Self-Love Reflections: Seeking Control

Posted: March 20, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Wouldn’t life appear lovely if everything went as we hoped? If all our desires arose simply by giving our head a nod, wrinkling our nose, or snapping our fingers?

What if we could determine everything about our lives without any road blocks and things always went our way? I wish I could find a way to break it to you gently, but wake up…that world does not exist! We think it does because we think we have more control than possible.

We can only control our own decisions in addition to our attitudes, reactions, and perspectives. Even controlling our own decisions does not guarantee control over the direction they take us. Unexpected situations still happen. We still may face challenge and opposition. We may encounter surprises along the way, good or bad.

Instead of allowing such truths to costume the world as a frightening landscape, we should understand that loopy and wild roller-coaster of the unexpected makes life…life. Those areas which we cannot control force us to grow and encounter new experiences. They open up the means to learn to love and forgive others. They encourage us to adopt new ways of thinking and increase our knowledge. Sometimes, they even bring us to places better than we could have imagined.

Our lives turn into unbearable, desolate waste-grounds when we seek control over everything. Nothing will ever turn out exactly as we envision and disappointment will always arise. That isn’t to say we should have no expectations or desires out of life so that all circumstances seem good. We must avoid the allure of controlling others or certain things about ourselves to feel reassurance. Find reassurance for life in the positive choices made each day for all areas of our lives. Seek confidence in the ability to keep an open mind to new avenues. Encounter hope in the belief that, even when life may not go as intended, opportunities still exist. Give up control and gain life.

Quotes to Reflect On
I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the present. God has given me no control over the moment following. ~ Mohandas Gandhi

It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized. ~Wayne Dyer

Question of the Day - What things in life might you try to control?

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26 Comments to “Self-Love Reflections: Seeking Control”
  1. yes yes yes!! this is exactly what i was writing about today 🙂 we are on the same wavelength, tina!

  2. Kacy says:

    Just so you know, you’re an awesome blog friend. Thanks for the race wishes today!!
    Love this post, I try so hard to control everything but it’s pointless. It’s all in His hands.

  3. Lauren says:

    This is so awesome! I try to control parts of my life, but I’ve learned I can’t control or change others. I can work my hardest in life, but I have to trust in God and go with the flow.

  4. My mom has always told me: We plan, God laughs. It’s so true! I try to plan and control many aspects of life, but I’m gradually learning to let go and go with the flow a little more 🙂

  5. There is so much truth to this. I find myself trying to make “life plans” that are too far in the future to actually plan, to control other people’s actions or reactions to things, to spend time trying to anticipate things that I could never see coming. Not only it is a waste of time, but it’s also so draining and anxiety-provoking. If I can remind myself more often to accept what I don’t know and can’t change or control, I’m in a much healthier state of mind. I think I’ve actually gotten better at this over the pas couple of years, thinking about how I used to view my life, career, running, and relationships. Thank you for making me think and reflect, in a positive way, once again!!

  6. Ah, this post speaks to the theme of my life right now. I’ve tried to control the spacing of my children, how many children I am going to have, but it’s out of my hands. I have absolutely no control. I try not to worry about it, but it’s really hard to just sit back and trust that God’s plan will be perfect.

  7. This is a great post and it really hits home for me! I try to control everything and when things don’t work out, I get upset and feel like I could have done something to make the outcome different. Recently, I have learned that we just need to take life as it comes and realize that it’s out of our hands. I chose strength for part of my blog name because I have realized how important strength is in life because it gives you the ability to move on and face whatever is handed to you, regardless of whether or not it is what you expected.
    Thanks for such inspiring posts! 🙂

  8. Michelle says:

    These are some great reminders, Tina. It’s easy to get wrapped up in trying to control every aspect of your life, which is a fruitless exercise. I do this a lot at work, worrying about things constantly. I’m not sure why exactly, but reminding myself that I can only do my best always helps me to relax a bit.

  9. Helen says:

    I try to control too much. My husband is always telling me to just let things be, and accept whatever happens. He is so calm and laid back. I am too much of a control freak!

  10. laura says:

    I tend to have control freak tendencies, and im finally realizing that its not worth it! the best way to live is in the moment, embracing new experiences as they come 🙂

  11. It’s so true that worrying does nothing for our circumstances. I believe there’s healthy worry as in concern, but plain worry is just fear. And fear is truth that has been twisted by negativity and ultimately the enemy~ I’m not saying that I have no flaws as I have many! Nor that i have it all down… 😛 But when worry about the future starts to sink in, I just come before God and ask him to help me see through His eyes. And this totally works you know! It’s amazing how good He is, and how faithful He is to take those things away if we ask Him. a verse also comes to mind~the one that says if we worry, can we make even one hair on our heads gray? No we can’t… Have a blessed day Tina! Thanks for this post 🙂

  12. You control what you can control. I like the quote by Steven Covey: “Write your own script, or others will happily write it for you”.

    I would rather write my own script, be it good or bad. 🙂

  13. I think our reactions are one of the most powerful things we can control 🙂

  14. Oh boy–I love being in control. This is a very thoughtful post–great points.

  15. Well I TRY to control everything, but I’ve gotten better at letting go. For example, I cannot control what Jason does — and it may annoy me at times that I can’t — but what can I do about it? There are certain things that we are going to disagree on, and instead of getting mad about it, I need to respect what he has to say and accept that we don’t agree and I can’t change that.

  16. Mellissa says:

    I am actually working on giving up control, and just living each day. It has made me so much happier.

  17. Katie says:

    Uhh…used to be everything, but I am getting a lot better at it! Still what I eat though.

  18. love this post!! im such a control freak and iv slowly realized how controlling everything just gets you into a bigger mess and makes you feel EVEN worse

  19. Wow….so I needed to read this.

    And I will need to keep reading it because seeing it once doesn’t solve anything for me…

    Yep. Love that Wayne Dyer quote. I try to control everything in life. I am losing my job and income – and have no idea how to cope. Are there other jobs? Of course. But I think if I take them – it will bring me further into depression and a nervous breakdown.

    But how do you pay the bills and (killer) loan payments every month without it?

    Then what? So yeah control right now…well, I’m losing it and have no idea how to hang on…or if just falling defeat is better.

    • Tina says:

      I’m so sorry to hear this!!! Keep your options open and I’m sure something will come along that works out for you and makes you happy too.:)

  20. Tina, this was such an awesome, thought provoking post. Sometimes I try to control what my boyfriend does, how he spends HIS money, when we’ll get engaged, etc. But deep down I know everything will happen in due time and we will have enough money someday to do what we want. Sometimes I just want things to happen faster than the universe is ready for.

  21. Tina, this post is just what I needed to read tonight. For years I sought control over food and weight…If I couldn’t change things happening AROUND me, I could darn well control what was happening INSIDE me! Fortunately I’ve found a healthier balance since then, but I still experience challenging days. Now, however, I find myself trying to control what will happen in my future career. I have anxiety about what I’ll do after I graduate from grad school, and worry frequently about finding a job. It’s during these moments that I stop, take a deep breath, and remind myself that God has a plan–a PERFECT plan–for all of us! I find comfort (and joy) in that.

  22. […] Fun.  Tina writes some of the most motivating and inspiring posts that I have ever seen, like this one on seeking control in your life.  Thanks, Tina, for keeping me […]

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