Comments That Make My Skin Crawl
Posted: July 14, 2011 at 8:00 amGooooood morning! I hope you all started this morning out on the bright side. If not, consider yourself virtually hugged by moi. And slap on a smile!
I attacked another great workout this morning. I’m still loving on the circuit routines. I usually love to switch it up with different training layouts, but time is precious and the circuits really do help me get through strength training faster. Especially considering I only have two days to work my body well during half marathon training.
This morning went like this:
| Circuit 1 | Circuit 2 | Circuit 3 |
| push-ups | step-ups | leg extension |
| stability ball crunch | speed skaters | barbell bench press |
| alternating overhead press | dumbbell row | triceps dips |
| front db shoulder raise | standing lat pulldown | |
| dumbbell curl on Bosu ball |
I went through each circuit three times for 8-15 reps depending on the exercise before moving on to the next circuit. I did something similar on Tuesday and both days left my body quivering from the challenge.
PS: If you’re looking for a fun challenge, check out my guest post for Courtney where I share a ton of great plyometric moves to intensify my workouts!
While at the gym, I received a comment from another lady saying that she can tell I work hard and she finds it motivating. Awwww, thanks! I appreciate greatly when someone recognizes and credits hard work. It was nice to hear after some different comments I seem to repeatedly receive from those who don’t know me and my affinity for fitness/healthy living personally. Some of my “favorites” -
"”You must have been born skinny!” – Actually, no. If I don’t stay on top of eating a balanced diet and regular workouts, my body errs naturally to the slightly chubby side. And besides – I don’t want to be “skinny”. I want to be FIT!
“You’re lucky you can breastfeed so you can lose the baby weight.” – I have discussed that whole misconception before. Breastfeeding does NOT equal some magic weight loss pill. Sure, my body uses more fuel (aka calories) to produce milk, but breastfeeding also makes me very hungry and tired. Which that combo can easily equal an overeating scenario for me if I don’t consciously control it.
“I wish I liked healthy food as much as you do.” – I love sugar, sugar, and more sugar as much as the next person! You all know that. I simply took the time to try a variety of foods and find healthy stuff I do like. There’s something out there for everyone if you give it enough time.
Lady One: “Look at you already so small after Braedon, Tina.” Then, Lady Two: “I know. Look at her. It makes me sick.” <--- because apparently I’m invisible??? WHY oh WHY get angry or comment like that about someone else’s healthy body? Talk about an awkward moment to have to laugh off!
“How do you get the weight to just fall off of you?” – I work at it. HARD.So, it doesn’t just fall off. I put in the time and energy to train my body physically and push out of my comfort zone at times to keep progressing. I honor my body with adequate fuel and sometimes say no to things that I know aren’t worth the consumption.
“It must be nice to not have to work so you can spend all day in the gym.” (followed by little giggle) – Perhaps said in jest? Either way…my jaw dropped when I received this statement from someone a couple of months ago. If they only knew how much I worked. And that my workouts are an hour average six times a week. Barely what I would call spending all day in the gym. I just make the most of my time.
While I know these comments are simply round-about ways of giving compliments, I just had to vent and also say how much a kind, supportive, and realistic compliment makes an impact. I wish everyone could see that healthy living isn’t a breeze…but is still possible for everyone as well. That’s probably why I love you all so much. You get it!
- What comments/statements make you cringe? How do you handle them?
It is HARD work! I know you work very hard, Tina! You rock.
I really dislike when heavier people make jokes about themselves “fat jokes.” I have a family member that does that and it really upsets me. This person will often write on Facebook status messages that say something like “today I did a situp. I sat up out of bed and laid back down.” It’s just not cool to make fun of yourself in that capacity. This particular person is beautiful inside and out and I don’t like when she tears herself down like that. Love yourself and if you’re not happy–do something about it. Ask for help! Don’t make fun of yourself 🙁
People can be so ridiculous. It’s not a direct qoute, but I can’t stand when I’m traveling for work and say something about wanting to go to dinner a little later so I have time to squeeze a workout in between work & dinner and people make a snide remark. Really? Sorry I want to take care of my health!
I’m glad you wrote this post. Most people think because someone is thin or fit it’s okay to comment on their weight. I get comments all the time from friends & family like “go eat a cheeseburger” “your the size of my pinky” “look at her, she obviously doesn’t eat” “your so skinny, you dont need to work out!”
You wouldn’t comment on someone’s weight that is overweight, but somehow it’s acceptable to say something to people who are thin or fit about their weight. My best friend is extremely skinny, but she eats a ton. She literally just can not put on weight. It’s so annoying to her when people make assumptions that she has an eating disorder just because she’s thin, and think its ok to comment on it.
I’m not sure if people say these things out of jealousy, or if they are seceretly hoping you’ll give out some tips on how to stay fit? I’m not sure.
Ohhhh I could have written all the words you just said!!! I completely agree!!
I think the biggest misconceptions I face is that (1) no one ever asks me for health/fitness advice because I don’t have an “I’ve lost 100 lbs!” story. Folks are always asking yo-yo dieters who are in a “skinny” phase. I wish they would ask me! Also (2), people attribute my looks to how active I am. (“Yeah but she runs”). But we all know you can’t out-train a bad diet. (Trust me, I’ve tried!!!) You have to eat healthfully and watch the calories too. (Oh, and have a Snickers or ice cream now and then too.)
In another area of my life, it is taking my husband a long time to get pregnant because of a few medical issues with both of us. It’s one of the most difficult things ever. I was talking about it with a friend when she asked if we were sure we were “doing it right”, because we were both virgins when we got married. Oh man, seriously???
And because you can only conceive in one position right? So you must be “doing it wrong”. WOW!
Ugh! That is so rude that people tell you that it’s easy for you. As if they follow you all day.
People “inform” me about my high metabolism all the time. Um, no. I train A LOT – because I like to – and still have to monitor, but not severely restrict, my calorie intake.
I think one of the worst comments I’ve ever gotten was after I rapidly lost 15 lbs following surgery to correct a kidney deformity. One of my colleagues said “it looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight” and I explained that it was from difficulties following the surgery. The response “You look great! Your boyfriend must love this”
What? Yes, *happiness* a common response to seeing your significant other drop weight because of a medical complication. What a perverse culture we live in.
I hate, hate, hate how it’s considered okay to comment on someone’s weight or size when they’re thin, but not when they’re overweight. I know that in many cases it’s a sign of jealousy, but what people eat/weigh/look like is their business, especially when they’re healthy!! All of these comments made me cringe…I can’t believe people said these things to you!
I have gotten the “you are so skinny it makes me sick” as well. What the heck am I supposed to say something like that? Thanks? And I am like you, I want to be FIT not skinny. And two, it has taken a lot of hard work and dedication to get to where I am today after having two babies. Not sure why people feel the need to make comments like this.
Haha! I know I shouldn’t laugh, but some of these “compliments” are so absurd that they end up being ridiculously funny.
Like you, an acquaintance at the gym told me the other day that “I look like I’ve been working out” and it totally made my day 🙂 I can stand behind a compliment that emphasize the effort and hard work I’ve been doing over a totally coincidental fact (you’re so pretty!)
I know it’s kind of weird but my worst compliment is “Aww you’re so cute!” which I am not! M is cute, I am not. And whoever knows me more than 3 seconds knows that. I can and will physically hurt you if you insist that I am cute 😛
I was spending time with some friends and my sister, and they all started commenting on how thin she is and how jealous they were. She IS thin, but she also kicks her own butt at the gym and eats a balanced diet. She was offended by those comments and they annoyed me too…not because I was jealous (we’re so different, it’s not worth the energy), but because I know she works hard. I find when people say those things, they themselves are jealous, and don’t want to accept the fact that maintaining weightloss takes a LOT of time and effort, so they just don’t do it. That’s the case with my friends…anyways…good post 🙂 I really appreciate your blog and how you show how hard you work.
Another great post Tina. I hate it when people say, “why do you work out when you are already skinny?” I just say, “I do for my mind, it makes me feel good”. It makes me feel so self-conscious when people comment on my weight. I actually developed an eating disorder in high school originally because I felt guilty for being naturally thin. I felt bad that everyone else had to work at it and I didn’t, so I started “working at it” and it was not good. I know that’s kind of weird, but regardless, I kind of wish no one would ever comment on anyone’s weight. I think it’s okay to say “you have nice legs, I love your hair,”but the comments you listed have a second meaning. They’re not just a comment, there is jealousy or a judgment behind them. I know I worry too much about what other people think, but on those judgments made me not eat healthy food for a long time, like I felt guilty eating salads, etc.
I would so get annoyed if those comments were made towards me. It must be very difficult to just brush them off. I plan on taking some years off of work when my husband and I start a family and I fear what people will say to me..
Its amazing the things that people will say isnt it? You have to wonder if they think about it first, or if it just comes out by accident.
My favorite is, “I wish I could eat healthy like you do, but I just cant do it”.
Actually, you can, you just dont.
I love how this post could be construed as one long humblebrag and I love it. You are sooo right. I have had the same comments made toward me after my kids were born, and people are just plain nuts.
Yuck, people can be so catty. Ignore the comments!
I’ve gotten some comments from people about my weight that were catty. They didn’t know that I used to weigh 100+ heavier.
I particularly hate the, “It must be great that you love to work out.” Ummm… it’s okay, I guess. I’d much rather sleep in than get up at 5 a.m. to get my sweat on. It’s called dedication – not joy. Great post!
It’s funny that people feel so comfortable making those types of comments. My husband and I refer to them as toxic people- people that want to bring you down because they feel threatened by your accomplishments.
My husband and I get the comment of “wow, you’ve kept the waitig off, I thought you’d gain it back” Ummm….thanks? People apparent thought we’d work hard to drop over 70 pounds each, then just give up….I don’t get it.
Tina, you really are a huge inspiration. Seriously. Love everything about this post.
Yeah, some people really don’t know how to give a compliment. I’ve received a couple of those too…like “how do you do all this baking when you have to watch your weight?”….nice, eh? And thanks for sharing that circuit…looks killer (in a good way)!
I have definitely dealt with some rude comments before. On a similar but different note, I’ve lost a lot of weight while I’ve been dealing with food intolerances and all my friends keep going on about how great I look…they don’t really understand that I NEED more fat on my body right now. I WANT to be healthy, not skinny. That’s been just as hard to deal with.
Oh I can imagine! You would want them to ask if you’re feeling better and not commenting on oh youre getting so skinny stuff
I hate when people say “how can you eat [insert food here] while you are on weight watchers?’
More and more I am realizing that body talk is just NOT ok.
WHY do people feel the need to comment when we look healthy or thin or fit. It is like they feel like they have license.
It’s not like people go around saying things like “It must be so hard for you, you just pack the pounds right on!”
Or…”Must be nice to not like vegetables or working out so you can sit around and eat junk food and get fat!”
It bothers me when people think skinny=healthy.
At least you know how hard you work, but it’s def hard to hold your tongue when people say things like this.
My favorite it people telling me I’m slender because I don’t eat meat. Hello? Do they know how many fattening things I could eat that don’t include animal products?
Those comments are actually their own excuses for not doing what you are doing.
And, I hate comments that imply stay at homes moms stay home because they can afford to. Actually it is a choice to raise my own kids. It is not because I am rich. We all make choices.
I loathe when people say….”all you eat is healthy junk, I would rather be fat than have to do without foods that I like”
I do eat foods that I like, and if I want chocolate cake….I eat it! Just not as much or as often.
Reading some of those comments made me laugh out of disbelief! It’s sad when people don’t see the whole picture of your life and just make assumptions.
I think the most awkward comment ever made to me was in a racial context. I’m 1/2 chinese and 1/2 caucasian and remember a group of older women saying to my parents, “it’s interesting how your daughters turned out”. They meant it as a compliment (skewed, yes), but it made me feel like some sort of mutant. I’ve always been proud of my mixed background but that comment has always stuck.
Gosh I’m glad you brought this up! I hear these comments so frequently and it frustrates me for two reasons: First, I don’t like the way it belittles the effort that people make to be healthy. Healthy living is a choice and a commitment that people make to themselves. I’d love to see that more appreciated and understood in general.
The second reason these comments frustrate me is because they speak to the bigger issue of many people’s mindsets about healthy living (aka assumptions about what it takes or how extreme/quick fix it must be). I recently lost weight and the responses I get (especially from women) are usually “Wow you must have cut out all sugar!” or “What’s your secret? Are you working out nonstop? I wish I had that drive!” The truth is that I’ve been working on moderation with food and exercise and this is where my body has ended up as a result. No big secrets. No extreme solutions. Just learning and being mindful.
One of the reasons I love healthy living blogs is because most of them are great examples of how to maintain balance and practice moderation (and that doesn’t necessarily mean always getting it “right”). You’re such a great example of that, so thanks for sharing, Tina!
Yes! I hate when people think living healthy is so impossible
Meghan- I agree with you totally!!! I love healthy living blogs as well for the same reason. I am trying to “maintain the balance”. I think it is a lifelong goal. And I also think that Tina is a wonderful mentor/example. You hit the nail right on the head!
I got told that my blog wasn’t interesting because I didn’t have a history of an eating disorder!
You work your tail off and it shows – keep rockin’!
Really? I understand some readers may wAnt to relate to a blogger that way but that doesn’t make someone else uninteresting. And besides – why would someone say that???
Wow, that is beyond rude!
I get annoyed when people talk about healthy food too. If I’m eating a salad I get people that make comments about it while they’re eating fast food. But if I said something about how that meal will cause heart disease I’m the jerk. Makes no sense.
“haters gonna hate” Hate to say it but it’s true. You ROCK, work so hard, AND work so hard to take the TIME to SHARE how you do it. I mean really. Ugh – I hate these comments for you!! 🙂
Oh and the comment that grates on my nerves: I don’t have time to pre-cook. I don’t have time to work out. I don’t have time to track calories. (and so on and so forth) GUESS WHAT? I have the same amount of time as you do so stop whining. 🙂
I agree completely. Just because you are in shape and fit, some people think it just comes naturally. They do not see how hard I workout, day in and day out. I know that I am fit because I want to be – not because it comes naturally. I love your blog, and am excited to continue to read it!
Oh woww Tina! I love the fact that you held your tongue and even though you were probably hurt, you didn’t talk back~That’s godliness right there. I love that! 😀
Hmmm certain comments make me cringe too, and I can’t recall all of them. But, I get sad when friends tell me that I need to eat more and they talk down on THEMSELVES. It doesn’t bother me anymore when people say something about me, but more so when they bring their self esteem down.
I don’t consider myself amazing shape wise or anything like that! I just work hard at wellness and fitness, but I can feel their heart and struggle as women, and I want to help them love themselves too. I know that it breaks God’s heart as well! Just like it does if I start feeling down about myself. It’s hard being a woman already, but trying to help other women when they’re not totally willing to understand that wellness is a progress, is pretty tough too. I don’t know if anything here makes sense!! Haha, do you catch my drift? 😛
I think that is what is so upsetting to me too. The fact that it’s like they feel they can’t have a healthy body… But they CAN
I’m loving that “fit looks good on everyone” shirt 😉 Got one in a maternity size?? I’m thinking I could sport that for you and it would be really cute on my preggo belly! 🙂
I think I can make one if you really want me to. 🙂
I’d LOVE it! :):)
Eugh I am totally with you on this!! I get the ‘I wish I could eat like you’ thing all the time, and the comments about how slim I am that usually come with a side of ‘you bitch’. It’s not nice! People just seem to assume that I don’t actually work for it – all it takes is making some choices that they’re perfectly aware of, but choose not to make. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for taking care of myself, it makes me so angry! I have to laugh it off and walk away before I say something I’d regret!
Wow awesome post Tina and I can totally relate to receiving types of comments like that. At work I always get “ugh how do you always eat so healthy?!”
And at the gym I’ve told some people we’re TTC so I get a lot of “you’re in great shape now and have all the freedom in the world to workout when you want, but watch out and wait until you have kids!!”
Geez, I just find these comments to be rude, inappropriate, and so personal…why do people feel the need to get down on those that are trying to be healthy?! It will always boogle my mind?!
Love this! My favorite is ” You’re so lucky that you get to workout alllll day for a living” If it were only that simple….Yes, I love my job ( fitness instructor), but it has its downfalls too… the pay, and work getting in the way of my personal goals etc. I can’t complain, but I AM not at the gym 24/7 working out! Thankyouverymuch. 🙂
Those comments are so ridiculous. I think a lot of them stem from the commenter’s own insecurities and/or jealousy. Some people are just plain missing a filter. I’ve learned to just smile and nod, unless it’s clear that the person is trying to be a jerk.
Yes, it is interesting the power we allow ourselves to have regarding openly talking about skinny people, but not admonishing someone who is overweight. I find that when coworkers comment about my size I say something like “well yeah, but I work out a LOT and I’m able to eat such and such because I run so many miles.” And I’ve also tried to explain that I wasn’t always able to run so many miles. It definitely took a while to work up to. I think helping others realize how you relate to them can help a lot. But sometimes the comments are so shocking that it’s hard to respond. Great post!
I have lost 20 pounds since last year and many of my co workers make the “you make me sick” comment and I hate it. I feel like they are trying to make me feel bad?! I have worked so so so hard for this and will continue to do so.
I also get ignored a lot by my co workers if I am talking about a recently made healthy recipe or a great run.
It is frustrating that we, as women, cannot encourage each other in our goals/ health.
Great post! My bugbear is when a friend who is thinner than me will tell me that I look great or so healthy but then they will start to complain about how “fat” they are or how out of shape they feel! I know that everyone has negative thoughts about their body but it just feels so disingenuous!
I get comments all the time. Funny because I’m pretty sure if I was carrying some extra weight, nobody would say anything to me. That’s considered rude! I get lots of comments about how lucky I am that weight just ‘falls’ off me and I must have skinny genes. Umm, no and no. I work darn hard to be fit! I get a lot of comments about what I eat too. Both from family and friends. If I’m not eating dessert, everyone wants to remark. Nobody seems to be able to believe that I eat dessert when I want to and when it’s something I like – not just because it’s there and everyone else is eating!
I have food allergies, and I hate when people say things like “I would die if I couldn’t eat peanut butter,” or “I can’t imagine life without eating ____ (fill in the blank).” Um, seriously??? I just don’t eat nuts. It’s not a big deal. I find alternative sources of protein and healthy fats, and live my life just like anyone else…well, aside from carrying epi pens in my purse. 🙂
I love reading your blog Tina, your words are really inspiring! While I totally agree with your blog post, I wanted to respond to several commenters who keep saying that people feel free to talk about skinny ladies, but think its rude to talk about larger people. As an individual attempting to lose a significant amount of weight, I can say for certain that many people have no problem telling me and others how to eat and giving weight loss advice. I’ve heard countless times, “do you really think you need to be eating that”, and recieved stares, pointing, laughter and comments mocking my weight to my face. I think any comment on an individual’s weight is not appropriate, no matter how big or small they are! Okay, vent over, thanks 🙂
I completely agree with this. Any comment that has a negative undertone in the least shouldn’t be expressed. I’m sorry you have had to come across those yourself. It definitely goes both ways. Thanks for your input! 🙂
hate when people “jokingly” tell me they are jealous because I have lost 21 pounds. I dont know why, but it makes my wildly uncomfortable!!
Greatest post ever. Seriously, why is it okay for someone to say something obviously rude about someone being thin, but we would never say something about them being overweight?? I feel my close friends understand that I eat healthy, workout a lot and that is why I am in good shape. My blog has also helped friends realize my workout schedule. I always get comments from women that are not super close to me and will say, “ugh I wish I could workout like you…” (you can) or “how can you eat so much when you are so skinny??” (um.. I ran 18 miles yesterday…)
When I lost a lot of weight in college I worked my butt off every day. I had an academic councilor freshman year who happened to be my weight training professor senior year. She saw me at my heaviest and then saw how slim I had got senior year. I reintroduced myself thinking she must not remember me and then said almost in a whisper “I know, you’ve lost a lot of weight…I just think SOME people must go about it in the wrong manor…”
It still hurts my feelings today to think that she thought I cheated a healthy lifestyle and the fact she’s a physical Ed professor made it worse.
I try really hard not to let people’s comments, innocent or not, affect what I know is a balanced lifestyle.
I think people say stuff like that people they feel like they just have to try and bring someone down. It’s sad, really. 🙁 I’m glad you aren’t letting those comments get to you because you are seriously SO dedicated to your health. It’s beyond inspiring.
Oh my god I am so with you here. I get so thrown off by these types of comments. They feel like back handed compliments. A couple of weeks ago some one said to someone else while I was walking by- doesn’t she just make you sick? I turned around and said, well that’s not very nice. They tried to explain that it was meant as a complement for how ‘easily’ I lost the baby weight. But to be honest, I’d prefer a “you look great” or nothing at all than a rude comment masked by a complement.
I think comments like these stem from jealousy, although I do agree they are nasty compliments. However, what I don’t understand is why don’t these commentors work hard too. I had this co worker, who would always eye my salad. Her daily comment was, I don’t know how you can live off plants. I am like come and see my salad it is a big @$$ salad and if you make something like this, you will survive too. But her daily comments were so choking.
I believe complimenting people is my biggest strength, I will never not tell anyone who inspires me.
Great post Tina!!!