I wouldn’t go so far as to call what happened last night a binge. I would go so far as to call what happened last night emotional eating, which I’m not too okay with either.

It can still happen. Which is why I have scratched the post I originally had scheduled for this morning to give you this one. 

Last night, I fixed myself some leftover lasagna for dinner and didn’t feel quite satisfied after eating it. Despite not feeling hungry, I found myself back in the kitchen pouring a bowl of cereal. No biggie. Then, from out of nowhere this overwhelming sensation of wanting food came over me. It led to a bowl of ice-cream and the leftover portion of the bag of crushed toffee I used in my brownie recipe this weekend.

No. I wouldn’t call it a binge because in a binge I would have eaten way more than that. I would have shoved anything I could get my hands on into my stomach until I literally felt sick and could not swallow another bite. This time, I simply told the logical side of my mind to leave me the heck alone and ate out of something besides hunger.

I don’t know what triggered it.

Boredom from being on my own while Peter had a meeting?

Not feeling satisfied with my dinner?

Emotions creeping out from a day of adjusting to my little girl growing up?

Wanting to escape the plethora of responsibility I have on my plate right now?

Feeling “to heck with it” because I know I have a vacation this upcoming weekend?

Any number of things could have affected me because any one of those things could have sent me into a deep binge in my past. I’m thankful I no longer make myself sick with food. I’m thankful that even when recognizing the unpractical side of feeding emotions and saying “screw it”, I can keep myself from going off the deep end. I’m thankful I have a place to open up and say “I still struggle” without fear of any judgment. I’m thankful I can know this won’t turn into a week long or more love affair with food.

But I’m still not thankful that binging got its claws sunken into me in the first place. That the mental struggles and natural urges to turn to food will never fully disappear. It can still happen. It still sucks. And it still isn’t a healthy place to be. But I’m a fighter. So I won’t let last night get me down. I will move on as normal today and make the best of every day. Yes, it can still happen. But also, I am still strong. And I still refuse to let it beat me. I just had to tell you that.

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I did not want to go to the gym this morning. In fact, my biggest motivation for going was to keep myself from giving in to emotional eating. A combination of things played together last night, which I won’t get into for personal reasons, and I knew if I skipped out on my workout I would end up in old patterns easily. Also, before I move further, I want to acknowledge that I feel MUCH better already but still wanted to be real with you all on my recent emotional roller coaster. 😉

I’ve mentioned before that my journey to overcoming binge eating never fully ends. Using food to compensate for stress and other emotions is a natural tendency for me. However, every healthy habit I choose to make reinforces my desire to keep on a healthier, happier path…so gym it was!

I have my first 10K race this Saturday (holy cow!) and had one last speed session on my training plan before the race. Once I got going on the treadmill, I knew that the original plan that included only 1/4 mile recovery periods simply would not fly with me this morning. I always strive to complete my planned workouts (remember my spaztastic plan needs), but I also know the vitality of putting my body’s needs first. I ended up forming a compromise and kept the speed work but upped the recovery time between each interval. I ended up with this:

I finished my 4 mile run in 35:35…which is an 8:53 pace! Even lengthening my recoveries and dropping the speed a smidge on my last speed interval, I banged out the best pace I’ve ever seen for a 4 miler. Goes to show…modifications don’t have to lessen the effectiveness of a workout!

And even though my legs felt like jello, I went on to finish up the weights portion of today’s workout. I have to have my strength training!

I left the gym a new woman with my frustrations and sadness left behind in a puddle of sweat! I then continued my healthy decisions the remainder of the day to keep that feel good momentum going. Delicious, healthy eats included. Get a load of lunch!

That wrap is no ordinary wrap. It’s an explosion of flavah! I spread a whole wheat tortilla with a Laughing Cow blue cheese wedge. Then, I topped it off with mashed sweet potato, 1/2 cup black beans, and a drizzle of smoky BBQ sauce.

Three words. Yuuu. Uuuuuu. MMMMMM!!!!!!!! This savory combo even outdid my snack du’jour – an entire mango and Chobani pineapple yogurt. Bring on paradise!

As I ate this snack, I felt at peace again and also so proud that I had not succumbed to the pull to turn to food for comfort. Today challenged me more than any time I can remember in recent history. I was literally *thisclose* to binging. Only by the grace of God did I have the strength to turn away. Little did I know the quote from my devotional would hold so true for me today. “It doesn’t matter what you’re trying to accomplish. It’s all a matter of self-discipline”. Every decision brings us one step closer or one step further from the life we hope to lead. Today, trusting God gave me the strength to choose wisely.

• What healthy decision did you make today?
• PLEASE read this woman’s story and her display of hope and zest for life. Consider donating, as EVERY small act can add up to something amazing!