I enjoy reading different fitness magazines while working out on cardio equipment. During my recent 50 minute elliptical interval workout, I happily trod along reading about other women’s success stories or a cool new website for finding workout tunes. Suddenly, that all changed. Suddenly, I wanted to have a little Tazmanian Devil moment with the magazine, ripping the page to shreds in a whirlwind of annoyance.

Have you heard of the 80 Bites app?

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The mastermind behind this claims that it’s difficult to keep portion sizes in check, but counting bites makes it more feasible. The app has you tap your screen with each bite to count up the number of bites you take each meal. It will also make some sort of sound reminding you to tap the screen, and then gives a different sound after you reach your bite limit for the meal. That makes me picture the phone flashing red lights and shouting warning! warning! warning! at me. And is it just me or does it creep you the heck out that your phone would know how much you’re eating?!?! But that’s besides the point.

Well, I didn’t think I could fairly judge this app because I have no clue how many bites I eat per meal or per day. A couple weeks ago, in my What 2147 Calories Looks Like post, I took to measuring all my food for a day in order to accurately share the possibility of eating a higher calorie diet than generally recommended for women. If I could do that, then I could count my bites for a few meals.

I forgot during breakfast, so when lunch time rolled around I made a standard lunch plate and sat down to see how I compared to the 25-30 bite per meal recommendation.

Um, I eat baby carrots in two bites apiece because I like to take time with my food as much as possible. So, with this little app, I would end up with a lunch consisting of a handful of baby carrots. That sounds healthy, huh? Or I would have to learn how to open my mouth like Steven Tyler so I could make the most of my bites and actually eat a meal.

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It seems an easy way to maneuver around that whole 80 bites concept. Just eat bigger! But then, I wouldn’t really get to chew and savor my food. Hmmm. That doesn’t sound too healthy either.

I understand the points of it slowing down eating to make the user more aware of hunger and fullness cues. I understand that counting bites could make it easier than counting calories. I understand that the standard American diet doesn’t have a plate full of fruit or veggies to chomp through for meals. The whole 80 bites thing could be an easy way to help limit the consumption of Big Macs. Although, 80 bites of Big Mac certainly won’t give you the same benefits as 80 bites of salad. And preferably this warm goat cheese and cherry salad from Kristin. mmmmm…oh wait…sorry for the distraction, folks. Goat cheese gets me all warm inside.

Oh, and then the site talks about how it calms and relaxes you while you eat? Where do they get this stuff?! I would end up throwing my phone across the room and cowering in a corner with my breakfast for fear of being bleepity beeped at (warning! warning! warning!)  for eating another small bite of oatmeal. And don’t even get me started on the screen looking like a scale and saying things like “your stomach is stretching”. Sorry for the tangent, but I just had to say…bite me, 80 Bites!

• Thoughts on the 80 bites app?
• Is there anything technology can do these days that creeps you out?