Posted: May 31, 2011 at 9:22 am

I try to keep it cool and collected. Yet, I have some form of freak-out-stress-mode moment at least a few times a week. Prayer helps to keep me grounded most of the time and makes certain those moments remain fleeting instances instead of common ground. But…some days? Some days cool and collected would far from describe my demeanor. Some days something will set me off and turn me into full blown nutcase making way too big a deal about way too small a “problem”.

One of the biggest things to ignite the spaz? Something throwing off my routine or plans. I’m a huge planner. I can “go with the flow”….if I plan for something where I need to go with the flow. I make no sense. This I know. I also know that I cried yesterday morning and then felt like screaming a few times yesterday.

It all started Saturday morning when I woke up and knew my legs could not handle my planned long run. Before allowing me to get all whiny, Peter calmly suggested I do my run on Sunday morning. I mentally worked out our schedule and decided that, due to Sunday school being cancelled for the holiday weekend, I had the time to run and still make it to worship service.

Sunday morning I got in my long run of 8 miles in 1:13 (9:11 pace), ended up with an extra mile than I anticipated, and went home with a natural runners high.


I had an hour to get showered , fed, and ready for church – plenty of time for me. Then, it went downhill. Somehow we could not get our act together and ended up running late. Then, 1/3 of the way to church I realized I had forgotten our baby stuff at home that we would need while out for a large chunk of the day. Already running late, knowing I would have to spend the first half of service sitting out to nurse B, and needing to go back home to pick up our things, we decided to just turn around and go home. And I cried.

I didn’t like having my routine thrown off and the thought of not getting my weekly visit with our church family and that worship time with God. I got all guilt-ridden, blaming myself for having to run and whining that I chose a run over God. Which I know isn’t the case, but just want to show the irrationality I sometimes encounter.

The whole plans getting thrown off thing continued into yesterday. I went to the gym planning a circuit weight workout and a spin class. I checked in with the front desk and picked up my “bike pass”, then went through the 20 minutes of my weights circuit before class. Upon heading into class, the instructor told me there were no bikes left. I showed her my pass which should ensure a spot in class. Nope. Kicked out. I immediately threw a temper tantrum in my head and almost stormed out of the gym, until the kickboxing class that just started caught my eye on the way out. I figured it would work well enough to punch out my current and slightly ridiculous irritability. 


When I got home, I had planned on having a low key day to get things done and relax some. Then, we got a call at 2 pm. Peter’s family wanted to get together for our nephew’s birthday. At 3:30. Peter’s family typically plans things at the last minute and I have learned to adjust to it for the most part, but some days it gets under my skin. Like today. I did not like having to suddenly give up the chill day I had planned. I whined and moped and got overdramatic. Nevertheless, I had to suck it up buttercup and get over my selfishness. And, of course, I had a good time.

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That nasty side came out all because I couldn’t have my little routine. And why did it even matter? All of these instances didn’t turn out how I planned, but that didn’t make them bad. They were all still quite enjoyable. I don’t know why letting go of control with plans challenges me so much. We all have our issues to work through and that certainly counts as one of mine. All I can do is live and learn and continue to grow as a person. What life is all about after all, right?

  • What’s something that can set off emotional/stressful reactions in you?

79 Comments to “Spaztastic”
  1. vivoir says:

    I’m exactly the same. I schedule my day to ensure that I fit everything- and everyone- in. This includes time for myself- even if it’s just 30 minutes of training. It’s my way of coping, knowing that I’ll get through the day in tact and without having missed out on anything!

  2. Sarah says:

    I have totally been there, done that. My husband has helped me a TON to relax in situations like that (he’s usually pretty hard to rattle), but the tendency to freak out is still there- especially when I’m planning a big event and it’s TIME. I’ve done several weddings, which I really like to do, but there is always a patch of time when my husband has to deal with me in a way that I have to apologize for later.

  3. I feel the same way as well. I hate when things are out of whack I am such a planner and don’t do well when the plan changes, especially without me knowing.

  4. Oh girl, I can relate 100%. I know it’s a terrible quality I have and try sooo hard to just relax and try to find the positives. Thought temper tantrums often ensue (and not always in my head mind you).

  5. Jen says:

    My husband’s family is the same way. Everything is thrown together at the last minute, and I need things planned out. I am currently mid freak out because we are apparently closing on our house on Thursday instead of Friday, but I can’t get an answer if that’s for sure and what the address is to the title company. Yes, I know it’s only Tuesday, but I need to know!

  6. I feel your pain! I often get flustered when things don’t go as planned…luckily I have Andy who is calm and always reminds me that it’s OK to not always have a plan in life. I’m glad you are feeling better though, I know it can get frustrating!

  7. […] would not fly with me this morning. I always strive to complete my planned workouts (remember my spaztastic plan needs), but I also know the vitality of putting my body’s needs first. I ended up forming a compromise […]

  8. Lee says:

    I am totally like this too. If my routine gets messed up, even if it’s from fun things, I get all out of sorts.

  9. I love that God sees things differently from us and doesn’t condemn us even when we feel like He should. He just doesn’t! 🙂 His grace is so amazing.

  10. Mac says:

    I am the same way as you… I like my day planned out to the “T”. My boyfriend on the other hand is the exact opposite! It drove me absolutely bananas when we first started dating… he would tell me he would be to my house (just to hang out & watch tv, no specific plans) in 30 minutes, but not show up for 60, things like this would drive me kookoo! Anyway, over the past couple years I have learned to no be so stringent on my “plan” on the weekends and go with the flow a little better, thanks to the bf. Every now and again I still blow up over the tiniest deviation from my daily schedule, but I’ve gotten way better! It helps for me to keep life in perspective.

  11. Coco says:

    Hah! Any one of these things would have set me off too. To have them all happen? I’d have to give myself a time-out.

  12. Jeannie says:

    I am so a planner to and it is hard when the routine gets thrown off. What stresses me out the most is not being on time. I always make sure I leave early or have plenty of time to get where I need to go by a certain time. However, my husband is very laid back when it comes to timing and will often wait until the last second to be ready to go or not plan for how long it will take. I often end up frustrated or nagging because this stresses me out!

  13. When you said “I can “go with the flow”….if I plan for something where I need to go with the flow.” that is SO me. I can completely relate. I too have been reduced to tears when I got up early for church but somehow couldn’t make it on time (I’m talking 40 min late). Just remember that God is more than a church building and I’m sure he’d love it if you invited Him on your next run 😉

  14. Sooo glad to know I’m not alone in my emotional pissed-off’d-ness! It doesn’t take much to set me off, but it’s something I’m working on. Here’s the perfect example: Been doing everything I can to stay off insulin (gestational diabetic), so I can stay w/my midwives & have a waterbirth (in 6 weeks). Just found out I’m going to be put on medication. Meaning, finding a new provider and no waterbirth. Where I normally would’ve freaked out, I just said, “Ok God. I surrender. You put this baby in me. You have kept her safe throughout the pregnancy. Of course you’ll see her through the birth.” GIving up control is NOT easy. But God’s plans are always better than our own in the end.

    • Tina says:

      God does do wondrous things and a healthy baby sure is one of them. I know how hard that must be, but you’re amazing for trusting Him so fully.

  15. Shayla says:

    I am just like you and it is so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who gets bent out of shape when my little routine is suddenly changed and I get selfish and bent out of shape over it. And it’s so silly I do that to myself b/c in the end, the day works out fine and I’m happy with myself that I was able to roll with the punches. My husband’s family likes to plan things at the last minute too and it really gets under my skin b/c I’m such a planner and like you, I like to have my “going with the flow” days planned, I totally know what you mean by that! But I’m making an effort to be better about going with the flow and in the end, I always end up having a good time with them and it reminds me that I need to lighten up a bit 😉

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