Posted: May 31, 2011 at 9:22 am

I try to keep it cool and collected. Yet, I have some form of freak-out-stress-mode moment at least a few times a week. Prayer helps to keep me grounded most of the time and makes certain those moments remain fleeting instances instead of common ground. But…some days? Some days cool and collected would far from describe my demeanor. Some days something will set me off and turn me into full blown nutcase making way too big a deal about way too small a “problem”.

One of the biggest things to ignite the spaz? Something throwing off my routine or plans. I’m a huge planner. I can “go with the flow”….if I plan for something where I need to go with the flow. I make no sense. This I know. I also know that I cried yesterday morning and then felt like screaming a few times yesterday.

It all started Saturday morning when I woke up and knew my legs could not handle my planned long run. Before allowing me to get all whiny, Peter calmly suggested I do my run on Sunday morning. I mentally worked out our schedule and decided that, due to Sunday school being cancelled for the holiday weekend, I had the time to run and still make it to worship service.

Sunday morning I got in my long run of 8 miles in 1:13 (9:11 pace), ended up with an extra mile than I anticipated, and went home with a natural runners high.


I had an hour to get showered , fed, and ready for church – plenty of time for me. Then, it went downhill. Somehow we could not get our act together and ended up running late. Then, 1/3 of the way to church I realized I had forgotten our baby stuff at home that we would need while out for a large chunk of the day. Already running late, knowing I would have to spend the first half of service sitting out to nurse B, and needing to go back home to pick up our things, we decided to just turn around and go home. And I cried.

I didn’t like having my routine thrown off and the thought of not getting my weekly visit with our church family and that worship time with God. I got all guilt-ridden, blaming myself for having to run and whining that I chose a run over God. Which I know isn’t the case, but just want to show the irrationality I sometimes encounter.

The whole plans getting thrown off thing continued into yesterday. I went to the gym planning a circuit weight workout and a spin class. I checked in with the front desk and picked up my “bike pass”, then went through the 20 minutes of my weights circuit before class. Upon heading into class, the instructor told me there were no bikes left. I showed her my pass which should ensure a spot in class. Nope. Kicked out. I immediately threw a temper tantrum in my head and almost stormed out of the gym, until the kickboxing class that just started caught my eye on the way out. I figured it would work well enough to punch out my current and slightly ridiculous irritability. 


When I got home, I had planned on having a low key day to get things done and relax some. Then, we got a call at 2 pm. Peter’s family wanted to get together for our nephew’s birthday. At 3:30. Peter’s family typically plans things at the last minute and I have learned to adjust to it for the most part, but some days it gets under my skin. Like today. I did not like having to suddenly give up the chill day I had planned. I whined and moped and got overdramatic. Nevertheless, I had to suck it up buttercup and get over my selfishness. And, of course, I had a good time.

 IMGP1543 IMGP1531  IMGP1533 IMGP1534 IMGP1536 IMGP1538 

That nasty side came out all because I couldn’t have my little routine. And why did it even matter? All of these instances didn’t turn out how I planned, but that didn’t make them bad. They were all still quite enjoyable. I don’t know why letting go of control with plans challenges me so much. We all have our issues to work through and that certainly counts as one of mine. All I can do is live and learn and continue to grow as a person. What life is all about after all, right?

  • What’s something that can set off emotional/stressful reactions in you?

79 Comments to “Spaztastic”
  1. Raina says:

    Sorry to hear about your stressful day! I am so bad at going with the flow especially when it comes to exercise. I basically plan my entire day around it. But if there is one thing that God has definitely taught me, it is that you can’t plan for life. Sometimes for me that means just letting go and trusting Him with my day.
    Hope today is much better for you!

    • Tina says:

      Thanks for that! I think letting go of control is my biggest thing I need to work on in my faith. 🙂

  2. Jess says:

    Ugh. I am SO with you. I have a really hard time when things don’t go according to “my” plan. Even though, like you said, nine times out of ten, it works out just fine, it still frustrates me to NOT end. You turned things around quite nicely, I must say. Much better than I would’ve handled it (especially the in-law thing and the bike pass thing, UGH!).

  3. I’m a planner too and do not handle disruption/change well at all! It totally throws me for a loop and then I’m discombobulated and feeling like I forgot to do something. My hubby and his family are very much non-planners so I’m trying to be more relaxed. It’s tough though!

  4. I can certainly relate to this. I thrive on having things planned out, and if my expectations are interrupted…wow. I am a basket case! I’m trying to learn how to adjust better, but it’s slow going 😉

  5. It happens to the best of us! I’m the same way and any deviation from the plan in my head will usually get me cranky. My husband is the exact opposite so it can be stressful at times. Sorry to hear about your weekend stresses but glad you were able to enjoy yourself with family at the end.

  6. I relate from the opposite side, I suppose. I don’t plan. My family doesn’t plan. And it drives my husband NUTS. He’s slowly getting used to not knowing if we’ll have out of town guests until, perhaps a couple hours ahead, or doing things last minute, but I do know that it can grate on him.

  7. Sorry about your stressful day. I hope your week goes just as you plan! 🙂

  8. I totally can relate! I’m the same way and I’m trying to work on it too, but it’s hard. Can’t even imagine how more diffucult it is with children when your schedule gets thrown off. I think you did a good job because in the end you had a good time at the party and didn’t let it ruin the rest of your day!

  9. Allison says:

    This was so me the other day!! On sunday i didnt get to go to church since i was covering for someone since they had to go to a wedding:( And then on monday I had a great workout planned and i was going to go to 2 jujitsu classes but the girl that was working after me got sick and no one else could come in for an hour so i missed my 1st jujitsu class and then i pouted and went home instead of staying at the gym to workout:( I forced myself to go to the last class at night because i knew i would feel better even if i didnt want to do anything but stay in bed!

    I should probably go read my bible:) That always makes me feel better:):):)

  10. Oh Tina I am the same way! I thrive when I can plan my time and follow my plan! Little things like running 5 minutes late, or waiting for Jason to put on his shoes drives me crazy! I have learned (and need to continue to practice) to just walk away, take a breath and remind myself that it is ok.

    It must be 100% tougher when you have kids and your time seems even more limited — (((hugs))) Tina

  11. Ah, everyone has those days, right? Although I can only imagine how much it’s MULTIPLIED after motherhood!!! Hope today is less stressful!!!

  12. Karen says:

    We have very similar personalities!! I get worked up when my plans get altered and my routine changes. I try not to let it get to me but I can be such a control freak and not having control over my day really gets to me. I am working on my control issues : ) but it’s definitely a process that is going to take some time!

  13. cathy says:

    “I can “go with the flow”….if I plan for something where I need to go with the flow.” – – > THANK YOU, tina, and please know you make perfect sense. i am such a planner, too. i TOTALLY GET how the unexpected family time threw you off, having no bike for the spin class…just know that you’re not alone in your reaction!
    i hope you have a better day, today, and i guess we can all work on taking small steps towards being more “zen!”

  14. Mellissa says:

    Things not going to plan really get to me, I am working on it but there have been tears about things not going like I wanted them to!

  15. I don’t deal very well with changes in routine, either. Being late makes me CRAZY. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be when you have kids! My boyfriend is always running late – we’re out the door a few minutes later than I’d like to be and he realizes he doesn’t have his wallet, keys, phone, or something else important. It makes me crazy and I’ve been known to throw a temper tantrum or two..

  16. I definitely freak about plans changing too…it interrupts the entire day’s balance sometimes!

  17. I don’t think it’s such a bad thing to want to stick to some sort of schedule. I’m exactly the opposite…I’m a last minute type of person because I’m kind of moody (haha) and I hate committing to something way in advance in case I get moody and decide I don’t want to go. I feel like it’s less annoying for people if I wait to say yes or no until right before something. It’s definitely something I need to work on!

    (But I don’t think I’ll ever get behind scheduling things WAY in advance. Like months or even years, which I have one particular family member who tries to schedules things that far in advance. Noooooooo way!)

    • Tina says:

      Oh yikes! Yea…I can’t schedule that far in advance either. A few days to a week is good for me. 🙂

  18. I totally get that way. ESPECIALLY when things pop up out of the blue when I’m not prepared for them. It always turns out alright, like you said, but it’s just hard for me to deal with!

  19. I am the exact same way. I LOVE to plan. If my plans do not go the way I think they will, or if things get changed around, I often have a hard time dealing with it. I am aware of that, though, and have definitely tried to chill out about it. I’m glad I’m not the only one, though!

  20. Sorry to hear about your stressful day. I try to plan, but when it comes to getting with my husbands family I’ve learning to just wait and see if it will happen. On more than one occasion lately my MIL has decided that she’s too tired to do something we had planned. I have stopped telling the kids we are going to do something till the last minute which makes it hard to plan, which really gets on my nerves. I hope the rest of your week goes better 🙂

  21. I am the EXACT same way girl! I’m so glad I’m not the only one! When I get my mind set on something or my hopes up for a particular event and it doesn’t go as planned, I turn in to a grumpy, moody, whiney girl. I totally understand what you meant about going with the flow if you plan to go with the flow. I’m the same way too. It always feels like such a big deal to me in the moment, and then I realize later how unnecessary my stress was. Too bad we don’t live closer. I think we’d be great workout/mom buddies.

  22. Jaime says:

    I so feel you on this!!! Reading this post makes me feel like I’m not alone! I have a mild panic attack when my plans get thrown off!

  23. Tina, I can be exactly the same way about things. I love schedule and routines and having something unexpected can really throw me off and make me so cranky!

  24. I am the same way…when I get stressed I just need to CRY! My husband likes to be late to everything. I say that he likes to now, because he must LIKE it since he is late to everything, right? Haha!
    I try to go with the flow, but I prefer having a plan. My best friend is a planner, so I am usually covered!

  25. I HATE rushing around and that can make me feel a little crazy and make me freak out.

    I like to take my time and rushing just puts my brain in freak out mode.

  26. Oh I totally get it. I am the same way when things dont go the way I plan them. Or just when I dont get my way in general. Its hard not to get irritated in these situations – really, really hard.

  27. Brenda says:

    It happens to me too. For awhile I thought I was a big baby having my mini tantrums but it’s nice to read that others have days like me and can react just like I do. What sets me off are when my plans don’t go as I always plan. I can’t be to stringent because I know that 99% of the time it will not go my way. It’s when my time, my precious treasured time is taken away from me or altered in some way. That’s what sets me off. Sounds like you had great day after all was said and done.

  28. I tend to spaz out when my bf is running totally late. It sends me into a whirlwind of panic bc I hate being late. I especially dislike it when I know people are waiting for me. Lets be real though – 10 minutes isn’t gonna kill anyone!

  29. Priyanka says:

    I am impulsive when it comes to myself and the husband. I never involve anyone else in my impulsive plans and don’t want to be a part of others. It really throws off your own agenda. I can really identify with that situation. I am sorry you had rough episodes like these.

  30. I’m the same way with needing to have my schedule planned out. I’m not one for spur of the moment things unless I already have down time scheduled into my day!! Sorry to hear that you had so many plans go wrong this weekend but at least the weekend ended on a good note 🙂

  31. I hate when things like this happen. Sometimes I get upset about very similar things (like not being able to squeeze something in that I planned), but then get even more mad when I realize how silly it is that I was upset. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Sounds like you adjusted quite well and still had a good time. 🙂

  32. Oh, it drives me crazy too when I plan something and it falls apart…grrrr!

  33. Kelly says:

    Usually when I am the one planning the event I can get crazy. I want everything to go perfect and I usually forget that no one else really cares but me! 🙂

  34. Lisa says:

    No I am the same way! I can “go with the flow” with some notice. 🙂 I plan everything and HATE it when my schedule or plan gets messed up!

  35. I have the same issue. It stresses me out when things aren’t the way I planned/expected. I really prefer to have a plan, but I try to be more “go with the flow.” And I get way more stressed when I’m tired. It sounds like you did a good job dealing. Every time you felt the anxiety, you found a way to let it out and move on.

  36. I’m sorry, are we the same person? You described my freak outs to a T!! I always freak and then wait for 5 minutes and feel absolutely horrible about being overdramatic!

  37. Oh boy, I can totally relate to this! Things that I know can trigger me so easily are car problems/traffic/getting lost (for some reason they can bring me to tears so fast), and having something stressful happen at work that throws off my whole schedule. But in general I have learned to let things go that used to totally throw me off, like having to workout every day in the morning. Now, when more important things are happening I’m fine with skipping a workout or fitting in a shorter version of it later in the day. Even so, when I’m “on the edge” emotionally, pretty much any little obstacle or change of plans could potentially throw me off. I think we all have days like this – thanks so much for sharing yours.

  38. I did my long 8-miler on Sunday morning too! I think our times were only a couple of seconds off of each other! How funny! 🙂

  39. I feel ya on this. I am NOT a last minute girl. I don’t like being thrown off and I don’t like being late. I’m sorry for all your frustrations…I guess the good thing is that cake was there in the end! That had to make it better. I hope you have a stress free week! It’s gonna be a doozie for me, but I’m going to just breathe…

  40. Efka says:

    I am same way as you, like to plan ahead. Lately though i have learned, to just let it go too. but this no spot in spin, would have made me mad and I would have spoken up at the administrator or somewhere.

  41. I’m a planner too so I know where you’re coming from! I can typically roll with the first change in plans decently, but if the same person (or event) gets shuffled around multiple times in a tight time frame, I tend to lose my cool a bit on the inside…even though I throw a smile on the outside. Sometimes I think it would be better just to let the people know that they’ve thrown me into a tizzy so that they can bend a little AND I can bend a little.

    PS…I love reading that other bloggers are human too 🙂

  42. Lauren says:

    I do that so often! When my plans get all out of whack, I feel so crazed and overwhelmed. It’s so easy to do. Hope this morning was much better for you sweetie.

  43. Just like a lot of people before me have said, my main stressor is when my day doesn’t work out as planned, particularly when I can’t finish everything on my to-do list for the day! I will work myself up and stay up late trying to finish all of the tasks, and of course the lack of sleep just makes me even MORE emotional. Thanks for being so real in this post!!

    • Tina says:

      I can only imagine how crazy I would have acted if I had little sleep on top of it all. I’m the same way and less sleep makes it awful.

  44. Oh my gosh I am the same way! I am such the planner and when something doesn’t go that way I tend to freak out! I know it’s silly and I need to change it, but it’s almost always mut initial reaction.

  45. jobo says:

    Me and Routine…we are practically married 😉 I love my routine and when it gets thrown off, I totally get pissy. So I can completely relate to why you felt the way you did too!! I am glad you didn’t beat yourself up TOO much though and had an awesome run! GO YOU!

  46. Dana says:

    Ditto to what everyone else said…but the lower left photo of the birthday party, ROFL!!! That photo is hilarious, or maybe I just have a warped sense of humor! 🙂

  47. I’ve felt that way in the past – when you do your very best to be prepared and plan ahead and something still throws you off – that can be so frustrating!

  48. I hate when my plans get thrown! Last night, I went to bed thinking I had the morning off, and then I got a call from my co-worker asking me to work. There went my plans! I like to plan my days as best as possible, so when something unexpected comes up, I don’t like it.

    Also- I totally feel your frustration on the no-bike thing during a spin class. I went to a 5:30 am class once, got a pass, and there were no bikes! I was pretty pissed off because I know there are people that don’t have passes that think putting a towel down will save them a bike, so I just went to do the elliptical instead. Apparently some guy realized I had a pass and didn’t get a bike, so he told someone without a pass to leave and came out and told me there was a free bike 🙂

  49. Blehh I hate when this sort of day occurs! I am so sorry that things kept going wrong for you, you surely didn’t deserve something like that 🙁

    Although I am getting better about this, when my routine is messed up I tend to freak out, especially when it’s around food (surprise). Like if I can’t eat lunch at the time I want to, then I initially get pissed. But now I am coming to realize that in the grand scheme of things, the world won’t end if I eat lunch a bit earlier or later one day. I have to keep reminding myself of these things!

  50. LauraJayne says:

    I’m SO having one of these days today. I was just thinking that I want a do-over. I think I’ve already made a bad impression at work, had a horrible meeting, and feel yucky! I want to crawl back into bed!

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