait to read about what you’ve got in store on your blog!

    I’m sorry you and your friend have grown apart and that the relationship just isn’t “there” like it once was. Sometimes people come and go in your life for a purpose and when their purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on. Either you gals will have a heart-to-heart and find the friendship is worth salvaging or you end on good terms (hopefully) and move on. I’ve had that happen with several girlfriends of mine in the past and though it is hard, I feel it is better in the long-run that we went our separate ways. Just hang in there until September for the wedding:)


  25. Heather says:

    First of all, yummmmmm….Nutellllaaaaaaa 😉

    And second, I’m sorry you are having to deal with this with your friend. I’ve had to part ways with some friends & vented about it on the blog which I later learned they did in fact read then were slamming me, calling me childish, etc. . It hurt yes but it’s MY blog & I can write about what I need to.

    I recently vented about family. They may or may not read but I suspect if it hits a nerve with them as it did with the friends then perhaps there’s a bit of truth to it all.

    I never say hateful things…ever. And neither do you. You have too kind of a heart for that my dear!

    Mostly lurking but had to chime in. I hope things get better!


    • Tina says:

      Thanks for the comment. It’s always great to hear from you! And I love your point about if it affects the person, there being a sense of truth to it all.

  26. Your yoatgurt looks like art!

    I think sometimes we all need to vent! It’s rough when a friend doesn’t really act like a friend.

    Way to take it out on the punching bag!

  27. Relationships with friends become more end more complicated as we get older. I don’t now what we should do. Definitely to speak up when we don’t like something.

    You can write whatever you want in your blog!

  28. Nicole, RD says:

    Weddings bring out the crazy in people. Looking back, I was insane. I wasn’t asking things from other people, but I CONSTANTLY talked about my wedding. (Note: 2 year engagement is TOO LONG!!). I stressed about every little insignificant detail. While my wedding was perfect (really, it was…nothing went wrong), it doesn’t matter. It’s really the bride and groom and their happiness that matters…nothing else. Jeez, rant. Sorry! 🙂 I’m just saying, as crazy as I was then, it passed as soon as the wedding was over. And so I hope your friend realizes what she’s been putting you through and gets over it when the wedding passes. Ugh, I’m sorry…not a fun situation.

  29. Holly says:

    Oh, Tina, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know you’ve mentioned it before, and I’ve experienced the same with a couple of friends, too. It is NO fun at all to feel like a doormat, or to feel like your only purpose is to “serve” another person. To me, that is just not a true friendship (I’m sure you know that, too!). It is truly sad when those friendships end or disintegrate, but I firmly believe you will be better off without her. But SHE will be the one who is missing out, without your friendship!

    As for venting…vent away! That is a part of why I love blogging myself, and reading others. There are no rules, and anything goes!

  30. Erica says:

    Glad the class helped you! Group fitness always makes me feel better too 🙂 Exercise is totally my stress outlet. Sorry to hear about your friend…sounds like she needs to get her priorities in line

  31. janetha g. says:

    mmmm yoats!

    vent away, m’dear. i would definitely be irritated in your situation. i am sure your friend is blinded by her planning and will look back and regret how awful she’s been.. but i am sorry you have to deal with it right now. ugh!

    love ya!

  32. Bummer. I’ve been MOH before and it was fun once you take out the stressful part. Try not to let it bug you on the actual wedding day and have a blast 🙂

    you’re totally awesome for being this dedicated though, to someone else’s big day!!!!

  33. Dont feel bad about venting – we all need to do it sometimes!
    I had a similar experience a while back when I was a bridesmaid. By the time of the wedding, I felt like the bride’s slave, rather than her friend – and it really did take us some time to get our friendship back on track afterwards.

  34. This explains your tweets 🙂 It’ll all be over soon!!

  35. Aww I completely relate to this post! Friendships are hard and constantly changing. This time will pass though and you will get through it.

    I figure my blog is MINE so it is open for me to vent.

  36. I love the division of flavors on your breakfast bowl. I like texture in food.

    A good friendship needs to be balanced. You have to be there for each other and one friend should not always be the one taking and the other friend always giving.

    Hopefully it will be resolved between you and your friend soon and before the wedding so you can both enjoy that special day.

  37. andi says:

    it’s YOUR blog, lovely! vent as much or as little as you want to.

    that said, I was in a similar situation when I was MOH for my best high school friend’s (first) wedding. the anger I felt towards her for her comments and actions really built up and possibly ended the friendship. we didn’t talk for years after her wedding, and even now things are pretty strained. when we talk about that time in our lives but I found out that she harbored some anger during the wedding planning as well. I guess my round-about comment intends to say that if you care about her and want to maintain your friendship, it may be worth it to talk to her. she may not even realize what she’s doing, and it *may* not be intentional. sending lots of virtual hugs your way! (and sorry for the novel, haha)

  38. […] faced at that time. Today I said some prayers for the 30 Days, for guidance on how to better handle the bad friend situation, and for a healthy pregnancy – but always “interrupted” myself by having to simply praise […]

  39. […] Then, on the flip side, I have my fair share I seem to struggle with. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not perfect. This just goes to show so even more. My problems and my not-problems. We all have […]

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