gone missing
Posted: October 27, 2010 at 6:31 pmSeeing as the most exciting parts of my day included a one hour nap and a cry from pain in the shower, I don’t have much to say. I couldn’t muster much more energy after that shower. Darn personal hygiene and social decorum to look presentable at church tonight. For that reason, this post will be short and sweet. I know you all are likely sick of hearing the ailments of this pregnancy. Believe me, so am I. But that’s all I got for a post right now. A need to vent. Please forgive me as I wax poetic about this once again. I promise it will be the last time…for at least a good while.
I miss my cheer and energy. I hate feeling lazy. I hate being grumpy and I know it has happened more often than normal the past 7 months.
I miss my “happy place” body. Yea, I said it. I don’t feel poorly about how I look right now. I don’t analyze my size or bemoan extra softness. I still feel beautiful. I just miss feeling fit and having the ability to do things I can do in that non-pregnant, back in the strong workouts body.(And I can’t believe how small she was only a bit over a year ago!)
I miss wine. ‘Nough said.
I miss sushi. ‘Nough said. Well, besides that Peter will be brining me some for dinner sometime after delivery. Yes, in the hospital. I wonder if they will allow him to bring in some wine too? Hmmmm…..
I miss sleep. Yea yea yea. I won’t get much following the birth with a newborn. But at least the sleep I do get will feel comfortable. Stomach sleep, how I miss you.
I miss smaller boobs. Yea yea yea. Those will get bigger for awhile afterwards too thanks to nursing. But at least there will be an end in sight.
I miss not knowing what sciatic pain was. Oh, dear heavens, ignorance really is bliss when it comes to that.
I miss craving healthy food. I still eat it, and ultimately enjoy it, but I don’t love it. I miss loving it!
I miss pain medicine. I don’t take it very often, but when I do I usually need something stronger. Tylenol just does not work for me.
I miss control of my bladder. Going to the bathroom one zillion times a day and having to take care when sneezing, laughing, or coughing gets old real fast.
I miss my mind. I forget things so easily. I lost a flip flop today. I still have no clue where that sucker went. I had them both on when I sat down on the couch, then one when I stood up. How? How?!
I miss the freedom to be me. Plain and simple. I miss being me.
- What would be the hardest thing for you to deal with for 9 months?
- Don’t forget to ASK ME ANYTHING for the Q + A series in November!
Tags: pregnancy
Dirty Martinis. Nough Said.
I think you need this:
:hug:
Thank you! 🙂
Sending you lots of positive thoughts- I have no idea what this feels like, but I know one day I’ll think of this and be like, hey, she was right!! I already have a teeny bladder, so I feel like I’ll need to have a port-o-potty follow me around during pregnancy. And I feel like not craving healthy foods would be hard too!! Just remember how all this will be so worth it very soon!!
Don’t ever feel bad about venting!! Seriously, moms are the most selfless people in the world, you have given up so much for your new little baby and Mckenzie! The thing I will miss most is racing and maternity clothes:) Keep on going! You look amazing and within no time you will be craving all of those healthy foods again!
After you have the baby, we should go out for wine and sushi.
Ohhh…that would be so fabulous!!!!! It’s a date!
i have so many friends who just miss their pre-pregnancy body…it’s hard, but so worth it! i’ll buy you a beer when it’s all said and done with 🙂
Gosh Tina, I feel your pain. My second pregnancy was a nightmare! I was in so much pain and I was unhappy through the whole thing. We will talk soon about that if you want to feel more normal. Just know that it will be over soon and you will look back on it and know that it was all for a good reason. Keep your chin up and I am always here if you need anything!
Champagne.
(silence)
Aw. I’m so glad you used this blog to air your frustrations, and things gone missing since being pregnant. You are certainly allowed and fully within your right to feel the way you do, and to SAY it out loud for the world to hear you. For the record, I think you look beautiful both pregnant and not pregnant. 🙂 Hang in there, you’re into the home stretch and you’ll be back to “me” in no time, I have no doubt. Until then, feel free to vent anytime, we’ll listen!
That’s a super cute pic of you and M from back in the day! Don’t worry soon enough you’ll have your new little one and you’ll be feeling like your old self again 🙂
You’ll be feeling back to normal again soon! Hang in there! I laughed at the missing flip flop comment! : ) I hope you found it!
Still not a clue! LOL I really do not know where it went. I’m starting to wonder if M hid it, but usually she will show me right away when I ask. She is proud of her hiding spots. Haha.
Girl, I may not be prego, but I’m with you on missing cheer and energy, wine, sushi, sleep, my mind and the freedom to be me, *too*! Perhaps pregnancy and comp prep have more in common than I thought HA!
I think the hardest thing for me to deal with for 9 months would be not seeing my husband due to military or job situations. Thank God that I have him hear with me everyday day and night! Such a blessings! 😉
Texas-sized hug to ya! 🙂
AMEN, Sister. Especially on the first two. But also on every.other.one.
I love having someone who gets it literally right alongside me since we’re basically right at the same place.
Hang in there you wonderful mommy, you!
I have a lot of friends that are pregnant and you’re not alone. They all miss having their bodies to themselves (even though they of course love the reason why they don’t)
I think the hardest part for mr would be the loss of energy. But all totally worth it!
Aw pregnancy sounds rough! I hope that it improves, or at least goes by really quickly! You are a hero to even go through this, for serious.
I would probably start peeing my pants if I were pregnant, because I am already practically incontinent. That might be annoying. Honestly, every aspect of pregnancy terrifies me!
I will say that my first pregnancy was very easy and I loved every part of it. I did miss my body some, but otherwise felt great! Not every pregnancy is rough. I just got lucky this time I guess. 😉
That’s so funny because I was the second of two children, and I was the harder pregnancy, too. AND THEN I was the harder child. I think I was showing my mom my personality at a very young age!
I love that you are honest and open about your pregnancy struggles. It’s nice to hear the reality!
Aw! You’re almost there. I have a lot of respect for you.
Hmm, as long as I could eat cookies and still do some jogging, I think I’d be a happy camper. <– ask me that again when I'm pregnant in __ years 😉
You are absolutely stunning btw! My bf and I are planning in about 2 yrs (which sounds like a long time) but I want to know as much as poss for little babies and especially how to keep a bod like that!!! I just did an entire post on how I am regulating my sleep from now on. I miss talking to you daily…I kind of fell off for a week or so but I am up and at em again! 🙂 Love and miss your blog girlllly!
Coffee! I would seriously seriously miss coffee!
So sorry about the rough day! I so admire your strength. I can’t imagine what its like!
I think the hardest thing that I could think of doing for nine months would be living without my family.
Your little girl is too precious 🙂
Since I’m not a mom, I can’t say I know how you feel…but if I were to talk on experience based on my sister’s second pregnancy, I would say you are twins. She had a miserable second pregnancy, so much so that she had people from her church rotate their services DAILY to help care for her daughter (who was 3 at the time) and bring food because she couldn’t handle the smell of anything. She could barely stand for 9 months. Watching her go through this was terrifying to me (I’m the baby of the family) and I have been scared out of my wits to have kids ever since. OK I was scared before, but this definitely did not help.
BUT all that being said—
She said it was totally worth it in the long run. She also said she’d never go through it again…but she’s glad she did.
You’re almost there. Keep your head up girl.
Wow. I feel for your sister. I feel fortunate that I don’t have it that rough. I feel pretty bad, but not sick from smells or anything to that extent like I know some experience.
And some pregnancies are really easy. I enjoyed everything of my first one. I don’t know why some just stink so bad though.
You’ve still got a great thankful perspective and you’re my preggo hero. 🙂
I hate feeling lazy. There were days when I was pregnant with Squish where I would say that I just wanted to take a few days off from running errands or being a mom to the Manchild, but if I ever found myself with a day where I could have done that, I felt awful. I just wanted to be doing something, anything rather than sitting there. Even though I knew my body needed it.
I’ve never been pregnant, but I’m sending you good vibes!!!!! 🙂
Sending you best wishes and vibes also – ‘this too shall pass,’ and you are doing one of the most miraculous things that any human can do.
I hear you, when you say you ‘miss being you,’ – but underneath it all, you are still you. It can be alarming how vast the number of potential ways for being we all have. I know I’ve been highly alarmed when feeling outside of myself to stop and reflect taht this is still me in some way.
love makes everything possible.
love
Ela
Thanks for this. That really helped my perspective. I may not be the “me” I am most used to, but I’m still me at my core in so many other ways. Thanks, Ela.
Aw I wish I could give you a nice big hug! I don’t have any kids yet, but I have a feeling that prancing around in a pre-prego body doesn’t feel half as amazing as forming a life with yours chica. You are creating such a gift. Even if it sucks right now:)
Just wanted to let you know I am quickly becoming a huge fan of your blog!!:)
sciatic pain – what is it? I guess I’m googling! Ugh sounds like you had a rough day girlie! I’m sending out a few prayers and a hug! How far along are you?
Sciatic pain is basically a pain from your lower back down the back of your leg(s). It’s a nerve that can get pinched from the baby’s position and it hurts. I want to almost describe it like a charlie horse…but one that extends half the length of your body and doesn’t stop.
I don’t think I slept for more than an hour at a time for the last couple of months. It was so uncomfortable! I’m not getting a whole lot of sleep now either, but at least I can sleep for more than an hour at a time between feedings.
Hang in there. Its so tough, but you will be back to yourself very soon…and with a beautiful little boy!
Aw, Tina, never feel like you need to apologize for being honest about your feelings! That’s the beauty of blogging. Both the ups and downs are what make you real. 🙂
I would miss sushi too…and wine…and the ability to run! But just think how much more wonderful those things will seem once you’re able to enjoy them again! You’re almost there! <3
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I really cant imagine how 9 months of so many changes effects ones sense of self and comfort. You handle it incredibly and give us “non-parents” insight into what pregancy is really like!
I hope everything gets better soon Tina. Just remember you’ll think back on this time as fond memories rather than bad ones. You just have to get there.
Oh my.. this has made me a bit scared to have children in the future! I’ll be thinking of you today Tina. I think the thing I’d have the most trouble with is the missing the ‘happy place’ body. So much of my day is attributable to the great feelings I get after a hard morning workout, and I feel like having to take the intensity down during a pregnancy would be difficult for me to deal with. I hope you have a good day today! 😀
please never apologize for venting. this is your space, your outlet. talking about the REAL and sometimes ugly things in life is what helps us to address them, to know we’re not alone, to find support from friends. sure, pregnancy is a blessing and a gift from God and blah blah but SOMETIMES IT BLOWS. you’re handling it with far more grace and balance than most people could ever dream of.
Hahaha! I love that statement. Its how I feel. Blessed…but it sure does SUCK at times too. Thanks for giving me a laugh. 🙂
I’m worried that I will find many of these issues overwhelming when I’m pregnant, but I’m hoping I can just learn to deal with them because I’ll have no other choice! But boy, do I feel for you. I think the energy thing might be the hardest for me. Oh, and sushi!
Tina I hear you on the stomach sleep! I try to sleep on my back or sides but I always end up on my stomach. The only reason I try other ways is because my chiropractor recommended it for my neck.
I think I’ll have a hard time feeling tired and in pain — if I’m not comfortable I am miserable and make everyone else around me miserable!
I am not looking forward to the bad sleep, no wine and sushi either.
I don’t have any kids, but I feel like I can somewhat sympathize with those things as symptoms of stress.
I miss sleep and not feeling stressed about everything!
Aww so sorry sweetie!! You’re almost there & you’ll forget all about it as soon as you have that sweet little thing in your arms. And the new word on the street is 2 glasses of wine per week are ok if you so chose 😉 …& how bout some non-fish sushi? I know it’s not the same… Hang in there!!!! 🙂
I have had a couple glasses here and there – at the weddings I’ve attended and once with a dinner. It almost doesn’t taste as good though. I guess a coping mechanism? Annoying, whatever it is. LOL
And non-fish sushi….le sigh. Not a fan. But thanks for thinking of some helpful ideas!
Don’t be feeling bad about venting here – that’s what makes you real!
So sorry you’re feeling “not you.” I’ve never been pregnant, but I have gone through phases where I didn’t feel like “me” for whatever reason (weigh gain etc) and it is so hard. I know it affects almost every part of your day.
I’ll be praying for you…and just keep the goal in mind! This too shall pass:)
As hard as it is, try to focus on the positives. You’re body is creating a beautiful baby! (Easy for me to say, I’ve never had one!) You’ll be back to your normal self in no time, Tina. 7 months down, 2 to go! I think I’d miss a lot of the things you described. 🙁
climbing — I would miss climbing — & maybe just not “feeling myself”.
I admire you so much for being so honest & exposed about your pregnancy. You still have a “happy” body — as long as you & the baby are the healthiest you could be now. I know that may not help, [I don’t know that it would even help me], but you have a “happy baby” body. You are just perfect. You are perfect.
No, that does help. I am healthy and that is a good place to be. Even if more painful than normal. Thanks, Allie!
Aw, thank you for being honest 🙂 It really means the most to your readers, I’m sure. You’re so strong and determined, you’ll get back to your “self” in no time!
I feel for ya girl. Hoping that you start to feel better. Before you know it, you will be in labour, screaming and crying and thinking “why the hell didn’t I enjoy my 3rd trimester?”
But then it will be over and you’ll have your little boy, along with Makenzie.. and you’ll know it was all worth it!!!
PS- you look amazing in that pic with M!
Agree…with…so…many. But mostly?
I miss being cheerful. I miss ham & cheese sandwiches. I miss being able to help with home renovations. I miss exercise in any form. I should stop.
But the craving healthy foods? 99% of that is gone for me at the moment, but every so often I crave a salad, and I get SOOOO excited. Just the idea that I want to eat something DECENT.
It’s so great having others who relate. I might have missed it on your blog, but have you announced it there yet? I’m always cautious when I get the chance to read and comment on not letting anything out. LOL
Ha, no. Kat (Living Like Kings) was just saying to me how she keeps seeing me making PG comments everywhere, but not on mine. We’re not officially telling people for 2 more weeks, but I guess I have some weird disconnect that as long as it’s not IRL, I don’t mind? I’m nuts, I know.
I think the sleep and the pain would be the hardest for me! But I’m a long way off, so who knows!
Big hugs hun!!! Hope today is a better one for you!
I think giving up wine and sushi would be killer. 🙁
Vent away girl! You have a supportive group here to help you get through it.
I’m with you on the wine. Nine months without wine would be pure torture!