The Musical Fruit

Posted: August 6, 2011 at 8:00 am

In case you haven’t guessed, this post will talk about gas. Farts. Toots. Stench bombs. Whatever you want to call them. If you have more class than I do and want to skip over, that’s just fine. If you have your own musical qualities in which to relate or share, let’s bond. It will be a grand ole time!

Did you realize that the month of July had five Saturdays. I did. Not because I’m some freak of nature who can mentally figure out dates in her head. Although, that’s true too. I mainly paid attention to the five Saturdays in the month of July because it meant I had to spread our monthly grocery budget across five weeks instead of the usual four. Say what, kemosabe?!

After our grocery bill rang up last week and I realized we still managed to come in under budget, I patted myself on the back as I left the store. Then I learned that my budget meal shopping could end my marriage. Let’s just say when looking for cheap meals many of my favorites involve beans. We had lots and lots of beans this past week.

White Bean Salad

bean salad

Breakfast for Dinner Quesadilla with Black Beans

quesadilla 2

Veggie Pot Pie with Black Eyed Peas (inspired by Meghann’s recipe)

veggie pot pie

Even the night I planned to resort to clear out items we have stocked in our freezer, I ended up with beans…

 morningstar burger

Morning Star Farms Spicy Black Bean Burger…with hummus (extra beans!)

Peter wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole for fear of me intoxicating his nostrils after all of those meals. I won the budget game, but certainly didn’t win the digestive game. Oh, yes. I’m going there. Beans truly are a musical fruit with me. And I have such difficulty keeping tabs on it! I get incredibly bad stomach cramps if I try to hold in the “bombs of stench” as Peter so kindly has called them.

I amaze myself sometimes, so I really do feel bad when things just slip. Okay, I don’t feel so bad when things slip around Peter. He knew what he got himself into when he chose to marry me. But around others….EEEK! I usually just succumb to suffering gas pains for fear of people avoiding me forever. Yet, I cannot lie. It happens sometimes.

Like this past week. In spin class. During a climb. Those poor souls behind me. It must have been like a missile! Then, at the grocery store. Only myself and one other person in the aisle. And I know she knows I did it, yet I still walked away nonchalantly. Then avoided contact the remainder of my shopping. Oh, how embarrassing! Hey…I know I’m not alone. Right? Right?!?! 

  • What staple foods do you use when shopping super cheap?
  • Do you ever have to “let one rip” in public? What do you do? 

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64 Comments to “The Musical Fruit”
  1. Kinley says:

    Totally laughed out loud when I read this post!! When I was younger I had a friend whose mom thought “fart” was a naughty word so the girls had to call it a “fluff”. To this day, I can’t pass a jar of marshmellow “fluff” in the store without laughing a little bit 🙂 Yes, I am a 6 yr old at heart!!

    And as Dr. Oz says “You can choose either Fat or Fart” – because foods with fiber are gonna help you be healthier but are going to make you …

  2. You crack me up! When I accidentally let one loose in public I try not to laugh and quickly leave the scene of the crime!

  3. Oh goodness – the joys of a vegetarian diet, I tell ya. Sometimes, you just gotta let it go even if that means you can’t make eye contact with the person in front of you at the grocery store.

  4. nicole says:

    haha this made me laugh out loud. We can all relate, don’t worry!

  5. Alexandra says:

    Hahaha this made my day! I get the same way with eggs, it’s terrible, but I love them so much–I guess others just have to suffer haha 😀
    By the way, that quesadilla is so cool with the little imprints on it!

  6. HAHAHA! Absolutely love this post! My insides like to ‘release the gas’ while I’m running. Normally this isn’t a problem when I’m alone at the gym at 5am but if there’s someone on the treadmill next to me … there’s nowhere to hide 🙂

  7. Khushboo says:

    Hahah I love this post- I have let it rip too many times in public. I go for the classic ‘scrunch up the nose and wonder which gross person did it because obv it wasn’t me ;)’

  8. Evan Thomas says:

    I eat beans all the time, practically with every meal. Thankfully I don’t think they affect me *too* bad. Chicken back when I ate it actually made my farts smell worst. TMI?

    • Tina says:

      No such thins as TMI here. LOL And I can relate to the chicken. When I was on the competition diet back in the day for my training….oh.em.GEE!

  9. Kat says:

    Girls fart roses and perfume, so I’m sure the people in spin class and the grocery store are very thankful.

  10. allison says:

    Hahah so glad mine are always silent, but boy are they deadly;);) My boyfriend has lamented the fact that im a vegan many many times!

  11. Hahaha…oh farting..gotta love it. Beans totally make me fart, and so do many foods that are labeled “high fiber”. I prefer to pass my gas in hiding…just because sometimes they smell so bad that it’s kind of embarrassing haha. This post makes me feel like I’m not alone 🙂

  12. Bahahaaaaa i love that you are talking about this 🙂
    My BF calls them ducks, like ohhhh how did that duck get in here? 🙂 🙂 🙂
    The joys of cooking with beans!

  13. Haha AWESOME post! Great topic that nobody really talks about often enough
    All of your gas should just be reassurance of all the fabulous fiber in your diet 😉

  14. Hahaha! You’re definitely not alone! Luckily, I married a guy who enjoys “playing music” also! He tends to go for the loud + stinky farts, and I am more the silent-but-deadly type. Ha! Beans are THE WORST! My stomach cannot digest them very well, so believe me, you are NOT alone!

  15. This. is. hilarious! haha I eat beans all the time, but they do not have that musical effect on me 😉

  16. OMG HILARIOUS!!! Don’t worry, you’re not alone Tina! Beans definitely affect me too as do broccoli, cauliflower and brussel sprouts!! haha

  17. Brooke says:

    Oh my gosh Tina. You’re histarical!
    I too get severe gas pains if I hold it in. What’s crazy? My hubby and I have been together 6 years and I have only passed gas in front of him TWICE, both on accident!

  18. Lee says:

    I am extremely gassy. I’m glad I’m not the only one! Fortunately, sort of, mine are usually the loud, but non-smelly ones.

  19. AJ says:

    BWA HA HA!! You are hilarious! By the way…if you happen to be with your beloved spouse when said stench bombs seem to be erupting, feel free to fart away. People will automatically assume it was him. Ahhhhhhh. I love being a girl sometimes 🙂

    • Tina says:

      This is truth. And I have done it many times. Another bonus? Kids in diapers. Blame it on a poopy diaper! LOL

  20. You r awesome! too funny – LOVE morningstar farms blk bean burgers when ‘im in a hurry! Took my husband to a yoga class and we totally let one rip…SO funny…everyone had to laugh…a tad embarrassing but it’s all part of life! xoxo from Trinidad!

  21. Haha omg love this post, so funny Tina and I totally relate to you! My hubby knew what he was getting himself into too with my stench bombs 😉

    Staple foods I love are turkey and eggs…we find we can always make an assortment of meals with those two ingredients! 🙂

    One time I remember I had the worst stomach/gas pains after dinner from The Melting Pot (must’ve been all the cheese?!), and afterwards we went to a bar for drinks and I just couldn’t hold it in any longer….I totally played it off nonchalantly and then when we left hubby looked at me suspiciously and asked, “did you let one rip in there?!” I couldn’t deny it and this may sound gross, but he knows the smell when they’re from me, ha!

  22. Manon says:

    This post MADE MY MORNING. In fact, I think it will be one that is saved in my “things to read when you’re having a bad day and just need to LAUGH” folder. <3

  23. Heck, I used to have the worst problem with gas when I was on dairy and soy! It was embarrassing. I would hold things in all day and then when I fell asleep it was toxic! Beans are a staple here and they don’t give me gas. Most people freak out with how much beans I eat talking about how gassy they are, but they really don’t effect me…luckily!

  24. Hahaha, love this!! It’s so true and everyone does it. I’m a vegan now, so all the beans (at first), did a number on me. Now, my body is pretty used to them! 🙂

  25. hi! i just found your blog and i love it! you and i share similar passions and views. I created my business around fitness & health with self-love instead of self-hate. thank you for sharing such a great message, I love seeing more women working toward the same goal! keep up the great work, can’t wait to read more 🙂


  26. jobo says:

    OMG! This is hilarious! Kudos for such a funny post and for er, letting it all out! For me, I ALWAYS have the urge when I am running…good thing I am slower than M, I’ll leave it at that ;-P

  27. Andrea says:

    I continue to like your blog more and more everyday! This is a hilarious post and man, can I relate! I often visit several blogs for new lunch and dinner ideas and beans are often a good staple in many. After many months of almost killing my husband with my bean stench bombs. I now just have to stay away from them. I wish it was a different end result but I guess it’s kind a relief to know there’s someone else out there with the same problem!

  28. Helen says:

    Yep, that’s a problem in my house as well. I have horrible gas. The hubster does as well but his are usually just loud without the smell. If at home I let it out. If I have to go in public I take gas x or something of the sort ahead of time. It doesn’t get rid of the gas but it does help.

  29. My pantry is full of beans because we eat veggie as home.

    I have let one go in public because my digestive track is totally off. Lucky for me they are silent…usually.

  30. OhMYGOSH! I hear ya with the beans….LOL!! Ryan thinks I am trying to kill him some nights when we sleep….eeeeekkkkk 😐

    I love beans, they are cheap, but they rip me!


  31. Oh man, I am the same way!! Beans aren’t the worst for me, but dairy is. It’s bad news bears if I workout after that… It’s one of the pros to my “running outside” list I’ve made in my head. Ha!

  32. All I can say to this is OMG I love you 🙂

  33. Haha i love your honesty. You are definitely not alone!

  34. Anna Marie says:

    I love your spin class confession! Running makes me not able to keep my toots in and I was running with a woman yesterday..oh it was awful. I could not help it. I hoped she was focusing on her music. Lol.

  35. lindsay says:

    LOL! this is great. releasing gas is good for you. We have been stocking up on beans as well as egg and veggies. thats some pretty combinations right there!

    best place to release gas…………at the gas station. haha.

  36. Carly says:

    This post is AWESOME!!! I too suffer from gas issues… always have 🙂 It doesn’t matter what I eat, I always have gas. When I talked to my husband about the show “The Marriage Ref”, I was like “is there anything that you would take me on that show for?” and he was like “no, because it would embarrass you too much…”. Then he told me it was because of my gas problems. Oops! It runs in my family though, my grandma, my dad and I are probably the worst offenders. As always, I appreciate your honesty because it just brought a huge smile to my face!

  37. Congrats on staying under budget! That’s hilarious about the woman in the grocery store..hopefully you never see her again!

  38. I was literally laughing out loud reading this entire post!! You are amazing Tina!
    I can relate to this 110% (yay for farts!) All of the roughage we eat has to err come out someway and unfortunately it is rather smelly at times. If I eat a meal full of beans or broccoli (aka the death of me) I cannot hang out with people for at least 2 hours… Unless I want to kill them with terrible smells. Whoops 🙂
    And yepp I let em go in public, silent but deadly right?! I don’t want to get a stomach ache!

  39. Hehe, too funny 🙂 I find that if I havnt had enough veg then I start eating it again I have that problem, lucky for me I married into a whole family of smelly gas passers (sorry honey). I also find when I’m working out I fart (I cant believe I just typed that) quit a bit so I always warn my friend and if I’m alone I prray no one hops on the machine next to me. Thanks for the laugh!

  40. Paula says:

    We always say, “If I get this motor started I am outta here!”. 🙂

  41. Amanda says:

    Usually my husband and I pretend neither of us ever have gas. Not even when there is an unmistakable “ringing” from the en-suite master bathroom (which has the most pitiful excuse for a door and therefore privacy EVER). That said, there was this one time when I’d gone into the bathroom and had an absolutely amazingly long, drawn-out, and — dare I say it — operatic bout of gas that had me amazed/ horrified and my husband giggling so hard that he hardly make it to the bathroom in time himself!

    On the whole, though, when there’s a poison gas cloud issue that’s impossible to ignore… we blame the dog 🙂

  42. Stephany says:

    OMG. Haha, this post makes me feel so much better about my, erm, gas when I work out. It always seems to be the worst during that and I had a particularly bad time during my last spin class. I felt so bad for the girl behind me. Hehe.

  43. Anna Crouch says:

    HAHAHAHAHHAA No!!! You’re so not alone. This sounds frighteningly familiar, unfortunately. This morning my husband and I went to the gym, I hopped on a treadmill and he got on an elliptical. I let one loose because no one was around and I HAD to….10 seconds later my husband gets off the elliptical and walks over to ask me a question. He hops on the treadmill next to me and before he can even get a word out of his mouth his lips puckered in disgust. I said “I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it!” I proceeded to get a fan blowing on me so the smell would drift away. hahahaha

    I eat a lot of beans, and a lot of fiber. I’m actually trying to control my amounts of both, because it really does cause a lot of digestive discomfort…and not to mention, gas. Ugghh

  44. Jen says:

    This post is just one of the many reasons why you rock!!!

  45. Stephanie says:

    This cracked me up, because I’ve been writing a gas post for my own blog. I can even one-up your class factor and say, without a doubt, that mine are about 10 times worse during that time of the month. Period farts even gross ME out. (and let’s be completely honest here…I kind of like my own farts most of the time, so long as I’m the only one in the room when they happen)

  46. You are too funny. As a vegetarian, I LOVE beans and try to eat some every day if I can. I love how your recipe selections show how many varieties of beans there are and how many different ways you can make a meal out of them!

    I have read of a couple ways you can “de-fart” beans though I haven’t tried either yet. 1.) Baking Soda (either added to the soaking water or a pinch to the pot while cooking) 2.) Kombu seaweed (add a tiny piece to the soaking water). The Eden Organic canned beans are made with Kombu, so grabbing a can of their brand is an easy way to test out the theory 🙂

  47. […] The Musical Fruit – yes, I talked about farting this weekend […]

  48. I can easily one up my husband these days 🙂 I try to hold them in at work and in public but I let it go in the car or at home. My husband always said “better out than in” but I think he’s changed his tune since I am now also “letting out” and it’s not just him. Ha

  49. Rebecca says:

    It kind of confuses me that people make such a big deal of this kind of stuff when EVERYONE does it. I remember watching Nickelodeon and them having a commercial dealing with how different foods make people fart, and that they point out that everyone does it. Is it really that big of a deal?

    That being said, when I’m with other people, it worries me a little. But I try to ignore it. Someone else in my house has gas problems, so I’m pretty used to it.
    There was one time recently that I was with two of my girl friends in one of their bedrooms chatting and stuff, and it kind of just happened. They both looked at me and laughed, and then said something along the lines of “As long as it doesn’t stink up the room…” Haha. 🙂

    Burping, too! When people burp/belch, I’ve taken to saying, “Thank you for not exploding.” Because if you don’t let all of the gases and stuff out, they continue to build up until you explode. And that’s not good. So I try to thank people for not blowing up. 😛

    • Rebecca says:

      Oh, and on that note, one time we had a good friend (my sister’s age, in high school) over for lunch or something and we got on the subject of burping. (Keep in mind that my sister and this girl can both burp like nobody’s business!) I don’t burp very often, and when I told her that, she was like, “Well… how do you let it out?” or whatever, and I went, “Umm… the other end?” Heh.

  50. Tina you are too funny!!

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