I woke up sick today. Again. Ever since Friday morning I have been feeling fairly ill. Nothing bad enough to keep me from going about daily activity, but enough to feel blah and wish for the couch, some hot tea, a nap, and a good book. I needed those things today. I woke up feeling worse than the previous few days and continued to feel more under the weather as the day progressed. One of the many bonuses of pregnancy – getting sick again thanks to a lowered immune system.

When pregnant with Makenzie, I read the Jenny McCarthy book Belly Laughs.

I wish I had gotten pregnant first…and was famous enough to get such a book published…because I SO would have written that exact book myself. I cannot stand how many things people gloss over or ignore to make pregnancy this beautiful, magical, glowing, love-every-moment-I-want-to-burst-with-joy experience.

I think pregnancy contains many blessings, most obviously the child at the end and being a part of creating another person. You still won’t find me sugar coating the nitty gritty, though. That is why when Nicole of Making Good Choices asked me to include a “What They Don’t Tell You About Pregnancy” post in my Q + A series, I happily chose to oblige. My top ten list of things they don’t tell you, but would be nice to know…some previously shared, some new.

10. The mood swings. Yes, we have all heard about pregnancy hormones and the mood swings that accompany them. Until you experience them though, you really don’t understand how debilitating and embarrassing they truly are…because of course they occur over the most ridiculous matters. And even more frustrating, you know the ridiculousness, but can’t stop it! Like crying in an IHOP because they no longer had the Carrot Cake pancakes you craved and didn’t get to try.

That totally didn’t happen 2.5 years ago. And people totally didn’t stare. Totally.

9. People treat you like an imbecile…even though they are the ones who could take a note on appropriate human action. It may have something to do with the hormone crazies they witness or the sudden body changes, but people suddenly act like you can’t do anything for yourself. That gets old after, oh, fifteen minutes. Then, they feel the need to give you all sorts of advice you have heard countless times already. That’s of course after they tell you how fat you are getting.

8. You get hairy. I have a hairier stomach and lower back than ever. DARK hairy. It’s quite attractive. Even more attractive….not being able to reach my legs to shave. Thank goodness it’s winter time.

7. Leakage #1. Ever heard of kegels? They don’t help in pregnancy. Sneeze, laugh, cough…you will end up leaking a bit. That whole having to run to the bathroom thing? Sometimes you simply won’t make it.

6. Leakage #2. I can’t believe I am about to type this out. Here goes. Towards the end, you will also need some padding for your bra. Yes, the nipples do leak. It’s kind of a disturbing feeling to suddenly feel dampness there.

5. #2 Blockage. With all of the fabulous leakage happening, something is bound to get clogged up. Things become very irregular in the #2 department. And yes, sometimes bad enough to cause hemorrhoids. They happen. Oh, do they happen.

4. Water retention to the max. You would think that with as often as bathroom trips occur and as thirsty as you get, water retention would not pose much of a problem. Au contraire. You feel bloated pretty much from day 1 onwards. And you swell in places you never thought possible. Like, ahem, down below.

3. Bye-bye drive. I have heard some claims to the opposite, but I (and most people I have talked with) experience a huge plummet in wanting “couple time”. That’s all I will say on that.

2. Crazy dreams. Things get intense those precious moments you actually do make it to a deep slumber. I have had too many vivid dreams to even recall. One of which included my mother having to check how dilated I was because I missed my doctor’s appointment. Talk about awkward. Perhaps I should ask for one of these for Christmas? If only it could have saved me from some very disturbing mental images.

1. You will likely miss your pregnant body. Even with all of those annoyances and feeling huge during pregnancy, part of you will miss it. And on some level feel even bigger after the baby. Suddenly things that were stretched out and firm are now soft. Suddenly you can move and turn to see areas you previously couldn’t…lumpier than when you last saw them. Oh, yea. Cellulite will find you and to levels never before seen on your body. You have many of the same issues to deal with for a month or two after birth, only with a baby (and crazy bills) on top of it all.

• Do you ever sugar coat certain topics? Which topics can you not stand when people do not shoot straight? I try to say things in as respectful a manner as possible, but hate sugar coating. I guess if there was one it would be when someone questions me on how their hair/new outfit/etc looks.

Tags: pregnancy