Don’t Always Have It Together

Posted: July 12, 2011 at 8:00 am

People sometimes say something to me that makes me want to laugh. “How do you always have it so together?” I want to laugh because, quite simply, I don’t. Much of the time, I do feel balanced and like I have life relatively in order. I do my best by focusing on the following actions:

I turn to prayer to keep perspective and peace. I schedule and set up routines to keep things moving as seamlessly as possible in day-to-day life with small children. Timers are my new best friend to help me stay focused on tasks at hand and remain productive so I don’t waste my all too precious time. I make regular time for my own personal interests and activities as often as possible.

Despite all those things, I certainly still have my moments where “having it all together” could not even remotely describe how I feel. The past few days included. Over the past 72 hours I cried countless times. Before finally getting a solid eight hours last night (thank God!), I slept maybe 5 or 6 hours total. I teetered on the verge of three panic attacks. I screamed into one pillow, dealt with a three-day non-stop headache, and wished I could throw a hissy fit like Makenzie.

Check out the old school Makenzie shot!

The most trivial of scenarios and “issues” sent tears streaming down my face – my phone screen going completely dead (hence the iPhone), grocery shopping, not being able to wear a dress to church because I was scheduled to work the nursery, random songs on the radio, and other things so unimportant I can’t even remember right now. This would promptly cause me to freak out and start crying all over again because I felt so ridiculous, then guilty for getting upset over nonsensical things when others clearly handle way more than myself. Lastly, while my mom has improved since her last relapse, something about her MS diagnosis digs at my heart harder these days on top of all the other mental I felt.

Oddly, I didn’t feel bogged down with any one thing. I still felt like I had my schedule well balanced and got things taken care of adequately. Yet, I ended up in that overwhelmed and frenzied state. The epitome of not “having it all together”. Why? The best I can come up with is that I needed to feel connected, appreciated, and like there was something more. After a week of taking care of the day in and day out details, I always look forward to having the weekend to recharge by getting more quality time with my husband, fitting in some form of activity for purely pleasure, and enjoying a little more freedom from the standard fare of everyday life.

I mentioned this weekend feeling rather dull. I don’t mind dull. I own up to the fact I don’t live some extravagant lifestyle and honestly wouldn’t want one anyways. I love my life. However, when the days go on and on like a never-ending highway without any change in scenery, life permeates my attitude with this want-to-rip-my-hair-out sensation. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Sometimes life has “to-dos” that need to get done, budgets that don’t allow weekly date nights out or fun adventures, children that scrap the chance of a leisurely do-nothing day or napping when the mood strikes. It’s not bad at all. It can, though, sometimes wear on the mind, body, and soul.

I’m human and life wore on my mind, body, and soul recently. I feel immensely better today after a full night’s sleep, making a point to relax instead of study personal training material last night, and planning for a date night this weekend. I wrote about all of this because I want to show I certainly don’t have it all together.

We all have our spaz moments. We all have things we would like to work on. We all want to punch a pillow sometimes, even over the silliest “problems”. Don’t ever think anyone has it all together. And especially don’t ever allow it to cause doubt on the management of your own life. Otherwise you may find yourself crying over something even crazier than not wearing a dress to church. 😉

  • What is the silliest thing you can remember getting upset about?
  • How do you recharge so life doesn’t get you down?

50 Comments to “Don’t Always Have It Together”
  1. I totally get upset over many, many silly things.. and it is usually due to the fact that I am stressed in other areas of my life. Sadly.. this often happens at home.. but I am trying to vent my stressed and find the route of the problem.. talk them out.. because getting angry because of something silly.

    To recharge.. I usually take some time to myself.. doing something I like.. shopping, reading outdoors..going for a walk or a run.. and sometimes.. I will splurge for a nice massage.. or a mani/pedi. Need to treat myself sometimes!

  2. Alisha says:

    Everything you said is so true about being a SAHM. It really feels every day like I’m going to battle. It is mentally exhausting not being on your own time table & correcting and guiding a toddler who is testing their limits as well as yours. I seriously don’t know how anyone does it with more than one. I would run away from home some days if I had more than Sydney to handle.

    A question I’ve been wanting to ask you is how do you have so much time to spend working out…especially in the mornings? I don’t feel like I have ANY time to myself. Do you go before Peter goes to work or does he work from home sometimes?

    Hang in there…I always feel like the nut job who has NOTHING together.

    • Tina says:

      The workouts vary on the day. Mon & Fri I workout early in the morning before the kids get up. Tue & Thur I use the gym daycare and am there for an hour 15 min for the daycare. Wed & Sat I do a run while Peter watches the kids since he works from home on Wed. All of my workouts are an hour on average so its not too hard to fit around their napping/happy times. Now its just part of routine and Makenzie actually will know which days we go to the gym or which days I go run which is so crazy to me.

  3. oh lord, who even knows…i feel like things get a little silly almost every time i get upset! not that the feelings aren’t valid, but it’s so funny the random things that set it off 🙂 usually the best thing for me is to take a nap or just spend on time walking…not to escape, but just to change the scenery and either rest or get the endorphins flowing!

  4. Haha I get that plenty of times too TIna (but I also don’t have kids!). I think everyone has their moments where they just feel like they need a good cry or to scream in to a pillow. I know I have those a lot and I’m sure it’ll get worse when I have kids! ha Keep your positive attitude! Glad things feel better today!

  5. Sometimes it’s just all those odd little things here and there that really add up and cause the meltdowns and it’s typically the silliest thing that sets it all off (for me anyway).

  6. You do your self so much good when you’re honest–it’s a tremendous trait! Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

  7. I need to come back throughout the day and read these comments because I’m looking on ways to recharge myself. I feel like I have a billion balls up the the air, and that I’m only able to half-@$$ everything instead of giving my full attention to what is important to me.
    My solution is to keep on truckin’… and hopefully feel accomplished at the end of the day 🙂

    • Tina says:

      I try to schedule time for certain balls. Haha. I will work on house tasks for this hour. Blog stuff for this set period of time (aka naps!). Workout this hour. Play and family time this chunk of the day. Relax this hour. It helps me feel like I’m giving full effort because I concentrate on one particular thing at once.

  8. I love this post! I didn’t know your mom has MS- my mom does too, as does her sister. I love how honest you are about everything- it somehow always makes me feel better about MY life. Especially since, right now, I know that I don’t have it all together at all haha. Lately one of the trivial things that has been upsetting me is that my one of my roommates at school never helps us clean….it can be so annoying, but I know that at the end of the day it won’t really impact my life in any way.

  9. Oh my gosh, we’re the same Tina, I swear. When don’t I get upset over silly things is the question? I’m far too sensitive for my own good. It usually happens when I’m too tired to even think. Must. Sleep. More. 🙂

    Have a great day!

  10. jobo says:

    Bless you. I am glad you wrote this post because well, you sure DO seem to have it all together, but you are right, nobody is perfect, nobody has it juuust right. There is always something dangling loose just a wee bit. and that’s ok, that’s better than ok, that’s good. It keeps us on our toes and learning, right?

  11. Tina I cry and get upset about the silliest things — over the weekend we needed to leave at 5:15pm to get to a friend’s house for dinner and we ended up leaving at 5:25. I cried in the car because I thought we were going to be late! Sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I need to remember to just breathe!

    Thanks for sharing (and helping me to not feel like something is the matter with me!) — I’m sure there are plenty of people who have days like this. I hope today is better!

  12. Holly says:

    Ahhh, you spoke to my soul on this one. We are having challenges with our 4 year old and doing as we say and paying attention to us and it wears on me. All the things you talked about, PLUS the heat we are having are making things harder! I am looking forward to this weekend visiting my parents and seeing old friends! I know things will be different this fall when my oldest goes to morning preschool and we won’t always be in this stuck routine…All SAHM & SAHD are in this together and it’s nice to remember that sometimes! Glad you got a good nights sleep!

  13. i get upset at silly things alllll the time. what matters is that you can laugh about it later!

  14. Isn’t it strange how we don’t always know how others view us? They think we’re totally together, or are able to handle something that we get so crazy about. I’m always asked why I still go to a Weight Watchers meeting every Saturday in spite of the fact that I am a Lifetime Member and am currently under goal. The operative word in that sentence is “currently.” If I didn’t attend my meetings and continue to Follow The Program…I wouldn’t be at goal. It’s an ongoing process that I need as part of my life to be in balance. Tina, you’re doing an amazing job and I’m so proud of you! Keep it up!!

    • Tina says:

      Yep. Maintaining is probably the toughest part of the battle. That’s awesome how you stay on top of it. And then there are probably some who don’t know you attend meetings and will make comments or think its so “easy” for you to keep it up. I actually have a post about something like that in the works.

  15. I get upset about a lot of silly things right now. I blame it all on the pregnancy hormones. Maybe you’re pregnant!! 😉

  16. Running & food are the 2 things that can usually pull me out of a funk 🙂 A good night’s sleep always helps too. Glad you were able to get a full night’s worth!

  17. I tend to get upset about the silliest things at times, often. It’s really something I’m trying to work on. I’m very go with the flow at work, but can’t quit get that to transfer to my personal life. The worst recently was at Easter, the dress I wanted to wear just wouldn’t zip. I felt horrible about myself and just cried and cried and cried. We ended up not going to church.

  18. Awe I feel for you sister!! I sometimes cry when I cannot believe how tired I am…or when I have to do some task I have no energy to do…like pack my lunch for the next day at work. Some days I am a hot mess. I recharge with a nap and/or a bubble bath.

  19. Last night Vishnu told me he really didn’t like henna (which I already knew) and that really got to me (I will be all henna’ed’ out during our wedding)…I had to get off the phone. I was SO mad and emotional…afterwards, I felt so stupid. But then I realized I’m human. You’re so right, no one has it all together…we’re all a little kooky! 🙂

  20. Mellissa says:

    I was having a particularly emotional day a few weeks ago and was at my boyfriends house and needed to make a salad for brunch at his parents and he didn’t have any mixing bowls and I started crying over that. Seriously! I need to let go of all that control sometimes.

  21. Thanks for the honest post, Tina! It makes me feel like I’m not alone when I’m crying about nothing! I cry all the time over things that I deem ‘stupid’…definitely songs on the radio, TV commercials, spilling an entire can of black beans all over my kitchen (that came after a very stressful day at work and stressful drive home), and the list goes on…I never get a lot of sleep and I think sometimes it just catches up with me.

    To recharge, I like to try and find time for myself, whether it just be a quick yoga session or a run or a quick shopping trip to buy something small for myself. 🙂

  22. I am one of those people that is more likely to get upset over the small things. I’m trying to learn how to focus on the positive and understand that really this is only a small moment in time and things could be worse. I think you’re such a strong, positive woman!

  23. Jess says:

    Oh man, I have SO been in this same situation. Crying over the silliest things and making a HUGE deal out of it. And then I realize what a fool I’m being and that there is very clearly something bigger on my mind that would cause such a reaction over the trivial. And to your point, once you figure out what that is, you can right that ship and get back to being “you” again. You’re also right to say that we ALL have these spaz moments, we aren’t perfect, God didn’t make us that way, so why claim to be, right??

  24. Maria says:

    I feel you for Tina. I was in such a mood funk a few weeks ago. I did’t feel like myself and was crying at the drop of a hat AND I don’t have two little ones to take care on top of that!

    Before my friend TOM rears his ugly head, I cry over the dumbest things. An request from a coworker, my fiance not picking up his dirty socks, not having enough clothes (so ridiculous)…luckily, I return to my normal self a few days later. Being a girl is tough…and makes us tougher 🙂

  25. I can really relate to this. I’ve gotten upset over the fact that I was ready for dinner and the husband wasn’t. Watch out….lack of food + hungry me= angry wife! I think I still apologize to him for this!

  26. Angela says:

    Oh wow.. so so true! I actually have a post coming up that’s somewhat on this topic.. last week I was in a similar “funk” and for some reason (I don’t even know why really) I was just feeling sorry for myself. Nothing was going overly well, but nothing overly terrible happened either. You know when sometimes you just feel like a victim? That was what happened. I’m not a big crying type, but a cry probably would have helped!
    Usually to re-charge my life (and this is what I did on the weekend), I:
    – got some exercise
    – spent some time on my own – thinking, blogging, cooking, sleeping
    – thought about the things i’m thankful for
    – planned some fun things into my week ahead to make it better than the one that just passed

    … and so far… it has been! 🙂

  27. Sam says:

    i’m so glad you shared!! it’s very easy to start comparing to others and wondering how they are tackling life so well.

  28. Oh girl – you KNOW I’ve been there! I swear I almost went insane 4th of July weekend. 3 days with the kids with the hubby worked was enough for me – I don’t know how do you it!!

    I rarely get mad at my husband – but there was one time while I was pregnant with Braeden when he just ROYALLY pissed me off all because of the trash. We had company over and I ended up screaming expletives at him (something like Take out the em effing trash!). Now, I think it’s funny but at the time I’m sure I scared my guests. I blame pregnancy hormones (or genetics, ahem).

  29. I wish I was more spiritual, I never have been and I envy people who can use that as a coping mechanism.

  30. lindsay says:

    oh amen to that Tina! Prayer helps calm me in those state of minds. I have to almost HAULT and get on my knees. We think we can take on so much at times, but something is usually neglected. probably our sanity, haha. But being that youre a mom, i’m sure rest is 10x more important….for body and mind!

  31. Becca says:

    Love this post tina. YOu are such an inspiration to me, your open honesty is truly amazing. Love you!!!

    … I actually had a total meltdown over tehre being no clean spoons once. Like sat on the floor sobbing. Hormonal much?!

  32. Helen says:

    I totally relate……I cry at everything. My husband tells me I am way to sensitive and worry to much…lol!

  33. Errign says:

    The most recent silly thing I remember being SO annoyed about (and I’m totally embarrassed, because it’s dumb and mean) was when my dad asked me to stop at Lowes to get him some stuff because I was going to the town that Lowe’s was in (about 30 minutes away). I was SO mad he was trying to disrupt my day and make me go to Lowe’s I nearly cried. Obviously, I was having a rough day 🙂

    I like to get pedicures, but the cheapest ways I recharge are lounging around, going to free yoga classes, or groupon deals for spa stuff 🙂

  34. Jenn says:

    The funniest thing I can remember is throwing a tantrum in a McDonald’s in the middle of the night. Hubby and I were on a road trip on the east coast after a wedding. I had drank too much and danced too hard and I was EXHAUSTED. We stopped at a McDonald’s in the middle of the night b/c we couldn’t find anything else open. They got my chicken sandwich wrong and I started crying and tearing it apart. Not my best moment. 😉

  35. My mini freakouts ALWAYS happen when I’m tired. For example the last one- I was running on 5-6 hours of sleep, had a crappy day at work, missed my workout due to something (can’t remember so it must have been important! ha) and while doing the laundry forgot to check the pockets so a tube of chapstick was both washed and dried almost ruining 1/2 a load of our laundry (3+ rounds at the dry cleaners and $40 later it was finally all fixed!). I freaked out and started crying. Now, it seems funny. Sometimes I think the little things get to all of us!

    Glad you are feeling better after a good night’s sleep.. that or a great workout usually does it for me!

  36. Kara says:

    5 days after Faith was born, I was stuck in the hospital with her so she could get the light treatment for her jaundice. I hadn’t sleep for more than 2 hours in days and it was my birthday. The hospital sent up my french toast, but forgot the scrambled eggs. I’d had the same breakfast for the past week and I KNEW there shouldn’t been eggs (never mind that I don’t even really like eggs that much).

    I ended up calling my husband at 7am (the room was too small for him to stay too) sobbing that they didn’t give me any eggs on my birthday. We still laugh about the egg thing because it was so silly.

  37. I can totally relate! After having my son I watched other mom’s get dressed with their hair fixed, baby in cute clothes, playdates day after day, meals made for those around them, etc. I felt like I could barely get dressed and out the door one day a week to meet up with friends because I was so exhausted! I remember meeting up with a group of friends and just crying because I felt so inadequate. I quickly learned that everyone has good days and bad days and I just happened to see them on their good day. It’s hard not to put pressure on yourself to “have it all together” but I know it’s more important to have the right things together…our relationship with God and that we are teaching our children the right way to live…however that looks from the outside!

  38. Rachel says:

    i totally feel you on this. there have been times when i’ve had meltdowns over the tiniest things. i can’t remember them all now, but i know that people have gotten mad at me. like, last thanksgiving i started bawling because we weren’t going to go shopping together! whenever i need to recharge i take a nice nap or get a good night’s sleep and try to spend some time reading the bible or my favorite quotes. i always find distraction great 🙂

  39. […] writing my post for this morning, I needed a “hissy fit” image to go along with my post. Instead of scouring files on my […]

  40. Sarah says:

    I think having mini freakouts is part of the female biology. There’s this insane pressure on women to do everything: have an awesome career, raise wonderful kids, have an amazing body, and bring homemade cupcakes to the bakesale (heaven forbid you use a mix or even worse purchase something premade). All that stress just builds up and results in mini freakouts that are just manifestations of all the pressure that society puts on women…okay, enough ranting!

    But I’m glad that you finally got a good 8 hours of sleep 🙂 Being all together is way too boring!

  41. Lindsey says:

    …and this is why I love your blog!

    I just got upset because my boyfriend told me to be careful running in the heat. How dare he! I know what I’m doing! And more importantly–how completely irrational and silly I’m being in reacting to a genuine comment.

  42. I can totally relate! I started potty training my daughter on Monday and had to run errands that morning. She peed in the bread aisle of the grocery store. While I was calm then (as one friend from church praised me for when she saw me there) I wasn’t calm on Tuesday after 24 hrs of cleaning up pee and poo and not one drop of tinkle in the potty. I broke down in tears and was in a foul mood the rest of the day as I had to deal with a flat tire and cancel dental appts and take my girl for 3 shots!
    People only see a small sliver of the whole picture. I think its good to remind people of our humaness and screaming in a pillow never hurt either! 😉

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