Every Sunday I re-share a self-love topic from my 30 Days of Self-Love. This week, I have chosen to re-share on a topic about which I receive many questions. You may have recently seen this on Julie’s blog, but I felt called to change my original planned topic to this one today. Perhaps there is someone out there who this story needs to reach today through my blog? Who knows? I just hope it can touch even one person’s life and inspire even one person to find a healthier relationship with food. Thanks for reading, or re-reading as the case may be!

I am a recovered binger. In my past, I have hidden food and scrambled to eat as much as I could when a moment by my lonesome presented itself. I have bought whole packages of cookies, candy, donuts, and more to eat in my car when driving home. I have eaten so much food I felt ill, but not had the strength to stop shoving more in my mouth. That used to be me. That used to be my existence.

Now, I have found balance.

I have found the joy in eating healthy…most of the time -because what’s life without dessert? I have discovered the fun that exercise can hold when not used as a punishment technique. I can eat “intuitively” (cake included) and still make progress in finding my body’s “happy place.”

I receive more emails asking how I stopped binging than any other topic related to my blog. While I am not a professional, I can happily offer what helped me. In a topic not openly discussed nearly enough, I hope to offer some solace and guidance to anyone reading with their own food struggles. So, here is my personal path to recovery from binging…

Moments of Peace

I made an effort to start each day with a positive mantra – “I have the strength to honor and respect my body. I have the strength to not turn to food for comfort”. Taking some time to direct my thoughts to a positive place, to something that provided a source of strength, helped me to begin overcoming such struggles.

Realize Your Worth

When I conceived Makenzie and realized that the actions I took no longer only impacted myself, I found new motivation to care for my body by not binging. I was an example to her. Now, I also see the impact I can have on others through sharing my story and blogging. Focusing on your strengths and the impact you have can motivate you to care for yourself more.

Look At The Bigger Picture

If you were given a diagnosis of one month to live right now, would you really worry so much about your body? Who approaches their death bed wishing to weigh 10 pounds lighter, showcase a perkier booty,or have flatter abs? Trying to restrict food to achieve such goals does not satisfy us because it is not what matters in life. Therefore, we feel empty physically and emotionally. Fill yourself emotionally with the important facets of life and you likely will find less desire for the emotional eating.

Lose the Rules & Embrace the Fear

I used to have so many food rules. Once I stopped listing foods as good or bad and opened myself up to everything, food had less power over me. I admit that when I “allowed” myself to eat anything, I did go overboard at first. Too many people find themselves in that situation and then don’t believe they will ever stop. Embrace that fear and believe you will find balance. After a short time, I realized I didn’t care for many of the things on which I used to binge. I craved healthy staples and could satisfy myself with reasonable portions of my favorite treats. Food no longer had the control.

Don’t Give Up

The above is not to say that after a few weeks’ time I no longer faced binges. I still had numerous occasions pop up where stress would get to me and I would suddenly find myself digging into a jar of peanut butter or grabbing a box of sweets from the bakery, despite a lack of hunger. Instead of trying to “make up for it” by restricting myself the next day or loading on the cardio, I told myself it was okay. I reminded myself it’s a process and picked up with normal living right away.

Find Other Distractions

To this day, I still occasionally have the urge to binge. Sometimes the emotions, stress, and fatigue of a day present too much a challenge to face and evaluate right away. When that happens, I find other ways to comfort myself instead of food. Things like blog reading, household tasks, going for a run, or watching some mindless TV.

Make Health Fun

Finally, finding a way to love healthy living made a big difference in overcoming my binge tendencies. I took a long, hard look at what exercise inspired me and left me with that natural high. Now, I happily work out lifting weights, running, and taking spinning classes because they excite me. I made an effort to make eating fun. I don’t feel deprived when eating things like Lemon Raspberry Muffins, BBQ Wraps, flavorful salads, huge bowls of oats, healthy “ice-cream”, and delicious smoothies.

Plus, I keep in mind that I don’t have to eat “perfectly”. I focus on eating these things 80% of the time and make room to enjoy other favorites (I have a killer sweet tooth) the rest of the time – guilt free.

You don’t have to continue with food struggles. Believe in yourself each and every day. Your body deserves the best you can give it. And you have the power. You deserve happiness. Take it.

• Have you ever fought an unhealthy relationship with food?
• What is a favorite positive mantra or saying you could use to remember your beauty and worth?

Okay, I promise I have not forgotten about those of you who posed questions I have yet to answer on my Formspring page. I guess I have had a lot to talk about recently. I can’t keep forgetting though. So instead of posting the next topic in my Body After Baby series, I will now share the second to last round of Q + As. These are a bit more on the serious side, but very worthy discussions. Let’s get to it!

Your story of being a former binger, stuck in an on again off again relationship hits close to home. What advice would you give to someone struggling with both of these issues?

I have no qualifications whatsoever to give advice, besides sharing my own personal experiences, but I can say learning to respect myself helped me with both of these situations. You deserve love and respect.

For binging, I spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to help me love myself like He loves me. I studied verses related to His love and even subscribed to an email devotional for hurting women. I wish I remembered where to find it! Above and beyond trying to get a grasp on believing in my worth, I stopped restricting. I took away all food rules and ate whatever the heck I wanted.

At first, that did include more binges. But then, allowing them took away the thrill of the addiction. I then realized I didn’t even like a lot of the things I ate. I could eat just one cookie or go out for a heavier dinner once on the weekend without the weekend needing to be one huge free for all. It did not happen all at once, but once I stopped trying to control food, I actually gained control of myself.

I wish I had some magical answer to make it stop for anyone suffering such a struggle. I know how badly it sucks. Find support where you can, either in a trusted friend or even a counselor. Find a way to get out destructive emotions outside of food. Find a way to stop labeling food and view each moment anew.

And as for the on-again, off-again: in my opinion, if you’ve tried multiple times and its just not working out, cut your losses and any contact. I’m all for second chances and forgiveness, but I believe if a relationship is that difficult to maintain, something isn’t right. It’s too easy to go back to the comfortable and what you know. You can care for someone, but you must care for yourself first. If someone does not give you all that you need in a relationship and make you a priority, don’t waste the time. Someone out there will be what you need. And in order to be open to that someone you have to be focusing on yourself, without the distraction of an emotional roller coaster relationship.

I've recognized some disordered eating in a person I know. She gets exercise and size obsessive. She is constantly comparing herself to skinnier/genetically luckier women and can't be satisfied with her own body. What would you say to her?

I have a friend who constantly talks about her weight and size. She has always obsessed over it and continually compares herself to other women. In the past, it even became a sort of competition within our friendship. We would feed off each other. Eventually, I learned the unhealthy ways I was treating myself.

Now, I don’t say anything outright to her about her actions. I don’t outwardly tell her I perceive disordered eating or a negative body image. I think this would only make her a) defensive or b) proud because she thinks I’m jealous of her. You cannot change another person’s behaviors and mindsets. They have to recognize it and want to improve it on their own.

I do take some action though. When she begins comparing herself to other women or talking about her weight, I change the subject. I don’t allow “fat talk” to be a part of our conversation. If she flat out says something about being “fat, ugly, bloated, icky, blah di blah blah blah” I will say “Stop. You’re smarter than that.”. I do NOT encourage the talk by consoling her or giving her accolades of how gorgeous she really is. I don’t take the bait of compliments she may be fishing for. For example, when she bemoaned how tiny another woman was and if she could ever look like that, I straight up said “I would rather look like I work for my body than starve for it”. You know her response? “Wow. You’re right.”

With all that being said, I would certainly share my story and offer support or advice if she came to me for it or began discussing topics related to it. We can be available for support, but can’t just dive in doling it out and expect to see change.

Soooooooo….HAPPY FRIDAY! Any thoughts on these topics? The binging cycle? Bad relationships? Fat talking friends?