30 days of self love – love from others

Posted: September 5, 2010 at 8:00 am

Good morning all! Thank you for all the wonderful reflections you shared yesterday despite the weekend. I look forward to reading more today. The support and care you all put into this moves me each and every day. :)

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The whole purpose of this movement relates to self-love. Today’s topic, however, relates to the love we have from others and how it can help us more fully grasp self-love as well.

In the dark throes of depression, I felt like no one loved me and placed very little value in my life and worth. I couldn’t see the tears in my mother’s and sister’s eyes or their hearts breaking when they finally broke into the bathroom where I was trying to find the “strength” to down a bottle of pills and end my misery. I questioned Peter’s devoted actions at the beginning of our relationship and tried to deny feeling anything for him in fear of getting hurt yet again. I attempted to earn love and respect the ridiculous ways of partying and being too “friendly” with too many guys my senior year of college, despite two of my good friends warning me against those actions and telling me time and time again I didn’t need that. I certainly wasn’t always this happy.

I didn’t believe others loved me or could even care for me in the slightest. That made me doubt and hate myself more than I already did. The most disturbing part of this situation comes from the fact that I did have people who loved me and, if I had seen that, I might not have hated myself so much. Then, avoided a lot of that pain.

I want to be clear here. I do not believe in placing your worth in what someone else thinks of you. For example, if I never stopped trying to determine my worth based on my father’s views or if my ex loved me at the moment, I would likely still sit here today lost in the black hole of my previous life. I do propose, however, that we each have someone in our lives who loves us fully and that we need to see our own selves through that person’s loving eyes.

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Don’t you even try to tell me you have no one who loves you, either. There’s somebody. Usually, many somebodies exist if we look hard enough. I’ll rebuttal your claim right now if you even try to say no one cares. I care! That is why I pour my heart, soul, time, and energy into this message. That is why I cry right now with the mere thought than anyone could feel no one loves them. I do and you better believe others do too! Friends, family members, co-workers, fellow church members, other bloggers, that nice woman you see every day at the gym…someone cares! I will also scream from the rooftops that God cares too. Whether or not you believe in Him, oh boy does He care for you and view you as the most wonderful person out there…no matter what you’ve done or what you think of yourself. That is my belief and truth.

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See yourself through the eyes of those that love you. See the joy you bring them. Open your eyes. View yourself in a different light. We all too often act as our own worst enemy and judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else. Instead, realize you are loved, cherished, wanted, and needed. Love yourself like others love you. Remember. They do. Don’t fight it.

Reflect on who loves you and what they see in you. Do you have trouble believing it and accepting what they see whole-heartedly? Try to think of all those wonderful things about you that others care for and use those to fuel your day.

My answer: I will try to remember just how fabulous M thinks I am. She believes I can do no wrong and can cure the tiniest of problems. She believes in me, so I shall believe in myself…even when nervous for posting something so heartfelt in today’s message.

Quotes to Reflect On
The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and how to let it come in.
~Morrie Schwartz

*To be added to the email list and receive links to the posts in the morning, please let me know of your interest in a comment below.

*For more 30 Days Inspiration visit these bloggers who shared the message and let me know if you do/did. I’ve also received a few questions and I want to clarify that you do NOT need to post about the 30 Days on your blog to participate. I only share these links to those who let me know of posts or that I come across when reading blogs as a thank you for spreading the message and so we can easily find more positive messages to reflect on. I still appreciate each person’s participation, whether or not you post on your blog!

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87 Comments to “30 days of self love – love from others”
  1. Marie Reale says:

    I’ve been through these times as well….I’m sorry to hear that you have too but rejoiced to know that through the strength of God and your family and friends that you got through it. And for those who are still having trouble with this. Just remember that God loves you no matter what! I love the song How Much by Mandisa, here is a link to the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9IbUYRpQSA! It always gives me a pick up when I’m having a bad day! Thanks for the thoughts and all the inspiration that you give myself and others.

    • Tina says:

      Hi Marie! :D It always makes me smile to see people from my “real life” out there read my ramblings too. Thanks so much for what you said to me and everyone else.

      And I love that song too.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear that you had to go through all that!

    The older I get, the more I understand that there will always be people who love me, no matter what but if I don’t love myself first it’s very hard for other people to love me. This was especially tricky when I was under 20 and did not know myself like I do now, there are lots of things I should have not done because I thought no one loved me.

  3. Tabs says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story like this. I struggle with this all the time. Thank you for reminding me that I am loved and that I need to love myself the way others do.

    I’d love to be added to your email list if possible.

  4. Kelly says:

    the best example of undeniable and unconditional love is children. I have two beautiful nieces. Just the way they look up at me and think I’m the greatest Auntie and do whatever they can do be just like me. It makes you be very careful of everything you say and do but is totally worth it. The best is one day I had a particularly bad day at work. This place had the ability to make me feel worthless. I came to their house for someone’s birthday. They saw me pull into the driveway. As I was getting out of my car they both bolted out of the house screaming my name, arms opened wide waiting for a big hug and kiss. Nothing beats a bad day like two beautiful babies hugging and kissing on you.

  5. lu says:

    my roommate. she accepts me the way I am, with no labels my Parents (although I know they love me more than anything) gave me. she appreciates both my ‘smart’ part, and the ‘physical’ one. I mean..I have sisters, and my Parents are really great to all of us, loving each one in a different way. unfortunately, they didn’t manage to avoid labeling us- and so I’ve always been the smart one, my younger sister- the pretty one etc. I know they problably see the other side, too, but I’ve always felt it that way.

    my roommate is different. eg. when I started running she would always push and encourage me. my Parents asked: running? you? I’m thankful to have someone to help me stop thinking about myself using the categories my mind got used to…

  6. This post does resonate with me. I have no trouble accepting love from many people–I have friends and family whose love I would never question–but I have a huge problem accepting love from boyfriends. The way my dad has shown me love–in a controlling, unhealthy, slightly abusive manner–has affected my ability to show and accept love from other men. Whenever I really care about a boy, I become totally scared that I will get hurt. Accepting and giving love are two of the most important parts of life, but boy can they be tough to do!

  7. Susan says:

    This is SO true. Especially in terms of men. I find I often judge myself based on how men perceive me when I shouldn’t even be factoring that into my perception of self worth!! I am a lucky girl though. Even when I’m feeling the most blue, I know I have two parents and two sisters who will love me no. matter. what. They are 100% the reason why I’m still here today, and why I’ll always strive to be the best person I can be.

  8. Pauline says:

    This was such a touching post. Thank you for sharing your painful moments past. It’s always a miracle to read that other people have felt as bad and self-destructive as I have in the past. “Wow, someone out there knows how I’ve felt!”

    It’s clear that you have come a long, long way, and it’s uplifting to see your beautiful life now.

    • Tina says:

      That is exactly why I share as much as I do. I want people to see that my life has not always been so happy and wonderful. Some people wonder how I can open up about so many things and if I worry about doing so. I have to say no…I feel like it would be impossible for me to NOT share.

      • Pauline says:

        I feel the same way about my art. It’s disturbing to some, but other people walk into to my studio and burst out laughing with recognition and relief. You can see it at: http://www.paulinelim.net.

        Keep up your awesome blog! I’m looking forward to the next 20-odd days of uplifting thoughts!

  9. [...] over at Faith, Fitness, Fun has been pouring her heart and passion into her 30 Days of Self-Love. One of these posts from the past week really resonated with me. It was about allowing love from others to teach us [...]

  10. [...] have already shared how important it is to recognize others’ love for us. You might remember that one. It was probably my personal favorite of this series because I felt it so deeply. Accepting love [...]

  11. Jeff Logue says:

    Thank you for your openness and vulnerability in the post. I believe this will continue to speak to many as it has to me. It is so easy to begin to doubt ourselves–that we are valuable, loved and sought after. The world will throw it’s heap of lies and junk our way and we can choose to accept this as truth. No matter how hard we try to control it, people will fail us always. No one is perfect; therefore, we must make every effort to get into the very presence of the One who loves unconditionally, who created us, and who alone can give us our value. He deeply longs for you to know that truth that you are loved and significant. It is who you are already, not by what you do. Christ died for you because you are that important.

  12. [...] so been looking forward to writing this post today, because today’s reflection on self love was an extremely powerfully expressed invitation to reflect on the love that we receive from [...]

  13. Xandria says:

    I will try to remember that my family loves me unconditionally. Especially my parents, even though sometimes they’re so hard on me it doesn’t feel like it. But they’re hard on me because they love me that much. I will remember that my closest friends love me as well. Especially the longest ones that have stuck around through many of my mistakes, and many laughs and tears together. <3

  14. being loved says:

    [...] I’m already up to day five. Wow! Time flies and all of that. Today’s topic, relates to the love we have from others and how it can help us more fully grasp self-love as well. I want to be clear here. I do not [...]

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