the dark side

Posted: September 23, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Check out this morning's 30 DSLR post. All about challenges!


Is it seriously already mid-day? Where has today gone?! I started off this morning like any other with some work on the computer before Makenzie woke up. Then a pumpkin infused breakfast, of course.


Apparently, this little concoction has been floating around blog land the past couple of days. I mixed up some pumpkin, Justin’s maple almond butter, and maple syrup as a topper for some waffles. It sounded good to me and I went for it, then read others doing the same thing while devouring my own. Great minds think alike! 😉

I spent the majority of the morning hours hanging out with fellow mom friends in Makenzie’s playgroup. Now, I have a bit of down time before spending the majority of my afternoon at the doctor’s office. I have my 6 month prenatal appointment today. Really?! I’m already that far along? I have only 4 months left?

Ohhh…didn’t you know pregnancy is closer to 10 months than the popularly stated 9 months? Fooling you into a shorter time span is part of the dark side of pregnancy. Check out some of the other dark sides of pregnancy.

Say hello to Pamela Anderson.


Your boobs grow. It may sound appealing, but trust me its not. They get in the way and cause too much discomfort – like an achy back and boob sweat. Yep, I said boob sweat. Then, you get to look forward to them swelling up even more after the baby. I literally wore a size F bra the first 2 months after M. SIZE F!!!!! Only to have them deflate to floppy things later on. But you know? I prefer the floppy.

You consider buying stock in panty liners.


Extra trips to the bathroom during pregnancy may not be breaking news. But did you know that sneezing, laughing, and coughing can cause leakage? Call me grandma!

You also consider buying stock in prunes.


Even with all those trips to the bathroom, you don’t go go. Likely because a baby has your intestine pinned to your rib cage and unable to process anything. It makes for very pleasurable gas. And one thing to remember for when your time comes? Get the enema! It can save you from an embarrassing accident. Oh yes, that happens on the delivery table!

Why is there hair…there?!

Pregnancy may help give you more luscious locks on your head, but the hair growth extends elsewhere too. Like your stomach….lower back…your Pamela Anderson zone. Dang hormones! And get used to being hairy overall. Shaving becomes a near impossibility by the end. Welcome to France! Or the 70s. Pick your mental image.

Huff huff huff.


With the baby pushing all your organs around the easiest tasks will wind you. I literally get out of breath going up the stairs. Physically, I don’t feel tired but my body just. can’t. breathe!

There is nothing you can do about stretch marks.

They’re genetic. Did your mom have stretch marks? Then, you likely will too. Save the $ on those fancy creams for something you really want. Like a massage. Just remember to verify they don’t rub you raw through a sheet first. 😉

The cruelest joke in the world.


Say good-bye to quality sleep long before that baby comes. You would think mother nature would allow you to stockpile sleep in the last half of pregnancy to prepare for all the night waking a newborn brings. You would think. Potty breaks, painful hips, a limited number of sleeping positions, and just plain ole can’t sleep issues plague you like no other.

So, there you have it. If you have a kid – you likely got a chuckle. If you want a kid in the future – I gave you  some truth. If you aren’t sure – I apologize for scaring you from ever wanting children. 😉

What’s the dark side of something that you can share? Running? Your job? Being married? Living with roommates? Cooking? Anything!

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67 Comments to “the dark side”
  1. Caitlin says:

    This, my friend, was great birth control for the unmarried set. Thank you.

    HAHA in all seriousness, though, this made me laugh because I have heard SO many of these things from my friends with babies. I gotta say, those cute little cheekies on a newborn might not dissuade me completely.

    How about the dark side to moving back home? You get a talking to for everything! Gone are the days of letting things pile up and taking care of them on your terms – you better get them done NOW!!

  2. Shelley Tully says:

    Ha ha ha ha, I love reading your blogs. I agree with every single dark side of pregnancy!!! (except for bigger boobs …. When you start out as a -A and end up a full A cup at the end, it’s kinda exciting).

  3. You mean I could possible get more hairy AND leak?!

    Yep, no kids for me 😉

  4. Angela says:

    Hahahaha. This post made me laugh out loud. My younger sister just had her first and she painted the picture like it was rosey all the time. This sounds more like it. And this is also the reason I want a surrogate (just kidding).

    Everyone thinks NYC is a dream to live in but let me tell you there is a deep, black dark side. Like never being able to afford to living on your own. Never truly having privacy. Self-centered, self-important, self-obsessed people everywhere. The list goes on. But despite the dark side, I still love it. Thank god there are some things to balance it out!

  5. I have two kiddies so yes, I’mma definitely chuckling :-D. Hope your 6 month appointment goes well today!

  6. I love this post! Though I will admit I knew most of it, I didn’t know that you couldn’t sleep well during pregnancy and THAT scares me.

    • Tina says:

      Yea…the lack of sleep is no fun. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but most people I know have experienced it. I hate it!

  7. Lori says:

    Hmmm…. definitely can’t wait to have kids now. lol. No but seriously, I can wait- a long time. 😉

    Good info though.. scary. Our bodies do such weird things, don’t they?

  8. Haha, l love this!

    The hair thing is so true! My baby bump is quite…fuzzy. Yeah. lol

  9. Haha! The only that that REALLY scared me about this post is that I ALREADY have ginormous boobs! I don’t even want to know what they are going to look like when I’m preggers. Oy vey! HAHA!

  10. Ugh…already get it. Good luck with the appointment!

  11. I’m scared. I’m adopting or getting a dog.

    This is proof of how Moms really are the best 🙂

  12. Jen says:

    Hope the appointment goes well! I have 3 kids…every day is dark LOL!


  13. Cynthia says:

    Ha. Thanks. Now I am rethinking this whole kid thing. Maybe I’ll just adopt so I can skip the whole pregnancy part. 🙂

  14. Its that last month of pregnancy where you cross over to the dark side. Its almost like you become bitter… you know what I mean… right?

    • Tina says:

      Yes! When you just want that THING out of you. It goes from being your precious baby to a thing sometimes those last couple weeks.

  15. I think the dark side of exercising period (not just running) is that no matter how much you love it, there are definitely days when it’s more work than not. You have good days and bad days. One day you can run 7 miles, the next day 1 sucks. One day you can lift 20 lb dumbbells for curls, the next time….um, what happened? Muscles disappear???

  16. This post is hilarious! I love love love it! The downside to my half-marathon training was that it was helping me lost weight for the fist 1.5 months and then my appetite began to rage and hasn’t slowed down since! I am literally hungry every hour!

  17. mmmmmmmm, can’t wait to be preggo 😉

    but really, despite all that, what a cool time in your life! i don’t know if i have a good dark side example…maybe that when people call in and are mean to customer service people they REALLY don’t want to know what’s being said about them. i can’t honestly say i’ve never said something mean about them, but my co-workers…whew!

  18. I love this post! You are a really funny writer!
    I don’t have any children yet, but I love the honesty about what to expect.

    Especially with the stretch mark thing;)

  19. Jenn (GH) says:

    Wow I can’t believe it’s already been 6 months! How exciting!!!

    Funny list. I totally got stretch marks exactly where my mom go them right on my hips. I’ve all but forgotten they are there but the other day my little boy asked what they were.

    • Tina says:

      I am very thankful that my mom’s genes are nice. I only get them on my boobs. Go figure with as much as they grow. 😉

  20. Jenna says:

    This was funny to read, and also painful since we’re thinking about trying to have kids some time next year. I have to admit I’m still looking forward to the bigger boobs part since I am so, um, flat as a board? =)

  21. meghan says:

    the dark side of being a massage therapist….is people’s butt’s….they stink and FIRE OFF A FEW when they fall asleep, mostly men though. So, please everyone make sure to take a shower before your next massage, especially if you’ve gone number 2 that day, I don’t care how CUTE AND CLEAN you are….there’s always a lingering smell. And if you’re on your cycle, we can smell that too. 🙁 TMI, sorry.

    • Tina says:

      Oh ick! I would never have thought of that. That certainly is a dark side. And I don’t think such a thing as TMI exists to me. 😉

  22. Sara says:

    Wow–I love, love, love your breakfast. I need to add a can of pumpkin to my grocery list. The baby scare stuff–I love the honesty. We need more of that in life. My co-workers did a dandy job scaring me on actual childbirth, but if you’re going to have a kid–you have to deal with all of that anyway, so good to know! If only men truly knew and understood what we went through for babies! This is why I will ALWAYS say that men are stronger than women. They are. How about the dark side of three cats and two dogs? Wow. I could write a book on that subject.

  23. Meg says:

    This post totally had me cracking up since my friend has onyl 4 weeks left! She’s told me every in and out she’s experienced. But I’m sure it’s all worth it! 🙂

  24. I love this post! Although you’re talking about some rather unpleasant things, the way you write is so witty and fun that I’m still grinning ear to ear! 🙂

  25. Yumola pumpkiny pancakes, Miss Tina! Mmmmm….pumpkin is definitely popping up everywhere!
    I hear ya on the Pamela boob thing. My boobies were huge towards the end of my pregnancy AND during the eight months of nursing. Now, they look like plums in socks.

  26. I don’t yet have children. I absolutely loved this. I read the book by Jenny McCarthy under the advisement of one of my co-workers. I am grateful I did. She was completely honest like you. I like to be informed and do not like surprises. The whole having an accident on the delivery tables, scares me!! I warned my husband, when I have a child you will be by my head at all times. He will not witness that!
    I wouldnt mind having the boobs 🙂 Stretch marks, my mom didn’t get any! I really really hope I am like her.

  27. The dark side of being a nurse, is all the poo! I am sure as a mother, a lot of poo is involved as well, but adult sized poo in adult sized diapers, is a lot worse then baby sized poo! I think anyway! lol 🙂 All of the other rewards of nursing make it worthwhile though! 🙂

  28. Tina I love you but this post makes me so nervous to have a baby! Promise me it is all worth it in the end 🙂

    But really I had to laugh at some of your points, I would love to hear your husband’s side of this too!

    • Tina says:

      It is definitely all worth it! And there are so many cool things too. Like feeling the baby move and knowing you are growing a life.

      The husband’s side would likely be – stay AWAY during crazy hormone times. LOL

  29. Kristie says:

    Well, at least I don’t have to worry about the stretch mark thing – I already have them! I got them from growing too quickly in the summer between middle school and high school. Not fun then, but at this point I just don’t really care :).

  30. Rachel says:

    The dark side of living with a boy. The gas! All the time! Farting at the fan and having the fan blow the fart all over you.

    Oh man, hold it in every once in awhile, please?!

  31. Jennifer says:

    Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.


    I’m especially with you on the panty liners. Especially after having had one baby so recently, and with another one pressing down on my bladder, running is nearly impossible without incontinence pads.

    No, I’m not kidding.

    Yes, I’m mortified.

  32. Lisa says:

    This post really made me laugh! I love your funny style of writing! =)

  33. I love this post. I am pregnant right now and my boobs are huge. I am near the end but sleep is so not an option anymore – I get comfortable and then 10 mins later I gotta pee. I think she just wants me to stay up with her at night, lol!!

  34. homecookedem says:

    Knock on wood, but thankfully I’ve escaped all of those things in pregnancy… so far… I know I’ve still got time though! 😉 My biggest problem in pregnancy so far has been the swollen feet and fingers. I’ve always retained water pretty bad and my mom does too. So much fun… 😉

    • Tina says:

      Its so interesting how different it is for each person. I don’t really get the swelling. And I think things are more noticeable for me this time around because I’ve already been through it once. But do do do get the enema so you dont do do do. 😀

  35. hehe I so enjoyed the dark side there! Although i’m a ding dong and kept trying to click on the ‘check out more dark side’ not realizing it was below! haha You crack me up, and while i’m not ready for kids yet you didn’t ‘scare me… completely! haha

  36. Oh Lord…pass the condoms!!!!! 😀

  37. Haha oh man … SO much to look forward to eh? Its a good thing pregnancy results in a cute sweet little baby! 🙂

  38. Fun stuff, right?! I hope you have a good afternoon and the appointment goes well!

  39. I hear ya on the big boobs! Mine were Es after Big Boy. Ridiculous! They didn’t seem to explode w/ Baby Boy though. They are indeed floppy!

    The downside of being married is The Lover’s snoring & gas. 🙂 Downside of having boys, they pee everywhere.

  40. Ameena says:

    I love the honesty Tina!! I can relate to all of these things. 🙂

  41. ah, yes… I have heard of the dreaded “accident on the delivery table” OH MY !!

    once again, my friend, I love your candid racap! 🙂 and I know you wouldn’t change it for anything! well, you know what I mean, right? 🙂

  42. ha ha ha…that’s nervous laughter. And I thought the dark side of pregnancy just involved the labor….

  43. Mellissa says:

    This cracked me up! Love the honesty.

  44. ashleigh says:

    I want to have a bunch of kids so I have to admit I was cringing a bit when I read this. Don’t worry you didn’t scare me off as I knew some of it already but still it freaks me out!! The way I see it is most people have more than one so it can’t be toooo bad 🙂

  45. Kelly says:

    I chuckled for sure !

  46. Em says:

    What a great post 🙂 I have to admit – I’m only 22 – but giving birth is like, a huge fear of mine. I read a post today about C-sections (which I was convinced was my ticket-to-freedom) and immediately re-examined my thought process. Thank GOD I have several SEVERAL years before all this! Ah!

    • Tina says:

      C-sections are one of my biggest fears. I hope I can get through this pregnancy without one. I couldn’t imagine trying to take the time to heal with a toddler and a baby! Eeek!

  47. Lee says:

    Haha, this is funny. Not that I have an experience but I still enjoyed reading it.

  48. “Welcome to France! Or the 70s. Pick your mental image.”

    Hilarious! Thank you for telling the truth 🙂

  49. Julie says:

    Both my kids were C-sections…I didn’t think it was as bad as everyone says, but then again, I’ve never had the recovery from vaginal delivery so I have nothing to compare it to. I remember the first day home from the hospital I felt like I almost ripped out the stitches trying to jump up and stop the two year old from smashing a big plastic toy phone on the new baby’s head while breastfeeding her. She got smacked good, my stitches remained intact, and that was the start of taking care of the toddler and the new baby…

    All your pregnancy points were fantastic. Here’s one I never ever ever would have thought about prior to it happening and no one warmed me about: The constant boob leakage! One, when the colostrum comes in – freaky!
    Second, when you hear a baby cry (any baby…doesn’t have to even be your own) and your boobs start to leak like crazy.

  50. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tina Reale, Tina Reale. Tina Reale said: the dark side: Check out this morning’s 30 DSLR post. All about challenges! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Is it serio… […]

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